Medelpad is Really Cold!

[Serek000]

27 December, 1066.

Hello, Diary. I'm glad I found you at the market at a special Christmas discount price, because now I can record my life! Anyways. My name is Kolbjorn of Medelpad. I'm 27 years old, and have dark hair and a pointy jaw.

Here's a picture!

I'm the Count of Medelpad. A lot of people don't know where that is (and shame on them!). It's in a cold place, up in the north of Scandinavia, in what someday might be Sweden. For now, though, the Swedish Kingdom is south, which is a shame, because now we're all alone in the cold and lonely North. Also, there are those damned pagan tribes swarming all over, threatening to destroy Medelpad. Oh, and another thing - night lasts a long time here.

Here's a map of Medelpad:

I'm a lonely guy. Hopefully I'll get some company up here soon. I mean, being the sole ruler of a county is fun at first, but after a while you really start to want some courtiers. I hope that some will come for the New Year's Gala I'm hosting. I think I might kidnap them and force them to stay.

I need a wife, too. Unfortunately, I'm not a fan of Swedish women. Hopefully I can find a nicely shaped Greek babe to help heat up my frozen hill fort. I guess I could settle for an Italian, too, if I absolutely have no other choice...

Anyways, Diary, it's getting late and I have to let my wolfhounds in. I wish I had a courtier to do that for me.

Until after the Gala,

Kolbjorn

 

[The_Shepherd]

this looks good, subscribed!

 

[unmerged(175623)]

It is quite cold in Medelpad. :nod:

 

[Serek000]

6 January 1067

Dear Diary:

It's been six days since the Gala. My plan to gain courtiers through kidnapping worked well! I tricked them into coming into the basement of my hill fort to see my wine cellar. They followed me into it, and I quickly ran out and locked the door behind me, trapping them inside! A brilliant plan, if I may say so myself.

I finally let them out of the cellar today, on the grounds that they promise not to leave Medelpad. I think they'd get lost and freeze in a snowstorm, anyways, so there's not much risk of that. January is awful here. No fun at all.

When I finally took inventory of my newly acquired friends, I was somewhat dismayed and disappointed. They were all women! Blegh. No good. Women are boring and best for bringing me my salt herring. I want a big, burly, manly man so we can go to the mead hall together after a day of fishing for herring! Even more dismaying was the revelation that one of the new members of the exclusive Courtier Club is only fifteen. Here in Medelpad (and I assume the rest of the world, but I've never left the confines of this fantastic county) kidnapping underage women is frowned upon. I'll pretend she's my niece until she comes of age, that will keep suspicions away.

Meanwhile, the Republic of Jamtland requested an alliance. I quickly accepted! Medelpad has its first friend!

Here's my court, as it currently stands:

I need a wife. Medelpad is boring in the winter, it sure would be nice to be able to spend all day with a nice bosomy lover at my side, instead of all alone with nobody but my wolfhounds to love. I think I'll start my hunt pretty soon, see if I can't find a worthy woman from someplace down south where January doesn't mean a month of staying inside (nice and toasty, sheltered from the freezing wind!) and eating salted herring while listening to the wolves howling outside.


3 February, 1067

While I was finalizing plans to send a servant abroad to find a good wife for me, I got a letter from Norway. Evidently the King (some snot-nosed 16 year old!) wants to marry my chancellor. I was getting pretty attached to her, but the King of Norway is one of the most powerful men around. I can't really say no to him. I sent Chancellor Sofia away to Akershus with a bit of sadness in my heart.

Here's the Norwegian brat:

12 February, 1067

Much to my surprise, I heard a knocking on the main gate of the Hill Fort. What's this, I thought to myself, a visitor? Delightful! We never get visitors! I let the fellow in, and he told me he was a warrior fleeing from some bogus accusations in another court. I gladly let the man (Ragnvild is his name - a name that oozes masculinity) join my court. He'll be my Marshall. I wonder if this is the friend I've been waiting for?

A guest!

13 February, 1068

Woah. Turns out Ragnvild is somehow related to me. I think maybe a second cousin or something, but we definitely share the same last name, and it's not like "of Medelpad" is a common name. He's in need of a wife, too. Maybe we can go spouse hunting together!

Anyways, enough of this diary stuff. I get a quick nip of fresh air. I assigned my spy master to be the palace cook, and she's disappointingly bad. I've had food poisoning twice in as many weeks. How hard is it to roast moose meat?!

 

[unmerged(59077)]

o Spouse hunting?

Sounds like Medelpad's regional sport of choice!

 

[Murmurandus]

Ah, off with a good start. Kidnapping courtiers and spouse hunting... the fun and joys of living in a freezing hell...

 

[Serek000]

February 14, 1067

Dear Diary,

Today I sent a my servant to the court of the County of Hellas. He's supposed to give my marriage offer to a fine young lady named Theoktiste. From what I understand she's quite the looker - the kind of woman who makes one wish that satin sheets had been invented in Medelpad (not that there's anything wrong with moose-hide bedding). Normally I would just have her kidnapped, but it's tough to take a duty from a wife who I've whisked away in the back of a wagon.

Here's an artist's rendering:

March 7, 1067

After almost a month of waiting, the Count of Hellas agreed on the marriage! Theoktiste arrived in Medelpad this morning. She's a bit of a looker, but not really as attractive as my servant led me to believe. Oh well, she should spit out babies just fine. Evidently she's quite lusty, which is certainly a good quality in my book! I'm planning a honeymoon. I think we'll go to visit the Republic of Jamtland, I hear it's really pretty in the spring, and doesn't have a nasty wind blowing off the Bay of Bothnia.

I had the Chancellor, who also doubles as a scribe, document this momentous day:

March 11 1067

Today was the feast of our blessed patron saint, St Erik. The tiny little chapel is putting up a new statue, and I was invited to the ceremony. Normally I would walk behind the statue with the rest of my court, but there will be pilgrims there. Pilgrims are pretty foul people, smelly from weeks of not bathing and have short tempers from traveling across the frozen valleys and decrepit roadways of Medelpad. I decided to go at the head of the procession, which I didn't think was such a big deal. I mean, I was upwind from the stench of the pilgrims and I got to get in and out quickly. Sure the priest fussed a little bit, but priests are usually fussy. I think.

March 16 1067

I'm off to Jamtland with my bride. More details upon my return.


April 3, 1067

I'm back! The trip went pretty well, and was certainly worth the trip. I'm not going to say much more about it.


April 7, 1067

My second cousin Ragnvald was driving me crazy with his constant whining about not having a wife. He hasn't really been doing much to help his case, though. The other day I caught him passed out in the wine cellar. Anyway, he asked for the hand of my Spy Mistress, Asta. I hastily agreed, just to get him off my back. She's not very pretty, and isn't the brightest flower in the garden. I don't know what he sees in her.


April 27, 1067

What a great day! My wife told me that she woke up feeling nauseated, as has thrown up thrice already today! She must be pregnant! Around December or January we should have a son! At least I hope it's a son. Not that I have anything against daughters, but they're not really as useful as an eldest child.

That's all for now, I'm off to celebrate at the mead hall!

 

[unmerged(59077)]

My wife is nauseated and throwing up! Great news, everyone!

Now gimme lotsa mead so that I may feel nauseuous and vomit all over the bushes!

Vomiting - the second national sport of Medelpad.

 

[unmerged(175623)]

What a great day! My wife told me that she woke up feeling nauseated, as has thrown up thrice already today!

:rofl:

 

[Serek000]

July 9, 1067

Dear Diary,

Today Ragnvald, finally doing something related to his job as a Marshall, brought an issue before me. The drawbridge to the hill fort has become something of a problem, as hoodlums are coming across it into the courtyard at ungodly hours and causing quite a ruckus. Evidently he's having trouble sleeping because of it. I told him to go ahead and leave the gate open. I see no difference between waking up because of loud people in the courtyard and being woken up because of the groans of a pregnant wife.

12 September 1067

Today I heard that a thieves guild has formed somewhere here in Medelpad. I really don't know what is here that is worth stealing. We have some of the finest reserves of salt herring in all of Scandinavia, but that's pretty much it.


26 October 1067

The Pope sent a letter to me today! How exciting! He wants to send a bishop here. I'm not sure what kind of bishop would want to come to Medelpad, but I hastily agreed. One does not say no to the Pope.


27 December 1067

My wife is really complaining about something. I hate this language gap - she's been living here almost a year and still speaks no Swedish! I think she's going into labor though, given her flushed face and annoyingly loud breathing.


28 December 1067

Today my son was born! I named him Astrad. It's a nice masculine name. I hope my wife doesn't mind. I'm so glad I have a little bundle of joy! I must be the happiest man in Medelpad! He'll be great some day, I can just feel it...

I'm off to celebrate! My friends and I are going to the mead hall with the Bishop!

 

[Sumerian Donkey]

:rofl: Looking great, will be following.

 

[unmerged(59077)]

Beer helps overcome the language gap. Known fact.

 

[Murmurandus]

So much celebrating lately... how unusual...

 

[Serek000]

22 May 1068

Dear Diary,

Today my second cousin Ragnvald told me that his wife gave birth to a stillborn son. I didn't even know she was pregnant! Whoops. I feel like something of a git...

Also, for some reason, a pretty good sized group of people came to my court. I don't know who they are, and I certainly didn't give them permission to come here, but I decided they could stay. If we have another incident with a polar bear, they could distract him while I escape, so we avoid a catastrophe like last time one of those white-furred devils came to visit...



10 January 1069

Apart from the birth of Astrad, my wonderful little son, 1068 was a boring year. Evidently the peasants like a ruler who does nothing but sit around and eat herring and moose by day and drink mead and procreate (or attempt to procreate) at night. An informal poll conducted by my Spy Mistress revealed that the people love me! Hoorah!

16 January 1069

Ragnvald has become a real deadbeat. After catching him once again (for the third time now, that scoundrel!) passed out in the wine cellar I chewed him out a good one and gave him a warning that if he puts a single toe over the line again he'll be cleaning out the royal kennel for a month. Evidently that upset him, and he threatened to leave if I didn't pay to keep him in the court. Who does he think he is? Of course I didn't pay him! I'll have to keep an eye on that fellow...

1 April 1069

Today my wife started pressing me to start Astrad's education. Or at least I think that's what she was bugging me about. Her Swedish is about as good as Astrad's, and her vocabulary is equally limited. I almost sent him to the monastery as a hilarious April Fool's Day joke, but decided the consequences might be disastrous - imagine if my son, the heir to Medelpad, cuts his hair in the manner of the monks! I decided instead to raise him myself. I'll turn him into a real manly man!

It's the first day of my son being in my tutelage, so I'll take him to the mead hall to celebrate!

Later

Note to self - The wife doesn't like it if you take the baby to the mead hall. She started yelling something in Greek, and she looked downright mean as I was getting him bundled up to go, so doing what every good father does, I gave her the kid and skedaddled to the mead hall before she could catch me.

 

[Murmurandus]

'skedaddled' is just a great word... :nods:

 

[Serek000]

'skedaddled' is just a great word... :nods:

Aye, that it is. It was for some reason awkward to write - it's one of those words that you hear spoken a lot more than you see written.

 

[Enewald]

Yeh, those words. :rofl:

 

[Sumerian Donkey]

I can seeth why thy people loveth Kolbjorn. They didn't seeth the state of your treasury. From January 1069 -> April 1069 only a single doubloon o' gold was added to your rather skinny piggy bank.

 

[Serek000]

Well, this is turning out differently than I though it would. Medelpad is poor, and I knew that coming into it, but I didn't think it would be getting an income of just .23 per year! Makes doing anything damn near impossible.

So far this AAR has no goals or long-term plans - just staying alive. I suppose the pagans will come calling sooner or later, but I'll deal with that when the time comes.

I pose a question to you, readers:

Should I try to turn the "of Medelpad" family into a Greek cultured and Orthodox family through marriages? It might take a while, and Medelpad might not survive to see it happen, but would it be a good objective?

 

[Klavo Hunter]

If you can keep convincing hot Greek women to keep coming up to Medelpad... or kidnapping them, whatever works... then that would work out fine :rofl: