Chapter VIII - End of the Hunt (828-834)
Fragments of a journal kept by Caradog I during the last years of his life. These fragments were uncovered during an excavation of the old Royal Archives.
June 828:
In all my life, I have never felt the need to record my thoughts. That has changed as of late, and I must ensure that even a mere sheet of vellum holds proof of my failings.
The war for Cumbria is won, Robin has his county and I have lost a son in return. I do not blame my friend for Owain's death however.
Nor do I blame Grygor for his part. No, the blame lies solely at my feet and mine alone. Ever since I learned of my elder brother's plot against me as a child, I have found it nigh inconceivable that brothers could be anything but foes. That mindset led to Tewdrigs death, and now it has led to the next generation of kinslaying.
It has also utterly destroyed any hope that I may spend the last years of my life with a happy family. I have heard nothing from Non but... I am sure she must despise me now. As for Grygor himself... He is troubled, guilt-ridden. A momentary lapse of restraint has forever stained his name. He himself came to me after the treaties were signed, begging for forgiveness which I readily gave him.
And now he is gone, departed to Powys to visit his mother, perhaps she will forgive him as I have? Before he left, he mentioned that he intends to name his second child with Eiliwedd, should that child be a boy, after Owain. A mark of remembrance if nothing else.
January 829:
The winter has been a hard one, and much of that has nothing to do with the weather.
A letter arrived in November, news from Grygor, and dreadful news it was. Non is dying, her strength sapped by some vile disease that her greek physician named karkinos. And to make things worse, she refuses to let me see her if I go to Powys.
It was in my growing unease that I received another letter, this time an invitation from Robin to stay in his domain for a few days.
Those days at least, were a great comfort to me. The feasts, the great games of strategy, the very presence of Robin himself, all of this proved to me that he is a true friend.
When I first met him, when this ambitious brigand first entered my service and spoke to me of his descendency from Urien of Rheged, all I saw was an opportunity to take Cumbria. But in the fifteen years since, he has become my hunting partner, my trusted master of spies, and dare I say it, he has become more a brother to me than either of mine ever were.
And thus I return home, the burden of rulership that has been upon my shoulders for two decades greatly lessened.
August 829:
Robin is dead...
Brochfael, my steward, has lost his mind to the pox and murdered him.
The traitor now sits, rotting in a dungeon cell.
I should feel angry, vengeful. Yet I merely feel... empty.
December 829:
I spent weeks. Weeks searching for this confounded stag! And what do I find?
Nothing. No tracks, no markings,
nothing. Damn this venture of mine. Damn me for coming out alone. Damn me for being a fool.
December 830:
Times like these remind me that alliances are fickle indeed. First was Sinach of Connachta, married to my sister Annest, who called for aid against some breton adventurer who was attempting to take his crown.
Of course no sooner had we arrived at the border, Sinach met us and informed me that Annest was dead, having never awoken one morning a week prior. I was obligated to aid him regardless of course, but by this point I no longer cared for the fate of some petty Irish king, so I turned my army around and marched back home.
Next came Hernam, King of Cornwall, yet another Breton... The fool decided to complain to me of some petty insult that was given by some minor noble of ours, as if I myself had given it! I promptly sent a reply telling him exactly where he could place his complaint.
Now the King of the Franks, husband to my daughter Siwan, has written with a desperate plea. Theoderic seems to be besieged on all sides. Fine. I will travel to the mainland, I will fight these wars that mean nothing to me. Perhaps, if I am lucky, I will meet a glorious end.
April 831:
She's gone...
December 831:
These last few months have been naught but fighting Bretons. Rebels in Abbeville and Locmine, quashing the last independant count at Carhaix, none has posed any real challenge.
Indeed it seems as if all I have accomplished in this warfare is the ending of countless young lives over my own aged being. That and bankrupting my own kingdom...
I believe I have done enough in my year here. The Burgundians are strong but the defeat of the rebellions has freed Theoderics armies to deal with it. It is time to go home, and time for me to confront Brochfael. I must know why at least.
January 832:
Damn my foolishness. Brochfael is dead at my own hand.
I ventured to the traitor's cell this morning, wanted to know why he had Robin murdered. Yet it appeares that the pox had utterly claimed his mind, as what I found was a gibbering lunatic, cackling madly as he spoke to things only a madman could perceive.
I entered his cell, asking him, DEMANDING him to tell me why he killed my best friend. I got no reply that made sense. I grew angry, filled with wrath. It was as if the rage I should have felt as I stood over Robin's tomb came roaring into life. My mind went blank and next I knew, the guard who accompanied me was pulling me back from Brochfael's ruined body.
And now I am here, wondering what to say to his son. Elisedd is almost a man grown, no matter what I tell him, he will likely seek vengeance.
I will deal with that when it inevitably comes.
November 833:
I am at a loss, having returned from what I know now was my final hunt.
It seemed to be a simple enough one, another luckless attempt at finding the white stag. Another two weeks I spent out there, at the very least claiming many kills with my companions.
But it was one morning, with the threat of frost on the ground that I alone came across a great chasm. Too wide to jump, too broad to walk around without much effort. I turned back to return but a noise alerted me. As I looked back, it was
there...
Twenty years of my life I have spent looking for that... beautiful creature. It was on the other side of the chasm, so CLOSE! We stared at each other in silence for what felt an eternity, I reached back for an arrow-
And then I stopped, I just... let it flee. Perhaps it due to the chasm, maybe it was the ache in my aged bones, perhaps I thought it to be a mere trick of the eye. But in my heart, I knew what the stag really meant to me.
It was a dream. A dream of a life without the burden of the crown, a dream where I could be free to pursue my heart's content, family and friends at my side.
But my friends are all dead or dying, even my loyal hound Gwydion. My family is fractured, I can only hope that they will uphold the finer parts of my legacy and not... the worst parts.
My hunt is over. And soon, so shall my time on this Earth.
September 834:
Brochfael's son, Elisedd has agreed to my offer. A chance to avenge his father's death.
I know what I must do, I will fight hard, but leave enough openings for the boy to exploit. One way or another, this charade will finally come to an end. God forgive me.