The Last Saxon

[EvilSanta]

At the bar "P*sk* Kaupunni" in Oulu, 2008

Albert: Hey, angel. Do I come *hic* do I come here often?

Jaana: Get lost, you drunkard.

Albert: Don't you... know who I am, missh?

Jaana: That I do not, sir. Now would you please move along, I am trying to have a pleasant evening here with my friends.

Albert: You shee, ma'am, I am the Lasht Shaxon, the heir of the Leofric - *hic*-shons!

Jaana: And I am lord Blackadder. Baldrick, would you bring me my, extra strong ale!

Albert: You don't *hic* believe me? Shee this ring. That's the Leofricshon's coat of armsh!

Would the beautiful lady want to hear the shtory of my dynashty? *hic*

Jaana: Hmmm, it could be amusing. Well, fire away. But I still won't sleep with you.

Albert: That'sh a given, milady. Now, prepare your earsh for an amazing sthory of bravery, intrigue, *hic* love and warsh. You shee, *hic* my dynashty ushed to be magnificent, ushed to rule over vasht landsh, ushed to be enormoushly wealthy! *hic*

The Era of Two Brothers


Our shtory startsh in England in the *hic* mid-11th century, a turbulent time which shaw kingsh rise and fall. Edwin Leofricshon wash the earl of Mercia after the death of hish father, Alfgar. Northumderland was ruled by *hic* Toshtig Godwinshon, the brother of Harold Godwinson, later the king Harold II. He wash hated by hish shubjects, hatred which culminated in an open rebellion in 1065. Northumbrian peashants elected Edwinsh younger brother *hic* Morcar ash their leader. The rebellion wash shucceshful and Edwin wash proclaimed ash the earl of *hic* Northumbria. King Edward the Confesshor shend Toshtig'sh brother Harold to negotiate with rebelsh. Harold "realished" that hish brother wash too unpopular to rule over North- *hic* Umbria and pershuaded king Edward to agree to rebelsh demandsh. It ish speculated why Harold shold out hish brother. He wash married to Morcar'sh shister Edith which could have influenced hish decishion. Alsho it ish spheculated that Toshtig wash an obshtacle to Harold'sh planned rishe to become the king of England. Sho Morcar retained hish title and Toshtig wash declared a criminal. After Toshtig wash defeated by Morcar and Edwin after raiding the countryshide of Mercia with hish loyal troopsh, he fled to hish friend king Malcolm III of Shcotland and alsho gained the shupport of Norwegian king *hic* Harald III Hardrada. With hish newfound alliesh Toshtig attacked northern England again in 1066 and won the battle of Fulford againsht the brothersh Edwin and Morcar. But thish expedition wash defeated by Toshtig's brother Harold Godwinson, by then proclaimed the *hic* king, at the battle of Shtamford Bridge.

But a new enemy wash coming from Normandy in shape of *hic* duke William the Conqueror who defeated the *hic* Harold'sh tired troopsh jusht coming from the battle of Shtamford Brigde at the battle Hashtingsh. William wash now proclaimed the king of England and quickly began *hic* reshaping the country'sh shtructuresh by replacing old Shaxon noblesh by hish Norman elite. But for shome reashon or another, Edwin and Morcar retained their landsh, now duchiesh of Lancashter and Northumberland. In any cashe, the two brothersh were determined to drive the Norman invader out of England, by *hic* any means necesshary. They were in legal shense vassalsh of William the Conqueror but deep mishtrusht reigned between the two brothersh and king William.

Morcar Leofricsson, the earl of Northumberland 1065-1075

In 1067, after long discussionsh with hish brother, Edwin decided to *hic* declare hish duchy of Lancashter *hic* independent. Morcar remained "loyal" to William but wash ready to join hish brother were he attacked by English forcesh. In shilence Morcar *hic* shearched for alliesh againsht the vile invader, men shuch as the duke of Oxford Waltheof Shivard, Goshpatrick of Atholl, a good friend of Shcottish *hic* king and the count of Berwick in southern Shcotland and Ralph de Gael, count of *hic* Norfolk. Theshe men would form the core of anti-William resishtance.

But besidesh the shuccesful seceding of *hic* Lancashter, the year 1067 would bring alsho dire newsh to Shaxon brothersh. Pope Alexander II died and hish *hic* shuccesshor, Pope Gregory VII, wash a good friend to William the Bashtard and sho William posseshed the mosht dreaded weapon of the *hic* medieval timesh, excommunication. And shure enough, quickly the excommunication of *hic* Williamsh enemiesh began, mosht *hic* notable pershon being the duke of Oxford. The brothersh had to be careful to *hic* avoid the dreaded excommunication.

Edwin Leofricson the Pious, (Sankt Edwin) the earl of Mercia (Lancaster) 1062-1075, the duke of Northumberland and Lancaster 1075-1084

Ash William decided not to invade Edwinsh independent duchy, both brothersh shtarted building up their landsh in the wait for the right time to shtrike, improving the infrashtructure, building up armiesh and *hic* shtabilishing the land in the chaotic aftermath of Norman invashion. Thish low-profile life continued *hic* until 1070 when Morcar attacked the kingdom of Ulaid in *hic* Ireland. The official reashon for thish war wash Morcar'sh claim to the throne through hish grandfather Leofric *hic* Leofricsshon, firsht earl of Mercia, who wash shupposedly a shon of then reigning king of Ulaid. Later it wash found out thish claim wash forged and had no basish on reality. Actually Morcar'sh reashon for invading wash hish deshire to *hic* create a Shaxon kingdom to Ireland and draw Irish *hic* manpower to hish shtruggle againsht Normansh. Edwin contributed to *hic* invashion with 200 of hish best warriorsh but thish aid was kept a shecret. William wash shuspicous of Morcar'sh motivesh but once again he did not *hic* act. It ish shpeculated that hish unwillingnessh to commit forcesh against Shaxon brothersh wash due to the fact that hish kingdom wash shtill very unshtable and invading two mosht prominent Shaxons would provoke an open rebellion.

The Battle of Ulaid ended in defeat of king Cu Uladh Ui Flaitkri and as a result kingdom of Ulaid ceased to be

The battle of Ulaid shaw 1500 Shaxons under duke Morcar outflank 850 Irish warriorsh under king Cu Uladh Ui Flaitkri. The Irish had *hic* taken good defenshive positionsh on a hill. Morcar shent hish huscarls onwardsh and simultaneoshly outflanked Irish warriorsh with hish heavily armored cavalry in a classhic pincer manouvre. Battle wash over quickly and only 64 Shaxons were dead on the *hic fieldsh compared to over 400 Irishmen. In April 1071 the castle fell and Morcar could call Ulaid hish pershonal demeshne. Thish invasion shtarted the sheries of warsh fought on Eire by Leofricshon dynashty that sheeked to unite the Green *hic* Ishle under one banner.

In 1072, the anti-William resishtance ashembled in a shecret meeting at York to dishcussh about actionsh for dishthroning William. Walther, the duke of Oxford wash backing an outright *hic* rebellion by all dukesh and countsh who opposhed William. Ralph de Gael backed thish *hic* plan but the othersh weren't sho shure about their ability to defeat king William who shtill had many shtrong friendsh and a big army. Alsho William wash known ash one of the greatesh generalsh to ever have lived. Richard the Normandie, shon of William and count of Chester, proposhed the asshasshination of *hic* William but the brothersh were againsht thish since it would only replace one *hic* Norman with another. Eventually the plan proposhed by Goshpatrick of Atholl all agreed upon wash Morcar *hic* seceding from William and joining the kingdom of Schotland ash the vasshal of of king Malcolm III, an old backer of Toshtig. From inshide Shcotland he would work againsht William. William loshing the duchy of Nurthumderland would be *hic* enough to shwing the balance of power on the British Ishlesh in favour of Schotland. With the help of king Malcolm III, Marcor would invade *hic* England and drive William back to where he *hic* came from.

British Isles in 1072

Meanwhile king William wash plotting plansh of hish own and got Edwin excommunicated thanksh to hish friend Pope Gregory VII. Later on thish excommunication wash revoked by Pope Gregory VII's shuccessor Anselm of Lucca who ruled ash Shergius Vth. Alsho William financed the rebellion by duke of Moray Maelsnechtan Loarn in 1075 but it wash eventually quelled by king *hic* Malcolm with the help of duke Morcar. Thish wash to be the lasht campaign of Morcar ash he peacefully died to old age during thish expedition to Northern Schotland. Having shired three beautiful daughtersh but no boysh with hish Welsh wife Blodwen, hish realm entered the handsh of hish brother, Edwin. Thish ended the era of Two Brothersh in the hishtory of my dynashty. From thish point on, there would be one *hic* unified Leofricshon realm.

William the Conqueror, the king of England 1066-1100

Jaana: Ohh damn, your fascinating story made me miss the last bus! And my friends have left too. Plus the taxis are so damn expensive these days. Ohh well, quess I must open my purse. This will really hurt my student's budget.

Albert: You shee, I live very near. We could walk *hic* to my place and you could shober up over *hic* night and go home in the morning.

Jaana: Hmm, ok. You seem like a decent guy afterall.

But no sex, is that clear?

Albert: Shure is, ma'am.

 

[EvilSanta]

Yep, time for yet another Santa AAR. But this time it won't be comedy but a history book with very, very narrow narrative area concentrating on the interaction of Albert and Jaana that provide the background for this story.


Here will come the list of updates:

Chapter I: The Era of Two Brothers

Chapter II:The Era of One Brother

Chapter III: The Rebirth of Northumbria

 

[phargle]

Our shtory startsh in England

Hah!

 

[Capibara]

Hehe, really nice start, I like it, interesting. I'll be following.

 

[robou]

Marcor

wether that was planned or a typo it was still funny. Keep this up, looks to be a good endeavour and looking forward to seeing it fan out!

 

[Cecasander]

Albert gives Saxons a bad name

And good luck for the Leofricsons for not getting molestered by William. It seems always in my games that if they survive the first five years, Northumbria and Lanchester remain under Saxon lords for at least several generations. So a very good start indeed. And I hope their ancestors will end up as God-kings of the West rather then drunken Finns

 

[EvilSanta]

Jaana: Mmhm, my head. Where am I?

Albert: Ahh, the Sleeping Beauty wakes up.

Jaana: Did we...?

Albert: Nope. Care to join for breakfast? There’s some bread you can take.

Jaana: Mmm, thanks...

Right, now I remember! You are the Last Saxon guy!

Albert: That’s correct.

Jaana: You told something about the Era of Two Brothers, I think. But then we left the bar to come here.

Albert: Want to hear more of my dynasty’s tales?

Jaana: Mmm, why not? It was quite interesting.

Albert: Right. After the death of Morcar, his brother Edwin inherited Northumberland. This started the phase called...


The Era of One Brother


Morcar’s death and the creation of one unified duchy under Leofricson dynasty did not change the politics of the British Isles dramatically, which is why the phase is called the Era of One Brother, it was clear continuation for Morcar's and Edwin's joint reign. Edwin’s policies remained true to the plan he had deviced with his younger brother already as the duke of Lancaster: convincing king Malcolm III to attack against William the Conqueror, plotting a rebellion with the other members of the anti-William resistance still remaining “loyal” to the king and expansion on Ireland.

For the last one an opportunity arose in 1076, when kingdom of Tir Eoghain under child king Dimmae IV attacked the neighbouring realm of Tir Connail. Edwin assembled his army and set sail for Ireland following the footsteps of his brother, “in order to help the kingdom of Tir Connail against the unlawful invasion of king Dimmae IV". The war was pretty much over before it started as Dimmae’s forced had been greatly depleted during their invasion of Tir Connail. And so in 1077, after “liberating” Tir Connail, Edwin annexed both kingdoms to his expanding realm. Edwin had taken a gamble with his aggressive policy but neither Malcolm III or William the Conqueror acted to prevent the expansion of the new rising power of the Isles. By that time, Malcolm III, now an ally to William, had started to fear his new unorthodox vassal. Due to the alliance between Scotland and England the plan to invade England with the help of Scottish king was deemed impossible. Also king William had found and purged many of the resistance members and was by now too powerful to be overthrown by a rebellion. That left Edwin with only one option, keep invading various Irish kingdoms in hopes of creating a powerful independent state before Malcolm III or William the Conqueror would attack and destroy his realm. To further this goal, he proclaimed himself the duke of Ulster three weeks after the annexation of Tir Eoghain. Now there was no turning back.

In late 1077, a very interesting opportunity revealed itself to duke Edwin when Maelmuire Dunkeld, king’s brother and duke of Albany rose to arms against king Malcolm III. Maelmuire was a fierce enemy of king William and would have proved a worthy ally to Edwin were he the king of Scotland. Alone he couldn’t hope for much success besides early victories caused by the surprise momentum but Edwin’s aid could have proved decisive in defeating Malcolm’s loyalist forces, the aid Maelmuire was clearly counting on. After discussions with his son Estmond and Maelmuire, Edwin’s decision was to stay clear of the internal fights of the Dunkeld dynasty. Some historians claim that it was Edwin’s fear of William’s intervention in order to keep a pro-Norman monarch at the helm of Scotland that was the decisive factor in Edwin’s unwillingness to commit forces against Malcolm while others say Edwin wanted to preserve his forces for invasions against various Irish kingdoms in his quest to unite Eire. It is also seen as a way to reclaim his liege's lost trust in him. But whatever the reason, Maelmuire was eventually defeated after two years of fierce fightning.

The year 1079 would prove the turning point in Leofricson’s history. The new Pope Sergius V had called for a crusade against Muslim heathens who reigned over the Holy Land and controlled Jerusalem. All kings of Europe were urged to join the Crusade or face the consequences. William the Conqueror, known as one of the best generals of his time, had to take up the cross and his finest men to a long journey and soon thereafter king Malcolm III followed the example. The finest and bravest warriors leaving Britain to combat heathens, Edwin suddenly found himself as the most powerful man in Britain with much more freedom to act for his own motives, without having to fear for William's response. In 1083, Edwin left for yet another campaign on Eire. This time the target was the kingdom of Sligo of king Aedh II, a valorous man with great tactical understanding. But despite the gifts of king Aedh II, his 300 Irish warriors could not hope to overcome vastly superior army of Edwin. Realising his desperate situation, Aedh II offered his land to Edwin before he would have started the siege of his castle which would have ended to death of many innocent people. Edwin, in awe of Aedh II’s valour and bravery, allowed him to settle to his court and granted him a nice chunk of land and a manor in Northumbria.

In 1083, already once excommunicated Edwin, was again in trouble with the Papal authority. Edwin was blamed for scepticism against the church and God. Defying the clergy in those days was absolutely outrageous as the Catholic church had the monopoly on truth. Edwin did not crumble in front of the accusations and challenged Pope Sergius V to prove his supposed heretical ways. Sergius admired Edwin’s courage and honesty and with no concrete proof available he dismissed the charges. After Edwin’s death a year later, Pope Sergius V beatified Edwin who was later declared a Saint, eventually becoming the Patron Saint of the Saxons, indeed a rare feat for once excommunicated man. He was inherited by his son Estmond whose reign would change the face of the Isles for good.

Jaana: A thrilling story, I must say. But I think I am on my way home now. Thanks for everything.

Albert: Wait. Would like to...mmm...go and take a dinner or something sometime?

Jaana: Mmmm...well, ok. Here's my number, call me later this evening and we'll see if we can work something out. Bye

Albert: Auf Wiedersehen.

 

[EvilSanta]

My narrative skills show their strenght once again! What is more natural than discussing one's family's history with raging hangover?

phargle: I think for my sake, Albert won't be drinking too much alcohol from this point on. It was tedious to write all those extra h's and *hics*

Capibara: Welcome on board!

robou: It was my Freudian slip but Albert's drunkenness gives me a good excuse to pretend it was intentional.

Cecasander: As a drunken Finn, I take offense at that.



And don't worry, I have played up to 1100 and Leofricson's are still very much alive and kicking. I have had good luck.

 

[robou]

A monopoly on truth... what a brilliant phrase! Lets hope Estmond's rule changes, dramatically, for the better. It is always ominous when someone simply says it changes

 

[Enewald]

Haaaaa haaaaaa, if they live in oulu why is the saxon guy speaking english and german? :rofl:

Anyways, me must follow.

And where did William de Bastard come from? :rofl:

 

[EvilSanta]

Jaana: Jaana Mäkinen

Albert: Hey, it's me, Albert. I was just wondering whether you were up for a meal at Kantis tonight?

Jaana: Sure, sounds like a blast. I've heard lots of good about that restaurant.

Albert: It's great. Great food and sustainable prices.

Jaana: Ok, we'll see there, then. Say, could you just quickly explain what happened when Estmond's reign started? You said he would change the British Isles for good and I hate such cliffhangers.

Albert: Ok, I'll explain you.

The rebirth of Northumbria

Estmond I, the king of Northumbria 1084-1100, the duke of Northumbria and regent of England 1100-1112


After ascending to the throne in 1084, duke Estmond refused to pay homage to his liege king Malcolm III which in practise meant he declared independence. One week later he crowned himself the king of Northumbria, a title from the past which took it's final breath in 930 when the vastly weakened kingdom was turned into an earldom. The reborn Northumbrian kingdom shaked the balance of power on the Isles once more. Now three competing kingdoms were struggling for supremacy. Estmond's cunning manouvre was made possible only by the Crusades that had drawn all manpower away from Scotland along with the zealous king Malcolm III plus his finest generals and thus Scots were unable to invade the newly created realm and reclaim the lost lands. Like his father Edwin before him, Estmond was free to act on Eire as no potential threat was currently present in Britain.

But bad news reached Estmond in 1085, a year after the recreation of Northumbria. The Order of Knight's Templars had finally occupied Jerusalem which brought the Crusades to a succesful conclusion. This would have meant the return of Scottish and English men and a very potential threat to young kingdom but luckily only a year after the Pope, clearly excited over the success of the First Crusade, called for the liberation of Spanish city Burgos from Muslims. This Second Crusade would prove to become a very long and bloody affair and the end of many brave Christians zealots. But excited of the righteous quest and Spanish riches, again both English and Scottish kings embarked on a Holy Mission. By an amazing stroke of luck, Estmond still remained the mightiest man in Britain. It was later joked that the Crusades were a God's way to punish Muslims and reward Saxons.

The new Crusade encouraged Estmond to embark on his first expedition to Ireland in 1088. The victim was the large kingdom of Leinster which was ruled by king Donnchad V of Ui Mordha dynasty. Leinster was able to field a respectable army of 2500 men and wielding the home turf advantage, the first test of the armies of the reborn Northumbrian kingdom would not be an easy one. Dividing his armies in two parts, the army led by Estmond would invade Leinster from the northern Irish provinces of Northumbria with 3000 men while Sigehelm FitzPatrick would sail from Britain with another 2000 men and land in southern lands of Leinster. In Dublin, Estmond engaged a 1000 men contingnent of Leinster under marshal Enna before the armies of Leinster could combine into one bigger force. Outnumbering his enemy 3 to 1, Estmond had an easy task overwhelming Irish forces. The battle of Dublin was too crushing a defeat to Irish with their few remaining scattered forces unable to resist Saxons. Had Leinster been able to combine their men into a bigger army, the skillfull Irish soldiers could have driven the Saxon invaders out. After Dublin, the rest of the war was an easy task for Saxons. After the peace made the following year Leinster lost provinces of Dublin and Laigin and following the rebellion by his only remaining vassal, the Ui Mordha dynasty was exiled to the Isle of Man where they would continue to rule the last remnants of Leinster. Now Estmond controlled about half of whole Ireland and it seemed it was only a matter of time when the rest of the isle would fall under Northumbrian rule. But the war would take it’s toll on Estmond himself, the newly crowned king growing more and more stressed daily, which led Estmond deciding to embrace a completely celibate lifestyle in late 1093. This also meant the end of the aggressive policy of Estmond and his forefathers as Estmond started to concentrate on political intrigue and peaceful means of driving the cause of his realm.

Kingdom of Northumbria after the conquest of Leinster

In 1095 an event that would radically change the history of England occurred when Estmond arranged a marriage with Valdrade de Normandie, the second eldest daughter of the duke of Normandy, king William’s first-born son Robert, and his own heir Beornwulf. After an unfortunate accident happening to pregnant elder sister of Valdrade, the sonless Robert would be inherited by the possible offspring of this marriage and indeed, the whole England would fall to his hands. It is told that the crusading William was so outraged when he heard the news that he ordered an entire city and it's citizens burned in Spain. William denied his son Robert the chance to inherit by staging a herecy trial against him which led to Robert’s excommunication by the Pope. But to William’s disappointment, the Pope did not agree to outlaw the possible offspring of any of Robert’s daughters and prevent them from ascending to the throne. It is speculated what led Robert to marry off his daughter to son of the fiercest political enemy of William. But most often it is claimed that the poor relationship between Robert and his father was the reason. A political marriage with his father's enemy would be a good way to get back to him. To William's rage, Valdrade gave birth to a son in 1097, a boy whom the history books would know as Osred I the Child. In 1100, the old king William finally took his final breath and Osred rose to the throne. A grand-grandson of his fiercest political opponent had succeeded him. It is told that even on his deathbed, William tried to spit on a baby of one of his courtiers, believing he was Osred. Estmond united his realm with England, thus ending the brief tale of Northumbria, and declared himself the regent of England until young Osred would mature. After 44 years, the Norman conquerors were purged from the throne. Not through arms and wars but through woman’s womb. But the new Saxon king was not welcomed by the Norman lords of England. A civil war was looming ahead.

Valdraade de Normandie, a granddaughter and a mother of a king

Osred I the Child, king of England 1100-1108


Jaana: Ohh, a very interesting twist. But I must hang up now. See you later this evening!

Albert: I can't wait. Bye!

 

[EvilSanta]

Truly, I was extremely lucky with those Crusades. I think either Scotland or England, both of whom have claims all over my realm after my treacheries, would have attacked had they only had the men to do it.

robou: Declaring independence and making grandson inherit England. Not bad, eh?

Enewald: I have a perfectly valid explanation for that. However, I will not tell it to you.

 

[Enewald]

You remember that when you open the savegame find, Northumnria, you can change the 'duchy' and make it 'kingdom'?

Would make it real kingdom.

 

[phargle]

That is some solid imagery of William being an angry, dying king.

 

[robou]

i suppose that is quite a good record for change. Here's to estmond!