Ioannes Rex - A Plantagenet AAR

[Kurt_Steiner]

Ioannes Rex

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A Plantagenet AAR

With the memory of my past CK AARs -For many are started, but few are chosen to be finished-, I begin this AAR with a clear goal in mind: to explain the history of a single king, for the span of years that the game gives him, then the epilogue and no more, as trying to go through too many centuries is too much for me - I have only managed to do it once, with my first Spanish CK AAR and I don't think I can repeat it twice. Thus, you're warned. Once my main character dies, the AAR will come to an end.

Without further ado....



Chapter One: Do you love me?

Due to my sins, I found myself exiled in a forsaken island, bereft of any noble company or friends but for my loyal but treasonable pet. It had been raining during the wholel day, and I was regretting having refused the offer of a gentle knight that suggested me to go on crusade to a strange but beautiful land that he called Fin. Or Finland. Or Finnishland. Finsomething for sure, methinks. Suddenly, the rain stopped all the sudden and I found my tired body walking in one of those damnable villages, lost malgrè moi within a cheering but smelly crowd which moved forwards to see his lord and master. In fact, they did not move: it was the soliders in their backs that pushed them forwards and thus, I was "forewarded" in such a way that I found my wet being inside a luxurious carriage, facing a quite handsome man that looked at me with sheer bewilderement.

- Oh, my God...

- Not quite, not quite... - the man, who, looking as his expensive clothes, the carriage and the scorting retinue of two dozen of dangerous knights, was a quite important man (a duke, at least).

The whole procession stopped dead on its tracks, and then he asked me the most surprising question that no one had ever made me in my whole life:

-Do you love me, you... young squ... young kni... young whatever?

In face of such a curious question I trully wondered what to do, as I was sure that depending on my answer I would find myself with my days numbered or lengthened. To make it worse my loyal pet and adviser was not there to give me one of his wonderful suggestions, so I took the most easy path, that is, rushing ahead without too much thinking, because if you stop to think twice, you're thinking one too many, as to go to hell is good enough five minutes or hard thought that five days of iddle musings:

-With all my heart, sire - I said.

The man grinned widely and said:

-How charming!

Then Peti, my furry doom, appeared by my side, as I stepped down from the carriage.

- I'm bored... I think you're going to explain me something to amuse me or I'll have your head.

-I am an not-quite-important-at-all errant knight -then he pressed my throat with his dagger and kept smiling- but now that your lordship asks it so gently, I must say thatI go with the anonymous name of sir Kurt Steiner, from beyond the seas I've just returned from my pilgrimage in the Holy Places, and I'm most distressed to inform you, sire, that King Guy of Lusignan has, alàs!, died in a regretful hinting accident, when a arrow pierced his noble heart. But I can tell you, sire, that it was not treason at all, but the damned wind that altered the course of my... erm... of the arrow.

Then his grin went into a huge and charming smile, and with a tender, soft voice, he asked?

-Thus, doeth thee claimeth that the fair and gentle Queen Sibylla is, again, a windower?

​

-Erm, well, yes, sire.

-Wond... erm... Alàs, poor lady! Methinks I'm in the need to travel to the Holy Land to bring comfort to such a desesperate lady at once! And thou, my unknown but knowingly known knight, you're my new personal bodyguard, to keep arrows away from my royal body. What do you think, sir Kurt?

Thus, In that preposterous way I met and became the principal bodyguard of Prince John Plantagenet, Lord of Ireland, Duke of Meath, Count of Mide, Dublin and Cornwall, the youngest son of King Henry II of England and Eleanor, Duchess of Aquitaine.

 

[Qorten]

Certainly another AAR to be followed! You are really amazing Kurt, how many AARs do you have running simultaneously at the moment? Must be around three I think.

 

[unmerged(127999)]

A wise-cracking, Guy-killing, accidental crusader (and purposeful King of Jerusalem) Prince John?

Awesome. I will easily be following this... "eccentric" King John.

 

[Kurt_Steiner]

Certainly another AAR to be followed! You are really amazing Kurt, how many AARs do you have running simultaneously at the moment? Must be around three I think.

If memory serves me well, three HOI AARs and this one in our AARland. And because I've been sensible and sensitive and dropped a wonderful idea for a Vicky AAR...

A wise-cracking, Guy-killing, accidental crusader (and purposeful King of Jerusalem) Prince John?

Awesome. I will easily be following this... "eccentric" King John.

Well, if I'm good enough, my Johnny will be eccentric (of course!), paranoid, narcissist, unsecure, . ruthless, sadistic, charming, hateful, greedy and a lot more...

About Jerusalem... he was born to be king. In England or elsewhere, so... He just needs to be sure that Richard doesn't get there first

 

[Tommy4ever]

John is a marvolous pic for your character. I so hope this AAR ends with John reaching a sticky end whilst fleeing from a military defeat.

 

[Kurt_Steiner]

John is a marvolous pic for your character. I so hope this AAR ends with John reaching a sticky end whilst fleeing from a military defeat.

John is an underrated character, I must say. About his end... No idea, really, but I don't want him fooling around in Transylvania, trust me

 

[Kurt_Steiner]

Ioannes Rex

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A Plantagenet AAR​

Chapter Two: I'm bored...

During the long trip to the Kingdom of Heaven I had to face the worst danger ever suffered by a Christian: someone else's boredom, as it could have fatal consequences to my health. Alàs, Prince John was uncannily prone to be bored. And, to be true, that happen too often for my taste, not to mention his. Ireland was not a place too know for his endless parties -well, not the ones suited to the tastes of his Highness, at least- but a ship crossing the seas is not either a place for fun. Thus, Prince John kept repeating "I'm bored" over and over again. Thank God we departed to the Holy Places before he got too annoyed...

As travelling by sea is not the most thrilling under the sun -unless there is a storm, and that's entirely another matter-, I had to use all my wits to avoid hearing the fateful sentence by telling him the latest news -or, at least, the latest before my sudden departure- about the kingdom of Jerusalem.

As matter of fact, the Byzantine Empire was following his usual tradition, that is, being in tatters. It was still recovering from the major defeat suffered, a dozen years ago, at Myriokephalon, plus the internal disputes which followed Andronicus Commenus' coup d'etat in 1182 and the following, traditional massacres, purges and revenges that byzantines were so fond of. Prince John was quite amused by that, as he loved that kind of stories, but he was not so thrilled when I made him aware that, right now, Byzantium was nothing but a third-rate power with little influence in politics. And that mean bad news for Jerusalem, which depended in the Byzantine power to protect its survival.

Worse still, the current Basileios, Isaac II Angelos had some pending issues with the Norman King of Sicily William II, since the latter's fateful invasion of the Balkans in 1185 and his following interference in Cyprus, where he helped the rebellious noble Isaac Comnenus. Thus, the two Christian powers in the Mediterranean which could help Jerusalem were full busy bickering against each other.

There was no need to tell him too much about Saladin, ruler of Egypt and Syria, perhaps the most powerful lord in the Middle East. Prince John was quite aware of his actions, and, to my surprise, confessed me that he admired the brave heathen for his conquests, although he was a pagan.

​

Prince John was most interested in the situation of Jerusalem itself, and wasted no time in praising Queen Sibylla for his boldness and taking for herself the crown and asserting his right to rule herself, with the support of the Barons of the land, Raymond III of Tripoli, Count of Tripoli and Prince of Galilee and Tiberias in right of his wife, Eschiva; Balian of Ibelin, duke of Ascalon and Count of Beershab; Jocelyn de Courtenay, Duke of Tyre and count of Beirut, and the Masters of the Temple and the Hospitaliers, Gerard de Ridefort and Roger de Moulins, respectively. In the north lay the Dukedom of Antioch, and his ruler, Bohemond III of Antioch, also know as the Stammerer, who called himself Prince.

​

Had he knew which role was he to play in the Kingdom, I think he would have not been so warm in his praise...

And if that was not enought to keep everybody amused, there was, too, the relentless Reynald of Châtillon, Lord of Oultrejordain, and his legendary lust for gold and pillage, which had caused a war in 1182 and was now on the verge of creating a new one after he had attacked, in late 1186, a caravan travelling between Cairo and Damascus, thus breaking the truce between Saladin and the Crusaders. Although King Guy had managed to appease Saladin, it was quite clear than, sooner than later, Châtillon was to cause more headaches. Oddily enough, even if Prince John understood that "troubles" were different from the disturbances in England, as in the Middle East, with the powerful Saladin ready to strike, they meant death at once, his Higness was quite amazed and interested in that unruly Reynald. I couldn't help but shivering...

If Richard Neville, 16th Earl of Warwick, will be known as the Kingmaker in a distante future, here we have Reynald de Châtillon, the Troublemaker...​

And then there was John's own family...

John's father, Henry, the King of England and ruler of Ireland, hammer of the Welsh, contender of all France and terror of his children, had grown old figthing his old enemy, the king of France and Scotland, the new ones, that is, his wife and sons, his annoying neighbours, the Welsh lords, and his irksome nobility. And now John was leaving England and his compromise to support his unruly brother Richard against his father. Used as he was to betrayals, he had not remorses for sending his promises of support into the midst of the deeepest oblivion...

Prince John wondered wheter Richard would be as foolhardy as to go on with his projects of total war against his father or not... Probably good old Dickie would still go ahead... And now the quest for the crown was between the two of them, after the demise of poor Geoffrey. Well, there was also his nephew, the posthumous son of Geoffrey, the tender baby-duke Arthur, but children are so fragile...

And the Kingdom of Heaven so promising...

 

[Tommy4ever]

So ....

Are you going to go to Outremer, get your arse handed to you then whisk yourself back to the Angevin Empire to have a little fun in the Civil Wars there? Or are you going to fight to the last to defend Jerusalem the Golden from the heathen hordes?

So many possibilities. I wonder if, should he live long enough, John might even witness the arrival of the Mongols.

 

[Kurt_Steiner]

So ....

Are you going to go to Outremer, get your arse handed to you then whisk yourself back to the Angevin Empire to have a little fun in the Civil Wars there? Or are you going to fight to the last to defend Jerusalem the Golden from the heathen hordes?

So many possibilities. I wonder if, should he live long enough, John might even witness the arrival of the Mongols.

John is going to get himself a crown, but, bearing in mind how the best plans may go awry, who knows what the future has in store for him? Will he be as "helpful" for Jerusalem as he was in OTL for the Angevin Empire? Who knows...

About the Golden Horde, I have plans.






"Run, run way, ye fools!!!!!"

 

[Kurt_Steiner]

Ioannes Rex

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A Plantagenet AAR​

Chapter Three: Tempest in Heaven.

When Prince John arrived to Palestine, the Crusader kingdoms were, again, in disarray. In Antioch prince Bohemond was still excomunicated for his marriage with a loose lady of Antioch called Sibylla. The Patriarch Aimery was shocked by the adulterious bigamy -as the first wife of the prince was still alive-, and he excommunicated Bohemond in 1180. As the chronic says, "to this...he paid slight attention. On the contrary, he continued on his wicked course with redoubled energy." He imprisoned Patriarch Aimery and other bishops and looted their churches. Quite soon Antioch moved to the abyss of civil war, as the nobles of Antioch hated Sibylla, with reason, as he was a spy who received an income from Saladin in return for information.

In Jerusalem the old rivalries resurfaced and the Courtenays and their allies, Reynald de Chätillon and the Patriarch of Jerusalem, Heraclius, were against quarreling with Raymond of Antioch and the Ibelins. It still surprises me that Saladin didn't took advantage of this mess. To this source of intrigues came prince John. He hadn't stop mumbling and fuming since we left Acre to go to Jerusalem. He was incensed as there was no one to receive him. Well, there were some minor nobles, but too low for him. It goes without saying that our travel was quite fast.

One of the first actions of Queen Sibylla was to restore the broken links with Constantinople and with Antioch. The former gave rise to an opportunity to bring all the Barons under the banner of the Jerusalem: The Byzantine navy would support the royal hosts of Jerusalem in a combined attack against the rebel lord of the rich island of Cyprus. Then a wondrous pandemonium ensued.

Isaac Commenus was allied with the Prince of Antioch, who was also allied to Jerusalem. Thus, when the Byzantine Emperor, Isaak Angelus, declared war to his rebel vassall, Bohemodn, forgetting that if he was a prince was, in a great measure, thanks to Constantinople, decided to stab his protector in the back. Thus, Antioch declared war to Byzantium and asked Jerusalem for help. Thus Queen Sibylla found having two allies waging war against each other and asking for help. It was obvious that only one side could be helped, and that Antioch was the weakest rival. This fact, with the possibility of turning Bohemund into a vassal forced Sibylla's hand.

This solution was not pleasant for all of her vasalls. Balian d'Ibelin raised his hosts, but to fight only against Cyprus, as he considered that the island was the key to the safe arrival of pilgrims and crusaders armies from Western Europe to Outremer. Reynaud of Châtillon and Jocelyn de Courtenay, count of Beirut, were more than happy to help, as this war made them closer to their dream of recovering, in the future, Edessa. Raymond of Tripoli was the big and unexpected surpirse, when he just refused to go to war against any of the currenet enemies of the crown and joined the Hospitaliers in a small crusade against the Hashshashin of the Old Man of the Mountain.

And, amidst the roar of war, Jerusalem and its province turned to the true Faith... A island of believers among a sea of heathens...

Then, Fate me found in the Royal Palace of Jerusalem. As soon as the fair queen Sibylla put her lovely eyes upon the face of my lord, Prince John, she was enrapted by his charm and handsomness. He offered at once to fight her enemies here and there, but she wanted none of this, remembering the sad fate of his two first husbands. His Highness insisted, as he was a royal prince and his arms had to be shown on the battleflied, but Sibylla wanted none of those, as said. Then my lord his eyes to me, and, while grinning with an uncannigly awful smile, said then:

- I think that I have a solution for that problem, my queen.

"Kurt, can you spell 'volunteer' for me?"

"Oh f***...​

Thus I found myself leading the small retinue of my lord, all the way down -or up-, to Antioch.

 

[The Kingmaker]

Looking really good, Kurt! I'm very happy to see you've taken another venture into CK Aarland.

You know, somehow, for some reason, this AAR reminds me just a little of another one I read long ago. If only I could remember what it was...

And poor Johnnie! I must say you've got a wonderful concept here. He's really bitten off more than he can chew with our dear Sibylla there. I can't wait to see what happens next!

Ah, memories! Will Eva Green be playing your Sibylla too?

 

[Kurt_Steiner]

You know, somehow, for some reason, this AAR reminds me just a little of another one I read long ago. If only I could remember what it was...

Yes, I'm trying to remember which AAR (hatefully paused) gave me part of the inspiration but I cannot recall it, either.

I'm going to tell thee a secret: The reason behind this AAR are threefold:

-I was watching the seventh chapter of the third season of Robin Hood when I found Prince John and thought... what the hell... even if it's not Claude Rains, let's make a try.

-I'm currently translating history books dealing with the Middle Ages (sometimes my job is quite pleasant ), the Crusades, the Orders, Jerusalem, Saladdin et al, so I began to toy with the idea of an Easternized John...

-And, finally, that AAR we cannot remember ... Something like a Cross in Gold... Golden Hind... no, that's a ship... Gold, definetively. And then I remembered Eva Green and ... well, you get the rest...

BTW, I can tell thee something. Sibylla may have let loose her pasions, but she's no fool and Guy has left some kind of "memories" on her. John is going to have the time of his live in Palestine. He's going to know how difficult is to "keep in touch" with England from Jerusalem and how delightful can be Sibylla. And how stubborn.

But he has a cunning plan (no Baldrickism here, trust me). Sort of...

PS: When Byzantium DOW on good old Isaac and Antioch (from now on AntiOUCH!*) went berseker, I couldn't stop remembering that AAR we cannot remember.

* Blessed be Saint Homer Simpson, Martyr

 

[The Kingmaker]

Yes, I'm trying to remember which AAR (hatefully paused) gave me part of the inspiration but I cannot recall it, either...

And, finally, that AAR we cannot remember ... Something like a Cross in Gold... Golden Hind... no, that's a ship... Gold, definetively. And then I remembered Eva Green and ... well, you get the rest...

BTW, I can tell thee something. Sibylla may have let loose her pasions, but she's no fool and Guy has left some kind of "memories" on her. John is going to have the time of his live in Palestine. He's going to know how difficult is to "keep in touch" with England from Jerusalem and how delightful can be Sibylla. And how stubborn.

Excellent! I already absolutely LOVE seeing Prince John in Palestine. I'm sure you've got something delightfully clever in mind.
As for Ms. Green, if you like, feel free to harvest screenies of the old girl from ... that Chronic Goldie thing, whatever it was. It's still linked in my sig.

By the way, have you been following the newer AAR? There's a new update out tonight, and while there's no Sibylla in it (as yet!), you may find someone else who's company you wouldn't hate.

 

[Kurt_Steiner]

Excellent! I already absolutely LOVE seeing Prince John in Palestine. I'm sure you've got something delightfully clever in mind.
As for Ms. Green, if you like, feel free to harvest screenies of the old girl from ... that Chronic Goldie thing, whatever it was. It's still linked in my sig.

By the way, have you been following the newer AAR? There's a new update out tonight, and while there's no Sibylla in it (as yet!), you may find someone else who's company you wouldn't hate.

I have the GC fixed in my favourites, and from time to time I like to remember good old times.

And now it's when you kill me. A new AAR... oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. There I go.

 

[Kurt_Steiner]

Shame on me.

Citing the influences that led to this AAR, I forgot the book that caused the spark to be "reinforced": John Lackland, by Kate Norgate (Macmillan, 1902). It's so outdated that it's a lovely reading, at least for me and my old-fashioned tastes. I had already decided to go with John when I began to look for some bibliography, and jumped at Norgate's book because, in my silly opinion, in old books you can find room for some legends and gossips that present-day historians have discarted -in most cases, for good reasons.

The actual fragment is the following:

Before he [Henry II] could do so [that is, another partition to avoid John being without lands of his own], a yet loftier destiny was proposed to him for his favourite son. At the end of January 1186 Heraclius, the patriarch of Jerusalem, came to England to implore Henry's aid for the perishing realm of Palestine. King Baldwin IV was dying; after him there was but one male heir left of the blood of King Fulk of Anjou and Queen Melisenda, and that one was a little child. From the story as told by Gerald, it seems plain that Heraclius aimed at something more than merely persuading Henry to take the command of a crusade; his proejct was nothing less than transfer of the succession from the younger to the elder Angevin line -from the infant son of Fulk's grand-daughter to a son of Fulk's grandson, Henry. When the king of England, after taking counself with his "faitful men", declared that he could not in person undertake the deliverance of the Holy Land from its enemies, Heralcius still persisted in his other request; he implored Henry to send at least one of his sons -if even it were only John- "that from this scion of the Agevin house the seed royal might be raised up and spring into new life". The king, however, wopuld not listen. John, it was said, wasi nclined to embrace the patriarch's suggestion, and threw himself at his father's feet to beg his consent, but in vain. At Mid-Lent Henry knighted him at Windsor, and publicly gave out that he was to proceed at once to Ireland, where he was destined to be king".

So, with my silly idea somehow confirmed bya British historian, I went ahead.

I don't think I've forgotten any other source for my madness...

 

[Tommy4ever]

Arg. What a mess in Outremer. You should be fighting Saracens not fellow Christians (even if they are schismatic no it alls).

 

[Kurt_Steiner]

Arg. What a mess in Outremer. You should be fighting Saracens not fellow Christians (even if they are schismatic no it alls).

One bas a traitor who allowed pirates to attack the naval routes from Europe and the other was an excomunicated heretic, so... Deus Vult!

 

[Kurt_Steiner]

Ioannes Rex

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A Plantagenet AAR​

Chapter Four: The trebuchets of Antioch.

The stones kept regularly pounding Antioch's walls with clockwork precission, while we sat in our campaments and groaned waiting for a fight. Thus we spent week after week, from early April to the First of May, when, finally, Bohemund attacked us by sending part of his army under his seneschal, Raymond. More than a battle, it was a simple skirmish that had an unexpected consequence: it awoke the warrior that lay dormant in me, to my huge surprise.

It was my first battle and I was terrified, lost in the ranks of the heavy calvary massed in the center of the army of queen Sibylla, trembling with fear, terrified for the unknown uncertainty of the bloody battle that lay ahead, afraid of the incoming death, afraid of being maimed or brutally dismembered. As I was leading the retinue of prince John, I was kept in the second body of armoured knights, that would thumper among the Antiochian ranks once the first wave had broken his lines. Well, that was the idea.

We had none of that. The first wave just smashed against the enemy lines and there were no more. The crashing of the spears, the war cries, the dust, the confusion and, all the sudden, it was over and the Antiochian host run to the hills and there was no more to do. We were almost over the confussed mass of warriors when it sudden broke and the enemy fled. I was bewildered. The battle was over. We had won.

Thus, we returned to the boring siege. To the damned, boring, slow siege.

But my blood thundered in my ears. I was suddenly possesed by a berseker-like madness and a red midst covered my eyes. I needed to lay waste upon my enemies, to burn their houses and pillages their castles. All of the sudden I was a different man.

We were told, later, that very day we were battling, Balian d'Ibelin had started his siege. He had arrived to Limasol without any kind of problem and now he was moving his trebuchets and catapults to fire against the walls of the city. He suffered, too, a small raid from Isaakos's army, which was, as our has been, solved before it even started.

The whole campaign lasted until late June, when the coward Bohemund and the traitorious Isaakios surrendered their fortresses when we were almost to storm them. In exchange for their allegiance to queen Sibylla their lifes and demesnes were respected. Thus I was deprived, again, of sheeding the blood of my enemies. In that, I was of the same opinion of a bewildered Reynald de Châtillon, that vented his anger to the four winds.

At least, for some odd miracle, the Hospitaliers were still keeping Alamut under siege, and we went there...

And, under the walls of Alamut we were told that Queen Sibylla and Prince John had just married (just... three weeks ago) in Jerusalem and, a few days later, the wonderful news that the queen was pregnant. Even Raymond of Tripoli's wife, lady Eschiva, was also with baby, and Raymond's joke amused that the warm goodbye that his wife has given her was now showing its fruits. Any further comment was lost when it came the moment of storming the damned citadel.

Blood, blood at least!!! Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!​

It was a carnage, that at least helped to calm my thirst for blood. And it was better to kill Infidels than mislead Christians, indeed. Finally, in the rampants of Alamut, following the crazed attack of the Hospitaliers, we won endless glory for Christ and Jerusalem, the coward sect of the Old Man of the Mountain was wiped out to a man, and I was proven as a redoutbless knight proven in arms.

However, bad news waited for us in Jerusalem...

 

[Kurt_Steiner]

I'm not quite satisfied with the chapter, as I've discovered some kind of problems in my lexicon to decribe battles and sieges in the Middle Ages as well as some "freshness" doing that. Well, nothing that some good readings cannot solve.

PS: I hope that no one doesn't mind good old Reynald going Melchettized... The pic, quite recognizable, is from that AAR that Alexander Primus and I cannot remember

 

[The Kingmaker]

PS: I hope that no one doesn't mind good old Reynald going Melchettized... The pic, quite recognizable, is from that AAR that Alexander Primus and I cannot remember

Great stuff! I thought I recognized that picture. It's good to see the old boy back in action again! Still no Sibylla though? I can only hope you're saving the old girl for something really big...