Chapter 1: Up to Speed
[Lebrun was miraculously cleared to leave the hospital shortly after his fall. The condition of his release was that someone would have to look after him until he seemed that he would be alright. Gamelin was the unfortunate soul who was appointed with this task. They have both just arrived back at Lebrun's home]
Lebrun: My house is nice!
Gamelin: Well sir
as much as it pains me to do so I'll be staying here with you until I feel you are able to be by yourself.
Lebrun: Fine just don't touch any of my stuff and don't let Sarraut know I'm here!
Gamelin: Sir, news of your fall was broadcast across the whole of France, at some point he will undoubtedly attempt to visit you in the hospital and once he does and sees that you are not there he will come here.
*A knock is heard at the door*
Lebrun: IT MUST BE SARRAUT! *Lebrun runs to the side of the door, he has fashioned a crude bludgeon and signals Gamelin to open the door. Lebrun no doubt intends to hit Sarraut with it*
Gamelin: Sir no! What if it isn't who you suspect?
Lebrun:...*he ignores Gamelin, he is intensely waiting for the door to open*
Gamelin:*goes over to the door* Who is it?
Young soldier: Sir I am here on behalf of Chief of the Army Maxime Weygand. He sent me with his regards. May I please see the Prime Minister as I have a note from General Weygand for him.
Lebrun: Bolshevism! Sheer bolshevism! It is Sarraut trickery! We open that door and Sarraut enters!
Gamelin:...*shakes his head and then opens the door*
Young soldier: *walks in and salutes* Si-
Lebrun:*Hits the poor lad on the head with his makeshift bludgeon, knocking him unconscious*
Gamelin: OH MY LORD!
Lebrun: How was I supposed to know it wasn't Sarraut?
Gamelin:*punches the wall in anger* Just go away while I tend to the boy you've injured with your stupidity.
Lebrun: Stupidity? I'll have you know that if that was Sarraut then you would be tha--
Gamelin: JUST GO!
Lebrun: *exits*
Gamelin: *sigh* I'd rather be working for Hitler...*exits while dragging the unconscious soldier off*
[2 days later Maxime Weygand arrives at Lebrun's place of living, he is greeted by Gamelin and they chat before going to see Lebrun in his office]
Weygand: Greetings Sirs
Gamelin: It is good to have you General Weygand.
It is nice to have another sane person around
Weygand: So what ever happened to my messenger? He has not returned since I sent him here with my war correspondence.
Gamelin: Well do you remember how Lebrun was an idiot before he fell?
Weygand: Yes, quite so actually.
Gamelin: Well multiply that idiocy by a factor of 10 and that is what happened.
Weygand: Is Lebrun fit to rule? Should we have Sarraut take over until Lebrun is well?
Gamelin: Was Lebrun ever really fit to rule? Sarraut is twice as bad as Lebrun. At least Lebrun can be manipulated into doing certain things with enough time and effort. Sarraut is just a moronic amateur. He once told me the key to winning the war was hygiene. If the soldiers could only wipe their bums properly there would be an alarming increase in morale and the war would shortly be won.
Weygand: Did he really say all that?
Gamelin: Yes, he's
les incompetents.
Weygand: Haha, indeed. I suppose I should be off to brief the Prime minister on the situation.
Gamelin: Yes, let us go.
[They march up to his office]
Lebrun: Gentlemen! I trust you bring me good news? I cannot believe what Gamelin has told me about the war until I see real evidence!
Weygand: Of course sir. Let me show you some maps
This sir is the situation on the Western front. Early in 1940 the Germans swept through the low countries and attempted to flank the Maginot line. They made initial gains into France but luckily we were able to stop them at the very gates of Paris. Now the war, which stared out mobile, has degraded down to trench warfare, just like the Great War I'm afraid.
Lebrun: Our army is that good? We have that many guys? I'm shocked. I remember things so much differently.We were totally overrun, we surrendered...
Weygand: Well sir we were lucky to have stalwart allies. We were also lucky that the USA joined the war at its outbreak.
Lebrun: How is that possible? Were they not the leader of the isolationists?
Weygand: *takes out a map of south america*
This is how it is possible Sir. The war technically started when Argentina, a member of the Axis, began their conquest of the South American continent. Shortly enough the possessed many lands. They even managed to capture the Panama canal. The success of Argentina and the passiveness of the USA coaxed both Brazil and Peru to join the axis as well. Only Ecuador remains neutral in South America.
Lebrun: Bolshevism! Sheer Bolshevism!
Weygand and Gamelin:...right
Weygand: Anyway sir. Many of our soldiers defending against the Germans are actually expeditionary forces from the USA. About half of our forces on the western front are from other nations.
Lebrun: Are you sure it is not some sort of trick? Maybe they are using it as a pretext to invade once Germany is dealt with?
Weygand: *annoyed* Yeah I'm pretty sure actually!
Lebrun: OK, then. What of our colonies abroad?
Weygand: Well...We sort of don't have them anymore.
Lebrun: *slams his fists in anger* Damn! How will we maintain international prestige? If we do not bully other backwards cultures around and shape them in our image other cultures will bully us and shape us in their image! How could we have lost our precious colonies?
Weygand: Italy and Spain conquered much of Africa. Japan conquered nearly all of Indochina from us.
Lebrun: Did you say Spain? They are at war with us? How did we possibly defend attacks from Germany, Italy and Spain all at once?
Weygand: AI...
Lebrun:?
Weygand: AI...Ah I think it was due to Spain no properly mobilizing its divisions before invading. They were all poorly reinforced ans we were able to make tremendous gains. *pulls out map of Spanish front*
Lebrun: Yes!
Weygand: Well sir that is where we stand currently.
Lebrun: Very well. I shall have a look at the maps and will assign you orders when I decide what we shall do. You must both leave now. I need complete silence.
Weygand and Gamelin: Very well. *they exit and shut the door behind them*
Weygand: What do you think he will do?
Gamelin: Probably something disastrous.
Weygand: Can we just stand by while he destroys our nation?
Gamelin: Don't worry I have a plan. I Will say that Lebrun is too sick to make public appearances and that he is dictating to me what the national strategy is. Of course the national strategy will be not what he says but what is actually best for the country.
Weygand: How will you prevent Lebrun from getting into the public eye? From observing the real situation?
Gamelin: The man is an imbecile, it should't be too hard. Just leave it to me.
Weygand: I hope you are right...
*Weygand departs, Gamelin retires for the night*
Love those comic AARs!
