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Wake up, Gjergj.
...
WAKE UP!
*yawn* If you're here to kill me, go ahead, I'm tired of this life anyway. Stand up to the Turk, they said. We'll help yo---
Enough of this defeatist nonsense, G, I need you to focus.
*finally finds his dagger* Perhaps you should show yourself then? You know, showing some respect to the ruler of the realm and all.
But I'm right here, G. In your head.
*sadly sheaths the dagger* That would explain why I can hear you so clearly. This room has otherwise quite aweful acoustics, that's why I play my new lute in the othe---
FOCUS, I SAID.
OK, OK, Jesus, just trying to have some quality small talk here. Oops. You don't work for God, do you? Because I can't afford him knowing I took his name in vain once again, I'm a repeat offender when it comes to number 2.
No, I don't work for God. Who is omniscient, by the way. But I did came to guide your steps.
Neat. Do you have any cool superpowers? Previous headvoices promised I would be invincible in battle and stuff.
No, I can't manipulate the RNG to get you good rolls. In fact, your enemies just got stronger with me here so battles in general are a big no-no.
Works for me. Didn't have much luck with fighting those 13:1 odds before anyway. Them Ottos are sure tough. So, what masterplan have you prepared?
We're going to RUN!
Simple, yet effective. I like it. Can we rewind the time if we inevitably screw something up?
No. We would have to start over.
Along with this awkward introduction?
Along with this awkward introduction.
I guess we better try to do our best, then...
...
WAKE UP!
*yawn* If you're here to kill me, go ahead, I'm tired of this life anyway. Stand up to the Turk, they said. We'll help yo---
Enough of this defeatist nonsense, G, I need you to focus.
*finally finds his dagger* Perhaps you should show yourself then? You know, showing some respect to the ruler of the realm and all.
But I'm right here, G. In your head.
*sadly sheaths the dagger* That would explain why I can hear you so clearly. This room has otherwise quite aweful acoustics, that's why I play my new lute in the othe---
FOCUS, I SAID.
OK, OK, Jesus, just trying to have some quality small talk here. Oops. You don't work for God, do you? Because I can't afford him knowing I took his name in vain once again, I'm a repeat offender when it comes to number 2.
No, I don't work for God. Who is omniscient, by the way. But I did came to guide your steps.
Neat. Do you have any cool superpowers? Previous headvoices promised I would be invincible in battle and stuff.
No, I can't manipulate the RNG to get you good rolls. In fact, your enemies just got stronger with me here so battles in general are a big no-no.
Works for me. Didn't have much luck with fighting those 13:1 odds before anyway. Them Ottos are sure tough. So, what masterplan have you prepared?
We're going to RUN!
Simple, yet effective. I like it. Can we rewind the time if we inevitably screw something up?
No. We would have to start over.
Along with this awkward introduction?
Along with this awkward introduction.
I guess we better try to do our best, then...
Are we running far?
Eventually? Yes. Right now? No.
Italy would be nice. I like the food. Rich provinces to exploit, too. But I guess the Ottos would annex us before we conquered anything, right?
Correct.
Too bad. I guess I'll find out as a surprise, then. What are the next steps?
We need two opposite characters. Some advisor that can pimp out this castle so it can hold out longer and a guy that knows how to quickly siege a pimped out castle.
That's easy, my son was always the best when it came to stomping others' sandcastles on the playground. But the only military advisor in Albania is a former chef. His delicious tavë kosi acts as a smelly beacon so that scattered armies can regroup more quickly. He even gave me some free portions.
Good, take them to the hungry Bosnian envoy and beg him for a military access so we can lay low there for a while.
Right, beg. Because they call me Skanderbeg. Soooo, funny.
Glad you figured that one out. Also, declare war on Serbia.
Serbia? But even they have stronger army than us! Plus my subjects won't like it.
Stability is a charade that warps your thinking and makes you a slave to the game mechanics. Free yourself from this mindset, G.
Whatever, Mr. Philosopher. Should I spent some money? We've got 50 bucks.
Just bank it by training few regiments. They won't finish anyway and we'll appear poorer than we are at peace talks.
That sounds pretty gamey. Is this a powergaming run?
No, I'm a small-time cheeser, G. I like my homerules. We won't be abusing exiled units, vassals or PUs together. Now, stop fooling around and lead your troops to Bosnia.
So, I just attacked my Serbian nonfriends because they wouldn't let us through to Bosnia? That sounds like a serious relationship issue, perhaps we should've talked it through.
Don't worry, this will be the last time you'll ever see them. Have you made a template for the DoW on Serbia?
I always do. Headvoices love DoWs. What country should I fill in next?
Ragusa.
Eventually? Yes. Right now? No.
Italy would be nice. I like the food. Rich provinces to exploit, too. But I guess the Ottos would annex us before we conquered anything, right?
Correct.
Too bad. I guess I'll find out as a surprise, then. What are the next steps?
We need two opposite characters. Some advisor that can pimp out this castle so it can hold out longer and a guy that knows how to quickly siege a pimped out castle.
That's easy, my son was always the best when it came to stomping others' sandcastles on the playground. But the only military advisor in Albania is a former chef. His delicious tavë kosi acts as a smelly beacon so that scattered armies can regroup more quickly. He even gave me some free portions.
Good, take them to the hungry Bosnian envoy and beg him for a military access so we can lay low there for a while.
Right, beg. Because they call me Skanderbeg. Soooo, funny.
Glad you figured that one out. Also, declare war on Serbia.
Serbia? But even they have stronger army than us! Plus my subjects won't like it.
Stability is a charade that warps your thinking and makes you a slave to the game mechanics. Free yourself from this mindset, G.
Whatever, Mr. Philosopher. Should I spent some money? We've got 50 bucks.
Just bank it by training few regiments. They won't finish anyway and we'll appear poorer than we are at peace talks.
That sounds pretty gamey. Is this a powergaming run?
No, I'm a small-time cheeser, G. I like my homerules. We won't be abusing exiled units, vassals or PUs together. Now, stop fooling around and lead your troops to Bosnia.
So, I just attacked my Serbian nonfriends because they wouldn't let us through to Bosnia? That sounds like a serious relationship issue, perhaps we should've talked it through.
Don't worry, this will be the last time you'll ever see them. Have you made a template for the DoW on Serbia?
I always do. Headvoices love DoWs. What country should I fill in next?
Ragusa.
*pimpslaps Ragusan 2k stack into oblivion* Isn't it wrong to beat up on smaller nations? That's what bullies do.
Nonsense, that's how the world works. Just look at Ottos.
Yeah, but they are the bad guys. Are we the baddies as well?
Better than the deadies. Be glad you aren't a medieval crusader king, killing thy neighbour was much less abstracted back then. Now hurry up and peace out with Serbians for those 4 bucks we didn't bank. They are blockading our port in Albania which makes it easier to siege. And pull back those surplus 1k men from their realm, I clearly said no exiled troops.
But the mercs are expensive and paying them from loot sounds deliciously realistic.
A no is a no. Let's just hire 2 mercenary regiments and kiss Ragusa goodbye. Are your papers in order?
Sure they are, I got my passport and all the 6 visas you wanted. Though all that red tape wouldn't be necessary if we just used exil---
...
OK, OK that was the last time, I promise. Where are we heading anyway? My doctor told me I could use some warm climate this winter.
Fat chance. Name a country that is warm and we can comfortably conquer it.
Navarre is not that chilly.
It's also not that abundant in the "easy to further expand" department. And being small stinks.
Now, hold on a second. My family has been ruling an OPM since ever. It's an honest work, no need to be so condescending.
Honest work or not, I haven't signed up for a gig at a travelling circus. And trading one blobby neighbour for three sounds suspiciously similar. Sorry, G, we're heading north.
At least promise it won't be Russia. Of all the faiths to convert to, Orthodox has the weirdest bonuses.
Russia is not an option. Pskov and Ryazan have 2 provinces now, Riga is tough as nails and Tver and Yaroslavl are surrounded by Muscovites that for some reason don't want you to pass through.
Well, I did once said that Poles make better vodka.
...
I'm a compulsive truthsayer, sorry. What about Ireland?
Unless England receives some proper trashing from the French, it's even worse than Navarre. No, G, we're gonna pay a visit to the Holy Roman Empire.
HRE? But that will surely make the Habs quite irritated?
A fair point since this isn't NHL and these "Habs" are actually scary. But there is one country that forgot to buy into emperor's insurance policy.
That's hard to believe. It's dangerous to go alone these days.
It definitely is with us around.
So who's the lucky winner?
East Frisia.
Nonsense, that's how the world works. Just look at Ottos.
Yeah, but they are the bad guys. Are we the baddies as well?
Better than the deadies. Be glad you aren't a medieval crusader king, killing thy neighbour was much less abstracted back then. Now hurry up and peace out with Serbians for those 4 bucks we didn't bank. They are blockading our port in Albania which makes it easier to siege. And pull back those surplus 1k men from their realm, I clearly said no exiled troops.
But the mercs are expensive and paying them from loot sounds deliciously realistic.
A no is a no. Let's just hire 2 mercenary regiments and kiss Ragusa goodbye. Are your papers in order?
Sure they are, I got my passport and all the 6 visas you wanted. Though all that red tape wouldn't be necessary if we just used exil---
...
OK, OK that was the last time, I promise. Where are we heading anyway? My doctor told me I could use some warm climate this winter.
Fat chance. Name a country that is warm and we can comfortably conquer it.
Navarre is not that chilly.
It's also not that abundant in the "easy to further expand" department. And being small stinks.
Now, hold on a second. My family has been ruling an OPM since ever. It's an honest work, no need to be so condescending.
Honest work or not, I haven't signed up for a gig at a travelling circus. And trading one blobby neighbour for three sounds suspiciously similar. Sorry, G, we're heading north.
At least promise it won't be Russia. Of all the faiths to convert to, Orthodox has the weirdest bonuses.
Russia is not an option. Pskov and Ryazan have 2 provinces now, Riga is tough as nails and Tver and Yaroslavl are surrounded by Muscovites that for some reason don't want you to pass through.
Well, I did once said that Poles make better vodka.
...
I'm a compulsive truthsayer, sorry. What about Ireland?
Unless England receives some proper trashing from the French, it's even worse than Navarre. No, G, we're gonna pay a visit to the Holy Roman Empire.
HRE? But that will surely make the Habs quite irritated?
A fair point since this isn't NHL and these "Habs" are actually scary. But there is one country that forgot to buy into emperor's insurance policy.
That's hard to believe. It's dangerous to go alone these days.
It definitely is with us around.
So who's the lucky winner?
East Frisia.
Pretty sad, that this isn't continued obviously.
I do like the writing style (but some screens are always helping ^^)
Just looking for good strategies and ideas for my own Albania game =P
I do like the writing style (but some screens are always helping ^^)
Just looking for good strategies and ideas for my own Albania game =P
I'm little torn by the 1.2 patch which changed some variables and voided this playthrough in some aspects (Hungary always allies Ragusa now while Bosnia won't allow military access without prior diplomacy, for instance), making the Albanian experience a little more reload heavy in the beginning. But I have played into the 1700s becoming a European big shot so I have quite a lot of material, just not much time to write 
But even if just for you, I'll try to put the AAR back on the map
But even if just for you, I'll try to put the AAR back on the map
Don't want to steal your freetime buddy ^^
But good to hear you made it to a major.
I hope, i will be able to do so too now in 1.2
But good to hear you made it to a major.
I hope, i will be able to do so too now in 1.2
Ponies! They have so many ponies! Bay and chestnut and gray... I wished we had some ponies as well...
Cavalry is expensive, takes long to train and its excessive bowel movement could get us deported from this overcivilized Burgundian sissyland. Are you adequately dressed for the grand banquet at the Frisian court?
A banquet? Well, Emden is the first town we visited since our escape from Albania where I don't feel like the odd homeless out. This place sure lacks in the ways of base tax and overall noteworthy sources of income in general. But what happened to the easily memorizable plan where we simply stab the royal bodyguard and conquer the whole place in one fell swoop?
That is indeed still the crux of our scheme. But a surprise slaughter of mildly intoxicated, leaderless noblemen could prove to be a somewhat easier feat than facing the entire Frisian host head-on.
Backstabbing the people who invited us as friends to celebrate in their homes... I miss the days I had moral obejctions to us acting as mere bullies. I guess that's what my son tried to tell me back in the Alps...
Oh right, Gjon! His siege pips will sure come in handy while racing the clock against Ottos in Ragusa. So, where is your little boy?
Well, he challenged my authority during the Long March. Something about despicable warmongering acts of cruelty and that there could be only one us leading the House of Kastrioti. I didn't hear him very well though - sadly, he started to fall from a very steep cliff before he could finish the speech.
*shedding a single tear of distilled manliness* You grow up so fast, Beg...
...
Oh, look, we got some mail! Is it from cousin Enver? He always sends the best postcards! Hm, hm... nope, it's from the Ottos. Crud.
This "crud" could shape our futures for centuries to come. What does the letter say?
"Dear Skanderbeg, you suck and we don't like you. Nevertheless, our navy is full of lazy asses who do not want to sail around the whole Europe to freeze to death in your godforsaken hellhole of a hideout. Plus the entire population of Ragusa hates you so much they killed every single one of our soldiers laying siege to the city in an effort to siege the city by themselves. So just kiss goodbye to Albania already and enjoy being gobbled up by the filthy Habsburgs in the foreseeable future. Please sign here, you infidel dog."
AND SO:
Hooray, we even managed to maintain control over Ragusa along with its reasonably well-off centre of trade!
If by maintain control you mean nominally reign over a faraway province swarmed with rebels twice the size of our entire military while being DoWed by a significantly closer pretender state in the form of Bosnia, then yes, that's exactly what we managed to achieve.
Ever the party-pooper... Whatever, they can have Ragusa if they want. And all our 3 ducats to boot. At least we can now fully focus on the important stuff.
And that would be?
Conquering everything!
...
Conquering everything around?
...
Conquering everything in the immediate vicinity?
...
Conquering something in the immediate vicinity?
...
Eventually?
That's more like it.
Cavalry is expensive, takes long to train and its excessive bowel movement could get us deported from this overcivilized Burgundian sissyland. Are you adequately dressed for the grand banquet at the Frisian court?
A banquet? Well, Emden is the first town we visited since our escape from Albania where I don't feel like the odd homeless out. This place sure lacks in the ways of base tax and overall noteworthy sources of income in general. But what happened to the easily memorizable plan where we simply stab the royal bodyguard and conquer the whole place in one fell swoop?
That is indeed still the crux of our scheme. But a surprise slaughter of mildly intoxicated, leaderless noblemen could prove to be a somewhat easier feat than facing the entire Frisian host head-on.
Backstabbing the people who invited us as friends to celebrate in their homes... I miss the days I had moral obejctions to us acting as mere bullies. I guess that's what my son tried to tell me back in the Alps...
Oh right, Gjon! His siege pips will sure come in handy while racing the clock against Ottos in Ragusa. So, where is your little boy?
Well, he challenged my authority during the Long March. Something about despicable warmongering acts of cruelty and that there could be only one us leading the House of Kastrioti. I didn't hear him very well though - sadly, he started to fall from a very steep cliff before he could finish the speech.
*shedding a single tear of distilled manliness* You grow up so fast, Beg...
...
Oh, look, we got some mail! Is it from cousin Enver? He always sends the best postcards! Hm, hm... nope, it's from the Ottos. Crud.
This "crud" could shape our futures for centuries to come. What does the letter say?
"Dear Skanderbeg, you suck and we don't like you. Nevertheless, our navy is full of lazy asses who do not want to sail around the whole Europe to freeze to death in your godforsaken hellhole of a hideout. Plus the entire population of Ragusa hates you so much they killed every single one of our soldiers laying siege to the city in an effort to siege the city by themselves. So just kiss goodbye to Albania already and enjoy being gobbled up by the filthy Habsburgs in the foreseeable future. Please sign here, you infidel dog."
AND SO:
Hooray, we even managed to maintain control over Ragusa along with its reasonably well-off centre of trade!
If by maintain control you mean nominally reign over a faraway province swarmed with rebels twice the size of our entire military while being DoWed by a significantly closer pretender state in the form of Bosnia, then yes, that's exactly what we managed to achieve.
Ever the party-pooper... Whatever, they can have Ragusa if they want. And all our 3 ducats to boot. At least we can now fully focus on the important stuff.
And that would be?
Conquering everything!
...
Conquering everything around?
...
Conquering everything in the immediate vicinity?
...
Conquering something in the immediate vicinity?
...
Eventually?
That's more like it.
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Yeah!
Eventually conquer something's the best thing to do.
And so the homeland falls to the Ottos.
That calls for such a sweet revenge in the far future =)
Eventually conquer something's the best thing to do.
And so the homeland falls to the Ottos.
That calls for such a sweet revenge in the far future =)
