Part I: The Summons
“Sir? You summoned me to see You?”
“Yes. Please come in and sit down.”
I sat down on the stone slab He motioned to. (I’ll use the male form, as most mortals of this time do, but He, like me, is completely sexless.)
“Hoplite, do you know of a people called the Danes?”
“Yes. Very warlike, as I remember, but I love their breakfast pastry.”
He frowned and went on.
“Well they have been very naughty in the past, what with the Viking raids along the Volga and northern Europe. So I have decided to punish them for a few centuries.”
“Oh, very good Sir! Should I get out the Plague of Toads?” That was my favorite. It was always funny to see those little buggers jumping around like mad, just as confused as the humans they were plaguing.
“Naah, it’s too cold there. They’d all freeze in the winter. I have decided not to send a specific plague, just some general turmoil, chaos and unrest. Let them figure out on their own that I am upset with them. However, I am a compassionate God.” I mentally rolled my eyes at that. If He was truly compassionate, would he have had me measuring ice levels in Antarctica for the last millenium? “So I have decided to mitigate their pain. I am sending you to guide them during this period.”
“Thank you Sir!” Finally I would be off the ice sheet! And interacting with humans! They were so much more interesting than angels. “So I am to be Denmark’s guardian angel?”
“Yes. But there is a condition. As you know, I am a God of Peace. Remember that! You must guide them toward peace at all times. Maybe 300 years of your guardianship will make them see the true path to My Glory.”
“Yes Sir! No war!” I pretended to write it down.
“I AM SERIOUS!!! NOW GET TO WORK!!!” He thundered.
I quickly dodged out of the office, avoided several unaimed lightning bolts.
“Sir? You summoned me to see You?”
“Yes. Please come in and sit down.”
I sat down on the stone slab He motioned to. (I’ll use the male form, as most mortals of this time do, but He, like me, is completely sexless.)
“Hoplite, do you know of a people called the Danes?”
“Yes. Very warlike, as I remember, but I love their breakfast pastry.”
He frowned and went on.
“Well they have been very naughty in the past, what with the Viking raids along the Volga and northern Europe. So I have decided to punish them for a few centuries.”
“Oh, very good Sir! Should I get out the Plague of Toads?” That was my favorite. It was always funny to see those little buggers jumping around like mad, just as confused as the humans they were plaguing.
“Naah, it’s too cold there. They’d all freeze in the winter. I have decided not to send a specific plague, just some general turmoil, chaos and unrest. Let them figure out on their own that I am upset with them. However, I am a compassionate God.” I mentally rolled my eyes at that. If He was truly compassionate, would he have had me measuring ice levels in Antarctica for the last millenium? “So I have decided to mitigate their pain. I am sending you to guide them during this period.”
“Thank you Sir!” Finally I would be off the ice sheet! And interacting with humans! They were so much more interesting than angels. “So I am to be Denmark’s guardian angel?”
“Yes. But there is a condition. As you know, I am a God of Peace. Remember that! You must guide them toward peace at all times. Maybe 300 years of your guardianship will make them see the true path to My Glory.”
“Yes Sir! No war!” I pretended to write it down.
“I AM SERIOUS!!! NOW GET TO WORK!!!” He thundered.
I quickly dodged out of the office, avoided several unaimed lightning bolts.