Rise of a Soviet Nation

[Exterous]

From the producer who brought you: Rise of a German Nation comes the blockbuster sequel of the summer -- "Rise of a Soviet Nation"
Twice the action
Twice the adventure
Twice the speling errors
Comming to a forum on an internet near you!
Summer 2003

 

[Exterous]

January 1st 1936
Stalin was sitting in his chair minding his own business....
Location: Moscow
When the door to his office opened....
Weather: cold
Stalin: "Can I help you?"
A worldtumbling mod
Stranger: "I don't know, can you?"
Hard/vicious
Stalin: *sigh "MAY I help you?"
Weather: now freezing
Stranger: "No, but i believe i can help you"
Weather: Just move somewhere warmer

Stalin: "Oh? And how do you plan to do that?"

Stranger: "I have something for you."

Stalin: "And what would that be?"

Stranger: "This." And pulls out something labled "event folder"

(Dramatic fade to black with cool music playing in the background)

Zukov was sitting on his tank drinking Russian coffee (vodka) when he recived his new orders. A redeployment to the boarder with perisa
Zukov: "Don't we have enough useless territory"

Stalin: "Are you disagreeing with the Party?"

Zukov jumped, startled: "How did you get here?"

Stalin: "Communism is Great"

Zukov realized that that was the only answer he would get. "No disagreement, I was just wondering about the 10% dissent hit we would take."

Stalin: "Eh?"

Zukov: "A stranger told me about that."

Stalin: "Yes, seems to be alot of that going around. Anyway, I am impatient so take over a counrty."

Zukov: "Which one?"

Stalin: "Probably Persia since you are being redeployed there."

Zukov: "Good call. Why perisa?"

Stalin: "Cause neither the germans or the allies will declare war on us if we do."

Zukov: "How do you know that?"

Stalin: "Random stranger"

Zukov "Uh-huh"

So, Zukov took Perisa in, oh, say 3 months after war was declared in Feb 1936. And everyone was happy...except for 10% of the population. It was rumored that like all good communist dissenters they were slowly taken to siberia and shot reducing the dissent level to 7% by July

July 4 1936
Zukov looks at his orders in disbelief. "Surely we have conqured enough useless territories by now"

Stalin: "We will never have enough useless territories until we have them ALL!!!!!"

Zukov jumped again and looked around. "How did you get here, all the way in Persia from moscow so fast?"

Stalin: "I told you, Communism is Great! Now, go conqure Afghanistan."

So, Zukov conqured Afghanistan, in say 2 months. And everyone was happy, except for another 10% of the population.

Maskin Litvinov: "What now sir?"

Stalin: "Now, I get rid of you"

Maskin Litvinov: "SIR?!? Why?"

Stalin: "Well, because your name is too long to type all the time and i found this guy who could do your job" Stalin pointed to the corner

Maskin Litvinov looked at the disheveled figure; "Who is he?"

Stalin: "I don't know, found him in some random building the NKVD broke into looking for traitors. I call him RAaGU"

Maksin Litvinov: "Raagu?"

Stalin: "Yeah, R.A.ndom G.U.y who can do diplomacy as well as you."

Maskin Litvinov: "But where did the other "A" come from?"

Stalin: "Copyright Laws. Now get out of my office." And stalin shot him

Raagu: "What now sir?"

Stalin: "Nap time

 

[unmerged(8520)]

HAHAHAHAHA this is great.
Please keep up the AAR!

 

[Satcho]

Originally posted by Exterous
Twice the speling errors

Haha! Well, at least you can admit to that. Heehee.

 

[unmerged(13887)]

Huzzah! Another Exterous AAR!

 

[unmerged(2377)]

lol random guy.

 

[Exterous]

Stalin awoke from his nap: "Damn! I hate eye crusties!" He said wipping furiously at the corners of his eyes.

RAagu: "Indeed"

Stalin: "You're still here? Bah, no matter. What have i missed?"

RAagu: "Nothing, we built some stuff and shot some more dissenters. We only have 13% left"

Stalin: "Great! Lets shoot more people."

RAagu: "We're going as fast as we can"

Stalin: "No, I mean our generals"

RAagu: "Uh, and why would you want to do that?"

Stalin: "I don't trust them. They're always ordering people around and never in the city for my birthday"

RAagu: "I don't think thats wise sir. That would be another dissent hit of 10%"

Stalin: "I thought that reduced our dissenters?"

RAagu: "Different mod differnet rules."

Stalin: "Eh?"

RAagu: "Nothing, don't worry about it. Just don't kill anyone"

Stalin crossed his arms and pouted: "Fine"

RAagu rolled his eyes: "Well, if you're gonna be a baby about it, go invade china or something. I hear the Jappanese are busy over there."

Stalin: "Fine I think I will" And he left his office

3 days later:

Zukov: "Invade Persia, invade Afghanistan, invade China. Whats next Germany?" (hint hint, foreshadowing)

Stalin: "Hmmm, thats a good idea"

Zukov jumped again spilling his coffee all over the ground. "Good greif man!"

Stalin: "Communism is Gr......"

Zukov: "Yes, yes, communism is great, i know"

Stalin narrowed his eyes in suspision, but he knew that RAgu would be mad at him if he killed Zukov...but still......
"Just invade already"

Zukov: "Should i wait to get organized?"

Stalin: "Fine, fine, whatever"

Over the next few months Zukov watched proudly as his tanks, men and generals crushed the peasant chinese army, gaining valuable experiance in the process. Finally a realy army to fight and wirthwhile provences to capture.

Zukov sipped his coffee and then spit it in the ground. Horrible! There was almost no voka in this coffee at all. Still the progress he had made! It was his favorite thing to do on January 17th -- Annexation time! And only 6 months after war was declared (That would be in August for those of you who don't like to count backwards)

Moscow:

RAagu: "Good news sir. We have taken China. We got all of it up to the Hwang Ho River"

Stalin snickered at the name: "Hey, wait....why didn't that provence turn red?" He said pointing to Anxi

RAagu: "Mongolia got it"

Stalin: "Mongolia?? But they didn't do any fighting!"

RAagu: "I know"

Stalin: "Well, get it back!"

RAagu: "I tried"

Stalin: "Kick them out of the Alliance then and DOW them!"

RAagu: "Tried that too"

Stalin: "What good are you then? Answer: NO GOOD!" Stalin reached for his favorite pistol, then remembered that that was his toy pop-gun and reached for the revolver.

RAagu: "You don't want to do that Stalin." He said waving two finders at him in a half circle

Stalin: "I don't want to do that"

RAagu could barely hide the shock on his face. He never thought that would work. He had been ready to use his Green Glowy Lite Prod Thingy to deflect the bullet. "Hmmm, maybe this would make a good movie or something" looking at his GGLPT and fingers.

Stalin shook his head: "What was that?"

RAagu: "Er...nothing, probably wouldn't work anyway"

Stalin looked sleepy: "I have a headache now, im going to take a nap........."

 

[Exterous]

Hmmm, my attempt to make a nice neat link to my AAR has failed. Any suggestions on how to make it work?

 

[Montemurro]

Originally posted by Exterous
Hmmm, my attempt to make a nice neat link to my AAR has failed. Any suggestions on how to make it work?

Write this in your signature: (URL=WWWW)XYZ(/URL)

Replace the '(' with '[' and ')' with ']'


WWWW is the web address

XYZ could be 'Read my AAR' or 'Rise of a Soviet Nation' or whatever

About your AAR: LOL

 

[Satcho]

Originally posted by Exterous
Stalin: "Communism is Gr......"

For some reason, I'm starting to picture him doing a Tony the Tiger impression from the Frosted Flakes commercials.

"Communism is Grrrrrrrrreat!"

Yes, I need help.

Funny stuff, keep it up!

 

[Exterous]

Thanks guys

 

[Morpheus506]

Another great AAR!! I hope you do another when you're done with this one.... maybe as another Commie country, so their leader can just show up in different places

 

[Exterous]

Stalin awoke from his nap. It had been a great one and had, as usual, provided insight into his next step towards world domination: "We're moving to Luxembourg!"

RAagu: "You had a dream again didn't you?"

Stalin: "Maybe, but that doesn't mean we're not going to Italy. But first: a disguise!"

RAagu rolled his eyes

Luxembourg: Feb 1938

Stalin stood on a street corner and looked around: "Where is everyone?"

RAagu: "Our spies report that all of them have move to France."

Stalin: "Hmm, thats odd, its such a nice country."

RAagu: "Uh sir, you're standing in france."

Stalin: "Huh? Oh, sorry." And walked to the other side of the street.

RAagu: "No, now you've passed through Luxembourg and into Germany."

Stalin: "What a confusing country. And why are somethings spelled Luxemburg and others Luxembourg here? Hey you! Sir! Could you answer some questions for us?"

Pierre looked up from the cafe table he had been sitting at: "People? I have more manpwer?! Do you guys want to be in my army?"

RAagu: "No, thats quite alright"

Pierre looked very dissapointed: "Are you sure? Its really quite grand. We get together and play tag and go fishing. You could be the 1st Division..." he said pointing excitedly to Stalin "and you could be the Royal Luxemburg Division!" pointing to RAagu.

RAagu: "Really, thats ok."

Stalin: "Wait! Why don't I get to be the Royal division?"

RAagu: "You don't believe in Royalty sir."

Stalin: "So?" And Stalin proceeded to argue with Pierre about who got to be what division.

Aide: "He does this alot. Its his version of a draft."

RAagu looked over to where Pierre's aide was standing: "I'm not surpised. They seem to be quite alike."

The Aide looked at the two arguing counrty leaders. "Does yours like to take baths?"

RAagu: "No, just naps alot."

Aide: "I suppose we should separate them before something bad happens."

RAagu: "I suppose."

Aide: "Oh, by the way, I think we have someone that belongs to you. He goes by the name of Exterous and he had a folder with him that would go with your game better than ours."

RAagu: "Exterous? Hmmm, never herd of him. What kind of screwy name is that anyway?"

Aide: "I think its Portugese. Anyway, hes over there at that table."

RAagu: "The one weaving baskets?"

Aide: "Thats the one."

RAagu gathered his group together, having to forcefully pull Stalin out of the street where he and Pierre were still arguing.

Pierre shouted after them: "Wait! No! You can both be royal divisions! I need manpower! If you leave i won't have ANY divisions."

Aide: "Don't worry sir, we haven't seen the last of them."

As RAagu, Stalin and Exterous were walking back to Moscow RAagu turned to Exterous: "So, I hear your name is Exterous and that you have something for us?"

Exterous: "No, my name is Satcho."

RAagu stopped dead in his tracks: "Satcho?"

Satcho: "Yeah, all i know is that i was minding my own business in underwater firesafety class and they just grabbed me and made me start weaving baskets."

RAagu was startled: "Underwater firesafety class??" That was where Luxembourg's worst criminals did time. "What did you do to get thrown in there."

Satch: "They got mad at me for not posting enough updates on my AAR."

That made sense to RAagu, for he had read the posts and not much had been happening lately. But still...who was this mysterious Exterous and what did Luxembourg have to gain by keeping him. RAagu's eyes narrowed. You may have won this time Aide, but we will have our revenge.

Stalin: "Finally I get to take this disguise off. Its such a pain to wear." He took off his fake mustache and smoothed out his real one that had been underneath. "There, much better." And he started skipping home.

RAagu just sighed and wondered, as he walked off after stalin, if he too should move to france.

Satcho followed uncertainly behind. "Guys? Hey, guys? What about me?"

(Hope you don't mind that i used some of your characters and your name Satcho. If you do, let me know and i'll take them out. If not, enjoy!)

 

[iBaLkiD]

"""Stalin: "Finally I get to take this disguise off. Its such a pain to wear." He took off his fake mustache and smoothed out his real one that had been underneath. "There, much better." And he started skipping home."""



LOL!

 

[Montemurro]

*Gasping for air*

This AAR is just too funny

 

[irishpony]

 

[Exterous]

A random underling handed Zukov his cup of coffee, having just climbed out of his tank.

"Zukov!" Stalin said

Coffee splattered on the side of the tank. "Why do I even bother?"

Stalin: "Go mass near the German border."

Zukov: "Didn't we just sign a pact with them?"

Stalin: "Yes."

Zukov: "Itsn't that like a binding treaty?"

Stalin just laughed. "Now, go mass near the border. Communism is Great!" And he was gone.

Hmmm, I should try that sometime.
Zukov pondered over the last months weeks. Nothing much had been taken over, the allies were getting alittle mad at the soviets for all the conquesting they had done. But that was ok with Zukov. The army had grown in size and he had had time for a fishing trip. And, even better, Stalin hadn't shown up once.

Oct 1939:
Germany invades Poland
Jan 1940
Germany annexes Poland
September 1940
Germany has conqured Belgium and the Neatherlands
After that: The Western front settles into a boring unchanging war, except for when the germans conqured Luxembourg

RAagu (reading the newspaper): "AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Whats up now AIDE?!? Huh? What your puny army couldn't defeat the Germans without the Royal Luxembourian divisions????"

Stalin: "What ever are you laughing at?"

RAagu: "Luxembourg is now a German parking lot"

Stalin: "Why do they always make parking lots so small? There won't be anywhere to park. Anyway, its a shame, Pierre was a good guy. A little bossy, like he ran the place, but a good guy."

RAagu sighed contentedly

Stalin: "But this war of theirs is boring me. We should join."

RAagu got a sinking feeling in his stomach. "On which side sir?"

Stalin: "Side?? Our own of course! Go attack Germany!"

RAagu: "Should i take the army with me?"

Stalin: "Uh, good point. Might as well. They're just making sand castles now."

RAagu: "We don't have any sand here."

Stalin: "Exaclty my point. They are such trouble makers when they are bored. Go tell Zukov."
*******
Zukov was walking around his tank when....

"Zukov, go invade Germany."

Coffee spilled onto the ground. "Good Lord! Why does this always happen to me?"

RAagu: "Its called a running gag."

Zukov: "So, this is going to keep happening?"

RAagu: "Its possible. Anyway, go invade Germany."

Zukov: "You do realize that its winter right?"

RAagu: "I know, i will delay him till March 4th, ok?"

Both of them knew the dangers that the deadly "snowflake of death" would have on their combat modifyers.

Zukov: "thank you"

RAagu: "No problem, now off i go." He clicked his heals together "There's no place like home."

Zukov just looked at him: "I think you have to say it"

RAagu sighed: "I was hoping not to but; Communism is Great!"
And Zukov was left alone with his now half filled cup of coffee.

March 4th, for better or worse, the USSR delcared war on Germany.

 

[Morpheus506]

ROFLMAO

I love this AAR

 

[Exterous]

Zukov sat inside his command tank sipping his coffee. 'Let's see Stalin appear in hear.' he thought to himself.
The war against the hated Germans was going quite well. It had started off with a two pronged armored assault (16 each) in the north through Torun and Konigsberg. In the south inf armys backed by a mech army invaded southern poland and Romania.
In the north, breakthrough was swift easyily overrunning the defenders and racing into germany. German resistance crumbled and a crucial decision was made. Zukov would not halt to swing south and entrap 20 german divisions and would instead drive through landsberg and advance on Berlin with the other Armored army supporting to the north.
Facing only recently deployed inf divs and recently retreaded armies, Zukov took Berlin on March 22 (only 18 days later) with moderate casualties. He was ordered to wait there and reorganize after his drive into berlin.
Konev fought just north of Zukov, in settin and then a brutal battle in rostock.
Poland was all but taken as was Romania. Hungary was being beaten back and the German allies of Czech were also invaded. The war was going well.

By July 27 Army group North continued its drive through northern Germany to Willhelmshave, Munster Frankfurt, Essen and 3/4 of the sudetenland line. Romania was all but dead, Bulgaria belonged to the USSR, Yugoslavia was invaded, Hungary was half gone. The advance was bogged down in Czech though, due mostly to a lack of offensive forces. This was going to be a fast, easy war, or so i thought.....

Moscow:

RAagu: "And our advance has halted for reorganization and consolodation."

Stalin (penting his fingers): "Excellent. All goes well."

Just then an aide burst into the room. "SIR! Batumi has been taken!"

Stalin was very confused: "But that is no where near the front!"

Aide: "I know sir, but the Turks have joind the allies!"

Stalin: "I didn't know that. When did that happen?"

RAagu: "Hmmm, i think we were paying too much attention to the war in Germany that we didn't keep tabs on the German's growing alliance."

Stalin: "Hmmm, makes sense. Run down that list again."

RAagu took a deep breath: "German, Italy..."

Stalin: "Duh"

"Czech, Hungary, Romania...."

"No big deal"

"Bulgaria, Argentina....."

"uh...."

"Paraguay...."

"Who?"

"Japan, Portugal, Greece....."

"Er..." Stalin started to look concerned

"Nationalist Spain, Turkey......"

"Good Lord"

"Finland and Sweden." RAagu stopped gasping for breath.

"Thats alot isn't it?"

"Yup, 15 countries. Tell me again why you haven't had me influencing anyone?"

"So we would get in a big war and not take a dissent hit by having to delcare war on everyone."

"I think it worked. Perhaps a bit too well."

"Perhaps, but the war is going well."

Just then another aide burst in the room.

Stalin: "Now, this can't be good"

Aide: "Sir, there are now 112 Axis divs facing off against our 24 along the german front and we have few free units available in souther Europe for offensive opperations becasue the front is too long against too many countries."

RAagu: "What about the allies? Have they pushed forward?"

Aide: "No, the front hasen't moved a bit on their side."

RAagu: "But we have driven so far into germany. They must have done something!"

Aide: "Nope. In fact, Germany still holds Sedan, Belium and Holland."

RAagu: "Stupid good for nothing allies"

Aide: "Indeed"

Stalin: "Thats it, i have had enough." And pointed his revolver at the aide.

RAagu: "What are you doing?"

Stalin: "They always bring me bad news so if i kill them there won't be anymore bad news!"

RAagu: "Put the gun down."

"But..."

"I said put it down." And stalin got whapped on the nose with a rolled newspaper. He put the gun down.

The aide looking visable relieved said "What do we do now sir?"

Stalin: "We fight! We will prevail! COmmunism is great!" But all wondered if they would be able to get out of this jam........

 

[unmerged(13887)]

This AAR just's keeps getting better and better!