AAR for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Georgia

[Francis II]

What follows are translations of ancient documents discovered in the royal tomb of King Bagrat IV Bagration of Georgia. They appear to be a collection of letters, diaries and official records from the King and his successors beginning in the mid-eleventh century. The translations are spotty, owing to moth damage and mould, but what I publish here appears to be the most in depth collection of records from the House of Bagration that have been published to date. Please enjoy this historical find of monumental proportions!

Sincerely, Dr. David Hollander, Ph.D.

Royal Record, dated c. 1070.

Hallo! I am Bagrat IV, King of most of the Georgians! Tremble before my steely gaze! You'd better be trembling! If it helps, look upon my visage, courtesy of my court artist:



Formidable, no? Have a look at my wife:



Also, quite formidable. I captured her late at night on a raid to Alania. When I got home in the light of day, I was quite dismayed. But, as you can imagine, the rules of bride capture did not permit me to return her for anything less than twice her weight in goats. I may be King, but this is too high a price to pay! Since I couldn't pay, my only other option would be to dump her back at her brother's court under cover of darkness - a trick worthy only of a low-born Ingueshetian! And we all know what that means! So, I kept the ill-favored wench, and she bore me a son, who happily inherited my looks:



The haircut is from her side of the family. I don't know how he ended up married to a child - young folks today don't follow the rules of wife capture. You'd think he was raised by a Kabardin! Anyhoo, this is my family.

 

[unmerged(47162)]

its in the wrong location but its an interesting start!

 

[Francis II]

Oh, damn, I thought I was in the CK section. Could some kind mod move it for me?

 

[unmerged(9046)]

Friar Stroph is a wondering Monk. One day he comes upon a hapless AAR lost in the wilds. A kindly soul, he hooks up the AAR to his team and quickly moves it back to the correct path.

"Peace be upon you and may your tale enlighten many an evening."

With that, the goodly Monk is off.....

 

[Francis II]

Friar Stroph is a wondering Monk. One day he comes upon a hapless AAR lost in the wilds. A kindly soul, he hooks up the AAR to his team and quickly moves it back to the correct path.

Ah, thank you. Somehow we've ended up with three copies of this thread. I'll continue to post on this one. Hopefully, someone will delete the other two.

 

[phargle]

Very nice!

 

[Francis II]

Son-in-law

Here we have another diary entry from the Royal Journal of Bagrat IV from sometime in the late 1060s or early 1070s.

Royal Journal, c. 1070

You good people might think it is all sunshine and goatskins for a King. I must tell you, I regret, that this is not so. A few years back, I had a small disagreement with another King, a man named Constantine Dukas. He was not sufficiently awed by my power, and soon our nations came to blows. Things continued along ...

[Here the page has been chewed by some beast, and the text is unintelligible. It continues, uneaten, below]

... and when the war ended, I agreed to let my only daughter, Miriam, marry the son of this Greek King. Big mistake. Have a look, if you will, at the ღორი ნაყოფი of a son-in-law I have got:



And now this fool, who can barely speak his own Greek language, let alone our civilized Georgian tongue, this fool is the Emperor! So, this I must contend with to my west. Fortunately, there are more pleasant concerns close to home. No, not another bride-capture raid! Borena is still healthy and disturbingly vigorous, and polygamy has been outlawed for six or seven years now. No, I speak of battle! This infidel rules the lands to the south of my glorious realm:



No liege? No vassal? And a heathen to boot? This is my kind of enemy! It will be like taking candy from a chicken! I dispatch my mighty armies upon this heathen satrapy:

​

I was victorious. What else would you expect of a manly King like me? The heathen armies fled before me, and as I besieged their puny hill fortress, my hawk-like eyes spotted another heathen land to the south, equally weak and decadent:



Their forces were weaker even than those of my last enemy. It was almost dishonorable to defeat them, but, as we say in Georgia, what's good for a goat is twice-blessed for a pig. And so, I vanquished him.

The army already being mustered out, I searched for more conquests. Who would next fall before my mighty sword? The sheik of some heathen land to my north presented himself as a likely target. My steward kept reminding me that the treasury was empty. I laughed. "What are mere numbers? I am a warrior! Show me your figures, and I will vanquish them!"

He declined to do so, but instead delivered this news from the east:

​

Ho, boy. Now the kerchief was truly off the horse.

 

[unmerged(11366)]

Hm, interesting ... ! Good luck.

I like AAR. Is niiiiiiiiiice.

(Actually, I'm glad there aren't too many Borat jokes ~ that would become distracting after a while. )

 

[phargle]

It will be like taking candy from a chicken!

This is harder than you might think.

 

[LlywelynII]

This is harder than you might think.

The Bagratooni line doubtless has a sword of +2 chicken dispatching.

Otherwise, spot on. Chickens are vicious.
j.

 

[Veldmaarschalk]

Good luck with your AAR

A nice start

 

[Francis II]

In Glorious Battle

The following appears to be a letter from Bagrat IV to his wife, written in c.1070

Dearest Borena,

Today, I have slain many enemies. Indeed, my hands are still covered in their heathen blood as I dictate this letter. Does that do anything for you? We shall see, for soon I shall return to the castle. Yes, my savage bride, the war is over. I have slain many Derbentians, and their sheik has slain many of my good men. In all, it was almost a waste - almost, that is, because the glory I gained in battle more than justifies any loss.

Sadly, we took no enemy land - nor did we lose any of our own sacred Georgian soil. The enemy emir and I merely smashed our two armies up against each other until both were too weak to storm a fortress. I know this talk of tactics bores you, my freakishly strong lotus-blossom, but a Queen must learn of such things. My chancellor suggested we offer this heathen king all of our money for peace. I was outraged at his cowardice, until the steward helpfully informed me that we had long since exhausted our finances. So, I offered the heretic nothing, and he accepted.

The dog.

Your awe-inspiring husband,

Bagrat.

​

 

[cuchulain]

nice aar, shame the seljuks will cut it short

 

[crusaderknight]

Nice AAR. I love the name!

Sounds like Georgia is doing a good job defeating the heathens! Keep it up!

 

[Francis II]

Vassals

Royal Record, c. 1071

Halloo again! I am Bagrat, King of nearly all of the Georgians. Are you still trembling? I'll take your word for it, this time. Let me relate to you so more of the deeds of the glorious Georgian people -- led by me.

After the war against those foul chicken-abusers in Derbent, my advisers all petitioned me to return home and war no more -- for a while, anyway. I let myself be persuaded; since we had no money to pay the armies, the choice was not too difficult.

Instead, I turned to diplomacy. I confess, I was unfamiliar with this Greek term, but the chancellor told me it was like our word "ქურდი" but with less emphasis on kidnapping. So, looking at my son-in-law's crumbling empire, I decided to ask some of his vassals if they wanted a new liege. To my surprise, one of them accepted:

​

I shall have to keep an eye on this traitor.

After I had placated my womanly advisers with this diplomacy and refilled the royal treasury with gold, I decided to try things my way again:

​

The war, of course, was a tremendous victory. My new vassal's troops were not much help. I am not surprised that they did not mix well with my Georgian warriors. All Georgians are taught from infancy that Armenians have tails and a second row of teeth - not the sort of thing you'd want in a foxhole! I had no such worries, though, since my modern wise men told me that this condition afflicts only the Armenian women.

The result, as you might expect, was victory. I distinguished myself in battle with my usual valiance, and the people praised my name throughout the kingdom. In fact, they must have praised me elsewhere, too, since my swarthy brother-in-law finally saw the wisdom of submitting to me as my vassal.

​

So, my empire is vast, and with the Turks and the Byzantines fighting each other, we are secure. Now, to find a new heathen enemy to vanquish...

 

[LlywelynII]

...but the chancellor told me it was like our word "ქურდი" but with less emphasis on kidnapping.

BWAHAH!!! :rofl::rofl::rofl:

Great work! Keep on keepin' on! For the greater glory of yourself! (& also on occasion St. George)
j.

 

[Murmurandus]

Excellent start. Will follow this...

 

[phargle]

Those vile Armenians. Those traitorous bastards.

 

[unmerged(60841)]

Bagrat shall assail them all with his make benefit, no holds barred heathen-blood heavy philosophy.

 

[Olaus Petrus]

Nice to see that you are growing steadily. Khazars are also good target for growing Georgia, their provinces are rather rich and they are rather weak surrounded by their religious enemies (Because they're the only Jewish realm in the game they have little friends). In my own games as Georgia I have noticed that early and quick expansion is necessary, so that you can resist the Seljuks. I even managed to form unholy alliance with Sultan of the Seljuk Turks, which allowed me to expand freely to Cumania without having to worry about the Seljuks.