I went for the King Canute achievement and then all went to a very toasty place with a nice fellow with a pitchfork

[Omonyar]

I played as King Björn Ironside of Uppsala, hell-bent on the achievement King Canute (Form Empire of the North Sea as an unreformed tribal). After agressive conquering, brutal dictatorships, several Kinslayers weeding out the family tree, harrowing tales of narrow defeat and several whoopsies (such as the Golden Boy Klokbjörn falling of a horse and dying when he was three months from having ruled for 30 years), I finally achieved it all.

King Storbjörn the Holy, king of Sweden, England, Denmark, Norway, Scotland, Ireland, Wales, France, Finland, Sápmi and Novgorod formed the High Kingdom of the North Sea in the year 955. He then wisely reformed asatrú into a reformed faith and became feudal to the cheering of the crowds - whereupon the whole empire came crashing down.

The second crusade for England was launched, and as usual the whole of Christendom decided that, yes, the angry fellow in the north was VERY important to stop. I would have roflstomped the 30 000 christians into the dirt myself like last time, if I hadn't lost 2/3 of my levies by going feudal. I had never been tribal so long before, so I hadn't noticed the... abrupt strike to your fighting potential by going feudal. The Great Heathen Army had shrunk from 36 000 to 11000. For some reason, none of my vassals decided to support the universally loved Storbjörn. They sat, content, and cheered from the sidelines as their beloved emperor was roflstomped into mush.

Meanwhile, the king of Germany, another damnable Christian, declared a Kingdom Holy War against Denmark, the king of Aquitaine declared on France and a freakin' northern adventure army (from where, exactly?) decided to invade Novgorod for good measure. And in the waning days of the crusade the faithful asatrú nobility (most of them with a 100+ modifier on me) decided that, yes, in fact, dissolution of the Empire seemed like a good idea just about now, while all peasants in the Empire ALSO decided to secede. Out of spite. Seven+ wars for the fate of the Empire was too much, and it all went into the dirt.

So, Storbjörn, the maimed, disfigured alcoholic is now king of Uppsala, but it could be worse, I suppose. I could be...

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAUGHT MEASELS AND DIED, RIGHT AFTER ALL MY CHILDREN DIED? I am now some dwarf nobody in *checks notes* Dalabergslagen, and everything else went to another dynasty?

Why do I do this to me? :'(

But, I know where this is heading:

Playing as Jórvik, and aiming for Miklagarðaríki this time.

So, my question is: Do I have a problem with this game, and does anyone know any good blood pressure medications?

 

[Flockingbird]

I played as King Björn Ironside of Uppsala, hell-bent on the achievement King Canute (Form Empire of the North Sea as an unreformed tribal). After agressive conquering, brutal dictatorships, several Kinslayers weeding out the family tree, harrowing tales of narrow defeat and several whoopsies (such as the Golden Boy Klokbjörn falling of a horse and dying when he was three months from having ruled for 30 years), I finally achieved it all.

King Storbjörn the Holy, king of Sweden, England, Denmark, Norway, Scotland, Ireland, Wales, France, Finland, Sápmi and Novgorod formed the High Kingdom of the North Sea in the year 955. He then wisely reformed asatrú into a reformed faith and became feudal to the cheering of the crowds - whereupon the whole empire came crashing down.

The second crusade for England was launched, and as usual the whole of Christendom decided that, yes, the angry fellow in the north was VERY important to stop. I would have roflstomped the 30 000 christians into the dirt myself like last time, if I hadn't lost 2/3 of my levies by going feudal. I had never been tribal so long before, so I hadn't noticed the... abrupt strike to your fighting potential by going feudal. The Great Heathen Army had shrunk from 36 000 to 11000. For some reason, none of my vassals decided to support the universally loved Storbjörn. They sat, content, and cheered from the sidelines as their beloved emperor was roflstomped into mush.

Meanwhile, the king of Germany, another damnable Christian, declared a Kingdom Holy War against Denmark, the king of Aquitaine declared on France and a freakin' northern adventure army (from where, exactly?) decided to invade Novgorod for good measure. And in the waning days of the crusade the faithful asatrú nobility (most of them with a 100+ modifier on me) decided that, yes, in fact, dissolution of the Empire seemed like a good idea just about now, while all peasants in the Empire ALSO decided to secede. Out of spite. Seven+ wars for the fate of the Empire was too much, and it all went into the dirt.

So, Storbjörn, the maimed, disfigured alcoholic is now king of Uppsala, but it could be worse, I suppose. I could be...

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAUGHT MEASELS AND DIED, RIGHT AFTER ALL MY CHILDREN DIED? I am now some dwarf nobody in *checks notes* Dalabergslagen, and everything else went to another dynasty?

Why do I do this to me? :'(

But, I know where this is heading:

Playing as Jórvik, and aiming for Miklagarðaríki this time.

So, my question is: Do I have a problem with this game, and does anyone know any good blood pressure medications?

It sounds like a glorious game! May you enjoy many more ups and downs as you struggle back from your current position! Looking forward to your next AAR.

 

[JonathanOfArc]

Looking forward to your next AAR.

Indeed. What will little Dwarfingr do? Perhaps some new adventures in a warmer climate? Spain could be a fun destination, and you could watch from afar what the rest of your dynasty got up to in the north. Another dynasty member could press their claims and recreate a semblance of the former Empire, all the while you carve out a new realm with your cadet branch.

 

[prismaticmarcus]

Moved to AARs

 

[HistoryDude]

That sounds... stressful.

I'm interested in seeing how your Jorvik campaign goes.

 

[Chac1]

I suppose I am tempting fate... but this is a very short AAR. Perhaps there is a hidden Norse joke I am missing?

 

[Chac1]

Was hoping that the original poster or someone from the CK3 forum might come into this thread and comment more but that doesn't appear to be in the cards for now.

Just want to point out that if your king is a follower of the reformed Ásatrú faith he's not going to be meeting a fellow with a pitchfork in the afterlife, unless he wasn't a true believer and he secretly followed Christianity. But if he died of the measles, likely he is going to be spending the afterlife in a dark place and he'll be dining with Hel in her feasting hall.

Oh well, see you at Ragnarök.

 

[Midnite Duke]

@Omonyar, this was a cute and delightful tale. It sounds like you everyone was happy until . . . they weren't. It sounds like you got the short end of the stick when you went feudal. Thank you for sharing with us and thank you, @prismaticmarcus, for moving it to AARland where short tales are just as warmly received as tall tales.