I AM the Sire de Coucy

[Alfred Packer]

CKII AAR with all major (and some bizarre - I'm looking at you Sunset Invasions) Expansion-Class DLC enabled and in Ironman Mode. The start date is 1 January 1077 with Enguerrand de Coucy at the helm of his fancy new Counties.

We're going with my limited playing skills and trying to play character based, that combined with CK being CK will ideally create some space for humor and mayhem, which is the real delight I get from the game.

I used to use this format a long time ago, so expect both rust, broken fourth walls, and bad humor.

And we're off again...

Table of Contents​

Enguerrand I, Duke of Picardy
Episode 1: In which the Scion of the House Safely Helps (1076-1078)
Episode 2: In which Engie largely has a bad time of things (1078-1082)
Episode 3: In which Things Balance Out (1082-1086)
Episode 4: In which Willy gets the Flu (1086-1088)
Episode 5: In which Enguerrand Commits a Sin (1088-1091)

 

[Alfred Packer]

I am the Sire de Coucy!

Episode 1: In which the Scion of the House Safely Helps
Events of 31 December 1076 - 08 June 1078

Starring: Duke Enguerrand deCoucy of Picardy




It's odd how things work sometimes, isn't it?



One day (New Years Eve 1076, to be precise), the Aptly Named Simon de Vexin-Amiens is the Count of Amiens









And the next...It's a' Me! Engie!








And, here I am! I got my shield, I got my dead dad, I got little Thomas...expecting big things from him, and I got the Mrs.!







I call her Willy, but her real name is Gilga...Guilga...lama...











Ah forget it. Mrs. deCoucy.







It's Guillaumette!







That's what I said!







No it's not, you spewed some insulting nonsense and then just cut my whole name!







Well...your last name is deCoucy







What? No! I'm a deVilleneuve







Devil A'new?

Where did father arrange this marriage? Cathay?

And that's why I call you Willamette, or Willy for short.







...







Can I continue now? We're not even past the introduction!







Fine. Whatever. In-Gerund.







Oh now you're just being...

No. Deep breath, rise above, Engie.







So here's my little nook in the world. It's three Counties, so I'm kind of a big deal.







And here is the world. It's 1077, if you're curious.







And here are some people who bitch and moan a lot.



But enough of all that, what we all want is some action, so let's unpause and start the ball rolling.







King Phillipe clearly also wants some action as he immediately gets imbroiled in a dynastic squabble hundreds of miles from home.







I'm not going to lie. I don't think the King expected these guys to show up so fast.

Being a good Vassal and rather fond of Phillippe, I'm going to join his war against these dudes.







Phillipe has promptly rewarded me with a Ducal Title!







And I get a fancy new vassal!

I think he's wearing one of those fake-beard face warmers.







Since the Saracens walked back to Spain after taking Paris, its pretty safe for me and my brave retainers to walk over a free the joint.







Here, the enemy has not noticed our cunning plan.







Anyway, I know, not a big dramatic start, but I did get made a Duke AND saved Paris, so it's not like I'm mailing things in.​

Join us next time as our hero tries on a funny hat in I AM the Sire deCoucy!

 

[Captured Joe]

Interesting, it's certainly a different style from most CK2 AARs.

 

[Olenksey]

Interesting. Sub.

 

[Jokerang]

Loved the comedy talk show type of narrative. Being a Duke rather fast is fun, but with it comes lots of envious vassals and potential enemies. Maybe shoot for transitioning to a Crusader state in a few decades?

 

[Alfred Packer]

Interesting, it's certainly a different style from most CK2 AARs.

Thanks, I'm not terribly good at this, so different isn't unexpected!

Interesting. Sub.

Hope you enjoy, thanks!

Loved the comedy talk show type of narrative. Being a Duke rather fast is fun, but with it comes lots of envious vassals and potential enemies. Maybe shoot for transitioning to a Crusader state in a few decades?

I have made one stab at Crusading already, with somewhat mixed results. Maybe another go after things stabilize (I hope?)

 

[Alfred Packer]

I am the Sire de Coucy!

Episode 2: In Which Engie Largely Has A Bad Time Of Things
Events of 9 June 1078 - 07 May 1082

Starring: Duke Enguerrand deCoucy of Picardy







Well, I'm not going to lie.

Yes, that whole 'war in Spain' thing started auspiciously enough, what with the Ducal Crown and all that, but see, Phillippe decided I must be some sort of War Genius and offered me a Commandership.

I accepted, because I guess I hate myself? I don't know. Anyway,







we were winning the battle and, I guess I got carried away and got my whole regiment slaughtered.







And, wait, it gets worse.

I'm not what people would call "handy" with a sword, but I got all caught up in some vengeance thing and challenged one of the Saracen Champions to a duel.

I know! Idiotic!







Rashid the Filthy Saracen beat me so brutally that he even felt bad and started apologizing over the whole thing, which really just made things worse, honestly.







Oh, and thanks to a healthy dose of Medieval Medicine, here I am all pus covered and bloated with 'bad humours.'

That's the only thing I think the doc got right. I am in bad humor.







anyway, that's how I wound up at home so early.







...








Now what?







And in all that time, you never bothered to wipe your blood off your face?

I swear, its like being married to a child.







...


Anyway.







You'd think I'd get a 'thank you' or something for not getting the sheets all covered in pus and blood every night, but no. All Willy thinks about is the negative.








Oh I'm SO sorry I wasn't just thrilled to sleep in your diseased oozing.







*sigh* No, look it isn't...








Hey! Sorry to interrupt! I wanted to tell you about this super-fun idea for a statue!

Dedicated to you!

I...um...bad time?







What? No! Perfect timing! Sorry Willy, got to go talk to Mayor Thisguy about his great statue!

Work, work, you know me!

Bye!







...



Three Months Later: The Unvealing

























And then we lost the war, so this horrid statue is a monument to multiple failures.

How meta.







Ugh. And now the boring part of rule.

Please let something interesting happen.







Okay, I didn't think that would work.

Please let a large pile of gold fall out of the sky?



​

Join us next time (probably Sunday or Monday) as our hero clearly doesn't learn his lesson, and neither does his liege, in I AM the Sire deCoucy!

 

[Captured Joe]

He picked rulership focus? That poor sod!

 

[Olenksey]

Hey, these problems ARE a perfect base for a comedy show.
I'm looking forward to 100k kids stuck in Scotland, heirs converting to Orthodox at the worst time possible, and other nice things that make an interesting CK2 game.

 

[stnylan]

I accepted, because I guess I hate myself? I don't know. Anyway,

Somewhere, somewhen, the ghost of Knud Knytling smiles in grim agreement

 

[coz1]

I agree with @stnylan - and you've not lost a step, sir! Keep it up!

 

[Jokerang]

The misadventures continue. Any plans for seizing France itself? Or do you plan to play Littlefinger?

 

[Specialist290]

@Alfred Packer writing again, and still in as fine form as ever -- count me in!

 

[Alfred Packer]

He picked rulership focus? That poor sod!

Hey Joe - I'm not a very good player...what would you recommend? (I usually try to keep a high stewardship because my vassals are all miserable traitors so it helps me keep my lands)

Hey, these problems ARE a perfect base for a comedy show.
I'm looking forward to 100k kids stuck in Scotland, heirs converting to Orthodox at the worst time possible, and other nice things that make an interesting CK2 game.

Right?! CK Madness practically writes itself

Somewhere, somewhen, the ghost of Knud Knytling smiles in grim agreement

phargle's classic

I agree with @stnylan - and you've not lost a step, sir! Keep it up!

Thanks coz1! I'll give it my best!

The misadventures continue. Any plans for seizing France itself? Or do you plan to play Littlefinger?

Enguerrand wouldn't dream of it! It would take a particularly awful KoF to get the deCoucys making such plans...

@Alfred Packer writing again, and still in as fine form as ever -- count me in!

Thanks! I hope it continues to live up (down?) to expectations!

 

[Alfred Packer]

I am the Sire de Coucy!

Episode 3: In Which Things Balance Out
Events of 08 May 1082 - 04 December 1086

Starring: Duke Enguerrand deCoucy of Picardy







So King Philippe has gotten himself into a couple of pickles. First, there is this large uprising around Anjou, something about wanting Gavelkind succession.







and this English Invasion...definitely something about wanting to seize The Vexin.







And, just like the last war, King Philippe has cleverly left Paris completely undefended.







I don't have the troops for that, so me and the gang take the Rebel Capital, then







dust a small English army and...







Free The Vexin! Hattrick!







Then I took the Duke of Normandy Prisoner.

Since he is the son of the King of England, I'm expecting a bountiful ransom!

I don't know what four good things in a row are called.

It's like nothing can go wrong for me!







Dad! Help! Help!







Thomas! My only son and beloved Heir!

What's wrong?!







I was cleaning my nose and my finger got stuck again!

Please help Papa! When I wiggle my finger I pee myself.







*sigh*

Well. It's been a while since you've gotten it wedged that deep.

...

I'll get the bodyguards to extract it. It usually takes more muscle than I have.







Thank you Papa







Sorry to interrupt that...whole...thing.

You didn't marry your sister by any chance because the Pope can legalize that for some coin...







What? No! He's just.

Ugh.

Get to the point Papal Nuncio.







*watching the bodyguards with visible distaste*

Yes. Well. The Pope thinks it would be great if you'd commit your armies and gold reserves to this little...

what the devil is that clear liquid pouring from his nose?

Oh goodness. Look. Crusade for Jerusalem. You in?







Um. Yeah? I guess if the Pope needs me?







Awesome. I'm out.

That's nasty.







Well farts. A Crusade is going to be expensive.

At least I can get some good cash for the Duke of Normandy to fund it.







Haha! Funny story about that: Father has sworn to never ransom one of his sons, no matter what the price! You may as well release me or execute me. You'll never get a pfennig!








...

That story isn't actually funny.

and, why is the donjon connected to my throne room?







Did someone say 'money?'







Well, I really have no one to blame but myself.

And the Pope. He gets a lot of blame.

And Thomas.

And William the cheap-ass.

Oh. And you, Philippe.







I can make you a Commander again!





...​

Join us next time as Enguerrand heads off to Crusade in I AM the Sire deCoucy!

 

[Specialist290]

Join us next time as Enguerrand heads off to Crusade in I AM the Sire deCoucy!

After everything he's had to deal with in this chapter alone, I'm sure he could use a nice, relaxing Mediterranean vacation

 

[Olenksey]

Money, money, money!
Must be funny.
In a frenchman's world.
Though you'll get some for the Crusade, so it will get better.
Probably.

 

[Captured Joe]

Hey Joe - I'm not a very good player...what would you recommend? (I usually try to keep a high stewardship because my vassals are all miserable traitors so it helps me keep my lands)

Business focus is rather good, Rulership has the reputation of being only good for giving Depression and therefor an excuse to commit suicide.

Also: As opposed to real life, where Crusading was a fiscally very dangerous and unrewarding adventure (with several rulers bankrupting their realm just to go Crusading), in-game it is actually a very profitable venture, which nets you tons of gold depending on your participation; if you play it right, you can get enough out of it to finance, say, three medium-sized wars of conquest!

 

[stnylan]

Need money? Perhaps a side-trip to Constantinople might be arranged?

 

[guillec87]

subbed