The Adventures of the Sedentary Princes of Novgorod

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My first AAR... I have played in numerous games of world conquest in CK(conquer all of islam? Been there, done that... suzereign of the HRE? Sure...)

but what constantly eludes me, is the ability to NOT conquer half the world. Frankly the game is hard to play without conquering everyone under the sun, because every time I play I feel like I HAVE to do something to stop my allies and neighbours being ridiculously stupid. The burden of rulership and talent I suppose... :rofl: anyways, this preamble is to explain what I won't be doing: I will not be conquering the world. I will not be expanding at all if I can help it. I will do everything I can to make sure in fact that I do not control more then the one principality I chose to start as. With that in mind...

[note: I changed the save file so that my leader was some 10 years younger. I did NOT want to inheret all of Poland and the Principalities of Kiev, etc -- and yes, this happens rather quickly. The Prince of Kiev, my father, and ally, was a mad hatter who declared war left right and centre.]



Part I: The Grande Reformation

Scene I
"Let us survey the domain..."

"Sir, with all due respect, I do not think your plan is wise."

"Sir Malic, I don't need my father's approval, or for that matter yours, for whatever it is I chose to do with MY lands."

Some people just don’t understand what it takes to rule…
"Georg, write up the decree. We are moving count … whatever his name is, from our south to our east. He can have… whatever it is called, the eastern-most province in our domains. Further, indicate that we are declaring that I am the rightful Duke of Pskov. Oh, and the rightful Duke of … damn. Where ever it is we are dumping that count. Beloozero you say? Then yes. We are now Duke of Beloozero. Also, include in that decree that we are declaring war against some pagans, and liberating Vodi. We intend to rule all of Novgorod within the year. I will personally be leading the detachments from Novgorod.”


Scene II
“Sir Malic, I see you have chosen to accompany us into battle!”
“Yes, Lord. Your father has indicated I am to observe your small skirmish in the north.”
“Whatever. Just stay out of the way of the pagans. I wouldn’t why my father’s envoy to the north to receive a spear to the belly!”
God! Why must you plague me with this man? Surely I have done nothing to deserve this… what is that? A pagan detachment is threatening to break through our spear wall. “Trevic, Olargic, to me! We must hold the line!” damn, damn, damn, damn, DAMN!!!

*CRUNCH* *THUD* “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYEE!”
*splat*

This is not so difficult…killing pagans seems rather easy actually.

“Trevic, guard my flank, we will drive these pagans back now and win victory for our people!” …hope he actually follows me… otherwise I am joining the saints…

…

What? The pagans are destroyed? I must have lost it there for a moment…
“All Hail, Great Prince of Novgorod! Slayer of Pagans.”
Interesting… turn a few pagans into pulp and you are hailed a hero. Build a library and fund the development of the infrastructure and no one cares… I will need to remember that for future reference.


Scene III
Yes, that little war did wonders for my vassals respect for me. But then again… it also means they are always around, harassing me… can’t anything go the way I want it with these people? Time to implement step 2 of my plan. Sir Malic is going to have a fit. This is so worth it, just for that reason!

“Ladies and Gentlemen! It is, as always, a great pleasure to host you all for a grand feast here in Novgorod, and on this auspicious occasion, I have an announcement to make!”

Let it build… let it build…
“And so my friends, my companions, my people. I bring to your attention the great vassals who have served so loyally.”

Now for the coup de grace…

“My most loyal vassals. You have seen tough times, and have wondered of my displacement strategy, and have joined me in victory over pagans. Now you will both be rewarded as you richly deserve. Count of Pskov and count of Beloozero. Today you will become Princes in your own right. I am hereby granting you the titles and powers over all the counties within the Principalities which you currently reside. Count of Pskov, you will be known thus as Duke of Pskov, and count of Pskov and Velikiye Luki. And you count of Beloozero, I grant you the title of Duke of Beloozero, and count of Beloozero, Chud and Vologda. Rejoice in your good fortune, and make the Rus proud.”

keep a straight face… keep a straight face… oh my Lord in Heaven, Malic looks like he is dying… straight face… and done. Now back to the feast...

 

[Specialist290]

Looks interesting

Wonder how you'll fare when the Horde hits...

 

[Veldmaarschalk]

Good luck with your first AAR

 

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Pagans to the North you Say?

Part 2: Pagans to the North you Say?

Scene I
KNOCK KNOCK
oh God, slay the knocker!
KNOCK KNOCK
I see you refuse to listen
KNOCK—“Yes, yes. I am coming. Who is it now?”
I thought when I dumped the whole having vassals thing, I got rid of pesky people knocking at my door…
“Sir Malic…”
Real funny God. I get the hint. I will donate more money to the church…just, make him go away.
“…Lord, what are you looking at?”
“You still here? Hmppph.”
I see you chose not to make a deal? FINE! I won’t increase payment. When they ask why, I will explain that it is all your fault!
“Sir, is something wrong?”
“No, no. Nothing that concerns you. Now what is it that I can help you with?”
“Sir, your father… requests that you join him in a war.”
“Okay… with who?”
“The King of the Cuman.”Oh God. You are cruel
“Ah.”
“Yes.”
“Any reason in particular that he wants to go to war with the Cuman?”
“They are pagan.” Malic, I so want to kill you right now…
“Oh of course. Good reason that. Pagan bashing. Did it myself, you were there.”
“Yes I remember.” Hmmm. Why won’t he come out and say it?
“So… what exactly does he want from me?
“He wants you to declare war too.” okay… are we just going to circle forever?
“Yeah, I got that… but what I mean is, to what end?”
“To bring Orthodoxy…” What a pig-brained child of a dog!
“YES! I know. Blah blah blah. Does he want me to raise an army, march across the entirety of the Rus nations and then attack the Cuman, when we both know that by the time I get there, he will already have signed a peace treaty?”
“I would not deign to know the thinking of my liege.”
“Right. Okay, well thanks for the update. Tell my father I will declare war too. I am sure he will be at peace by the time you get back, but I wouldn’t want to let him down.”
Why isn’t he leaving?
“Is there something else?”
“No.”
“Okay. Well, bye then.”
*SLAM*
what a ghastly fellow. I cannot understand why father tolerates him around… Now back to my wife.

Scene II
“You what?” oh great. There goes my plans…
“So… ummm… errr… anyways, I have an important function to attend…”
Pregnant? When did that happen? Probably when that prick Sir Malic kept banging on the door… banging… yeah… that was it. Crap! So what to do now. I know, time honoured tradition! War with pagans!

Scene II
“So, we today march to liberate Karelia! In these times of trouble… oh you know what this is about. We will loot the pagans and crush them until they convert! Onward ho!”
There we are, morale should be great!

Three weeks later… my God, this is the most boring campaign ever. War, destroyed. War, destroyed. Conquest… repeat, repeat, repeat…

Three months later…
Well that was easy…

Six months later…
Sweet! My son is born! Time to come home, and leave the heathens to heath…
“You!”
“Sir?”
“Come here right this minute!”
“What…?”
“My friend, today is your lucky day!”
“It is?”
“Yes, you are being named Prince of all Karelia. Congratulations!”
“Wha………..”
“Come on now, is that really how a Prince should act?” I am such a jerk! It’s great!

1 week later
“Wife! Where is my boy?”
“Boy… the messenger was told to tell you it was a daughter…”
“Oh… well… a daughter… that’s nice too…”
“You DO already have a son you know.”
“Yeah… him… right… anyways… I have… to do some state business now.”
Damnation! I NEED another son. The boy is totally useless. He fails at everything!

3 months later…
“Sir…terrible news!” damn! Is my father at war AGAIN?
“Yes?”
“It’s your wife… she… is dead. “
“How did that happen?”
“We found her hanging from a rope tied to a chandelier…”
“Oh, suicide…”
“It appears so, sir”

“oh. I see… Well go inform my father and uncle. I am sure they will be upset to have lost their niece and daughter respectively too.”
“Sir…”
“Just go. I will be fine.” Well… I expected to feel more right now. But honestly, I feel nothing. A most disturbing feeling this is… but, on the bright side. I can marry a younger more fertile woman. Actually… this is a GOOD thing… Sometimes I disturb myself.

*less then 2 months later…*

*admires picture of the daughter of the King of England*
She IS rather attractive. And young. And actually, she does have a reputation of being fairly skilled… I will marry her.

Now to send the proposal to her father…

*KNOCK KNOCK*
oh damnation…
“YES?”
“I bring word from the Prince of—“ MALIC!!?[/i]
“MALIC??? What does you want now? Do’t you know I am mourning the death of my wife?”
“Yes, my lord, I do. However, your father is declaring war on Hungary, and would like you to support him.”
“Fine. Tell him I will mobilize and end this nonsense. You know what. Nevermind. We will tell him together. We raise the armies now!”


*two-three weeks later*
“We have reached the border of Hungary! Prepare for invasion! My men, today is a historic date. Today, the great Rus people will be crushing the Hungarian armies, and restoring our claim to all Rus peoples! Today—“ Why is he gesturing at me like that…
*whispering* “Your father just declared war on Poland, and signed peace with Hungary.” Oh my GOD!!! “My good men, it has come to our attention that the true enemy is the King of Poland, who has used malicious spies to mislead us into thinking Hungary was the enemy, when in fact it is Poland. Today we march on Poland!”

“Malic, inform father that I will personally lead my armies and capture the capital of Poland. He can deal with the rest of the rabble. When he is ready to sit upon the throne, then come to the castle and I will be ready to let him in!”
*dons helmet*
“Men, we ride!”
*Cheering erupts from the legions assembled before their Prince*

 

[LlywelynII]

If you really don't want to expand, you could always play as the archbishop of Novgorod - they were actually in charge of the executive branch, except during war raids.

Course, then again, you've already started the AAR. So, good luck at, um, not kicking ass.

j.

 

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Well I am at about 1220 or so. Mongol invasion 1 happened -- they fell within a year to the Pope. I guess I didn't need to worry after all... I will update everything up to where I am next week. I have been really busy at work this last week or so.

 

[phargle]

Well I am at about 1220 or so. Mongol invasion 1 happened -- they fell within a year to the Pope. I guess I didn't need to worry after all... I will update everything up to where I am next week. I have been really busy at work this last week or so.

Haha. I have gotta see this. So far, I haven't had the Mongols arrive in any of my games and produce any measurable threat.

 

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Interlude I:

…lounging ideally upon a throne, a Prince watches courtiers shuffle around him too hesitant to approach, yet desiring position in whatever order may emerge. Sighing to himself, the Prince stirs himself. “Cedric. I am sure you served the old king of Poland well. I have no doubt of your worth. Now please stop standing there. I have told you already, we wait until my father arrives to claim his throne. A throne which is rightfully his. Your King has failed, I now sit here in his capital, hold his chamberlain as my captive, and his son,” here the Prince points to a child under heavy guard, “also.”

Seeing the defiance in Cedric’s eyes, the Prince stands up in front of the throne. “Your king does not have the armies to interfere anymore. They have been shattered. The small garrison he left to defend his capital was easily overrun by my men, and his field army has shattered upon the armies of the Rus. Even now his last stronghold is besieged by my father, about to fall.” The Prince tosses a scroll at the man, “read it yourself. I do not lie. I have just received missive from my father. He will be here within the fortnight, God willing. You should learn obedience, and to mask your thoughts. Your eyes betray you…” Sighing sadly, the Prince turned to his man. “Vlodivc, please take the child to his room. He is to be treated well. We would not want it said that we murder children now…”

Returning to the throne, the Prince loses himself in thought again, how did his father have a claim to this land anyways, with its dirty castles, and obedience to Rome…


…”My lord—“ A middle aged man, tall though you would not know with his stoop, enters the room and petitions the Prince upon the throne. Upon hearing the voice he looks up and seems to exit a revelry.
“Sir Malic! Could this mean my father has finally come?” The Prince stands from the throne and approaches the man as if any past distaste had disappeared. Hugging him with a smile, he steps back. “Tell me, where is my father?”
“My lord, your father—“
“Son?!”
“So it is true! You have captured the throne!” An older man, standing tall wearing full armour carrying a large sword in his hand, enters the room. “I confess, I was worried this may have been a trap!”
The Prince, his smile still upon his face, sits upon the throne regally. “Father. Welcome to your Kingdom.” The Prince slowly waves his hand across the room, palm up. “I present to you the court of Poland, your humble servants I am sure.” At these words every man and woman drops to their knees in unison. “And to you, people of Poland, I present your liege, his highness, the rightful King of Poland,” these words barely out of his mouth, every voice in unison: “My liege, my life is yours.”
The older man, now King of Poland, looks at his son curiously. “Are you not pleased father?”
“I am most pleased my son. I thank you dearly for your aid in this war.” As the older man approaches the Prince’s smile does not waver, but neither does he move.
“I am most happy to have helped, of course.”
The older man a look of confusion on his face turns to Malic and then back to his son wondering what is happening. “What is this?” Suddenly, a blur from the side of the room launches itself across the room. None in the room seem prepared, but for the Prince. Moving without a hurry he stands up from the throne and something flies from his hand. The older man is knocked over, and an uproar fills the room. The Prince’s men draw blade, as the men of the older one too draw weapons to defend their liege or kill he who struck him down.

 

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Interlude II

The Prince rises from the throne as men face off. “Attend to your liege, soldier!” He curtly orders the soldier nearest to the older man. The older man extricates himself carefully from under the now limp body. “That, father, is the Chamberlain to the King of Poland, one Cedric.” The Prince approaches and draws a dagger from the now still body. “And now father, if it would please you, the son of the ex-King has something to present to you.”

A child enters, with the sound of trumpets playing in the background, bearing in his hands a cushion, and upon the cushion is a crown. The Prince, watching as his father approaches the throne, smiles, and walks over to the child and takes the crown. “Allow me the honour, father, to formally proclaim you King of Poland and sovereign of these lands.” Thrusting the crown high into the air he steps forward and places it upon his father’s head. “All hail, his highness the King of Poland!”

…”Son, you have rendered an invaluable service. You have given me a kingdom. You have saved my life. Is there nothing you would ask for yourself?” The King of Poland looks upon his son with compassion etched on his brow. “Father, it brings me nothing but happiness to see you King…” The King smiles at the Prince and softly, “but…”
The Prince a weary smile alight on his lips, continues “…I would ask that you not name me your heir. I have had my fill of ruling this castle, and these people. They are cruel, sadistic immoral catholics and I do not like it here. I pray you live a long and full life, but as God bears witness do not let me ascend to this throne.”

The king’s shoulders sag slightly and a sigh escapes his lips. “Son, you are the only one of my children I would deign let inherit me. But as you have offered great service, and it is thanks to your help that I now sit upon this throne… I will do as you ask. I will see to it that you do not become king.”

“Thank you father.” The Prince looks at his father awkwardly, unsure what more to say.
“You may go.” The Prince nods his head, in a short bow and walks out saying no more.

 

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Such humble folk.

 

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haha. Hardly, but I have to explain somehow why Kiev made his inheretence elective for no reason (which actually suited me fine anyways). :wacko: And the botched assassination attempt against me (Novgorod).