This is blasphemy!
This is madness!
This is... CAARnival!
(obligatory 300 joke: Check)
I always wanted to start a game with my homeregion, but as Aachen isn´t a province in EU3,
I will have to take Cologne, which is fine with me, too.
This is my first AAR, and as I never played EU2, my EU3 skills are quite decent.
After several very, very, very unsuccesfull attempts, I had to start at "easy".
Yes, I admit it, I´m bad. Shame on me!
o
If I´m still alive after 100 years, I will switch to the next difficulty, after another 100
years to the next and so on.
Let´s see, if Cologne is able to stand the test of time!
_____________________________________
30 March 1453
The citizen of Cologne live and prosper under their beloved Archbishop Dietrich von Mörs.
Everything is juuuust peachy! Nice neighbours, mighty alliances with greatpowers like Utrecht, Trier and Alsac and a strong economy make sure, that there is no threat towards Cologne... not!
Dietrich immediatly orders to build a Division of Knights hires a bunch of mercenaries.
(As I saw in earlier games, I will get DoWed soon and my Allies are as useful, as steel-wool socks. )
Flickering flames let eery shadows dance on the walls of the library.
Armchairs with high backs are standing in front of the fireplace, the people sitting in are hidden in the dark, as in every good conspiracy scene. Only one man stands and his dark, thundering voice fills the room.
It´s Dietrich von Mörs.
"Meine Herren, I have summoned you to discuss the future of our beloved Cologne.
It is our noble task, to spread the message, to propagate, to bring it to the world!
Can you imagine, that the rest of the world probably never heard about it, never tasted the joy?"
Horrorstricken murmur from the rest of the Congregation fills the air.
"I know, it is an agonizing thought, but unluckily, it´s the truth. And it is our duty, to change it. It is our duty, to spread Carnival all over the world. I hereby swear, that I won´t rest, that Cologne won´t rest, until every man and every woman is able to participate in the festivities! Imagine a world, where everybody may drink irresponisbly all day long during one week in the year. Where everybody will bawl silly songs and kiss total strangers.
Imagine a world, where sweets are distributed amongst the masses, where
everybody wears silly costums. Don´t you agree, that this is a world worth to fight for not only by words, but by deeds?"
He raises his hand, the others jump up and burst into Oathes and Hoorays.
After some minutes, the excitement tones down and one of them lifts his beerglass.
"Dear Dietrich, your enthusiasm, your impressive idea inspired me and I think, everybody will agree, if we assure you our unlimited support.
May your reign be long and prosperous. Your speeches will inspire people all around the world.
Our children and grandchildren will carry on our plan, a secret society for the spreading of Carnival throughout the world.
But this is far in the future, for now, we will do everything possible, to assist your work in the decades to come."
Dietrich lifts his glass, too, opens his mouth and falls into the fireplace, dead like a dodo.
A smell of roasted ham fills the room, as the standing man articulates, what everybody thinks:
"Ah, bugger!
After intensive consultations amongst the secret members, involving a revolving bottle and several traditional counting-out rhymes a new Archbishop is found.
It is Adolf III, a charming but debile no-good. He has no administration skills, instead knows nothing about military!
A perfect puppet in the hands of the secret order!
October 1453
After finishing their training, the Knights are directly ordered to invade Liege, the evil country right to the west, whose sheer existance poses a great danger to the peaceloving citizens of Cologne. Every spring they had complained about the noise and the empty bottles rolling over the border. Now they would feel the wrath of Carnival!
Utrecht decides to attack Gelre and Cologne honors its alliance and declares war against it, too.
While the mighty Army of Cologne besieges Liege, Muenster sees a chance, to expand and DoWs Cologne.
After a short while, their army stands in Lippe and although Adolf III doesn´t want to risk lives for a province with a stupid name like that, he swears revenge!
In December, Gelre and Liege existance has ended and the decimated yet victorious armies start to invade Münster.
In March 1454 Lippe is occupied, but Münster and Osnabrück are under siege.
Because of the annexation-thingie, Colognes reputation is down the drain, but the advisors are working on it. Ulrich von Eyczing and Giovanni Orsini distribute free samples of beer to the neighbours as well as clown noses to slacken the tense atmosphere.
The Cologne army needs 420 days to figure out, how to win the siege of Münster (Attack the town! D´oh!) and two days later Münster appreciates its wrong deeds and is more than willing to pay for it by ceding Osnabrück and paying a symbolic amount of gold.
That doesn´t improve the reputation, which stays slightly tarnished.
As nobody likes the Merchants of Cologne, the investion in trade-technologies are reduced to a sensibly zero, the lack of coast brings the same fate to naval-technologies.
In fact, all money is spent for the government, as the citizens of Cologne are in desperate need of an idea! What would be Cologne, what would be Germany without... Bureaucracy?
It takes until 1457 but finally the intricateness moves into the state and everybody is happy.
------------------------------
That´s the first part. Let´s see, if Cologne stays at peace for a while or if that happens, what always happens: Burgundy attacks and makes me feel miserable.
If you have any suggestions or questions, I´m pleased to hear them.
This is madness!
This is... CAARnival!
(obligatory 300 joke: Check)
I always wanted to start a game with my homeregion, but as Aachen isn´t a province in EU3,
I will have to take Cologne, which is fine with me, too.
This is my first AAR, and as I never played EU2, my EU3 skills are quite decent.
After several very, very, very unsuccesfull attempts, I had to start at "easy".
Yes, I admit it, I´m bad. Shame on me!
o If I´m still alive after 100 years, I will switch to the next difficulty, after another 100
years to the next and so on.
Let´s see, if Cologne is able to stand the test of time!
_____________________________________
30 March 1453
The citizen of Cologne live and prosper under their beloved Archbishop Dietrich von Mörs.
Everything is juuuust peachy! Nice neighbours, mighty alliances with greatpowers like Utrecht, Trier and Alsac and a strong economy make sure, that there is no threat towards Cologne... not!
Dietrich immediatly orders to build a Division of Knights hires a bunch of mercenaries.
(As I saw in earlier games, I will get DoWed soon and my Allies are as useful, as steel-wool socks. )
Flickering flames let eery shadows dance on the walls of the library.
Armchairs with high backs are standing in front of the fireplace, the people sitting in are hidden in the dark, as in every good conspiracy scene. Only one man stands and his dark, thundering voice fills the room.
It´s Dietrich von Mörs.
"Meine Herren, I have summoned you to discuss the future of our beloved Cologne.
It is our noble task, to spread the message, to propagate, to bring it to the world!
Can you imagine, that the rest of the world probably never heard about it, never tasted the joy?"
Horrorstricken murmur from the rest of the Congregation fills the air.
"I know, it is an agonizing thought, but unluckily, it´s the truth. And it is our duty, to change it. It is our duty, to spread Carnival all over the world. I hereby swear, that I won´t rest, that Cologne won´t rest, until every man and every woman is able to participate in the festivities! Imagine a world, where everybody may drink irresponisbly all day long during one week in the year. Where everybody will bawl silly songs and kiss total strangers.
Imagine a world, where sweets are distributed amongst the masses, where
everybody wears silly costums. Don´t you agree, that this is a world worth to fight for not only by words, but by deeds?"
He raises his hand, the others jump up and burst into Oathes and Hoorays.
After some minutes, the excitement tones down and one of them lifts his beerglass.
"Dear Dietrich, your enthusiasm, your impressive idea inspired me and I think, everybody will agree, if we assure you our unlimited support.
May your reign be long and prosperous. Your speeches will inspire people all around the world.
Our children and grandchildren will carry on our plan, a secret society for the spreading of Carnival throughout the world.
But this is far in the future, for now, we will do everything possible, to assist your work in the decades to come."
Dietrich lifts his glass, too, opens his mouth and falls into the fireplace, dead like a dodo.
A smell of roasted ham fills the room, as the standing man articulates, what everybody thinks:
"Ah, bugger!
After intensive consultations amongst the secret members, involving a revolving bottle and several traditional counting-out rhymes a new Archbishop is found.
It is Adolf III, a charming but debile no-good. He has no administration skills, instead knows nothing about military!
A perfect puppet in the hands of the secret order!
October 1453
After finishing their training, the Knights are directly ordered to invade Liege, the evil country right to the west, whose sheer existance poses a great danger to the peaceloving citizens of Cologne. Every spring they had complained about the noise and the empty bottles rolling over the border. Now they would feel the wrath of Carnival!
Utrecht decides to attack Gelre and Cologne honors its alliance and declares war against it, too.
While the mighty Army of Cologne besieges Liege, Muenster sees a chance, to expand and DoWs Cologne.
After a short while, their army stands in Lippe and although Adolf III doesn´t want to risk lives for a province with a stupid name like that, he swears revenge!
In December, Gelre and Liege existance has ended and the decimated yet victorious armies start to invade Münster.
In March 1454 Lippe is occupied, but Münster and Osnabrück are under siege.
Because of the annexation-thingie, Colognes reputation is down the drain, but the advisors are working on it. Ulrich von Eyczing and Giovanni Orsini distribute free samples of beer to the neighbours as well as clown noses to slacken the tense atmosphere.
The Cologne army needs 420 days to figure out, how to win the siege of Münster (Attack the town! D´oh!) and two days later Münster appreciates its wrong deeds and is more than willing to pay for it by ceding Osnabrück and paying a symbolic amount of gold.
That doesn´t improve the reputation, which stays slightly tarnished.
As nobody likes the Merchants of Cologne, the investion in trade-technologies are reduced to a sensibly zero, the lack of coast brings the same fate to naval-technologies.
In fact, all money is spent for the government, as the citizens of Cologne are in desperate need of an idea! What would be Cologne, what would be Germany without... Bureaucracy?
It takes until 1457 but finally the intricateness moves into the state and everybody is happy.
------------------------------
That´s the first part. Let´s see, if Cologne stays at peace for a while or if that happens, what always happens: Burgundy attacks and makes me feel miserable.
If you have any suggestions or questions, I´m pleased to hear them.
