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We have updated our Community Code of Conduct. Please read through the new rules for the forum that are an integral part of Paradox Interactive’s User Agreement.
Congratulations @LPDK 356! Having been a loyal reader since the beginning, I get a sense of pride every time that you are rewarded. Hopefully, Bertrada, Karloman and Pepin will have many more adventures.
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[Sincere apologies for the late congratulations]
[Part 1]
Cheery many feisty classy happy congratulations to @volksmarschall , @slothinator, @LPDK 356 !
[Part 1]
Cheery many feisty classy happy congratulations to @volksmarschall , @slothinator, @LPDK 356 !
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[Part 2]
<Fili enters the bowling alley of the house>
<turns to Master filcat>
You can leave us...please...
<Master filcat leaves. Danfil sees Fili's face.>
<Danfil stirs and sits up. Fili reaches for some glasses and pours two drinks, offering one to Danfil>
<Danfil pours himself a drink.>
<Fili takes another drink.>
<Danfil looks at Fili>
<Fili looks at the pages he has written for upcoming posts.>
<Danfil looks at Fili, while eating meat>
of the AuthAARs. The words are young and fit and strong with
good charismatic ability and the AARs are headed for wonderful things. The authAAR is eager to come to Weekly AAR Showcase to be in the deserved spotlight. The AAR is very good looking. And I do think it will have success.
<Silence.>
<Silence.>
I'm offering you to edit one of the great congratulatory post of Little Filcatton!
<Silence. Long pause.>
<Fili looks at Danfil for acknowledgement. Danfil does not look back.>
<Danfil approaches menacingly to Fili>
You're a fraud. 8 PAGES OF A POST? FOR A CONGRATULATION? AND NOT CONGRATULATION; BUT ALMOST A CRITICISM? FOR VOLKSMARSCHALL'S WORKS?!? THAT AUTHAAR HAS BEEN IN THE WEEKLY SHOWCASE FOR AT LEAST 7 TIMES! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!
It was Pfil the meme writAAR who told me about you. He's the authAAR. He's the smart one. He knew what was there and he found
me to write it out of the ground. And you know what the funny thing is? Listen... listen... listen... I paid him ten thousand dollars, cash in hand, just like that. He has his own branch now. A prosperous little business. Posting memes when necessary. Five thousand dollars a week.
<Danfil SMACKS Fili across the face.>
<Danfil grabs Fili and throws him halfway across the bowling alley. Fili flails about as Danfil closes in, hysterically kicking and pushing.>
YOUR INVESTMENTS? TIME DOESN'T SAVE IDIOTS, FILI. YOU ARE BROKE AND YOU ARE LAME AND YOU ARE DONE FOR!
<Danfil starts to throw bowling balls at Fili>
<Fili tries to avoid them, struggling to run away, but falls after getting hit, now on his knees crawling hastily.>
<Danfil picks up a heavy pin, chasing Fili who is on his knees crawling to escape>
YOU UP, I TOLD YOU I WOULD EAT YOU. HOW DARE YOU COME TO ME? HOW DARE YOU AFTER YOU MISSED ALL THE DEADLINES FOR PROPER CONGRATULATIONS? WHAT DID I TELL YOU?
<Danfil advances on Fili, and he hits on his back with the heavy pin.>
<Fili falls on the ground senseless immediately.>
<Danfil is exhausted, trying to catch up his breath, looks at Fili lying on the ground.>
<Danfil raises his arm, in his hand holding the heavy pin, takes a deep breath, and drives the pin straight on the head of Fili. The crack is heard.>
<Danfil raises his arm once again after a long pause looking at Fili. He drives the pin one more time, and this time crushing the skull. Blood starts to spill.>
<Danfil slumps down onto the floor, breathing heavy.>
<On the stairs, Master filcat in his robes slowly walks down, enters the room, sees Danfil sitting on the ground, next Fili, whose head is crushed, with blood covered around.>
<Danfil turns to his back, looking satisfied with himself.>
[*] Adapted from There Will Be Blood (2007, d. Paul Thomas Anderson), an adaptation from Oil!, novel by Upton Sinclair, 1927.
Edit: Corrected style and grammatical errors.
<Fili enters the bowling alley of the house>
FILI
Danfil. Danfil. <turns to Master filcat>
You can leave us...please...
<Master filcat leaves. Danfil sees Fili's face.>
FILI
Brother Danfil...it's Fili, the creative.DANFIL
...yes it is... <Danfil stirs and sits up. Fili reaches for some glasses and pours two drinks, offering one to Danfil>
DANFIL
No, thank you very much.<Danfil pours himself a drink.>
FILI
Your home is a miracle. It's beautiful. AARland bless it. FILI
...I've been spreading the words far and wide, far and wide, so much travel for AARLAND...I've been writing posts! So much has been happening, but to be here and find you and see you well is wonderful and we have a chance to catch up! My Brother, Danfil... we're such old friends! So much time... <Fili takes another drink.>
FILI
Ahhh. Things go up, things go down but at least the AARLAND is always around. We've seen ups and downs, haven't we? DANFIL
Are things down right now Fili? FILI
No, no...But I come with some sad news: Perhaps you remember Weekly AAR Showcase, the congratulation I wrote for the winner? You edited as well, not to forget. <Danfil looks at Fili>
FILI
AuthAAR @Eurasia had been proper applauded, but the award has passed to a new one. <Fili looks at the pages he has written for upcoming posts.>
FILI
It lived to be one week old, as usual. AuthAAR Eurasia has a candidate for the next week. Have you met this winner? @volksmarschall? <Danfil looks at Fili, while eating meat>
FILI
volksmarschall is one of the finest members we have in the AARLANDof the AuthAARs. The words are young and fit and strong with
good charismatic ability and the AARs are headed for wonderful things. The authAAR is eager to come to Weekly AAR Showcase to be in the deserved spotlight. The AAR is very good looking. And I do think it will have success.
DANFIL
That's wonderful. FILI
Would you like me to speak with the authAAR? <Silence.>
FILI
Danfil, I'm asking if you'd like to have business with the Creative Branch of the filcats in developing this congratulation on volksmarschall's thousand words of AARs. <Silence.>
I'm offering you to edit one of the great congratulatory post of Little Filcatton!
DANFIL
I'd be happy to work with you... FILI
You would? Yes, yes of course. Wonderful. DANFIL
But there is one condition for this work. FILI
Allright. DANFIL
I'd like you to tell me that you are a False AuthAAR. FILI
...? DANFIL
I'd like you to tell me that you are, and have been, a False AuthAAR...and that the creative branch of filcats or what shit you call yourselves is a superstition. FILI
...but that's a lie. It's a lie. I cannot say it. <Silence. Long pause.>
FILI
When can we begin to edit? DANFIL
Right away. FILI
How long will it take to edit the pages? DANFIL
Should be very quick. FILI
I would like a one hundred thousand dollar signing bonus plus the five that is owed with interest. FILI
That's only fair. FILI
...I am a false AuthAAR and the Creative Branch of the filcats is a superstition. If that's what you believe, then I will say it. DANFIL
Say it like you mean it. FILI
Danfil... DANFIL
Say it like it's your post, addressing to all authAARs in the AARland. FILI
This is foolish. DANFIL
... FILI
"I AM A FALSE AUTHAAR! CREATIVE BRANCH OF THE FILCATS IS A SUPERSTITION! I AM NOT CREATIVE AT ALL!"<Fili looks at Danfil for acknowledgement. Danfil does not look back.>
DANFIL
Those authAARs have been congratulated. FILI
...what? DANFIL
Those AuthAARs Have Been Congratulated. FILI
No they haven't. DANFIL
It's called timing. It has been at least weeks passed since that showcase, and there has been already two more showcases, for @slothinator and @LPDK 356. I own everything of your congratulatory posts, your pages of bollocks, so I get everything edited, done. FILI
But there are no words there. This is the congratulation for volksmarschall AAR. Do you understand? DANFIL
Do you? I edit your posts, Fili. I edit it up. Everyday. I edit the blood of lamb from posts of yours. You were late. I edited your idiotic posts, removed all unnecessary parts, and I already congratulated all three new winners. They deserved better than your moronically long posts.
<Fili takes another drink...and then begins to break down and cry.> FILI
Oh, Danfil...please...I'm in desperate times...I need a friend...I feel the walls closing in...I'VE SINNED...I NEED HELP...I'm A SINNER...I've let the time grab hold of me in ways that I never imagined! I'm so full of sin. I'm late for everything!DANFIL
The time sometimes challenges us, doesn't it? FILI
Ohhhh yes it does. Yes it does! IT'S COMPLETELY FAILED TO ALERT ME TO THE RECENT PANIC IN OUR ECONOMY AND THIS. I MUST HAVE THIS... I've invested... my investments have...oh, Danfil, I won't bore you, but I — IF I COULD GRAB THE TIME'S HAND FOR HELP I WOULD, BUT IT DOES THESE THINGS ALL THE TIME, THESE MYSTERIES THAT IT PRESENTS AND WHILE WE WAIT...WHILE WE WAIT...wait for the words to create... <Danfil approaches menacingly to Fili>
DANFIL
You're not the chosen brother, Fili. It was Pfil who was chosen. He found me and he told me about your congratulatory posts. You're a fraud. 8 PAGES OF A POST? FOR A CONGRATULATION? AND NOT CONGRATULATION; BUT ALMOST A CRITICISM? FOR VOLKSMARSCHALL'S WORKS?!? THAT AUTHAAR HAS BEEN IN THE WEEKLY SHOWCASE FOR AT LEAST 7 TIMES! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!
FILI
Why are you talking about Pfil? Don't say this...don't say this to me, Danfil. DANFIL
I did what your brother couldn't. I broke you and I beat you. It was Pfil the meme writAAR who told me about you. He's the authAAR. He's the smart one. He knew what was there and he found
me to write it out of the ground. And you know what the funny thing is? Listen... listen... listen... I paid him ten thousand dollars, cash in hand, just like that. He has his own branch now. A prosperous little business. Posting memes when necessary. Five thousand dollars a week.
<Danfil SMACKS Fili across the face.>
DANFIL
STOP CRYING YOU SNIVELING ASS. STOP YOUR NONSENSE. You're just the afterbirth. You slithered out of your mother's filth, Fili...They should have put you in a glass jar on a mantlepiece. Where were you when Pfil was suckling at posts of general forums? Where were you? Who was nursing you, poor Fili? One of congratulation posts? And that post has been had! All you had to write simple and short congratulations, that was it, and I did it! YOU HAVE NOTHING. YOU LOSE. YOU IDIOT, YOU LOSE. FILI
If you take this post on the congratulation, and edit it, the Creative branch would — DANFIL
TIMING! TIMING, FILI! TIME HAS PASSED, I ALREADY CONGRATULATED, YOU BOY. Here, if you have a milkshake, and I have a milkshake, and I have a straw, and my straw reaches ACROSSSSSSS the room starts to drink your milkshake: I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE! I DRINK IT UP BEFORE YOU CAN CREATIVELY DRINK! Before you come up with some clever bullshittery of your moronic posts, SLUUURRPPP, I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE! FILI
Don't bully me Danfil, please. HELP ME. PLEASE. MY CREATIVITY HAS BEEN LOST AND I NEED A NEW WAY. I ASK FOR YOUR HELP — <Danfil grabs Fili and throws him halfway across the bowling alley. Fili flails about as Danfil closes in, hysterically kicking and pushing.>
DANFIL
I TOOK WHAT I WANTED WHEN YOU WEREN'T LOOKING AND THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB IS IN MY POCKET. DO YOU THINK TIME IS GOING TO BALANCE YOUR INVESTMENTS? TIME DOESN'T SAVE IDIOTS, FILI. YOU ARE BROKE AND YOU ARE LAME AND YOU ARE DONE FOR!
FILI
No I'm not!DANFIL
DID YOU THINK THAT YOUR SONG AND DANCE AND YOUR CREATIVITY WOULD SAVE YOU? I AM THE CREATIVE BRANCH! I AM THE CHOSEN. BECAUSE I'M SMARTER THAN YOU. I AM OLDER AND WISER AND I AM NOT A FALSE AUTHAAR, I AM THE EDITAAR! YOU SNIVELING BOY. YOU'RE DONE FOR! I TOLD YOU I WOULD EAT YOU!FILI
Danfil, please! We are friends! I am your friend!<Danfil starts to throw bowling balls at Fili>
<Fili tries to avoid them, struggling to run away, but falls after getting hit, now on his knees crawling hastily.>
FILI
Danfil please forgive me, I beg you, please don't!DANFIL
I TOLD YOU I WOULD EAT YOU! <Danfil picks up a heavy pin, chasing Fili who is on his knees crawling to escape>
DANFIL
I AM THE CREATIVE BRANCH! NOT YOU! I TOLD YOU I WOULD EAT YOU UP, I TOLD YOU I WOULD EAT YOU. HOW DARE YOU COME TO ME? HOW DARE YOU AFTER YOU MISSED ALL THE DEADLINES FOR PROPER CONGRATULATIONS? WHAT DID I TELL YOU?
<Danfil advances on Fili, and he hits on his back with the heavy pin.>
<Fili falls on the ground senseless immediately.>
<Danfil is exhausted, trying to catch up his breath, looks at Fili lying on the ground.>
<Danfil raises his arm, in his hand holding the heavy pin, takes a deep breath, and drives the pin straight on the head of Fili. The crack is heard.>
<Danfil raises his arm once again after a long pause looking at Fili. He drives the pin one more time, and this time crushing the skull. Blood starts to spill.>
<Danfil slumps down onto the floor, breathing heavy.>
<On the stairs, Master filcat in his robes slowly walks down, enters the room, sees Danfil sitting on the ground, next Fili, whose head is crushed, with blood covered around.>
Master filcat
Mr. Danfil?<Danfil turns to his back, looking satisfied with himself.>
DANFIL
I'm finished. [*][*] Adapted from There Will Be Blood (2007, d. Paul Thomas Anderson), an adaptation from Oil!, novel by Upton Sinclair, 1927.
Edit: Corrected style and grammatical errors.
Last edited:
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Thanks to everyone for the congratulations, and thanks in particular to @slothinator for the nomination and the kind words and @Midnite Duke for their kind words and constant support.
For the passing of the torch, I nominate @Henry v. Keiper and the AAR "Rise of Eagles, A Dream of White Russian Victory Mod" (https://forum.paradoxplaza.com/foru...eam-of-white-russian-victory-mod-aar.1394707/) Based on a mod for Hearts of Iron 4 it combines an intriguing story premise with fascinating characters, unexpected developments and narrative surprises, just the type of story I like to read.
Once again, many thanks for the recognition and the acknowledgement that keeps me writing on this herculean project
For the passing of the torch, I nominate @Henry v. Keiper and the AAR "Rise of Eagles, A Dream of White Russian Victory Mod" (https://forum.paradoxplaza.com/foru...eam-of-white-russian-victory-mod-aar.1394707/) Based on a mod for Hearts of Iron 4 it combines an intriguing story premise with fascinating characters, unexpected developments and narrative surprises, just the type of story I like to read.
Once again, many thanks for the recognition and the acknowledgement that keeps me writing on this herculean project
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Congrats @Henry v. Keiper! Another AAR that I need to get caught back up on, sadly. Where does the time go these days?
Another AAR that I need to get caught back up on, sadly. Where does the time go these days?- 2
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Well, this looks to have been delayed for a while (3 months). Should we open it up to nominations?
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Give that Henry v. hasn't been seen since July last year, so had already been absent for four months at the time he was nominated, opening it up seems a wise plan. It might also be a good idea to check if any nominee has actually been online at the forum recently, it only takes a single click and might help avoid these sort of hold ups.
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Go ahead! As always, first come, first serve. And do remember to check the first post to see who's already won in the past +-6 months.
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