Green Through and Through - A new player's Irish AAR

[alenalenalen3]

I first bought CK2 about two years ago. I utterly failed to accomplish anything of note as William the Bastard, got scared by all the game mechanics I didn't understand, and ran off to continue playing HOI. A few weeks ago I got and played EU4, soon got bored of bashing my head against the English or the French as the English or the French, and decided to try out CK2 again. Soon enough I bought 3 DLC's, and here we are.

I have, in my infinite wisdom, decided to try to take over the world (or at least Britannia... or at least Ireland) starting in the 769 start as Chief (Count) Congalach of Meath (and Dubhlinn). Hopefully this will make for an entertaining experience as I blunder my way through a game I bought when it was on sale, abandoned less than a week later after completely failing to understand how it worked, and have only come back to in the past week.

​

Truly my wisdom knows no bounds. May the single let's play I've watched guide me, for my combined game experience of about a dozen runs is less than a century.

But that’s enough about me, let’s start by looking at who I have to work with. I start as a 59 year-old Irish Chief who, after a single glance at his appearance, I am sure makes all of his money working as an 8th century Irish mall Santa. Santa seems rather respectable in comparison to literally every other random Irish count I’ve started as, explaining to children at the mall that Saint Nicholas died four centuries ago seems to have helped his diplomacy and learning.

What? He’s got the honest trait, of course he’s going to spill those beans.

His wife, Bé-Fáil mac Mael Muire, looks like she's in the middle of a satanic ritual, what with her slightly terrified facial expression and that weird symbol behind her cloaked head. She also has 20 intrigue, putting her in the top 50 intrigue characters in the entire game.

Our son and heir, Flann mac Congalach, is spectacularly unimpressive in comparison, with his highest skill being a 10 in learning. He also needs a wife, but that can come later, as the first thing I need to do is reform my council.

Sorry, I meant prepare to fire my entire council. My bishop is the only competent member of the lot, and that isn’t saying much. I replace my spymaster with my wife and pray to God she enjoys the job, because if she doesn’t I won't see it coming. I then invite a bunch of guys from other courts to replace my current guys, including two who have claims nearby.

While scrolling through laws I accidentally change Church Taxation to None, but I was debating doing that anyways so *shrugs*. I also stare at my lack of ability to change my succession laws to primogeniture until I’m feudal and internally weep, because I’m really fuzzy on how Gavelkind is going to work in practice. Oh well, I can have anxiety over that once I have more than one kid.

Then I set my ambition to improve stewardship, marry my son to a Karling for her nice stats to hopefully help offset my son’s mediocre-ness, give my soon to be ex-court chaplain the position of High Almoner in condolence (he’s my only vassal, and I want to see if the prestige mentioned in the tool-tip goes to me or not before throwing out other minor titles), send my wife off to Constantinople to study technology (as she has informed me that nobody wants to join in on a plot to kill any of my relatives in nearby counties without a lot of gold I don’t have). Following this I send my chancellor to Bréifne to fabricate a claim, set my marshal to train troops in Meath, my steward to build my legend, and my chaplain to schmooze with the Pope (for lack of better things to do).

Short-term, I want to take over Ireland and become feudal ASAP so I can check becoming more than a petty king off my list and stop fretting about succession. Long term, the world awaits. I am expecting to duel the Norse over Britain though, which should be fun as I've never been on the giving or receiving end of a raid before.

And then I unpause.

In two weeks, I manage to reorganize my entire council. Of course, my son is a bit pissed he got fired, so I decided to placate him by making him my designated regent. You know, in case someone was wondering if my adult heir needed permission to be my heir in my absence. My new council looks like this:

For almost five months absolutely nothing happens. Then on June 4, there was a terrible accident at the mall, and Santa's poor neck couldn't take it.

Huh. I wonder if it's an ill-omen that my starting character didn't live past the opening post.

And so ends the reign of my first character, who even the game agrees didn't really do much. Farewell Irish mall Santa, you shall be remembered more for your beard than anything you ever did in life. Hopefully your son will accomplish more...

 

[RossN]

Hah! I love that even the chroniclers are less than impressed with the new chief!

Welcome (back) to wonderful world of CK 2. Rest assured we've all been there and hopefully things will go better!

 

[Bullfilter]

I’m on board! From one CK2 neophyte doing a ‘learner AAR’ to another. Off to a bright narrative start, even if the characters you’ve started with appear to be a beige blancmange of mediocrity! Or should that be a flan?

 

[alenalenalen3]

To be bluntly honest, I made a mistake and left my computer open when I went to go watch Jeopardy, causing the game to crash. I had to replay from my quick save on January 1 like a dozen times to get Irish mall Santa to shuffle off the mortal coil in a timely fashion, eventually managing to become depressed and commit suicide so that the timeline was roughly preserved. I have changed autosave to monthly to avoid this in the future.

I am now this man:

I proceed to rehire all my advisors, and hand out some minor title like candy so that they like me. Turns out the only person with a positive opinion of Chief Flann is his mother, even his wife is somewhat ambivalent about him. Upon further examination of succession, I'm rather ambivalent about him myself. If he died tomorrow, his heir is a relative who owns the other half of the Duchy of Mide, so I'm honestly hoping to die without kids so that I don't have to go fight those neighbors.

Anyways, although her husband may be dead and gone, Mrs. Claus brought presents:

This also happened in 770 and 771. Each time it gave me economic points, so I now have all but one of the level 1 economic techs, and have started building a shipyard in Meath. Soon the pagans (or possibly Muslims) will fear the Irish Vikings! Irish Santa might have brought all the good little boys and girls presents, but his son shall only bring devastation!

Forgive me Lord, but I cannot purchase buildings with Piety. Proud it is. In case you are wondering about the fighting up in Britain, there's two different wars being fought over Northumberland, as well as a revolt going on, so that's a mess.

My shipyard finishes in March of 772. Now we just have to wait for my galleys to be built and I can start looting. In 774 my chancellor dies, which is fine by me as he's failed to fabricate me any claims, and that's about the only reason for his existence. Thankfully, with a small bribe I'm able to invite a man with 20 skill in diplomacy. Hopefully he can "discover" some documents that reveal I should own some of that land next door.

In February of 775, my shipyard finishes building it's tenth boat. That's not enough for my entire levy, but it's enough for the 800-odd men from Meath to get where they're going, and I'm a bit leery about my ability to support both my full levy and the boats with my tiny income. So, time to pick my target.

I decide to be ironic and go raid the Vikings. I set off for and strike the coast of Norway, realize I've done my math wrong and the defenders outnumber me by like 12 men, and return home ASAP so I stop loosing gold so quickly.

Truly the Irish Vikings are the most fearsome enemy to behold. However, no one really expected Chief Flann to actually return with a single gold coin, so this causes rather a lot of excitement among the Irish:

After glancing at how much my levy is costing me, I really need to get more cash before I can effectively raid. I dismiss my levy for now and plot on who I need to steal from. In the meantime, King Karl of France destroys a Germanic holy place.

Unfortunately for my plans, my wife gets pregnant:

However, I evidently think she's been cheating on me, as I obviously plan on transferring my soul to my relative to the west on my death. Maybe that'll give me the oportunity to disinherit him/her or something, I don't know. Maybe it'll be a girl and it won't matter anyways?

...Unfortunately, the event to hire someone to find out costs 5 gold, and I do not have 5 gold to spare.

January of 776 rolls around, and I cast my gamble. I raise my full levy and head off for Morocco. Or at least that was the plan, before I realized that apparently they were Catholic already. So I'm going to have to go even further into the Mediterranean to get at a good target, and I set my sights on Ibadi Muslims in Libya and Algeria. I hope this goes well, I only have the cash for 11 months of fighting.

Unfortunately, my wife picks the worst time ever to feel gloomy.

I'd like to pick up the kind trait, but the treasury cannot afford to risk 5 gold. Then my marshal dies, so I replace him with a 21 skill guy from Germany.

My daughter is born, and with her I lose my chance of dying and inheriting a duchy. Oh well, I'll just have to fabricate on him. Also, the game wants me to name her after her spymaster grandmother. Fortunately for the little girl, I will not be naming my child anything that looks like "Be Fail". I shall call her... Susan. Very soon afterwards I got an event telling me that my wife had visions of angels leading my daughter to glory. While nice, I sure wish the angels were leading me to piles of gold.

I came this close to going bankrupt. I called it a day in Algiers after looting the city and the fort, and returned back to Ireland. When I was halfway there I got a notification that my chancellor finally found those ancient family documents that showed I was the rightful ruler of Breifne, which cost me 7 gold. With 4 gold in my coffers (and loosing 4.5 gold a month), my fleet arrived back home with loot:

YES! I think I made perhaps 20 gold when the cost of both raids were put together, but more importantly I learned that the norse don't have anything worth taking and the Muslims do. As the summer of 777 approaches, I have money, an army fresh off victory, and a neighbor to mug for his land.​

 

[alenalenalen3]

I immediately dismiss my levy, double check to make sure the guy over the hill hasn't allied with the pope or something in my absence, and immediately declare war on him. My 1200 men march on his 500 men, and the predictable ensues. I also get 100 prestige for apparently kicking ass, which is nice. I spend this prestige immediately on a weaponsmith. I then let the remains of the enemy army run off, they're smaller than my garrisons so there isn't any point in delaying my siege. Then about 300 troops who've heard about how awesome I am (evidently the guys from the Norse raiding party did nothing but come up with bullshit stories of what I did in Norway to try and compete with the guys who came back with 75 gold from North Africa. They probably think I challenged Beowulf to a swimming contest or something). They want to fight someone within a year, so I leave them where they start to await a fight against the retreating enemy army. Despite being outnumbered 4 to 3, they win because they're hyped up on tales of my dragonslaying, while the enemy is just coming off getting its ass kicked. This is then repeated, and I decide to keep these guys and move them to join my siege stack.

Then my rather good chaplain dies, and I get a new one (along with a bonus to diplomacy for some reason). His name is Fath, which I think is rather sad because if you're going that far you might as well go all the way and call yourself Faith. I win my siege, and immediately ransom back the three family members my opponent can afford before ending the war in victory. I release the rest because I don't care about them. Now with 120 gold, I feel like it's a beautiful time to go raid again. I set off to go raid Algiers again, as I only did half the job last time.

The Irish are coming! I loot the hell out of the two remaining holdings in Algeria, then move on to the east to Tripoli, which while part of a larger realm is busy fighting some other... Muslims I think in a holy war. Either way my coffers are down 30 gold and my boats can hold 100 more, so its off to Tripoli.

About 300 enemy troops try to interfere, and the RNG strikes:

I almost immediately abandon the siege and head back towards Ireland, but before I can return the game decides I can't have nice things.

My mother/grandmother the spymaster takes over as regent (twice, once after the injury and again after death). Ah well, she's competent at diplomacy.

And so Chief Flann managed to eclipse his father by lasting one entire update longer than him. My fleet returning puts me at 113 gold, making this raid a net loss of 7 (you know, aside from killing my character). Algeria seems to be the maximum economical raiding range for me at the moment, the boats just cost too much to keep in business.

Also, because I'm 2 and have like no diplomacy and haven't ruled for long, most of my council dislikes me.

Oh, and at 2 Susan's only noteworthy trait is that she's a hunchback. Ah well, maybe next update I'll manage to kill off my two-year old character on accident.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Very good so far. You may not like gavelkind but it does mean you get to hold a lot of land. By default, half of Ireland by yourself, and all of it if you have good stewardship skills.

 

[Lord Decobius]

Hey there! I like the humorous style you've chosen to run with - your grim sarcasm fantastically resonates with the feelings one gets when ck2 throws the player for loop after loop. Really cool of you to share your early experiences, I hope you thoroughly enjoy yourself!

One thing I noticed: during Mall Santa's reign, you appointed your wife as spymaster. For future reference, the way your State Intrigue (or any State Attribute for that matter) is calculated goes like this: [Your Attribute Score] + [1/2 Your Spouse's Attribute Score] + [Your Councilor's Attribute Score]. Basically, you, your spouse, and your councilor added together. The reason I mention this is if you appoint your spouse as a councilor, the game only counts their stat ONCE, not as both spouse and councilor. In short, no matter how good your spouse is in any given stat, it is always better to appoint someone else to the council position so you get their stats added to your spouse's. Technically regents are calculated in a similar way, so awarding either your spouse OR a councilor the regency is also not the optimal solution, but frankly during a regency there are more pressing concerns (like surviving) to keep in mind and as long as you avoid a regency giving a fickle councilor the title for an opinion boost may be worth it anyway.

tl;dr: don't appoint spouses to the council, no matter how much they want to work. Man or woman, their place is in the home! Or commanding troops, if they have a knack for it (or you'd like a "battlefield divorce" ).

Keep it up! They say you're a noob in ck2 'til you have a thousand hours, so don't sweat the small stuff. One of the great things about writing an AAR is your biggest blunders make for the most compelling stories!

 

[alenalenalen3]

One thing I noticed: during Mall Santa's reign, you appointed your wife as spymaster. For future reference, the way your State Intrigue (or any State Attribute for that matter) is calculated goes like this: [Your Attribute Score] + [1/2 Your Spouse's Attribute Score] + [Your Councilor's Attribute Score]. Basically, you, your spouse, and your councilor added together. The reason I mention this is if you appoint your spouse as a councilor, the game only counts their stat ONCE, not as both spouse and councilor. In short, no matter how good your spouse is in any given stat, it is always better to appoint someone else to the council position so you get their stats added to your spouse's. Technically regents are calculated in a similar way, so awarding either your spouse OR a councilor the regency is also not the optimal solution, but frankly during a regency there are more pressing concerns (like surviving) to keep in mind and as long as you avoid a regency giving a fickle councilor the title for an opinion boost may be worth it anyway.

tl;dr: don't appoint spouses to the council, no matter how much they want to work. Man or woman, their place is in the home! Or commanding troops, if they have a knack for it (or you'd like a "battlefield divorce" )

Good to know.

The next event that occurs informs me that my uncle always brightens up my day. As he as currently at court just south of Verdun and I'm in Ireland, I'm not quite sure what's going on. Maybe those angels my mother saw are aiding his commute.

That's my mother, by the way. I have absolutely no clue what marrying off my mother to the Picts would do towards my reign, but none of my ideas are good. So the answer is no. Sorry Mom, you had your one chance at happiness. The Picts request this a few times, and I deny it each time.

Shia rises in late 780. Good for them, the more Muslims for me to raid, the better. Hopefully the Umayyads will fragment so I can dare to hit their former holdings, but not until after they've converted some people to Islam. Algeria is the only good raiding target I can find, and it's still recovering from my last visit. I wait until late 781, by which point it's 90+% recovered, and then the Irish Vikings dust off their trusty longboats galleys. I started out with 128 gold in my pockets, let's see how much I end with. Oh, and hopefully my bishop and marshal won't die while commanding the flanks like I did.

A wandering army kicks my ass, but they were only passing through and I immediately resume my siege. Thankfully I only lost like 50 men and nobody important died or was maimed, so I'm counting it as a victory.

As Susan's first raid has had a troubled start, the regent (who is actually my mother, my grandmother apparently only took over while her son was still alive) decides that Susan needs a guardian. I choose my chancellor, and all of a sudden my council has a positive opinion of me. I guess they don't trust six year-olds to command the realm without a guardian, who would have guessed?

My guardian is apparently filling my head with all kinds of nonsense. Within a week I get an event saying that I'm going to 'be the bestest ruler ever' when I grow up and pick up the ambitious trait. *Glances at father and grandfather* Sure you are little Susan, sure you are.

… Oops. Apparently looting isn't the completely renewable resource I thought it was. In any case the loot brings me up to 133 gold... me thinks raiding isn't working out, these boats are just too damn expensive. That's a total profit of 5 gold between when I raised and disbanded my levy, which means I lost gold on the raid and only gained more gold thanks to my holdings. With a heavy heart the Irish Vikings hang up their coats and wait for better opportunities. I use what gold I have to upgrade my hillfort and take my first step towards feudalism.

Mrs. Claus dies in 784, though I didn't notice it at first because by this point she was obscure enough to not warrant a popup. I continue to burn prestige to upgrade my buildings.

… well this is awkward. The neighbor I'm trying to fabricate on is fabricating on me. Can't let that happen, I'm fairly certain I can't claim land in a defensive war. Unfortunately for my neighbor, his chancellor dies mysteriously while trying to generate a war with Susan. Susan, who on a completely unrelated note has just picked up the cruel trait, had absolutely nothing to do with this, no-sir-ee.

The Picts send another marriage request, this time asking for a random courtier who became of age literally three days ago. I say yes, because she doesn't have any skills I need.

My neighbor sends another chancellor to fabricate on me, and he meets his end in the same way as the first. Before this gets even further out of hand though, my chancellor finally comes through.

Mwahahaha! By taking Cill Dara, I will have 3/4 of a duchy, which will eventually allow me to press for the de jure claim for the other province of the duchy. Time to kick some ass! I declare war, form my 2k strong doomstack, and move to siege Cill Dara. My opponent moves to siege Meath, but I take his capital before he can take my capital. I then move to kick his army off my capital, then return back to take his church. Since the AI is being annoying and not understanding when it's beaten, I backtrack again to kick his army off Meath, and the AI finally admits defeat.

I then run into a problem: I'm too poor to create a Duchy. Great. I look at Morocco longingly and pray to God that the Catholics there will be converted so I can steal all their gold. At the moment I'll need to wait over a decade to be able to create a Duchy.

I have an opportunity to kill my regent by pushing her off a balcony. Because of course I want to kill my mother when I'm three years away from inheriting the kingdom anyways. There is something deeply wrong with this family. I choose no and pick up piety... which I'm not sure what to do with.

I stop taking claims from my chancellor. I need the money to form a Duchy.

Then several things happen in quick succession. I get more economic tech points, my new western neighbor fabricates against me despite me outnumbering him almost 3 to 1, and I learn that my mother is probably skimming off the treasury. The last is the most important one, in these times where every bit of gold is so precious, I honestly consider stealing from the treasury to be a greater crime than treason. That bastard, I should have pushed her off the balcony when I had the chance.

My marshal dies, all hail the new marshal. I also replace my spymaster with a newer model.

The great day finally arrives! All hail Chieftess Susan! Now I have to figure out whether I want to marry and chance having kids at all or whether I should just die childless so my spirit transfers to someone who owns two additional counties. Decisions, decisions...

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Marry matrilineal to another Irish chief if you can, or one of his relatives. Easy way to take over land.

You can't take land defensively, and you can't really use piety for anything being both tribal and Catholic. Useful for family prestige though. You can become a saint that way.

 

[alenalenalen3]

Now first things first: I set my ambition to get married and immediately get married for the piety. I'm not sure what I can even spend the piety wrong, but better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. Next I move on to the most important part of marriage: Choosing a husband.

Marry matrilineal to another Irish chief if you can, or one of his relatives. Easy way to take over land.

A beautiful idea. It's a good thing Susan's father and grandfather made a point of bringing in a few claimants into the court, and there is a man who will do beautifully for a matrilineal marriage:

Fergal is in his forties and Susan is 16, which is gross, but we all know that all I want out of this equation is someone who will give Susan a kid or two before conveniently dying (I might have to imprison him to help this along... he's got 2 fertility bonuses). The two counties he has a strong claim to will allow me to form another Duchy. Soon enough Susan gets pregnant, and on December 4, 795:

Now I'm sure that if Paradox did their research right, Derborgaill is a perfectly fine Irish name, but I'm not naming any child something I'd have to ask my brother how to pronounce. Now that the pregnancy is over, Susan goes to be reintroduced to church and sees angels carrying her daughter in a stained glass window. I'm honestly not sure if this is an omen that Betty is going to die soon or not.

A merchant comes by and gives me a Eunuch. Is that a thing merchants did back in the day, just wander through town and leave a guy with the countess in thanks? Does he even speak Irish?

Fergal then goes and has a bastard with one of my courtiers. *Rubs hands* Whelp, now I have grounds for getting rid of him once he gives me a son, at least in my head if not in the game.

A relative through marriage dies, giving me a causus belli against this man over a county north of Paris:

I think I'll pass. However, my western neighbor died, ending my truce with him about a year early. I declare war and send in the troops to take the last province in the Duchy of Mide. This leads to a dual between 22 year old Susan and a 48 year old bishop. I press it since Susan has 15 higher personal combat score, and she brutally wounds him in battle. Ah, the 8th century, back when young Irish girls dueled bishops to take over their land.

Even better, I captured said bishop and immediately ransomed him and another guy I captured back. My opponent, Chief Gorman, surrenders, and I have enough cash from ransoming his men to do this:

Huh, did I accidentally make a Narnia expy? I better stay away from wardrobes in the future. Eh, it's good to be the (petty) queen.

Hm. Nothing terrible happened (to me) in this post or the last one. In fact, I managed to accomplish a big step towards becoming the true queen of all Ireland. Something terrible must be lurking in the wings...

 

[Lord Decobius]

Piety is used in the creation of Kingdoms and Empires. High piety also encourages the Pope to help you out when you'd like him to. And there are some retinues that can be formed using Piety (kind of like how you've been constructing buildings with prestige), though that depends on your culture so I don't know if it's relevant in this case. But primarily it is as TheButterflyComposer said: for now piety will be most useful in bolstering your family's legacy and, if you have a character who is devout enough, becoming a Saint.

What, no war with Charlemagne? He's only got a few thousand more soldiers than you! Go on, Queen Susan, For NARNIA!!! Also, a lustful hedonist husband thirty years older than you? You married the Bad-Touch Uncle who still "hangs with the kids" because they "think he's cool" (according to himself) for buying them alcohol. I picture Fergal like a medieval Matthew McConaughey from Dazed and Confused.

Can't imagine anything bad coming around the bend, this game is well known for it's happy-go-lucky, orderly, peaceful playthroughs. Pretty sure they almost called it My Little Crusader Kings: Friendship is Magic 2 and only shortened it for extra oomph.

 

[alenalenalen3]

You married the Bad-Touch Uncle who still "hangs with the kids" because they "think he's cool" (according to himself) for buying them alcohol. I picture Fergal like a medieval Matthew McConaughey from Dazed and Confused.

Fortunately he's having an affair with a just, lustful courtier only three years younger than him, so she should keep him in line and in an age-appropriate bed.

I up my tribal organization to Low to take yet another step towards feudalism.

What the hell? If my garden has become so overgrown someone got lost for two days then I say that's grounds for criminal negligence on my gardener's part. Where is the option to throw my gardener into the dungeon for this? I demand that he be held accountable! Susan is a brawny hunchback fresh off brutally maiming a man in a duel on the battlefield, she shouldn't have to do her own damn gardening!

See? Although I do have the slight problem of not having any fights I can get into though.

Oh god, my gardener was a serial killer who lured their victims into the hedge maze and killed them at the 'dead ends'. If Susan ever gets her brawny hands on that gardener, well... she does have the cruel trait. On the bright side, all this gardening fulfilled the ambition to improve her stewardship, so I switch to improve martial ability since Susan seems to enjoy leading from the front.

Then, as the 8th century comes to a close, God's grace shines down on me.

I mean sure, this would be terrible if there weren't 13 living relatives of my dynasty, but I feel safe and with a daughter my line of succession is assured. Plus, all the other trait options are terrible.

Can't imagine anything bad coming around the bend, this game is well known for it's happy-go-lucky, orderly, peaceful playthroughs. Pretty sure they almost called it My Little Crusader Kings: Friendship is Magic 2 and only shortened it for extra oomph.

I think you meant Friendship is Vikings.

In any case, the event troops despawn when I don't have anyone for them to fight and I lose prestige. Then a week later my chancellor finds more documents detailing land I own. Susan almost takes out her cruelty on him before her ambitious side focuses on the war to win. I declare war on my 15 year old neighbor and march over 2000 troops on his lands. This war just drags on and on because my opponent will not surrender, and I keep having to chase down his army until its too small to siege any of my land. On the bright side, all the prisoners I capture are able to support my army through ransom until the enemy is small enough for me to support myself through looting. Then:

Ah well, a son would be nice too. Anyways, my opponent eventually caves, and I remember I have claims that my husband has to the south, but only once I see that:

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

A merchant comes by and gives me a Eunuch. Is that a thing merchants did back in the day, just wander through town and leave a guy with the countess

It's the same guy everytime, and he comes round a lot...so not really sure what his deal is.

The husband died so presumably your daughter just inherited. Bascially that's good, but since she has her own court now you'll have no control over her or her education/marrige etc. Potentially problematic if you have another child though.

Recommend you stick to one main title (so one duchy when a duke etc. So the whole realm goes to one heir even if your personal lands get split up.

 

[alenalenalen3]

I check and there aren't any candidates for a matrilineal marriage that would give me claims anywhere in Ireland, so I choose someone with maluses to fertility and stats that offset areas that Susan isn't good in. The lucky winner is:

His low diplomacy is problematic, but there were very few passable candidates at this time. I also loose prestige because there literally aren't any people I can marry who aren't courtiers.

All my neighbors raise their levies to go fight the Danes, who are apparently invading England. Nobody invited Queen Susan to the party though, so I decide to get revenge on Tripolitania and dust off the longboats.

I finally have a successful raid under my belt! There is much rejoicing, unless you live in Tripolitania, where you had a very unpleasant time when Susan lost control of her troops once they learned they couldn't fit any more loot onto the boats. I use the influx of cash to upgrade my hillfort again.

To my south, King Congal finally kicks the bucket, allowing me to press my daughter's claim on his former land. I raise the troops and march! This war takes an annoying amount of time because my opponent doesn't give up until I've taken everything they had for some reason. Betty is now a chieftess and has gained the 'Usurper' title.

Time passes, a writer writes a family chronicle, more event troops get disappointed that I don't have a war going on around the time they spawn, and Northumberland/Scotland continues to be a clusterfuck of fighting. More event troops spawn. One of my courtiers decides his wife should depart this world sooner, and Susan isn't having any of that. He's now enjoying the dankest prison cell she can find. When he complains, it's into the oubliette.

Betty turns 16, and I matrilineally marry her off to the best available candidate. Gosh you really don't have much of a choice when it comes to matrilineal marriages. Ah well, I'm only a few decades away from being able to form the kingdom of Ireland, so marriage claims aren't that important.

Susan looses her ambitious trait because being a petty queen is apparently just as cool as the full deal, which means I go over my demesne limit. Then:

HERESY! HERESY!

It gets even worse. In 813 this bastard decides to try and off me (and two of my neighbors ally, but they're one province counts so I don't care, I could squash them if I had a CB)

Bastard! Unfortunately, not enough people want to kill him for me to be able to off him myself, and a sternly worded letter won't do it. Thankfully, nobody seems to be joining in on his scheme, and if Susan dies I'd just be moved to Betty, who has a CB I need anyways.

Finally, in 815 I manage to fabricate on another western neighbor. Funny thing though:

Their ruler is imprisoned in my dungeon. You know that courtier who tried to murder his wife? This is him, he inherited the realm while sitting in my oubliette. I release him with a note saying I'm at war with him and kick him across the border.

I missed the screenshot, but the pope sends me a strongly worded letter about how I'm not handling my heretic problem. Huh, I thought it was just a flavor message that increased revoltrisk, turns out I need to bring my chaplain back to show the heretics the true way.

The war goes smoothly, but somehow the last province in my future new duchy is at war with me after I annex my newest territory. Ransoms once again support me through unexpectedly protracted hostilities. Once I win that defensive war I hand out three counties to loyal council members so that I fall back under my demesne limit.

Susan's second husband died unexpectedly in 816, and I managed to find an Irishman with claims willing to matrilineal marriage!

Soon after I manage to successfully fabricate on my neighbour to the south. The war is swift, and now all that is standing between me and forming Ireland is money and 2 provinces.

It's the same guy everytime, and he comes round a lot...so not really sure what his deal is.

The husband died so presumably your daughter just inherited. Bascially that's good, but since she has her own court now you'll have no control over her or her education/marrige etc. Potentially problematic if you have another child though.

Recommend you stick to one main title (so one duchy when a duke etc. So the whole realm goes to one heir even if your personal lands get split up.

He didn't actually own anything when he died. Betty only inherited his claims.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

I missed the screenshot, but the pope sends me a strongly worded letter about how I'm not handling my heretic problem. Huh, I thought it was just a flavor message that increased revoltrisk, turns out I need to bring my chaplain back to show the heretics the true way.

Yeah, it's one of the only ways to combat heresy. The other ways are hoping the Pope deals with it (either by sending you money or sending agents to convert the province) or being a high ranking member of a religious order that lets you convert the county back. So yeah, send the chaplain because his only other use is improving cultural tech, which you should do by stealing tech from Constantinople anyway.

 

[alenalenalen3]

Yeah, it's one of the only ways to combat heresy. The other ways are hoping the Pope deals with it (either by sending you money or sending agents to convert the province) or being a high ranking member of a religious order that lets you convert the county back. So yeah, send the chaplain because his only other use is improving cultural tech, which you should do by stealing tech from Constantinople anyway.

I found my own way to combat heresy this update...

Pictland soon invades and takes over Ulster. I take this as a sign that the Irish need a great ruler from humble origins to unite them to combat this new threat. I doubt the Picts will stop at Ulster after all. Thus, Queen Susan, daughter of a chief who's most notable aspect was being an 8th century Irishman who died in North Africa, and granddaughter of Irish mall Santa, has her ambition changed to become Queen of Ireland.

While searching around for ways to go to war for the final province I need, I discover that Susan has a granddaughter.

I'm sorry Derby, I wasn't able to save you from the fate of a name I can't pronounce. I assign her to her mother as guardian, as Betty has a nice combination of good traits and good stats I hope she passes on.

Then the Danes invade Pictland, and the Irish levies once more rise without inviting me to go off and fight the Danish menace. The Irish were fighting the invading Picts not three months ago but the second a Dane set foot on Pict soil they were all more than happy to go help the Picts. Man, the Irish must be pretty swell guys to do this, are they Europe's Canadians? However, it is all for naught and Denmark is now well established in Britain:

I guess it now falls into the hands of the Irish to unite themselves and the rest of Britain against this new(er) menace! But first, I need to unite Ireland. The two independent counties in my 2 de jure duchy's refuse to vassalize themselves to me because their rulers consider themselves (petty) kings and queens, on par with the mighty Queen Susan herself. I think they are lunatics, but without a CB I can't do anything about it, and I don't want to waste money usurping their titles when I need the cash to form Ireland. God smiles down upon Susan, for less than a month after the Danes take over Pictland, my chancellor manages to find those old family documents showing I own a province to the south.

What would I ever do without these old family documents? I'm sure if I look hard enough I can find one that labels the Mediterranean the 'Irish Sea' or prove that Irish settlers from Meath founded India. What is this out of Africa theory, everyone knows that mankind arose from Mide!

Anyways, I declare war, smash the enemy army, and then the HERETICS rise up in Dubhlinn! They do me the favor of finishing off the enemy army, and as my forces were already gathered to deal with my enemy to the south I utterly smash the heretics in battle. Susan gets a little disturbed by all the death, but puts the blame on the enemy commander and sets off to fight him (she might be a terrible military leader, but she is deadly in personal combat). She doesn't find him though, the battle ends and the revolt is put down. Chaplain Colman is sent a strongly worded letter advising him to proselytize faster or face Queen Susan's big, meaty, hands. Had this revolt come at another time I would have found it difficult to match their numbers (a good quarter of my personal forces are from Dubhlinn, and it is hard to raise them effectively when a 4k strong stack is sitting on their province).

Susan's forces head back south and the province is taken, but not before Susan again loses control of her troops in the sacking. This is like the third time, people really don't listen to Susan on the battlefield unless it's her sword that is doing the talking. I give the province to a random Irish in-law to keep myself under the demesne limit.

I then discover that to form Ireland I need to control 2 duchy's, so I go ahead and usurp form one more (I only have one heir after all), and wait for my money to recover. I also discover I now have enough power/influence/whatever to do this:

Excuse me? Susan is the woman who's army destroyed much of Algeria, she who wounded a bishop in a duel for his land, and is a damn Queen and the future ruler of all Ireland, she deserves to be referred to as such. This asshole just picked two of her random traits out of the bag to call her. I swear the only reason I'm not busy fabricating on the county he is in so that I can imprison him in my oubliette is that he at least didn't start with "To the naïve, appeasing hunchback Susan".

Another asshole starts plotting against Susan, but since he's in my court I'm lenient about it since it only takes a strongly worded letter to make him stop.

Time passes, my spymaster gets caught for the first time (I've been having a lovely time teching up with all the Byzantine advances, I have every level 1 tech and 6 level 2's). I get a newer model from France, give him a random courtier as a wife to keep him happy, and send him off as my newest 'ambassador' to Byzantium. Everyone will be expecting the Irish wife to be the spy, when in reality it is the Frankish guy who stepped foot in Ireland only long enough to pick up the wife! Truly my genius holds no bounds! He reports back with technology almost immediately.

My chaplain finally finishes reminding the people of Dubhlinn of their proper Catholic ways, and in honor the church wants Susan to spend some gold to put on a miracle play. I respond that what the Church really needs is for Susan to have enough gold to become Queen of Ireland, and she can concern herself with donations as soon as that occurs.

More event troops rise up, so I use them as a cheap method of pressing a de jure ducal claim. I only raise about a thousand of my own troops, beat down my opponent until he can't siege me, then disband my non-event troops and siege my opponent while his army literally walks in circles through my land.

His troops go north, then west, then south, then east, and then repeat. Is the grand old Duke of York commanding this foe?

In any case, he eventually gets the picture and becomes my newest vassal. Who don't pay me taxes, because I'm spending all my law changes on tribal organization... Ugh, so that war was near pointless.

I also discover that I have a grandson now, so my hopes of having three female rulers of Ireland in a row are now dashed. Ah well. His name is Eterscel mac Tewder, which is proof that Betty should never be allowed to name anything for someone who has no clue how to pronounce Irish names. I go ahead and assign him his mother as a guardian, as the game's default pick is a cynical, slothful, fat homosexual.

Then on July 20, 826, man first walked on the moo- I mean Susan celebrated her fiftieth birthday (plus or minus a month) with this:

Ah, it's good to be the Queen.

 

[Olenksey]

Ah, the times I also started as Ireland and had 3 DLC... I love your style, subbed.

 

[alenalenalen3]

Susan soon has a fight with her chancellor, so I replace him with a scarred, clubfooted Frank. Susan probably spends long hours commiserating with him about body deformities.

Once my coffers build back up a bit, I begin my conquest of Ireland. I head west first, and my opponent raises his levy, longboats, and sails out to sea with his army. Truly a cunning strategist, he is sailing off to combine his 600 troops with 500 troops of his petty king ally in England, and together they siege my capital. As I have 3.5k troops, I simply split my army and smite him.

Seems like Susan got over her dislike of death. Despite now suffering from the effects of old age, Susan proves that though she barely knows one end of the army from the other (what with her 6 marshal skill) she certainly knows how to gut a man in under five seconds. Victory comes soon and I take the province for my own. To the southwest, the petty king of two provinces prudently accepts vassalage, though I'm saving the last province to the south to be part of my personal demesne, so I set my chancellor to fabricate on it and turn my eyes north, where both a chief and petty king accept vassalage.

Now this is how you properly talk to a queen! Also, Queen Susan of Eire's expansion does not go unnoticed:

(as a side note, this is much nicer than the annoyance of guessing my AE in EU4)

For the next 16 months, Susan is striking fear into the hearts of men everywhere! I imagine her granddaughter growing old enough to marry is what pushed her over the hurdle to a full 6% threat, especially once I almost accidentally arranged a marriage with a heretic of all people! After some thought, Cynfyn of Gwynedd is chosen for a matrilineal marriage. While he has an interesting mix of traits that make him out to be a knight errant (he's an honest, just, zealous, temperate, greedy misguided warrior), his most attractive trait is his claim on a coastal province in Wales (or at least what I think is Wales). I just hope he forgets his ambition to become marshal, he really doesn't have the skills for it. Okay, he has the skills, just not the raw talent.

Like three days later my chancellor comes through and finds me those family documents. I move him to an independent isle in St. George's Channel so I can begin expanding beyond Ireland later. I decide to press that claim first rather than take on the Picts in Ulster, and declare war and raise my levies, which I split in half since my opponent allied with Sussex and I need to prepare to fight off some English pansies in longboats.

The war goes as expected, half my army sieges my opponent into submission, the other half chases Englishmen across Ireland. The only problem is that I should have really built up my war chest more, my army came within a month of draining my treasury! I decide I need to wait a while to challenge the Picts for Ulster, I'll save up till I have about a hundred gold.

Betty has another daughter. Her name is Failenn. I also set her up to tutor under Betty, who has since become depressed. Hopefully this will help her feel better now that her daughter isn't automatically aiming to be taught by the cynical, slothful, fat homosexual. (It does, at some point int he next few years she loses the trait)

One of my vassals earlier was claiming on that last province I wanted, and I imprisoned him so that his claim wouldn't interfere with my war, and foolishly let him out after I'd taken the province. He immediately went back to his old ways, this time fabricating on my - erm, I mean Susan's personal property. Since he would not take no for an answer and nobody would join in a plot to kill him, King Feirgil of Mumu was righteously imprisoned and became the first person I've - erm, I mean Susan has executed.

Some of my vassals send troops on a suicide mission over in England, and I shake my head. If they didn't want to lose against 2 thousand men they should have asked Queen Susan and her 4 thousand men to intervene.

On May 1, 834, I take advantage of the fact that Britain is in utter chaos to make my move on Ulster. Okay, since the Picts aren't actually involved in the fighting I'm more taking advantage of the 100 gold in my coffers.

Pictured: the fustercluck that is Britain:

This war goes fantastically well, as the Picts only seem to have a single galley and insist on landing their armies in increments of one hundred that I absolutely slaughter.

Pictured: We who are about to die, are pointlessly wasting our lives:

Unfortunately, King Tarla II of Pictland won't give up Pictland until Susan pries it from his cold, dead hands. I march across the channel and lay siege to his other holdings. I get some event troops who have heard about how legendary Queen Susan is, and eventually siege all my opponent's non-island holdings. This war would have been quite expensive, but early on I ransom a guy for 70 gold which leaves me sitting pretty. At some point during this conflict, Queen Susan gains the epithet of 'the nun' while leading the siege of Durham. I'm sure there's a logical explanation for that fact, but I'm not quite sure what it is. In September of 835, King Tarla finally sees reason and the Kingdom of Eire is complete.

Then on December 22, Queen Susan successfully brings her tribal organization up to the maximum, and enacts reforms that push the newly-born Irish kingdom into the age of Feudalism. She also discovers that she's been a great-grandmother for three years through Derby (a lovely girl named Flann), and threatens to eviscerate anyone who doesn't tell her about things like this.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Pictured: the fustercluck that is Britain:

Ok, just eyeballing this, usual conquest routes onto GB should work: Cornwall and Wales. Provided they stay independant, you should start there.
You were very lucky that denmark was the pagan force to conquer scotland. Usually it's someone harder like norway or saxony. Denmark however usually gets smashed by francia and her pagan neighbours on the continent unless it's that game where they get lucky and take over scandinavia. In either case, wait for them to have a rebellion or fight a holy war, then smash them out of Scotland with some holy wars. Get lovely piety and prestige as well.

As for feudalism, you have now got to contend with an all powerful council. Bascially in exchange for a nicer name and hat, you sold all your power to your vassals. Now you have to claw it back and that will not be easy.

 

[alenalenalen3]

My first action now that Feudalism has been declared is to begin reorganizing my realm. Susan can only hold 6 demesne, which is bad because she now has 15. While most are cities that I plan on handing off, I need to get rid of two provinces. I decide to keep all those in the Duchy of Mide, plus Iarthar Connachta to the west and Deasmhumhain, as they have the most in taxes. I try to give Breifne away to the woman who is the proper claimant for the place, but she refuses to come to my court and thus loses her rightful inheritance. None of the claiments for Laigin want to come to court either. I start handing them and the various cities I have to random people in my realm - excluding my chancellor, who is childless and has relatives in France. Crown authority is raised to low, hopefully Betty or her son will be able to change succession to primogeniture.

My problems start with my largest vassal in the south: High Chief Conlang. The guy hates my guts for being forced to swear fealty to me and believes the two provinces to his east are rightfully his and starts fabricating on one of them. I try to righteously imprison him, but it fails and he revolts. I raise my levy, which to my disappointment is only half the size it was when I was a tribe (but hey, I actually have enough income to not lose cash by simply raising the troops now!). Its still enough to smash his army, and I split my forces to siege/whittle away at the enemy army. I also get a lot of prisoners to ransom back. The revolt ends on Christmas of 837. Unfortunately, executing Conlang is not an option, as that would be viewed as 'tyrannical'. I decide that leaving him to die in prison is fine by me.

Remembering her mother's earlier tirade about not being informed when she became a great-grandmother, Betty greets Queen Susan's return with a single word: Fine.

Time passes. In other news, Francia has expanded slightly into Spain, Bulgaria ate the western half of Serbia, and Denmark owns most of Finland. My vassals once more march to defend against an invasion of England. Why is it no one invites me to these things? This time it is the Cornish invasion.

The inevitable finally happens on September 4, 840.

Wow, the game makes one last crack at Queen Susan as she slips into the beyond...

And slaps me with a -90% to my Demesne levy. What the hell CK2? Is this because I had the gaul to give Betty a county? Well lesson learned, none of my descendants get any land until they are out of the immediate line of succession. On the bright side, Betty has a retinue I've inherited. Then when I give Betty's county away due to demesne limit, some assholes wanting me to lower crown law revolt. I can raise all of 489 troops from my vassals to supplement my 0 from my own demesne plus my retinue.

If I hadn't just inherited a bunch of gold from Betty's coffers, I'd be screwed. As it is, I hire the Saxon band and prepare to go all out. How dare they revolt mere days after Queen Susan's death!

Betty gets stressed from all of this. I put down the revolt on February 14, 842, and my marshal dies the next day. To spite the rebels, I increase crown authority to medium. I also ransom Conlang to himself because he's worth almost 150 gold. I increase my retinue with the gold.

Then Betty falls ill and contracts pneumonia.

Ahh, so I guess Susan was the exception that proves the rule that I can't have nice things without suffering. On the bright side, I've managed to up crown authority to high within 10 years of converting to feudalism, so all Eterscel has to do is learn how to make friends and influence people, survive a decade, and have a kid.