Fluff Bunnies: A Pagan Lithuania AAR

[orimazd]

A note: I do not know all that much about Wicca, but enough to know what fluff bunnies are. Anybody who wishes to teach me more/show me websites/give me material to use to make this AAR funnier (it requires having a sense of humor of course, but I suspect that you have one. Whoever you are.). I had this idea when I played a Lithuanian game in AoI (which is what I am doing again) last December, which started in 1337. It is a mod made by the poster Hive, who did great work making it (and it runs technically from 1337 all the way to 1914). Damn, I am a crapy writer (but this is my first AAR). Now, to the

PROLOGUE
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All thirteen members of the coven, whose members called it "Pretty Spankin Awesome," because they were from California, were at the meeting house. All eleven women sat Indian-style (as was the phrase used in kindergarten for this style of sitting) in a circle in the dining room of the High Priestess Lady Ruby Crystal somewhere in the wasteland we call Beverley Hills. She began chanting nonsense, which the rest of the coven picked up on and started chanting with her.

"Pie Iesu Domine, dona eis requiem..." Where she picked this phrase up, she did not know. It must have come from the Goddess herself! They all had an irresistable urge to slap their faces with a book, but they all understood that they must not indulge their urges while channelling the Goddess!
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Non Sequitur: The members of the coven, with some notes and their real names:
High Priestess Lady Ruby Moon Crystal (real name Ashley Hall)
Lady Veronica Corningstone, named after her favorite feminist hero (real name Cynthia Booth)
Lady Unicorn Horn (real name Felicia Avagadra)
Lady Aquamarine (real name Juanita Avagadra)
Lady Tyrande Silverwind, who has never heard of Warcraft 3 (real name Ashley Spinelli)
Lady Rosebud (real name Jackie Chan)
Lady Feminas Principalis (real name Serena McDonald, though she was born Steven Jackson)
Lady Aleistera...though she's never read anything Aleister Crowley wrote (real name Margaret Murray...her parents were also fluff bunnies)
Lady Moon Unit (real name Moon Unit Zappa Dzerzhinsky...her first name was suitable enough)
Lady...
Lady...
Lady...
Lady...

For the last five, the readers can come up with fluffy names and real names and details before I write the next segment, and if there are enough I might change some of the ones above. I'm lazy and if you describe the women you come up with and their character traits that might affect the next installment and subsequently the game. I've played ten years and that is what the next one will be...well actually there will be two updates, one to finish this...chapter, and the next is going to be the gameplay.
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Anyways, after they had repeated their meditation mantra a few dozen times, High Priestess Lady Ruby Moon Crystal stood up and got her piece of chalk from the adjacent living room, drawing a circle around the other coven members on the hardwood floor. She walked around the circle, and then to the center.

She pointed in an arbitrary direction, and called it North, and put a candle there, and invoked the Dark aspect of the Goddess. She put a candle in the direction east from there, and she invoked the Maiden aspect of the Goddess.

She did the same with South and West, invoking the Motherhood and Crone aspects of the goddess respectively. She asked all to guard over their ritual, and said something she had written in her Book of Shadows after she watched the third Harry Potter movie.

She began her ritual.

Unfortunately, her ritual was a sermon, because she was crazy like that, and all the other coven members liked it. It felt like church does for a lot of Christians, down to passively listening.

"Oh Goddess, The Burning Times. THE BURNING TIMES. If only we could prevent our sisters from being subject to THE BURNING TIMES!"

And with that, a bright flash of light. Everyone felt disoriented, and they would have thought it felt like something straight out of an S. M. Stirling novel, had they ever read anything more than one book by Margaret Murray or, in the case of Lady Rosebud, Aleister Crowley.

They opened their eyes and wandered around aimlessly, breaking the ritual and bumping into each other like blind dogs run into walls. Lady Feminas Principalis was the first to find the door, which faced something that wasn't there before--a wood hut. It conspicuously reminded her of her childhood in Vilnius...and it sounds more like an SM Stirling novel with each word.

What was there for hi-umm...her to do...but scream?

 

[Herbert West]

ROTFL.

Wicca-bashing is great

(I do thoroughly detest any post-Gardner wicca movements. While his movements still had at least a slight sembalnce of spirituality, the rest if downright horrible junk.)

Dont forget to include goth, preferably female, aged 16, and performing their first initiation rites in the midst of a SoM concert

Be suzre tzo use inapproptriate quotes falsely attributed to Crowley, and to summin various gods in non-apropriate names, clothes, rituals, and language.

(The hungarian wiccans tried to summon an egiptian god of strom (Setzh, they thoughDD) in hebrew)

 

[orimazd]

I would have posted the whole thing rtight now but I have to go to work soon. So that's the first draft of the first part of the first chapter.

@Herbert: I do have a collection of basically everything Aleister Crowley has written, but I have only read a few things...but I think I will go through that. And they will almost all be goths, lol. Its the way to do it!

 

[Herbert West]

Do always misuse the quote form the book of law, do always misuse all his naming for different dieties, anbd do ALWAYS go against every written and unwritten law of esotericism and occultiusm when describing wiccans

 

[orimazd]

Do always misuse the quote form the book of law, do always misuse all his naming for different dieties, anbd do ALWAYS go against every written and unwritten law of esotericism and occultiusm when describing wiccans

Okay, I'm gonna have to ask you what some of these are however, as my knowledge of esotericism and occultism come from a book that mocks the whole thing (Foucault's Pendulum, by Umberto Eco). Next thing coming up today or tomorrow...it is basically already completely written but it is a good idea to, you know...proofread. You know, that thing I didn't do with the first post.

 

[orimazd]

Well, as an alternative, Lady Feminas could do something. But instead she just screamed like she saw the miracle of birth happen on her bed, where about a hundred cockroaches hatched from the eggs...or like that time her parents tried to kill her and she ran away.

Her scream startled everyone out of their dazed state, but in the process of being startled Lady Tyrande Whisperwind knocked over a candle, which started a fire, which lit up the room, which made them all run outside.

"Like, oh my Goddess!" said Lady Rosebud on her way out. "May a manifestation of,like, Nut, like, save our stuff!"

But it was of no avail, as for all purposes they were Nuit and Nuit was them (and everything else) and they are...well...fluff bunnies. Critical thinking skills are rare among such a crowd, occurring only when [will be filled in at a later time -ed].

The terrified and now depressed High Priestess Ruby Moon Crystal, who watched everything she owned, except her black dress (or dark black, as she calls it) and her Book of Shadows, be destroyed right in front of her eyes. She composed two quatrains on the spot.

"Life is anguish and dread.
I want to tear out my long black
fingernails as deep as their roots.
But this too shall pass."

"But it passes for only
What is also anguishful and dreadly.
Soon I will feel the black oblivion of death.
Like, Oh My Goddess."

Really, she felt sad because her familiar was probably dead. She kept a goat in her bedroom.


There was silence for a second as they watched their stuff burning, which Lady Aleistra broke. "That was, like beautiful. Like, like a raven."

Lady Unicorn said, "I wish I had some marshmallows."

A chorus of "yeah."

Lady Moon Unit then said, "I would burn it, like, black. Black like my heart."

Another chorus of yeahs.

Lady Feminas cried out, "I am alone! There is no God where I am!"

Nietzsche said, "Yeah." Or he would have if he came along with them. But instead, it was Moon Unit again who said it.

After it had burnt to embers, they left the house behind and walked to the palace made of wood which was not a football field away from where they wound up.

 

[Saulta]

I don't get a hang of this story. It seems wacky and fun though, so I look forward to seeing where you take it

 

[unmerged(72435)]

I agree Wiccans suck
this will actually be the first AAR I will be following from start good thing you made one now, I will experience one

 

[orimazd]

I agree Wiccans suck
this will actually be the first AAR I will be following from start good thing you made one now, I will experience one

This made me feel very happy. Next update tonight or something like that, as unedited as the above updates were when they were originally posted.

Oh yeah, don't forget to suggest names for the remaining four girls. I'm gonna have to use them some time soon, and I really want to write this first person, so everyone is going to mean something to everyone else in the story.

 

[Legolas]

W00t, a funny, pagan, Lithuanian AAR. That's like, three totally awesome reasons to read it and love it!

The first instalment was great, hopefully you can keep up the humour

 

[orimazd]

Sorry about the wait, which will be longer--real life kicked in my door with steel-toed boots and dragged me off to its world. I'll be able to continue this in a few more days, and will begin the rest of it by the end of the week.

 

[likk9922]

I don't get a hang of this story. It seems wacky and fun though, so I look forward to seeing where you take it

Ditto.

 

[nightmorphis]

well... most of wiccans follow ancient drudism, so you could use nature, nature and again nature

 

[orimazd]

Ditto.

In the next update, they will enter the palace and begin to get influence in the court.

I'm gonna point out that I'm stealing some of SM Stirling's plotstyles, which would explain first how they got there, and second the fact that one of them speaks (modern) Lithuanian.

 

[CatKnight]

I agree Wiccans suck
this will actually be the first AAR I will be following from start good thing you made one now, I will experience one

One does have to wonder if people would still be amused if someone did this for Christians....

 

[orimazd]

I would be. If there is a next, maybe I will do just that.

 

[Herbert West]

Nah, there is a huge difference with an old-rooted faith like Christianity (no matter how much it devolved during the centuries), and the watered-down teenager-version of a very poorly attempted reconstruction of paganism

(The old apple-orange comparitiion wont fit here, this is apples comapred to year old, rotting 12% orange juice)

 

[orimazd]

Yeah, I haven't really had time to log on for the past two weeks, I think it is--maybe more, maybe less. Life has been busy, crazy, and uncompromising--just the way I like it. Update tonight though. Time to get back into a silly frame of mind.

What did Stroph1 do to my opening post? I see that he/she edited it, but can't really tell where.

 

[Nietzsche]

One does have to wonder if people would still be amused if someone did this for Christians....

You know, I might take that up...What would be the best paradox game to fully illustrate the nonsense and general genocidal tendencies of christianity? I'm thinking EU2, but perhaps CK? Stealing land from jews and muslims is always fun!

 

[DarkReborn]

Tyrande Whisperwind?

I didn't know that Warcraft universe was part of Lithuanian Paganism :rofl:

I'll be reading this