Amenmeit the Sealbreaker

[starkwolf]

Unlike my previous AAR that I wrote per session of Stellaris, I have completed the beginner realm with a character based on my first character to win a seal victory in Age of Wonders 3. This one is a doozy, so I may release it in parts. Included will be how the shift in mechanics from AoW3 to AoW4 will affect Amenmeit (the protagonist), as well as many battles and diplomatic meetings.

I plan to use the "spoiler story" system that I implemented in my previous AAR, please take a look at my signature and read through my previously completed AAR to get a sense for how that works if you are interested in reading.

Expect to see themes of rule of law, conscience, and of course idealism vs pragmatism. Probably going to be about as serious as my old AAR, but less dark.

Contents:
Announcements & Updates (Latest 2/4/24)

Prelude
Chapter 1: A New World
Chapter 2: New friends, new enemies
Chapter 3: Meetings and intrigue
Chapter 4: The road to war
Chapter 5: The reckoning

 

[starkwolf]

Prelude
​

A tall, lean Tigran even for her species channeled her energy into the seal beneath her, knowing at any time she could unleash furious elementals. But by now, she had her own elementals to fight back with, and her battlemages stood at the ready to ensure victory against any such encounter. Her robes had the prophecy written down the sides with a clerical brown and light gray color scheme as she stood with hands outstretched and channeling.

The channeling was soon interrupted by an orb formulating in thin air in front of her. "Lady Amenmeit, we beg you send aid to the fourth seal immediately! The elves are here and they brought their best."

"Hold down the seal as best you can, I'm redirecting the nearest force to come to your aid. They should be there in two turns."
"Two turns?! By two movements we will either be victorious or annihilated. Please, is their anything within a gigacount of us?"
Amenmeit bows her head in disappointment. "I will use my magic to aid you. Hopefully it is enough, channel with me."

After a time, a blinding flash of light screams through one of the elf's warbreeds. But the great warbreed is hardly phased. Despite healing, inspiration, and vain attempts at conversion, Amenmeit can't help but look on as the remaining force is crushed by the elf's great forces. Worse still, they close in on her own position, the last seal under friendly control. "No! This can't be! Those treacherous elves will see! They'll all see! All these backstabbing so-called 'allies' that stand in my way will see the deliverance that I bring and they will regret their betrayal. And my troops; my poor, loyal troops will not have been slaughtered in vain. They will see the Great Paradise."

The sun was setting on this turn. Only two turns remained, but every count felt like a gigacount, every gigacount like a movement, every movement like a turn, and every turn like a season. The reinforcements intended to reinforce a nearby city were redirected to reinforce the second seal, the last one under her control. Now, however, the point was moot. Reinforcements couldn't arrive at either location until hostile armies arrived, or the seals were broken. As the time approached, the seals began to crack, and a great light shown. Reports of the enemy army indicated they were still more than a turn away. At last victory was upon them! The great light swallowed the whole civilization, and a great mystical tunnel pulled them in. As it did so, it stretched their bodies yet without any pain, Amenmeit's more than the rest of her people. They each became biologically younger. In front of them multiple realms lay open, and Amenmeit mystically directed her people to the first, most peaceful one in the hopes that it was the oldest, and the violent visions of the other realms could yet be avoided. Instantly, they opened their eyes as if they had been asleep, and found themselves on this new realm, in a new age. Their clothes no longer fit, and all that were older than full maturity found themselves closer to the age of full maturity, some by multiple seasons. These lands were lush and green, they must be the promised paradise! They named their new throne city "Sithedral," meaning "the evil has been defeated." Yet the journey had only just begun.

(Author's note: Will probably adjust the formatting at a later time to make it easier on the eyes, as well as add some reference images)

 

[starkwolf]

This post will be my reserved updates / announcements post. I will not be posting announcements anywhere else except possibly in OP.

Struggling a bit with writing conversations today and yesterday, so I have been just finishing up my summary. Hoping to have the first chapter up within the week, if not a few days.

May take a bit longer than expected, I will try to get something up today or within a few days.

5-18 ~10AM, more content added to chapter 1, screenshots to follow later today.

9/22: Talking to a friend helped me get the motivation to start working on this again. I apologize that I can't say exactly when the next chapter will be ready, but I am feeling better and things are starting to smooth out. Also, I may have some art coming for some of the characters not in game coming, such as Zach and Seth.

11/26: Chapter 4 is up.

12/4: Grammar error fixed in prelude (their vs there), and a typo on Chapter 3 ("Arcade" should be "Arcane")

12/7: Typo on Chapter 1 "th ease" corrected to "the ease"

1/3/24: Fixed two typos on Chapter 4

2/3/24 Chapter 5 added. Enjoy!

2/4/24: After much difficulty, Ch 2 coloring has been fixed: I had to copy -> paste into notepad then copy -> paste back to undo the formatting, nothing else was working. Names are added to all chapters in the OP

 

[The Kingmaker]

This post will be my reserved updates / announcements post. I will not be posting announcements anywhere else except possibly in OP.

Struggling a bit with writing conversations today and yesterday, so I have been just finishing up my summary. Hoping to have the first chapter up within the week, if not a few days.

Glad to hear your update will be ready soon. I’m working on another one myself.

I’m looking forward to reading your work. As I said on the other thread, we all ought to support each other.

 

[starkwolf]

Chapter 1: A New World
​

Shortly after they had established their throne city of Sithedral, the Tigrans were quickly dismayed to find bandits in the 4th Age were not unlike the ones they were familiar with in the 3rd.
"This can't be! Bandits in paradise?"
"This... this isn't paradise. We must of misinterpreted the prophecy Lady Amenmeit."
"No, I must have misinterpreted it. I was so eager to bring our people out of a land of religious persecution into a world of peace and kindness that I got ahead of myself. And what's worse, I dragged an entire people along with me. Please forgive me, my loyal advisor."
"There is nothing to forgive. With our own judgement we also thought the prophecy would lead us to paradise. You didn't drag us along, we were eager to believe this was the end of the road. But if there is one thing I do know, the prophecy does promise a Great Paradise. This may not be it, but perhaps it is a stepping stone. I'm sure you feel it too: since the seals were broken the forces of magic are more powerful than we have ever known. The great power once kept from us is now ours to create a world of peace and harmony, once we learn to harness it. This wouldn't have been possible without you, my lady, and we may yet create a new world, a better world."
As he spoke, a single tear dripped down Amenmeit's slender face, multiplying as he went on. "Thank you, my trusted aide. We've beaten half a dozen empires to get this far, and with even greater magic at our disposal we will indeed create a better world."

"Alright everyone, you know the drill. This should be quick." The polearms prepared to charge headlong down the center, but then Amenmeit called out "Halt!" her fingers were on her forehead and she appeared to be in pain. "Do you need our healing my lady?" the seargent of priests asked. Amenmeit quickly addressed the polearms;"Your force is not strong enough to charge up the center. I just had a vision that you would be wiped out if you did so. Allow the shield units to close in from the sides first. If the vision is correct, casualties will be minimal." "As you order, my lady, do you require healing?" "It's merely a headache, worry about it after the battle." And indeed, the battle involved few casualties as Amenmeit had foreseen.

More battles like it would come up, but between Amenmeit's visions and their superior forces, the bandits were swiftly dispatched or converted by the light bringer.

She would hire an additional scout, bringing them up to a total of 3. She was amazed at the ease with which even a relatively untrained rider could be provided with a means of disguise. In the 3rd Age, only a few leaders could consistently train certain combat troops how to hide in any environment. This would be after they were well trained in the art of combat already. But for these humble scouts, a vision of the future would show the horrible deaths they would endure. She felt it was best to keep this from them, but as she was not always the best at masking her emotions, they always knew something was troubling her. None of them would survive until the final ascendance.
Her continued journey south to find the sea did not take many turns, and a mysterious frozen lake was visible on the coast. As she approached, a white which approached her, attempting to lure them to step onto the lake. Quickly taking stock of the situation, Amenmeit recognized that without sufficient mana stores, her forces were no match for the power of this witch. As eager as her loyal warriors were for battle, she called a swift retreat as the witch laughed maniacally at how easily she was intimidated.
None the less, the surrounding area was beautiful and rich in resources. Most of all, Amenmeit recalled from the 3rd Age the importance of avoiding the empire becoming landlocked. Yet, founding a city in this new age was very different than before. The prevalence of powerful magic made it far easier to compress building materials and establish a walled outpost, for those with the capacity to wield that magic, though weapons could be constructed far more easily and an otherwise insignificant force of levies could at least force the enemy to prepare a long siege once walls were built, even though they may not be a significant fighting force otherwise. These outposts were quite small and not suitable for civilian settlement, that would take more time and effort. Amenmeit would eventually realize that her time and effort spreading her theological knowledge to improve the lives of her people and the influence of her empire may have to be delayed if she wanted enough people to turn the southern outpost into her glorious city of Saintspire. It would be a long time before she could expand the living areas and then spread the news when Saintspire was ready for settlement by civilians.

With the area to the south being relatively small and close to the sea, her attention turned westward, where she would encounter the settlement of Quenfjorn. Eager to find an empire devoted to spreading peace and goodness, her scouts were welcomed by them with open arms, and a whispering stone was granted to them so they could stay in contact.
A short distance to the south, however, lay lands cursed by an ancient atrocity. The hatred the spirits residing there had could be felt for miles out. Amenmeit knew of this from the 3rd Age, and much as then reason and kindness could only go so far. The souls would have to be exorcised of the evil that lingered within by force far more often than not. Without a body to grant them continuous access to spiritual development, only a few could be overcome exclusively by purging the evil influence. But scouts would not be sufficient for this task, and Amenmeit had to protect the southern outpost until walls would allow her to leave safely. In the 3rd Age, these mass graves would often spew weaker spirits at a constant rate. But with the greater magic released, far more powerful spirits could be expected to rise once the forces holding them in were overcome. There would be some time before this happened, so the scouts shifted their attention eastward.
It was there that they met Barrut Dustraker of Skullpit, who was far less pleased than the people of Quenfjorn. "Return to your native realm, outsiders, or be crushed!"
"Our native realm is no longer habitable, it was consumed when the seals were broken and we were brought here."
"Then you will find another realm, but we will not let you plunder our realm of all that we hold dear."
"We are not plunderers, we only wish to bring enlightenment to all who will hear it."
"So you are zealots then? We have no interest your foolish superstitions or dogma. Leave us alone or be destroyed. I will not repeat myself again."
"We will not force our beliefs on you, but neither will we be intimidated by your threats."
"Then you will be destroyed. Consider this a declaration of war."
Yet, no battles came. Barrut was unwilling to send his forces far beyond the city, keeping them back for the defense of the siege he felt would surely come, and Amenmeit gave explicit instructions that armies were to avoid their territory wherever possible and they were not to be antagonized, diplomatically or otherwise. Priests were asked to give them space to calm down.
By about this time, Amenmeit could turn her attention to defeating the angry spirits to the west. It was too late, however, her forces were attacked by a bone dragon and two skeletal warriors. She would have to defeat them before she could defeat the spirits around the mass grave itself. The lightbringer immediately bellowed and uttered a low, unintelligible mystic chant. Amazingly, the bone dragon now stopped attacking, and turned to strike the skeletal warriors. As the bone dragon blocked their path, most of the fight was the bone dragon eliminating the warriors, with ranged priests exorcising from a distance. When the battle ended, there were still a gigacount where the powerful undead dragon was under the control of the lightbringer. Amenmeit asked the lightbringer if he could determine the cause of all this agony. The lightbringer looked at her, maintaining his control over the bone dragon, and images flashed before Amenmeit's mind.
A great leader dressed in fine garments was seen talking to his advisor about a project, but Amenmeit couldn't hear what it was. Then the vision shifted to a large workforce doing backbreaking work. Scaffolding surrounded what appeared to be a massive spire, its purpose unclear. A dispute between a laborer and some sort of overseer gets swiftly out of control, and the violence spreads rapidly. In the conflict, some of the scaffolding breaks and the spire collapses, killing many. Local guards arrive first, but are insufficient to put down what is now an outright rebellion and some guards defect. In time the army arrives, killing some and capturing many others. Those that are captured are released, tortured, or brutally executed depending on their level of involvement. The spirits, filled with hate, curse and destroy everything around them. Passing merchants, completely uninvolved, spontaneously develop blisters and other injuries associated with the rebellion. The city is ultimately forced to relocate, and the area is completely abandoned. The vision ends there, and the bones of the undead dragon collapse, the hateful spirit that animated it releasing its hate and finding peace.


Author's note: Editing and pictures to come, possibly with more content. Also open to recommendations on font color in particular.
Note 2: Okay, I did not notice that I hadn't finished up the battle against the undead infestation. I will try to make it a priority to finish up that description.

 

[The Kingmaker]

Glad to see your first chapter up! Keep up the good work.

 

[starkwolf]

Chapter 2: New friends, new enemies​

Armed with this new knowledge, Amenmeit and her forces defeated the banshee and its allies that were keeping the area in constant terror. Quenfjorn had been looking to advance to the south, and was also grateful for her assistance in clearing the spiritual infestation that had made the area so dangerous and unpleasant. This opened the opportunity for Amenmeit to focus on matters closer to home. She doubled down on her time spent in the library and paid the mages extra for their research. It was during one such study that one of her guards approached her.

"My lady, a guard of Saintspire has requested an urgent audience in your throne room."
"Very well, I will be there shortly."
Once there, she was provided with further information.
"My Lady, he requests permission to bring with him a single prisoner."
"A prisoner? But we are not at war, Skullpit has made peace and we haven't fought any battles."
"He says he has an offer."
"Send him in."

In came a tall giant of a Tigran, carrying a much smaller Tigran by the scruff of his neck.
"My Lady, I-"
Amenmeit was furious "Unhand him this instant! My guards and my powers are more than enough to keep us safe"
The Tigran smirked, "As you command, my lady," he almost hissed, holding back a chuckle as he threw the smaller Tigran face down into the concrete-like floor. Amenmeit was unamused.
"One more stunt like that and you will be the prisoner, do I make myself clear?" The larger Tigran nodded, frustrated.
"Now tell me, what has he done?"
"He is guilty of treason."
"That's your charge, the tribunal is supposed to decide the verdict. That is not an answer to my question, what has he done?"
"He has been overheard denying your right to ascend."
Amenmeit was visibly exasperated. "You mean plotting to overthrow me?"
"My Lady, if you will hear what he has to say, you will find him guilty of treason right away. I hope you will then accept my offer to purge this great empire of heretics like him."
"Heresy is a sin, not a crime-" she looks at him, awaiting a name
"Seth, My Lady."
"You'd do well Seth to keep your sins and crimes straight if you wish continued employment as my guard. Sins are to be discouraged for their sake, but we only arrest over crimes. To call this heresy is questionable, I have not yet proven myself. The prophesy will tend to itself, as long as one is true to what they say they follow they are not guilty of heresy."

She turns to the prisoner. "My apologies for your harsh treatment, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
"My Lady, your famous benevolence is enough. I am most grateful."
"If that is so, why is it you think I should not ascend?"
"I speak out of the utmost respect for your high position and character, but no one should. No one is honorable enough to stand beside the Allfather. We all have our failings, and to be granted such immense power is to allow those failings to spread and grow.
She nods, happy with his answer. "You are wise for knowing your heart. She casts a glare at Seth "Clearly there could afford to be more in this empire that do, ours is a faith of love and peace, not cruelty." She continues, looking back at the prisoner. "What is your name?" "Zach, my Lady." "Well, Zach, according to the prophesy someone will. If it isn't meant to be me, I will be stopped. If it is, we must trust the Allfather. Does that make sense to you?"
"If you are not certain yourself, how can it be you?"
"Your heart is fearful. I do not blame you. As a people we have been through persecution, treachery, numerous wars, and been exposed to evil spirits of the worst malevolence. I cannot convince you of anything while you remain in fear, and I accept that. But know that you are free to go, you are guilty of no crime that I am aware of."
"Thank you my Lady, you are truly kind." A tear runs down his face as he leaves. Seth huffs as he prepares to leave. "Seth!" he turns to her respectfully, "One more incident like that, and it will be you that is under arrest." He nods and exits.

The carrion birds posed little threat as Amenmeit's powerful, experienced forces pushed north to explore. They came across a land known as Waypoint 8. A rather musty rat showed up. "Welcome, great leader. We apologize for our appearance, but we spend a great deal of time studying and are not used to visitors. We've been particularly diligent since someone broke the seals, the winds of magic have been particularly strong as a result."

"Do not worry about your appearance, we are honored to meet such dedicated scholars in a land so far away from our homeland."

"Ah, welcome fellow scholars! And so gentle too, most that we have encountered are quite aggressive and rude to us on account of our presentation. We used to be called the "Arcane Pests," and the name stuck."

"Most unfortunate, is there a more suitable name for a race as dedicated to the truth as yours?"

"We've become accustomed to the name, though we appreciate the consideration. To replace it would be unfair regarding what we have sacrificed for what could arguably be considered an obsession."

"We too have suffered in our pursuit of truth. I think our peoples have much information to exchange. You are familiar with these whispering stones?"

"Ah yes, we appreciate the offer. We will be in touch."

Just then, a message came from one of Amenmeit's scouts. "I'm afraid I have to go, but we certainly will be." She tried not to look relieved as she left the main area.

"My Lady, we have encountered a substantial army wandering far from any known city, it may belong to an empire as of old. They don't seem to have found us, your orders?"
"Stay concealed. Try to get a sense of their overall strength first."

After a few turns Amenmeit was contacted by a Frostling queen.

"So you are the leader that sent spies to observe us? Somehow you are even less than I expected. For your sake, do not think of provoking us."

"We don't respond kindly to threats. We've destroyed empires far more powerful than yours in the pursuit of the great paradise, and we won't shy away from facing you if you get in our way."

The frostling queen's expression changed from one of dismissiveness to contempt. "So you are the fools that broke the seals then? Tell me, did you ever stop to consider there was a reason those seals were put into place? Our people were content, and most of all safe before the seals between worlds were destroyed. Thanks to you, astral parasites and mana storms forced us to flee our old realm. Fortunately for you, I am not a vengeful queen. But if your fanaticism ever threatens my people again, I will not hesitate to protect them." At that point, she cut communication. The scholars were in disbelief of the mana prints from the orb. After checking the results multiple times, they confirmed that this leader was Arctica of the Second Age, whose fate was never recorded. It seemed that Arctica may even be responsible for the seals as a means of protecting her people, explaining her hostility to them being broken.

Though it would be not long after this meeting that another scout would be met, a heavily scarred and tattooed rat much like those they had met, yet his fur and body were hardened by injury, corruption, and wilderness. "I greet you in the name of Kruul Blightlord, and most unyielding of us all."

"I greet you in the name of Amenmeit the Sealbreaker, the noblest and most peaceful of us all."

"Peace!?" the scout spat on the ground. "How pathetic! Lord Blightlord will enjoy teaching your people the meaning of pain."

"Don't mistake our kindness for weakness, war is not necessary but we are more than capable of defending ourselves."

"Your lack of scars tells me all I need to know."

Author's notes: I will probably just go back and add pictures when the story is complete. I do apologize for the delay in uploading chapters, still struggling with some writer's block. Please feel free to leave feedback on the story, typos, and other things.

 

[starkwolf]

Heads up to anyone following my AAR: I know it has been a long time and I apologize for the unannounced hiatus. Going through some stuff right now, hoping to continue this eventually.

 

[The Kingmaker]

Heads up to anyone following my AAR: I know it has been a long time and I apologize for the unannounced hiatus. Going through some stuff right now, hoping to continue this eventually.

Best wishes, I know how that sort of thing goes.

 

[Western Union]

Just stumbled onto the age of wonders 4 aar section so any content is more then I was expecting hours ago.

 

[starkwolf]

Chapter 3: Meetings and intrigue​

With her army now built up to respond to the newly discovered empires, Amenmeit had enough forces to dispatch the white witch before there would be any war. Casting a spell to protect her forces from the white witch's frost, she lead her forces to face her. The fight was brutal and there were many losses, her melee units on the flanks among them. Amenmeit's visions were of great assistance, seeing lost battles before they occurred and correcting the formations. With the shield units up front barely holding, the white witch came forward to try to turn the tide, at which point all of Amenmeit's forces focused her down. With the white witch destroyed, the battle soon came to an end.

With the curse ended, the ice melted and flowers quickly came into bloom, the once cold landscape now full of life and abundance, the white witch's body itself slowly fading away.

"Zach, my friend, what are you doing here?"
"I came here to study the ebb and flow of magic in this area. Deep down I knew you would win this battle, and I took the opportunity to observe some of the changes."
"And what have you learned?"
"Anything more than we already know is going to require deeper study, I've managed to bring back some essences for closer examination. But it still amazes me how quickly things change in this new age compared to the third. The powers of magic here are unbelievably strong."
Amenmeit nods.
"I take it you don't think this is unique to our empire?"
"Almost certainly not. It seems to be a state of this age, Kruul and Arctica almost certainly have access to these powerful currents as well."
Amenmeit seems lost in thought.
"What do you think of Kruul and Arctica? How would you handle them in my position?"
"I'm no warrior, just a simple scholar. Historically, Arctica was an incredibly dangerous opponent if provoked, but many found she was easy enough not to provoke. I see no reason for war with Arctica based on that. Kruul on the otherhand, I think distance really is our advantage. Despite his earlier threats, he hasn't made good on them, whether due to our strength or simply the fact that he has no idea where our cities are. Hopefully we can finish our mission without any need of war."
"Hopefully?" Amenmeit asks with a smile.
"As you once told me, if you are not meant to be the one to ascend our people, you will be stopped. If you are meant to, we will be protected."
"I have two meetings to go to, the first with your guild and the next with Quenfjorn. Care to join me?"
"I have a lot of studying to do," he says nervously.
"Good luck with that."

"Thank you for meeting with me, my lady" came the offkey greeting from the guildmaster of the Academics.
"You had a request?"
"Yes, my lady. My request is for peace, that there be more mana for us to complete our studies. Clearing all these infestations and the military buildup in response to Arctica and Kruul has left our research wanting somewhat for mana."
"Thank you for bringing your shortage to my attention, but the Warriors insist that this is necessary for your protection, and any less would incur unnecessary losses."
"I ask that you not be angry if we request that perhaps we make the pie bigger? We've drawn up some plans for mana conduits, if you were to build three of them that should satisfy both our needs and that of the Warriors."
"I'll see what I can do." As she left for her next meeting, she thought she noticed a smirk out of the corner of her eye. What could the Academics be up to she wondered.


The sounds of a heated argument can be heard outside the main halls.
"We've been studying the astral sea for just about our entire lives! You really think we didn't consider that? Of course it looks flat from your limited perspective, it's huge!"
"Are you calling us fools? Maybe if you pulled your heads out of your-"

"What's going on here?" Amenmeit asked. "I was asked to come here to settle a dispute of some sort, so please bring me up to speed."
The Guildmaster of Quenfjorn responded, "The Arcane Pests say they also know you. They claim that the Astral Sea is round, not flat as can be plainly seen. Then they called us idiots."
"We did no such thing."
"You implied it."
"We said your perspective was limited, as in what you can actually see."
"That clearly wasn't what you meant, any further slights against our honor-"
Amenmeit jumped in "Enough! I get the idea." She turns to the debaters from Waypoint. "Supposing the Astral Sea is flat, what do you lose?"
"Generations of research down the drain for one thing. We know it's not, we've tested and verified this years ago. At that rate let's just suppose this is all a game being played on some alien creature's device. Maybe we are all living in a simulation. If we can't test it there's no reason to take it seriously."
"And debaters from Quenfjorn, what do you lose if the Astral Sea is round?"
"We won't be subjected to trickery. Look for yourself, does it look round? We refuse to be manipulated by feelings or their so called 'expertise', the facts speak for themselves."
"And why is any of this worth threatening a relationship that has been mutually beneficial between the two of you for years?" She turns to the Guildmaster, "Can you see the currents of mana? Or the spirits of the dead? There's a great deal about the universe we live in that isn't intuitive. If you could just embrace the mystery of it and set aside some of your beliefs for a bit, I'm sure the ambassadors of Waypoint would be much obliged even if you don't agree with them. Just listen."
"Wait, are you agreeing with them?"
She turns to the ambassadors from Waypoint. "Quenfjorn not believing your research doesn't cost you anything. You know what you know, if you go around ridiculing everyone that doesn't believe you that doesn't make you look smart, just stuck up. I know your people better than that. And what if they are right? Wouldn't it be better to get started right away on more accurate research than to continue pushing your research in the wrong direction?"
Both sides seem confused. "So whose side are you on?" the guildmaster asks.
"Does it really matter whether you have convinced each other or not? Is it really worth yelling at each other like stone walls? Whomever is right, hopefully the other will catch on soon. Both sides have so little to gain and so much to lose from this sort of quarreling. Just set it aside already."

Both parties nod and shake hands, embarrassed.


Once back at Sithedral, Amenmeit's advisor approached her. "Good, you are back. We are ready to hire a champion."
"Excellent, let's look at the application."
The advisor smiles, then sets nine applications fanned out in front of Amenmeit.
Amenmeit is moved. "Nine of them?! All at once?"
"Yes my lady. It would seem that your fame has spread far and wide in this age, and champions eager for glory are much easier to come by."

She reads through the first applications. "Sylas seems a bit full of himself, and rather suspicious. Leonor is promising, but inexperienced. I don't trust the Dark Ones, Astored and Miralda are out."

She looks through the second batch. "Esmerelda of Skullpit seems very competent, but perhaps a bit too eager for battle. Her sister seems much the same." She sets aside an application "Prophessa Zelani seems promising, we could use an engineer that is also competent in the use of magic." She looks closely at the next one. "I love Scorpio Zelani's enthusiasm. It would be nice to have a fellow mage that is also skilled in healing." She sets his application alongside his sister's.

She comes to the final batch. "Glinn seems a bit rigid, but her brother Froger seems like a wise man, skilled in matters of law as well as magic." She sets Froger's application aside. She takes a closer look. It is a hard call between the Zelani siblings. Prophessa is incredibly nimble and athletic, while Scorpio shows a much admired learning for healing and protection. Ultimately, she cannot turn down one so much like herself. She heads out to the champions standing outside her door and announces her decision, and with Saintspire now a bustling city, makes Scorpio its governor.


Later that week, Kruul Blightlord contacted Amenmeit via mystic ball.
"You better not be forming an alliance with Arctica."
"What gave you that impression?"
"If you are, know that I consider her a rival. She has been expanding close to my borders, and I intend to reciprocate. The two of us may be on the path to war soon. Don't mistake this as a request for an alliance, this is a score to be settled between the two of us, and just the two of us. If you interfere, we will deal with you harshly."
"She has been hostile towards us as well, no moreso than you have. We do not intend to go to war at this time."
"Of course you don't," he sneers, "You'd prefer to sit back and build your monuments to order. Despicable." He hangs up.

"Marshal!"
Seth steps in. "Yes, my lady."
"Seth? Are you the new marshal now?"
Seth seems confused. "Yes, my lady, I was promoted to second in command internally. When my commander tragically died, I assumed his command. Unless you see fit to demote me personally."
"That won't be necessary, we've had our history but no problems since then. As for the topic at hand, what are the current strength estimates of the other empires?"
"Kruul Blightlord has an impressive army. Not as advanced technologically as ours, but highly coordinated and incredibly numerous. Further, our scouts report that he is working on a Seed of Chaos to compete against our Seed of Order. He does not seem to have developed any naval forces, but our information on that is limited. Our navy should be sufficient to protect us from any naval invasion, and he would have to go through Arctica to invade us overland.
Regarding Arctica, her forces are surprisingly weaker than ours, despite her more dominant diplomatic posturing. Either it is a bluff, or she has a ruse planned. According to our intel, Kruul's rapid expansion and our alliance with the city of Waypoint 8 and Skullpit has strangled her own expansion, despite her weakened state we are preparing defensive forces to protect both Waypoint 8 and Skullpit in case of attack. It will be some time before they arrive. She also seems to be struggling to adjust to this new realm. She lacks some of the resource advantages she enjoyed in the second age, and appears to be struggling to make due."

"Thank you for your thorough report, Seth. You may go."

She sat at her desk, chin resting on her thumbs deep in thought. Tensions were quickly boiling over between all three sides. She sat contemplating who would make the next move.

 

[Fluksen]

Really happy i've found the AoW4 AAR subforum! Nice read thanks for writing. I did like the textcolour of Chapter 1 and 2 quite nicer to on the eyes than the default white. If ever i find the time to write something up hopefully i'll remember this

 

[starkwolf]

Really happy i've found the AoW4 AAR subforum! Nice read thanks for writing. I did like the textcolour of Chapter 1 and 2 quite nicer to on the eyes than the default white. If ever i find the time to write something up hopefully i'll remember this

Thanks for the feedback. I also got feedback from a friend in terms of things that have piqued her interest, so I am hoping that when I finally get around to chapter 4 it will be particularly good. It usually takes me a while though. Hoping to write it in this next week but no guarantees. I'll try to use a color that is nice on the eyes like 1 and 2.

Since it is so much nicer, I can just quickly change the color on 3.

 

[starkwolf]

Chapter 4: The Road to War
​

At this point, most of this world had been explored by Amenmeit, only the far southwest reaches had yet to be discovered.

In a diplomatic meeting, Kruul Blightlord had complained of Arctica's expansions towards his territory. Although not fond of Arctica herself, Amenmeit tried to ease his tensions by reminding him how Arctica's position was strained, but Kruul would hear none of it, insisting that a peaceful solution was neither desirable nor practical. He stressed that he has no personal grudge against Arctica or her people, but that any threat to his people's potential would be met with force. Arctica was quiet during this mystical meeting, aware of the futility of any response. No worry could be seen on her face, she hid it well, but her forces were outmatched against either Kruul or Amenmeit, should either attack. She was not used to this level of vulnerability. Although a brilliant strategic mind, she had little to work with. Kruul's direct and uncomplicated approach to warfare was more than sufficient for either party should he need to harness it. Amenmeit began to adopt a more threatening tone with Kruul until Arctica finally interrupted.

"This is not your fight, Amenmeit. We neither want nor need your support. If war is what the Fiends want, they will get it in time. Your forces are not welcome in my territory, regardless of your intentions."

Thinking back to her marshal's assessment of forces, Amenmeit spoke with confidence "This is our fight. If you fall, Kruul will most likely turn his forces to us, and we will not allow that to happen with access to manpower and resources from your cities."

Kruul objected "Nobody has said anything about your people yet, Amenmeit."

"We know you've built a seed of chaos. You live for war, it is your way. I'm no fool. We live for harmony and spiritual freedom. Freedom to reach our potential, freedom to be our truest selves. Freedom from evil, corruption, and all that blinds. Most of all, freedom from hatred."

"Enough, both of you!" Arctica responded with exasperation. "For a so called 'peace summit,' you two have been talking up a war that doesn't need to happen. The Frostling people will not be held back by the petty threats of the Fiends, nor will we allow the Tigrans the excuse to spread their superstitions through our lands."

"Bold of you to speak that way," Kruul responded menacingly, "you talk big, but your words are empty."

Arctica left the summit without a word. Kruul followed shortly after. Amenmeit pressed her paws against the sides of her head in exasperation. The first peace summit, held at her urging, was an unmitigated disaster that did more to inflame tensions than reduce them.


Sometime later, Amenmeit's scouts encountered a new city state at the far reaches of the world. Xolithar Spellslinger contacted them through the orbs. He holds the head of her scout in his green hands, corrupted by dark magic "The spy you sent to our lands has been dealt with. So we shall deal with all others you send to our lands." He left before Amenmeit could respond, the first of the three scouts had been brutally killed, just as she had foreseen in her visions. It had been a rough day, and she hoped the next would be better. She would meet with Zach, whom she had developed a close friendship with, and he always had a way to cheer her up.

The morning came, and Zach was uncharacteristically late. After what felt like a half turn, Amenmeit found herself slammed into the stone wall, falling immediately back on the ground before she could process the explosion. The pain in her ears was the first thing she noticed. Guards rushed into the room to find her laying there, limply. She had numerous gashes from wooden splinters, and her impact with the wall had been severe. She was rushed to the healers. Physical healing could only go so far, and it took some of the finest mystics of the kingdom to expedite her healing.

All evidence pointed to Zach, whom had not been seen since the explosion. In time, guards found him in the countryside and hauled him in for questioning. Amenmeit was livid.

"Do you have anything to say for yourself?"
"No, my lady," he shook his head, trembling. "I don't know what happened."
"You were late to our appointment, disappeared for a few days, and had to be hauled in by force. Is there any way you can claim innocence for that?"
"I... I simply don't remember that we had an appointment, at all. I know nothing about the bomb. Yes, from the description of the blast it matches my prototypes, but those were supposed to be weapons of war, and I'd never want to hurt you. Why would I?"
"You're a fanatic, aren't you? I get that we believe different things, but the moment you take it to violence and terror, we have a problem. Did you tell anyone where or when we were going to meet, or did anyone else have access to your research?"
He trembles harder "no... my lady."
"You realize the law is clear: attempted assassination of a high official is treason and the only outlined penalty is death. If the evidence is overwhelmingly against you, I cannot spare you."
A tear starts to fall down his eye as she calls for the guards.

The scholar's guild begged for time to research the law to ensure it was legal and necessary. There would be a compromise for this, however. Further research would need to be done for finding and dealing with heretics, harshly if needed. The scholar's guild agreed to this compromise and the Tome of Inquisition was brought back. The last time it was used, it was as a weapon against the Enlightened Tigrans, when they were deemed the heretics.


Meanwhile, Scorpio Zelani, now governor of Saintspire, was hard at work studying magical defenses for the Tigrans. He was greatly bothered, since despite the greatly improved troop count, the Tigrans were still trailing the Fiend horde by at least 2:1. Once the resources were secured, he got to work on producing two iron golems. He had additional resources for a frost shield, which Amenmeit encouraged him to keep within his family, to defend them from harm if necessary.

However, he got himself in trouble with the Obscurum shortly after the peace agreement. Scorpio had a deep distaste for how Xolithar Spellslinger kept his people enthralled through magic, making numerous jokes about his tyranny and lack of self-esteem for the entertainment of the masses in Saintspire. Xolithar was not amused, demanding he should be harshly punished. Amenmeit was able to convince him, however, that by his very reaction he had given legitimacy to those jokes. A leader like him should be above such jokes and take it in stride. Although initially offended by her audacity, he did find her boldness refreshing. It had been a long time since anyone had stood up to him without hostile intent and let the matter drop.

Things continued to improve. A great fortune had amassed in the empire, and when Amenmeit's administrators suggested using some of those funds for luxurious foods, she allowed it and encouraged them to use even more funds than they dared request initially. This moment would become one of the most legendary actions of her rule.


Her relief would be shortlived. Shortly after the 40th turn, Kruul would declare war on Arctica. (the music I have this mentally set to in the link)



Thank you to a good artist and friend of mine Koda for providing these pictures that I commissioned:

Spoiler: Portrait of Zach the Scholar

Spoiler: Portrait of Seth the Marshal

 

[Goblin-Cookie]

In the Prelude section.

"Hold down the seal as best you can, I'm redirecting the nearest force to come to your aid. They should be their in two turns."

Should be there.

But otherwise great, well-written AAR.

 

[starkwolf]

In the Prelude section.



Should be there.

But otherwise great, well-written AAR.

Nice catch, and thank you. I've been doing these all in one draft and coming back to edit later so proofreading stuff like that does tend to slip through the cracks.

 

[starkwolf]

Chapter 5: The Reckoning
​

As Zach sat locked up in the dungeon, his allies in the Scholar's Guild worked tirelessly to find a way to free him. There was little in the law that could protect him, so they re-examined the evidence. The bomb was indeed one of his designs, carefully crafted to specification. This was not done by any simple glance and was done without a single mistake. His behavior, although suspicious, was not inconsistent with his claim that he had no knowledge of the meeting or the attempt on Amenmeit's life. His claim that his research lead him to one of the more remote areas of the empire was not without merit, it was common for him to travel great distances to lesser known areas of the empire, in particular areas that were less populated. The details of his arrest came from the Temple Guards, and the scholars were not ready to entirely accept the version of events told to them by the guards. They asked for Amenmeit's oversight as they interviewed Zach, which incensed the guards over the apparent distrust. While Zach did not deny resisting the guards, he was alarmed by the violence with which they took him in and the pain he was in when arrested. Marks around his arms and wrists seemed to confirm his version of events. It was enough for Amenmeit to postpone his execution.

It was now that Amenmeit would interview the guards that had arrested Zach. Although they never changed their stories, the times they gave for when the arrest occurred was before the bomb even went off. They were arrested for perjury, awaiting further interrogation. Surprisingly, both Seth and the scholars suggested that she resort to torture.

Amenmeit grabbed a knife and approached the accused, her paws trembling and her voice quivering. "Y-you will tell me where you were at the time you claimed to have made the arrest. Where you- you really were." Her eyes were just about in tears.

"Please, my Lady! We were telling the truth, don't do anything rash-" she plunged the dagger right down the arm of the one begging for mercy, then used her magic to heal it up as he screamed in pain.

"I can do this all day!" she yelled, her voice more raspy than usual with particular desperation. She kept alternating demands for the truth with dagger plunges, until finally the guard relented. "Please! It's the head scholar! Zach was setup! She hated Zach because he does not follow our ways. Please forgive our deception, we were told it was for the greater good, for your good. You have enough on your plate already."

Amenmeit dropped the knife, realizing that the guards had attempted to be selfless. Falling on her knees, then upper paws. At this point her anguish was inconsolable. She was well on her way to becoming the very tyrant she vowed never to be, but even the tyrant she had liberated her people from hadn't hurt his own allies. She permitted Seth to arrest the head scholar, but the investigation was still ongoing. At this point the only evidence against the head scholar was the testimony of these guards. In the meantime Amenmeit left Seth in charge of diplomatic affairs, and Scorpio in charge of the investigation and internal affairs while she meditated and tried to come to terms with what she had done.

One of Seth's first acts on the international stage was to forgive Arctica's insults. He could be surprisingly tactful, and the gesture went over better than even he expected. He and Arctica agreed to mutually recognize each other's empires, through a Wizard's Bond ritual. As Amenmeit was unavailable, Seth performed the ritual. As they performed something akin to a dance, a blue mist swept across them. The beginnings of a possible alliance had been planted. Arctica admitted to a certain appreciation of the fact that Amenmeit had respected the independence of Quenfjorn and Waypoint 8 to follow their own culture, but told Seth never to admit this to Amenmeit herself.

Seth used the opportunity to clear some chaos cults to the north that sought the power of the balors. He would crush them before they got far, and took a pleasure in it that many around him found disturbing. Shortly after, he negotiated passage through Arctica's lands. The war was going better than expected for Arctica, her troops were holding off the rat hordes, at least for the time being. Seth did not consider that promising, however. At the rate of losses Arctica was taking, it was only a matter of time until her empire would fall. Though her forces fought valiantly and efficiently, their sheer numbers were not enough. Still, Seth's impression was that this was still a surprise for Kruul, and this may be a window of opportunity to knock out Kruul while his forces regrouped, fighting alongside Arctica despite her wishes. He prepared large war parties for an eventual first strike against Kruul, but it would take many turns before they would be in position for a strike.

Meanwhile, Amenmeit was off in the most southern reaches of the empire by the southern seas. She contemplated whether she should forfeit her leadership altogether. Was her gullibility to blame for getting crossed so often in her past? Or had past treachery clouded her judgement and lead her to this? What disturbed her the most was the fact she couldn't tell herself with confidence she'd never bring herself to do that again. As she had been doing for turns, she cried herself to sleep. That night, a shrine of smiting came to her in a dream, the most powerful artifacts known in her faith. It offered to provide her a blessing if she were to make a sacrifice and take her rightful place back as the leader of the Enlightened Tigrans. She made a grand sacrifice of mana, and asked the shrine to bless her people. In response, the shrine inspired her and her people to greatness. Not through their own studies, but their trust in their faith for those whose hearts were open.

Amenmeit returned to see Scorpio looking back and forth between the same two reports, seemingly intrigued.

"Your service to our empire is immeasurable, thank you. Do you have anything to report?" she asked.

"My apologies, My Lady, research progress has been slow. Our researchers have been distracted lately. On the flip side, income from both mana and gold is as high as ever, the treasury is full enough to suit whatever your needs of it."

"Don't worry about the researchers, I'm sure this distraction is all for the best. It must be part of the sacrifice to the shrine."

"A shrine?" he says with excitement, "where?"

"It came in a dream. It asked me to take up my position as lady of the Enlightened again."

"So your divine role is confirmed then. That's quite the development."

"Indeed, I'm still getting used to it myself. Speaking of developments, any word on the investigation into my attempted assassination?"

"Perhaps, though I'd like your input." He pushes two piles of records towards Amenmeit. "I've noticed a distinct trend in the reports. Most reports by the guards implicate the scholars, and vice versa. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but are you aware of any feuds between the two?"

Amenmeit looks surprised. "Very interesting indeed. No, I am not aware of any feuds, but it would explain some things."

They share a gaze that's equal parts enthusiasm for the progress, and horror for the implications.

"As for the bomb," Scorpio starts, "my people have worked on similar projects. Zach grossly underestimated his container's stress capacity."

"In Tigran please? My primary area of study is theology, not in engineering explosives."

"Zach's bomb was much more powerful than he ever expected. However, his timing was wrong. He forgot to update his calculations to the new magic winds factor. Put simply, his magic casing held pressure much, much longer than expected, and the bomb was supposed to go off much earlier. That's probably why the guards gave a time for their arrest before the bomb went off: whomever their conspirator was told them a time based on the plans before the arrest was made. I also noticed that Zach was never asked to confirm the face of the guards that arrested him. Seems to me that the guards interrogated were never present at his arrest. 'So why risk such an inconsistency over such a small detail?' I asked myself. For whatever reason, the guard that actually made the arrest must have been someone that the real mastermind knew well enough that he didn't want the connection to be drawn, or had to do something during the arrest that required a particularly high level of trust."

Amenmeit could sense Scorpio was hesitating. "And?"

"And... how do I put this appropriately..." he thought for a bit "whomever put together this plan... it doesn't seem like they think highly of your intellect."

Amenmeit didn't push him to reveal how he came to that conclusion.

"In any case," Scorpio started quickly, "If we can identify the guard that actually arrested Zach, it would be a major step in finding the real culprit."

"Real culprit?"

"Zach was almost certainly framed, that much is a safe conclusion. However, not only isn't there any evidence that Marga, the head of the Scholar's Guild, is guilty, but there is a distinct lack of evidence that we would expect to see if this were true. She has some very tight alibis for her location at critical times, and not only hasn't she been shown the plans for the prototype yet, but both guards and scholars reported her particular interest in unrelated affairs, particularly the mana treasury and research efficiency."

"Raaa!!" Amenmeit yelled as she shoved herself away from the table. "All that and I was lied to anyway!"

"There is a technology that would both explain this and help us."

"No, not if it means more torture. I'm done with that, never again."

"No torture, no pain, there's a mind control device, magical in nature, that is not dissimilar in function to how lightbringers are able to enter another mind, but to a different effect. It isn't very useful on the battlefield, at least not yet as it is very vulnerable to damage, and somewhat awkward to use. However, one can invade a mind to learn certain secrets, and wipe minds clear of memories. I took the liberty of doing a physical examination on Zach, and found a distinctive mark on the back of his head, consistent with the use of such a device. Someone did indeed invade his mind to learn how to make the bomb, and wiped his memories of your meeting to implicate him. If I am right, when confronted the guards should give the same identification as Zach as to the guard that made the arrest. This guard likely knows the mastermind."

"I like your thinking."

But the guards were uncooperative. They were knocked out with anesthetic gas, and the mind device was used. Scorpio was correct. Amenmeit personally stalked the guard responsible from the shadows. it brought her back to her days as a mystic in the army, transforming into a panther to stalk enemies and take them down in close combat. Although it was no longer possible to transform into a panther, her own skill proved more than sufficient.

The guard looked around nervously after entering the capital building, unaware of Amenmeit peering through a window. "We've got trouble. Scorpio's sticking his nose where it doesn't belong."

The figure that initially had his back turned to Amenmeit turned around and she could see his face. "There's a human saying, 'snitches get stitches.'" Seth answered, "You really didn't need my approval to handle him. It was stupid to come here if you weren't sure whether you were being followed, your nervousness was all over your face."

"My apologies sir, it's just a feeling. I swear on the utmost of my training and my medals as a prowler, every precaution was taken and-"

"Obviously not if you're still looking!" Seth responded furiously. He pulled out his sword to take a look around and they split up. Amenmeit quickly jumped the guard, her paw covering the guard's mouth. She then swiftly gagged and tied him, hiding him in the trees. But she couldn't take on Seth, even using her magic, without killing him. She'd determined in her heart that he must face a proper execution, he should have the chance to give last words, if not for his own sake then for the satisfaction of the populace that he was not murdered in cold blood. Using her orb, she took a gamble on whom the more loyal members of the guard would be while she stalked him in the distance. In time, they met and Seth was surrounded and taken into custody.

"We were on good terms Seth. You seemed to be on good terms with Zach. Why this treachery?"

"You have become a weak, foolish leader that can't think for herself. You fill your head with the suggestions of others, you're indecisive, and until recently I didn't think you had the guts to do what needed to be done. Enemies of the state must be crushed, and enemies of the faith are enemies of the state."

"That's your training as a prowler speaking."

He continues, coldly. "Don't get me wrong, I do believe in you, the leader you can become again. If it weren't for you, I'd still be a prowler. A highly decorated captain, but still a prowler. When you broke down the caste system, you allowed me to follow my dreams of protecting the temples, normally reserved for lions, not panthers like me. I am still grateful to you for that. Since I am to be executed anyway, I have no shame in sharing that I never particularly cared for life as a prowler at first. I saw no honor in killing those that were already trapped or wounded. I wanted to study theology, but I was a panther, and panthers were too rare to be anything other than prowlers. But over time, I understood the wisdom of my training. If you do not destroy a problem while it can be destroyed, it will come back to destroy you later. Zach and many others deserve to die, it is unfortunate you are letting them live. I can tell by your reaction you think that I am sick, but head my warnings. If you do not address the grumblings now, they will continue to grow. You can't ignore them forever. I was trying to do you a favor by killing you before you corrupted yourself and us, so you could be the one. There's still time, change your ways and crush the unbelievers."

"I wish your spirit the best. May it see the greatness that comes from our principles, not despite them. How ironic that as zealous as you think you are, your faith is so little that you believe you must do everything yourself."

His last words before his hanging largely reflected what he had told Amenmeit.


Then a ghostly, laughing spirit hovered above his body, laughing. "Did you honestly think I would take an arrest like that lying down if I didn't have a backup plan?! You idiots! Who was it that performed the wizard's bond ceremony with Arctica?" His spirit laughs almost uncontrollably with a maniacal, smug satisfaction. "If I see any of you losers in another realm, you'll see my real power!" His spirit then departed for the astral sea, coming back from time to time to torment different members of the scholar's guild, but targeting Zach in particular.

When Amenmeit took back full control of the empire, he realized that Seth had angered Arctica by annexing both Quenfjorn, Skullpit, and Waypoint 8. This annexation, however, had been performed by mutual agreement, and the only thing that Amenmeit herself would have done differently would have been not to cross troops over Arctica's boundaries on false pretenses. Arctica and Amenmeit agreed to a sum of 450 gold to settle the matter, as none of the cities were interested in leaving the empire. Finally, the blessing had come to pass, and her people were anointed with a special protection from magical and physical harm.

Arctica's forces were on their last straw. They had taken an undefended outpost to their west, and had expanded west of Centerstake, but had few forces remaining to keep those holdings. Furthermore, Amenmeit learned that Kruul had built a seed of chaos. That in particular she could not tolerate, and she declared war on Kruul.

Amenmeit's forces were surprised not to encounter Kruul's forces initially. As they approached Korheim, a city to the north of the Fiend capital, Kruul's general Blister the Shaman launched his ambush. Blister's center moved to reinforce his right flank, using a great number of skirmishers and archers to protect himself while his shielded units protected his left with a gap in the center. Amenmeit kept her shield units up front to absorb the hits, but kept the iron golem in the center to reinforce whichever side required aid. In the end, his skirmish units were no match for the defenses of Amenmeit's bastions. Eventually Illuminar Zelani of the Zelani family, still the governor of Waypoint 8, would defeat Blister in personal combat. But Kruul's forces fought viciously, almost to the last man. Among Amenmeit's losses were a lightbringer that had been with her since the early days in this new age, a fairy, and many others. Almost half of her forces were lost in the fight, but Blister would lose everything, including his life.

Simultaneously, Barrut Dustraker of Skullpit would launch a naval invasion, directly to the seed of chaos to destroy it. Afterwards, he would meet with the combined forces of Amenmeit, Scorpio Zelani, and Ilumar Zelani at the capital. With all of Kruul's forces fighting in the north, his raid on the seed of chaos was unopposed.

Amenmeit's march straight to the heart of the Fiends capital of Halberg became legendary. Despite high losses on her side, Kruul could not win a battle. When the forces finally converged on Halberg, Kruul agreed to give up his link to the realm, and become a vassal of Amenmeit.

But tensions were growing with Arctica. Only time would tell if they would end in another war or not.

 

[Goblin-Cookie]

Good to see your back in the game @starkwolf.

There is however a colour inconsistency in Chapter 2, with the first part being a lighter blue than the rest. I am pretty sure that wasn't deliberate on your part.

Also, you could consider adding your chapter title names to your index, it makes it more memorable.

 

[starkwolf]

Good to see your back in the game @starkwolf.

There is however a colour inconsistency in Chapter 2, with the first part being a lighter blue than the rest. I am pretty sure that wasn't deliberate on your part.

Also, you could consider adding your chapter title names to your index, it makes it more memorable.

I could make another attempt, however when I tried to fix chapter 2 a while back I was unable to do so for about a half hour. I have no idea what was up with that.

And yeah, I could definitely do that.


I have a few questions about chapter 5 if you don't mind:

1) What did you think of the pacing? I thought it might have been a bit on the fast side this time, but I wasn't sure if it was a nice brisk fast that kept the story moving rather than dwelling, or if it didn't allow the reader enough time to focus on the moments.

2) I've never really done any sort of mystery writing, so I am curious how that turned out. Honestly, I think this is my first attempt at writing any sort of mystery, off the top of my head nothing else comes to mind.


edit: fixed. The first section of text was bugged somehow. I had to copy -> paste it to notepad, then copy -> paste it from notepad to actually undo the formatting, since "undo formatting" natively wasn't working. It would not change the color at all.

 

[Goblin-Cookie]

1) What did you think of the pacing? I thought it might have been a bit on the fast side this time, but I wasn't sure if it was a nice brisk fast that kept the story moving rather than dwelling, or if it didn't allow the reader enough time to focus on the moments.

2) I've never really done any sort of mystery writing, so I am curious how that turned out. Honestly, I think this is my first attempt at writing any sort of mystery, off the top of my head nothing else comes to mind.

You were writing a bit of a plot-twist with the sudden assassination attempt and Zach's 'obvious' guilt.

But the writing is very fast-paced, a lot happened in that one chapter and numerous changes of scene/character focus happened. When editing you need to focus on breaking it up somehow, to clarify where we are and what character is now in the spotlight.