Introduction:
The time machine is primed and ready...Our hero climbs on its cockpit and sets the temporal destination: Constantinople 11 November 1444. The machine hums with expectation, our hero takes a deep breath, crosses himself in the orthodox manner and pushes the engage button.... Time and perception whirls around our hero and he suddenly finds himself in the hidden compartment inside the Imperial palace that no one but him knows about. He quickly puts on his disguise and after a few days he manages to pass himself as a Greek noble, born in Thessaloniki (Salonica) and wins the favor of the esteemed Basileus Konstantinos Palaiologos IX. Our hero impresses the emperor with his socioeconomic and tactical knowledge and soon after, he is appointed as Constable of the Empire responsible for all matters military and administrative as well as chief ambassador to all foreign realms. And so our hero's glorious adventure begins....
PART 1: The Wooden Walls 1444-1446
Konstantinos IX Basileus: A loan? Are you out of your mind? We can barely hold our economy together as it is? You want us to beg those Venetian dogs for money????
Hero: My liege it is of the utmost importance we MUST construct our fleet, remember sire? Remember what the Athenians did against the Persians? It was a wooden wall that saved them as it will save us!
Konstantinos IX Basileus: Are you insane? How are we going to fund our armies? How are we to defend against the blasted heathen armies at our doorstep?
(Our hero realises that this man before him is completely clueless, but he keeps his composure and puts on his brownosing face)
Hero: Sire, Trust me I will offer myself to your mercy to do as your majesty pleases but I beg you heed my advice... We WILL deal with those traitorous Venetian snakes in due time I promise. Those bastards will pay for what they did to us, this I swear with my life's blood!!!
Konstantinos IX Basileus: Very well....you convinced me, proceed at your discretion....
And so the glorious Imperial navy is constructed as our hero requested:
All is prepared as our hero planned, our economy is unaffected by the loans which are already repaid and the idiot Muslims declared war on their smaller neighbors and committed all their forces towards Asia Minor.
"Now is the time!" Our hero shouts. And gives the command to dispatch our diplomats to inform the Muslim dogs that the time for revenge has begun! The courtroom shouts out in jubilation, "To War! For our Empire! For Orthodoxy! Onwards to glorious battle!"
(The War of Greek Reclamation, 1447)
PART 2: The War of Greek Reclamation, The Serbian and Wallachian betrothal, The Serbo-Byzantine-Wallachian Alliance, The Death of An Heir and the War of Serbian Ambition
(The Serbian-Wallachian betrothal and The Serbo-Byzantine-Wallachian Alliance)
Hero: Sire, my felicitations on your wedding and that of your son's. The Serbian Empress and the Wallachian princess will serve to strengthen our relations with our orthodox brothers.
Konstantinos IX Basileus: I cannot fathom why I let you convince me to marry this ugly Serbian wench! And my son! My dear Ioannis! Married to a Wallachian bar wench!
(Our hero tries to restrain himself from slapping the idiot Emperor)
Hero: Sire, it's called diplomacy...
Konstantinos IX Basileus: Diplomacy my rear end! Damn you!
Hero: My liege, I secured our alliance with the Serbs and Wallachians you must understand that we need allies! They requested it!
Konstantinos IX Basileus: (Puffing his cheeks) Very well...
(The War of Serbian Ambition) 1447
Not 2 months pass when the Serbs call our Empire to war against Ragusa...
Konstantinos IX Basileus: You idiot! Now what? How are we supposed to fight both Ragusa AND the Ottomans?
Hero: Sire, We won't commit any forces, our men are besieging Bulgaria and Greece as we speak, Agree to join the Serbs so that they do not become insulted and we will let them handle Ragusa.
Konstantinos IX Basileus: You areeeee smaaart! I must have misjudged you it seems!
Hero: *Sigh* Yes my liege.
(The Death of An Heir) 1449, Heir Ioannes dies unexpectedly.
Konstantinos IX Basileus: *crying his eyes out* My son, my beloved SON! Curse you lord! Curse YOU AND YOUR PLAGUE!
Our Hero jumps with joy! The useless heir is dead! There is a God after all he thinks..
Hero: *Faking a sad face* My sincere condolences my liege, but your nephew seems very competent indeed I hope this is some consolation to your majesty.
NEW HEIR: Andronikos V Palaiologos, 5adm-4dip-3mil
(The War of Greek Reclamation) 1447-1454
Our Hero darts into the throne room:
Hero: Sire! They accepted our demands! My home province Macedonia, Monastir, Albania, Epirus are ours again!
Konstantinos IX Basileus: Indeed? I apologise for misjudging your abilities son! *Spitting saliva with joy* Well done!
Hero: Thats not all sire! There was a rebellion in Athens too! The local magistrate has pledged his fielty to your majesty!
Konstantinos IX Basileus:
*Clutching his chest* Indeed! Please don't say such news so abruptly my heart is not as strong as it used to be...
Our Hero sees an opportunity to rid himself of the idiot Emperor and pave the way for his nephew to succeed him
Hero: Yes my liege, I apologise. *Shouting* But there's MORE!
Konstantinos IX Basileus: *drops on his knees* umph MEDICUS!
Hero: Burgas is also ours! And Izmir, sire! It is now independent and ripe for conquest!
Konstantinos IX Basileus faints and the medicus is dispatched.
PART 3: The Death of An Emperor 1455, The Wars Of The Islands 1456 and The War of Ottoman Stupidity 1466-1478
(The Death Of An Emperor, 1455)
Hero: *Jumping up and down* Yes, YES, YEEEESSS!!!
(The Wars Of The Islands) 1456-1465
1456
Hero: My lord, We managed to successfully besiege Crete, Naxos and Corfu and our glorious navy routed those Venetian fat arses! Twice!
Andronikos V Basileus: Well done my boy! Now onto Rhodes!
Hero: *Hesitating* My liege the Venetian army is still on Rhodes...
Andronikos V Basileus: Hmmm, I guess we need to bide our time for Rhodes then..
This Emperor is clearly more adept and skillful, our Hero thinks.
Two years pass...1458
Hero: My liege! Corfu is no longer a vassal of venice! I don't know how this happened! We are no longer at war with them! (Stupid Paradox, curse you!, Corfu is somehow free of Venice and now at peace with them and a truce)
Andronikos V Basileus: Patience my young padawan, I mean Constable...
5 years pass...1463
Hero: Sire! Corfu is ours however our armies are still engaged in besieging Istria, Dalmatia and Venice!
Andronikos V Basileus: Then claim Corfu and wait until that fat Doge of that piss hole Venice agrees to become Orthdox then take Crete!
Hero: As you command Sire!
(The War Of Ottoman Stupidity) 1466-1478
Hero: Sire! Sultan of Rum indeed!
Andronikos V Basileus: What?
Hero: Yes Sire! He has had so much Rum that his drunken arse declared war on Hungary! His whole army is now in Hungary! Sire! We have 18k army they have 15k we outnumber them let us go to war and get back our Bulgarian provinces!
Andronikos V Basileus: Make it so!
And so time passes in glorious combat and the Muslim heathens are routed towards Hungary after trying to repel our attack. Our glorious armies besiege the whole of the muslim country but then...1473
Hero: Sire! Edirne still has not revolted!
Andronikos V Basileus: WHAT? We have been funding those idiots for 7 YEARS and still they sit on their arses?
Hero: That so sire... (Edirne has almost 40% revolt risk and refuses to revolt after 7 years, thank you paradox)
Andronikos V Basileus: Screw them! Go and get me Cyprus and Izmir! Now!
Hero: Aye, my liege!
And so on 17 December 1478 our borders are such:
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/18/pbix.png/
Part 4: The Heir Who Should not be 1478, The Traitorous Neighbors 1478, The Religious Reformation 1478, The Failed Barbarian Invasion 1480-1482, The War For Asia Minor Coast 1483-1488.
(The Heir Who Should not be 1478)
Hero: Sire!, Your son, Ioannes... He seems...Not as adept as you, my Lord.
Andronikos V Basileus: So? He is my son! What do you want me to do with him? Kill him?
Hero: For the love of God, Sire! Not at all. May I suggest he is taught the way of the Spartan warrior? He should lead our Thema Cybbireoton, Sire! ( I hope he trips on his spear and dies that useless piece of...)
Andronikos V Basileus: Very well, inform him he is the leader of the army.
HEIR: Ioannes IX Palaiologos, 3-1-2
(The Traitorous Neighbors 1478)
Hero: Sire! Serbia and Wallachia have broken our alliance!
Andronikos V Basileus: What? Those traitorous bastards! What excuse did they have to break our alliance as such!?
Hero: Sire, they say we are expanding too agressively...
Andronikos V Basileus: Hah!
Hero: Sire not only that...but....but....Serbia annexed Trebizond....
Andronikos V Basileus: WHAT?!?!? THOSE TRAITOROUS BASTARDS!!! THEY WILL PAY FOR THIS!!! Very well ally ourselves with Georgia, they have been asking for an alliance for ever, and bring me that Georgian wench I'll marry her!
Hero: As you wish my lord
Andronikos V secures the alliance of Georgia to curtail the expansion of Qara Koyunlu
(The Religious Reformation 1478)
Hero: Sire, may I suggest we choose to reform our church? We will need capable missionaries to convert populations of heathens back to Orthodoxy.
Andronikos V Basileus: Make it so.
Byzantium selects "Religious Ideas Group"
(The Failed Barbarian Invasion 1480-1482)
Hero: Sire, Georgia seeks our help with Qara Koyunlu and Nogai, the barbarians are threatening to swallow Georgia, we must help them or we will border ourselves with those barbarians.
Andronikos V Basileus: Very well *cough,cough* send in the armies to help them, after you mop up those barbarians start the war against the ottomans I want them wiped out.
Hero: As you command sire.
Byzantium successfully defends Georgia against the barbarian alliance and Georgia gains more provinces.
(The War For Asia Minor Coast 1483-1488)
Hero: Sire the Muslims capitulated, most Asia minor provinces are ours.
Andronikos V Basileus: Very well prepare our diplomats for the Wallachian annexation I hear they revolted against the Serbians, ally them and convince them to join our Empire.
Hero: Aye my lord.
Byzantium wins the War and expands its borders and prepares to assimilate Wallachia at the same time.
PART 5: The New Imperial Lineage 1497, The Ottoman Annihilation 1497-1513, The Mamelukian Incident 1497-1513, The Candarian-Armenian Assimilation 1513-1518
(The New Imperial Lineage 1497)
Hero: (Hehe the Emperor's son is dead and he is childless and old!) Sire my condolences for your son...
Andronikos V Basileus: *umph* *cough* *cough* *blergh*
Hero: Sire?...Are you all right?
Andronikos V Basileus: *wheezes* *dies*
Hero: Oh my!
NEW EMPEROR:
Hero: Brankovic!!!??? That doesn't sound right! Ah well The Palaiologos line is dead
NEW HEIR: Andronikos VI 3-1-3
The time machine is primed and ready...Our hero climbs on its cockpit and sets the temporal destination: Constantinople 11 November 1444. The machine hums with expectation, our hero takes a deep breath, crosses himself in the orthodox manner and pushes the engage button.... Time and perception whirls around our hero and he suddenly finds himself in the hidden compartment inside the Imperial palace that no one but him knows about. He quickly puts on his disguise and after a few days he manages to pass himself as a Greek noble, born in Thessaloniki (Salonica) and wins the favor of the esteemed Basileus Konstantinos Palaiologos IX. Our hero impresses the emperor with his socioeconomic and tactical knowledge and soon after, he is appointed as Constable of the Empire responsible for all matters military and administrative as well as chief ambassador to all foreign realms. And so our hero's glorious adventure begins....
PART 1: The Wooden Walls 1444-1446
Konstantinos IX Basileus: A loan? Are you out of your mind? We can barely hold our economy together as it is? You want us to beg those Venetian dogs for money????
Hero: My liege it is of the utmost importance we MUST construct our fleet, remember sire? Remember what the Athenians did against the Persians? It was a wooden wall that saved them as it will save us!
Konstantinos IX Basileus: Are you insane? How are we going to fund our armies? How are we to defend against the blasted heathen armies at our doorstep?
(Our hero realises that this man before him is completely clueless, but he keeps his composure and puts on his brownosing face)
Hero: Sire, Trust me I will offer myself to your mercy to do as your majesty pleases but I beg you heed my advice... We WILL deal with those traitorous Venetian snakes in due time I promise. Those bastards will pay for what they did to us, this I swear with my life's blood!!!
Konstantinos IX Basileus: Very well....you convinced me, proceed at your discretion....
And so the glorious Imperial navy is constructed as our hero requested:
All is prepared as our hero planned, our economy is unaffected by the loans which are already repaid and the idiot Muslims declared war on their smaller neighbors and committed all their forces towards Asia Minor.
"Now is the time!" Our hero shouts. And gives the command to dispatch our diplomats to inform the Muslim dogs that the time for revenge has begun! The courtroom shouts out in jubilation, "To War! For our Empire! For Orthodoxy! Onwards to glorious battle!"
(The War of Greek Reclamation, 1447)
PART 2: The War of Greek Reclamation, The Serbian and Wallachian betrothal, The Serbo-Byzantine-Wallachian Alliance, The Death of An Heir and the War of Serbian Ambition
(The Serbian-Wallachian betrothal and The Serbo-Byzantine-Wallachian Alliance)
Hero: Sire, my felicitations on your wedding and that of your son's. The Serbian Empress and the Wallachian princess will serve to strengthen our relations with our orthodox brothers.
Konstantinos IX Basileus: I cannot fathom why I let you convince me to marry this ugly Serbian wench! And my son! My dear Ioannis! Married to a Wallachian bar wench!
(Our hero tries to restrain himself from slapping the idiot Emperor)
Hero: Sire, it's called diplomacy...
Konstantinos IX Basileus: Diplomacy my rear end! Damn you!
Hero: My liege, I secured our alliance with the Serbs and Wallachians you must understand that we need allies! They requested it!
Konstantinos IX Basileus: (Puffing his cheeks) Very well...
(The War of Serbian Ambition) 1447
Not 2 months pass when the Serbs call our Empire to war against Ragusa...
Konstantinos IX Basileus: You idiot! Now what? How are we supposed to fight both Ragusa AND the Ottomans?
Hero: Sire, We won't commit any forces, our men are besieging Bulgaria and Greece as we speak, Agree to join the Serbs so that they do not become insulted and we will let them handle Ragusa.
Konstantinos IX Basileus: You areeeee smaaart! I must have misjudged you it seems!
Hero: *Sigh* Yes my liege.
(The Death of An Heir) 1449, Heir Ioannes dies unexpectedly.
Konstantinos IX Basileus: *crying his eyes out* My son, my beloved SON! Curse you lord! Curse YOU AND YOUR PLAGUE!
Our Hero jumps with joy! The useless heir is dead! There is a God after all he thinks..
Hero: *Faking a sad face* My sincere condolences my liege, but your nephew seems very competent indeed I hope this is some consolation to your majesty.
NEW HEIR: Andronikos V Palaiologos, 5adm-4dip-3mil
(The War of Greek Reclamation) 1447-1454
Our Hero darts into the throne room:
Hero: Sire! They accepted our demands! My home province Macedonia, Monastir, Albania, Epirus are ours again!
Konstantinos IX Basileus: Indeed? I apologise for misjudging your abilities son! *Spitting saliva with joy* Well done!
Hero: Thats not all sire! There was a rebellion in Athens too! The local magistrate has pledged his fielty to your majesty!
Konstantinos IX Basileus:
*Clutching his chest* Indeed! Please don't say such news so abruptly my heart is not as strong as it used to be...Our Hero sees an opportunity to rid himself of the idiot Emperor and pave the way for his nephew to succeed him
Hero: Yes my liege, I apologise. *Shouting* But there's MORE!
Konstantinos IX Basileus: *drops on his knees* umph MEDICUS!
Hero: Burgas is also ours! And Izmir, sire! It is now independent and ripe for conquest!
Konstantinos IX Basileus faints and the medicus is dispatched.
PART 3: The Death of An Emperor 1455, The Wars Of The Islands 1456 and The War of Ottoman Stupidity 1466-1478
(The Death Of An Emperor, 1455)
Hero: *Jumping up and down* Yes, YES, YEEEESSS!!!
(The Wars Of The Islands) 1456-1465
1456
Hero: My lord, We managed to successfully besiege Crete, Naxos and Corfu and our glorious navy routed those Venetian fat arses! Twice!
Andronikos V Basileus: Well done my boy! Now onto Rhodes!
Hero: *Hesitating* My liege the Venetian army is still on Rhodes...
Andronikos V Basileus: Hmmm, I guess we need to bide our time for Rhodes then..
This Emperor is clearly more adept and skillful, our Hero thinks.
Two years pass...1458
Hero: My liege! Corfu is no longer a vassal of venice! I don't know how this happened! We are no longer at war with them! (Stupid Paradox, curse you!, Corfu is somehow free of Venice and now at peace with them and a truce)
Andronikos V Basileus: Patience my young padawan, I mean Constable...
5 years pass...1463
Hero: Sire! Corfu is ours however our armies are still engaged in besieging Istria, Dalmatia and Venice!
Andronikos V Basileus: Then claim Corfu and wait until that fat Doge of that piss hole Venice agrees to become Orthdox then take Crete!
Hero: As you command Sire!
(The War Of Ottoman Stupidity) 1466-1478
Hero: Sire! Sultan of Rum indeed!
Andronikos V Basileus: What?
Hero: Yes Sire! He has had so much Rum that his drunken arse declared war on Hungary! His whole army is now in Hungary! Sire! We have 18k army they have 15k we outnumber them let us go to war and get back our Bulgarian provinces!
Andronikos V Basileus: Make it so!
And so time passes in glorious combat and the Muslim heathens are routed towards Hungary after trying to repel our attack. Our glorious armies besiege the whole of the muslim country but then...1473
Hero: Sire! Edirne still has not revolted!
Andronikos V Basileus: WHAT? We have been funding those idiots for 7 YEARS and still they sit on their arses?
Hero: That so sire... (Edirne has almost 40% revolt risk and refuses to revolt after 7 years, thank you paradox)
Andronikos V Basileus: Screw them! Go and get me Cyprus and Izmir! Now!
Hero: Aye, my liege!
And so on 17 December 1478 our borders are such:
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/18/pbix.png/
Part 4: The Heir Who Should not be 1478, The Traitorous Neighbors 1478, The Religious Reformation 1478, The Failed Barbarian Invasion 1480-1482, The War For Asia Minor Coast 1483-1488.
(The Heir Who Should not be 1478)
Hero: Sire!, Your son, Ioannes... He seems...Not as adept as you, my Lord.
Andronikos V Basileus: So? He is my son! What do you want me to do with him? Kill him?
Hero: For the love of God, Sire! Not at all. May I suggest he is taught the way of the Spartan warrior? He should lead our Thema Cybbireoton, Sire! ( I hope he trips on his spear and dies that useless piece of...)
Andronikos V Basileus: Very well, inform him he is the leader of the army.
HEIR: Ioannes IX Palaiologos, 3-1-2
(The Traitorous Neighbors 1478)
Hero: Sire! Serbia and Wallachia have broken our alliance!
Andronikos V Basileus: What? Those traitorous bastards! What excuse did they have to break our alliance as such!?
Hero: Sire, they say we are expanding too agressively...
Andronikos V Basileus: Hah!
Hero: Sire not only that...but....but....Serbia annexed Trebizond....
Andronikos V Basileus: WHAT?!?!? THOSE TRAITOROUS BASTARDS!!! THEY WILL PAY FOR THIS!!! Very well ally ourselves with Georgia, they have been asking for an alliance for ever, and bring me that Georgian wench I'll marry her!
Hero: As you wish my lord
Andronikos V secures the alliance of Georgia to curtail the expansion of Qara Koyunlu
(The Religious Reformation 1478)
Hero: Sire, may I suggest we choose to reform our church? We will need capable missionaries to convert populations of heathens back to Orthodoxy.
Andronikos V Basileus: Make it so.
Byzantium selects "Religious Ideas Group"
(The Failed Barbarian Invasion 1480-1482)
Hero: Sire, Georgia seeks our help with Qara Koyunlu and Nogai, the barbarians are threatening to swallow Georgia, we must help them or we will border ourselves with those barbarians.
Andronikos V Basileus: Very well *cough,cough* send in the armies to help them, after you mop up those barbarians start the war against the ottomans I want them wiped out.
Hero: As you command sire.
Byzantium successfully defends Georgia against the barbarian alliance and Georgia gains more provinces.
(The War For Asia Minor Coast 1483-1488)
Hero: Sire the Muslims capitulated, most Asia minor provinces are ours.
Andronikos V Basileus: Very well prepare our diplomats for the Wallachian annexation I hear they revolted against the Serbians, ally them and convince them to join our Empire.
Hero: Aye my lord.
Byzantium wins the War and expands its borders and prepares to assimilate Wallachia at the same time.
PART 5: The New Imperial Lineage 1497, The Ottoman Annihilation 1497-1513, The Mamelukian Incident 1497-1513, The Candarian-Armenian Assimilation 1513-1518
(The New Imperial Lineage 1497)
Hero: (Hehe the Emperor's son is dead and he is childless and old!) Sire my condolences for your son...
Andronikos V Basileus: *umph* *cough* *cough* *blergh*
Hero: Sire?...Are you all right?
Andronikos V Basileus: *wheezes* *dies*
Hero: Oh my!
NEW EMPEROR:
Hero: Brankovic!!!??? That doesn't sound right! Ah well The Palaiologos line is dead
NEW HEIR: Andronikos VI 3-1-3
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