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Jan 9, 2005
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www.stenchhq.co.uk
THE DUCHYE OF DEHEUBARTH

It is the year 1066. A dark time for all the worlde, partic'larly dark for the corner we call Europe. And in the far flung reaches of Europe, the British Isles cling on against the strong, dark Atlantic tides. In a dark and barb'rous blackwater of Britain lies WHALES (the H was dropped by a petulant monk in 1123 who just couldn't be bothered writing about such a tiresome place). And there, lo! crumbling into the sea, the edge of the edge, the very dark edge of the worlde - a land no righteous or holy man dares think about - DUCHYE OF DEHEUBARTH! (Referred to by its disregarding neighbours as "That little Barf something place".)

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Behold the people of DYFED, the duchye's only county; they enjoy a perfectly balanced spread of power between the Peasantry (gormless country folk), the Berghers (the inn keeper and two market stall attendants), the Clergy (Brother Daffyd and his three choirboys) and the Nobility (God bless them).

In recent times these folk have watch'd bemusedly the odd affairs of William the Bastard and his gang of Normans, marching 'round ENGLAND telling people they own the place now or something... Verily, the single thing that really drives the emotions of these people is the GREATE BEASTE that lurketh in the murkye seas past IRELAND. Observe if thou dareth - the Beaste on the mappe here.

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Us, the beaste, and the sea.

No-one really knows anything 'bout the Beaste except that it is to be feared (obviously). It is as big as a country; it maketh playthings of large vessels.

No-one giveth worship to the Greate Beaste now of course - Dyfed got rid of that ridiculous practice longe ago, when those nice Christian folk came along. They teach us of modern theology - we maye only have one woman, and must do what the priests tell us or we will surely go to hell. Oh and nowadays dancing naked around large stones is frowned on. Masturbating on fields to make them grow is right out.

And who am I that writes of such grand things? I am the chief chronicler at the court of Duke Maredudd ap Seisyll, Duke of Deheubarth and Count of Dyfed. 'Tis my duty to record for the ages the events of our times - our glories and ignominies, our fertilities and impotencies, our fine prestigious times and our not-so-pious times.

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Duke Maredudd is often known for being a gruff diplomat. Some say he is a little suspicious also.

Behold Dyfed: our land of much.

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Monthly income around 1 gold. Marvel at the magnificent hill fort that keeps us safe.

THE TIMES OF MAREDUDD

January 1067. The young Maredudd is captivated by the beauty of Nest Meriadoc from the court of Glamorgan, and marries her straight away. He gleefully takes the marriage duty from her father. All rejoice.

Nest, 1067

Relationships with Glamorgan are at such a joyful height that two weeks later, Count Cadwgan pledges allegiance to Maredudd. The duchy expands to three counties! There is much more rejoicing.

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April 1067. Aedh Count of Sligo expresses his desire to form an alliance with Deheubarth. At this point Maredudd realises that he has not yet established a set of advisers to help him with marshalling, chancelloring, spying, stewarding and such. It is a truly odd revelation, but an important one. He summons his best mates to the hill fort and hands out jobs to them. The new chancellor, Gwgon, reminds Maredudd that Sligo is on the opposite side of Ireland, and is not of any consequence to us. Nonetheless, he suggests we accept the alliance, because "it might be a laugh". Maredudd is suspicious of Count Aedh, naturally, but he is willing to play along. The new alliance is toasted with a barrel of Irish Stout. Hurrah.

October 1067. Nest becomes pregant, and is later troubled by irresistible cravings for goat's cheese on toast.

July 1068. Nest gives birth to a healthy boy. Maredudd allows Nest to name the child - she decides on Caradog. Maredudd regrets his generocity, but is glad to have an heir.

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August 1068. Maredudd couldn't wait to get started, and gets Nest pregnant again.

March 1069. The court's stockpile of goat's cheese reaches a critically low level. Oh, and the King of England declares war on the Duchy of Gwynedd or something. In private, Maredudd backs Gwynedd. In public - well, you wouldn't want to be on the wrong side of the Bastard, look what he did to old King Harold or whatever his name was. Got an arrow in his eye I think.

May 1069. Nest gives birth to another son. Maredudd is quick to take ownership of the birth certificate this time, but it seems he confuses it with the shopping list - the child is named Einion, Old Whelsh for Onion.

October 1069. Maredudd puts his recent accumulation of wealth into a great new project - a forestry in Dyfed. Steward Belddyn predicts this will boost our economy by around 5%! Maredudd just thought it would be a good idea to get rid of that scary wood near the fort.

December 1069. The spineless Duke of Gwynedd gives the county of Powys to William the Bastard and his cronies in a pitiful display of cowardly gratification. The people of Dyfed are unmoved.

January 1070. The ever suspicious Maredudd decides to raise Caradog himself and not let the sinister nannies touch him.

July 1070. Maredudd has his hands full raising Caradog, changing nappies and so forth. Coincidentally, his opinion of the nannies changes and he gives Einion to them for a decent upbringing.

January 1072. A new steward - Bleddyn - was recently installed as part of a small reshuffle. It seems the pressure of the job has gotten to him, and he has now gone totally insane. Maredudd says he just needs to settle into the new job.

March 1072. Nest is pregnant again.

June, 1072. Steward Bleddyn has become darkly depressed. He says he never did maths at school anyway, and just pretends to know what he's doing. However, the only other person available at the court of Dyfed is Nest, and there's no way Maredudd will trust his wife with the treasury. Bleddyn has been sent to the fields to practise counting with the sheep.

December 1072. Nest gives birth to a girl named Ceridwen. We don't know how it got that name.

February, 1073. Ascetism arrives in Dyfed. No-one at court is quite sure who that is.

July 1073. Nest is pregnant. Again.

December 1073. Bleddyn now claims he is the god of the sheep. He is considered by all to be a heretic, but Maredudd insists he must continue to run the country's finances, even though he counts by bleating a series of "Baaa"s.

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Bleddyn the Unholy Sheep God, 1073

April 1074. Nest gives birth to a boy. Having enough of silly names, Maredudd gives it a proper traditional Whelsh name: Huw.

July 1074. Apparently Bleddyn has taken too much ridicule from the other courtiers about being the "Almighty Lord of the Sheep", so has departed for Suffolk.

March 1075. A bishop called Cadwaladr is sent to us from the pope. We can only speculate as to what crime he committed to be punished in this way, but we have accepted him to Dyfed regardless - Maredudd feels he needs a diocese bishop, especially during this time of false sheep-gods.

January 1076. Following the success of the forrestry (which has flooded Dyfed with wood chips and decorated the fort with many artsy wood sculptures) Maredudd has saved up some money and wants to blow it on a new project. After observing several lonely fishermen working independantly along the coast, he decides to set up a new fishing wharf so they might have a place to congregate.

February 1079. Following demands from the villiage traders, fish merchants and wood chip salesmen (the burghers), Maredudd alters villiage law in their favour against Brother Daffyd and bishop Cadwaladr (the clergy).

October 1080. Being suspicious of all his friends and subjects, Maredudd finances a court of justice in Dafyd. He hopes to hang many wood chip smugglers.

Novermber 1080. Under all the recent stressful affairs of state, Maredudd must have forgotten about his third son, Huw, because only now at 6 years old has he decided on the child's upbringing. Huw has already had about a year of education at court, but Maredudd insists on an intimate parental upbringing to make up for his negligence. Huw is worried that the other children will laugh at him.

October 1081. Huw's fears are confirmed. He wants to spend more time with the other children to prove he isn't as uncool as they say. In his current mood of reconciliation with his son, Maredudd allows Huw to do what he wants.

October 1082. Farmers in Dyfed develop a technique unknown across the rest of Whales - a system of farming two fields together! This is sure to make us all richer.

December 1083. Apparently, religious authority is strengthened (well done Brother Daffyd and bishop Cadwaladr) by the departure of that Ascetism person.

September 1084. Caradog has come of age. He has a fine full beard (unusual for a lad of 16), which his father is extremely proud of. The boy seems to have inherited his father's suspiciousness, but has grown into an energetic (yet somehow misguided) warrior type.

Caradog, 1084

October 1084. Maredudd approves the marriage of Caradog and Maire of Sligo. Perhaps their shared suspiciousness brought them together. This has further strengthened our relationship with our allies in Sligo. Our supply of Irish Stout for the foreseeable future is secure.

Maire, 1084

August 1085. This is a terrible tragedy - Maire has given birth to a dead baby. That traitor and heretic Bleddyn must be behind this. Either him or the Great Beast of the ocean.

September 1086. We had a drastic reshuffle in court this year. Maredudd has taken on some much more adept advisers. However, after Maire was appointed Master of Spying, her husband Caradog became enormously jealous. Maredudd rejected his request to take the role from his wife. This has led to Caradog becoming deeply stressed for having a wife with a more exciting and prestigious role at court than he. Maredudd thinks he should stop whining like a little girl - he will inherit the duchy one day anyway.

November 1087. For years now, a poor old courtier (and formerly our steward) in Dyfed named Cadwgan has suffered from a crippling illness. On several occasions, a local nutcase has approached him claiming to have miraculous healing powers. Thinking himself shrewd with money, Cadwgan stubbornly refused to pay the "healer" any money, but did ask nicely for treatment. Each time, nothing happened, and his condition worsened. This month, fearing the worst, he pleaded to God for healing, and overnight - got much, much worse. He now has pneumonia. Bishop Cadwaladr proclaims: "Let this be a lesson to the unfaithful! Never be stingey to those who claim to be God's workers!"

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Cadwgan the Unbeliever, 1087

April 1088. Maredudd the Suspicious has decided to build a new training ground for fighting men in Dyfed. The English are overdue for another Whelsh bashing.

June 1088. Caradog again complains to daddy about his wife being Spymistress. Maredudd tells him to "get stuffed".

February 1089. Cadwgan the Unbeliever requests retirement from the court. Maredudd, under the supervision of bishop Cadwaladr, denies this request so that Cadwgan might stand as an example to all denizens of Dyfed of what happens when you displease God!

Several days later, Cadwgan dies, alone and unrepenting.

June 1089. For a third time, Caradog speaks about how he feels his masculinity is at stake by living in the shadow of his wife. Maredudd tells him he mightn't inherit if he keeps moaning. "Won't anyone rid me of this pathetic sniveling boy of mine?"

August 1089. Caradog again steps into the court of his father and sheepsihly asks to be made spy master. This time, Maredudd has been pushed too far. He outcasts Caradog from Dyfed for his pathetic whining and repeated insubordination. Caradog makes the long journey to Mar in the exotic and mysterious Scot Land, to think about what he has done. Primarily he'll be thinking about his wife - he left her at home alone, to continue to work every day with all those spies - not unknown for their promiscuity.

Caradog, 1089

December 1089. Ascetism returns to Dyfed. Maredudd wishes this guy would decide once and for all where to live.

January 1090. It seems Caradog has made his way back to Dyfed, probably after realising the threat to his wife's monogomy. Maredudd does not mind too much - his marshall has just passed away after a long and uneventful career, and the position needs an energetic (yet somehow misguided) warrior type like Caradog.

March 1092. The county of Sligo seems to have been swallowed up by the duchy of Connacht. For a brief moment after losing our Irish ally, the court at Dyfed panics about the supply of Irish Stout. Fortunately, Count Cenn-faelad of Tir Connail comes to our rescue. A new alliance is formed! Much rejoicing and drunken celebration.

July 1092. According to rumours, Brother Daffyd and bishop Cadwaladr have stopped their frequent frolickings with local lady folk. They call it "clerical celibacy" or something.

April 1095. It seems the sinister Cult of the Sheep started by Bleddyn in his insane ramblings has grown in support. A follower called Berwyn ap Rhys leaves Dyfed and takes his heresies to Galloway. Bishop Cadwaladr is worried about the Catholic purity of his flock in Dyfed. That's his flock of PEOPLE, not sheep, he reminds you.

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Berwyn, 1095

January 1096. Smallpox blights Dyfed! This is surely a curse brought on us by Bleddyn the Unholy Sheep God! We must pray frantically for our deliverance.

April 1096. It seems Huw not only shares beard style with his brother Caradog, but his insolence too! Trying to succeed where his brother failed pathetically, he has approached Maredudd asking to replace Maire as the spymaster at court. This is quickly rebuffed. Maredudd cannot stand any more of this nonsense, and casts Huw away from the court. He now sulks in Urmumu.

May 1098. It has been a difficult few years for Dyfed. This season, with all the peasants dying of smallpox, the soil was not prepared adequately and the harvest has been poor as a result. On the plus side, we have realised that the nobility has a divine right to rule over lesser people!

July 1098. Caradog's strong-willed yet loyal wife Maire dies of smallpox. For many months she has seeked the assistance of the miracle-healer made infamous by the exploits of Cadwgan the Unbeliever, yet every time she approached the healer, she too foolishly refused to pay, being too suspicious of such a "healer", and thinking herself wise with money matters. Ultimately she came to the same sorry end as Cadwgan. Let all behold the folly of placing faith in the material before the spiritual!

Maire the Foolish, 1098

January 1100. Our prayers and perseverance see off the dreaded smallpox.

July 1100. It is a sad day at the court of Dyfed. Maredudd ap Seisyll, our gracious liege for many years, dies peacefully. Most of the population of Dyfed continue as if nothing had changed, but the few who frequent the hill fort and the courts of justice mourn his passing, and anxiously anticipate the inheritance of his son, Caradog.

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Maredudd the Suspicious, 1100

THUS THE TIMES OF MAREDUDD ARE ENDED.
 
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Indeed, quite good. Keep it up... :)
 
A good start

Insanity, bastards, and sheep! What more do you need?
 
In fact, I should say that this is the best new AAR I've read in some time, the only possible improvement being breaking it up into more than one post for an update of that size.

After reading what you've produced, I'm gazing at the comedy trophy on my mantlepiece, certain that he will be an only child. :)

Keep it up!
 
Nice work. Glad to see new Welsh AAR, because these aren't that common.
 
Great going. Some great characters you've got going there.