The European Ambitions of MistAAR Burgundy

[unmerged(15683)]

Extra point to anyone who recognize where this title comes from...

Warning : I'm in no way a good writer, english isn't my first language, I have near to zero experience in writing AAR, I will use lame humerous comments and I will try as much as possible to avoid any historical reference, because I would probably be wrong anyway.

So, good reading for the few of those who stays...


This story starts on May 30th, 1453 but actually begins on May 5th, 1510. You may think "That has absolutely no sense at all", and you would be right. The reason behind all this, is that nobody in Europe deemed necessary to keep track of the events that happened between these two dates. Therefore, without any more introduction, here is a little overview of the actual situation :

I understand some of you may want to know which path I chose to conquer all these new provinces. I could write a nice story about it, but I won't o . Let just say that I recently diplo-annexed Münster and Würtemberg and that my last war was against France (and his 7 allies) which lasted 9 years and where I received the provinces of Lothringen, Elsass, Baden and Mainz.


*In the King's Palace*

Philippe VI, King : Counsellor, I feel a profound emptiness inside me. I just don't know how to describe it, but it's really bad. Please, fetch the doctor.
Counsellor : I don't think that would be necessary, Your Highness.
Philippe VI : Why would you say that? Can't you see that I'm in pain!
Counsellor : I can certainly see this, but I doubt any doctor would be able to help you. In fact, I'm pretty sure that you're causing your own pain.
Philippe VI : I... err... What?
Philippe VI : Wife, will you help me with this and reason with this man?
Marie, Queen : Actually, I couldn't care less...
Philippe VI : And you my son, will you be kind enough to bring me the doctor.
Antoine, Prince : I'm sorry to refuse you, but I think he's right.
Philippe VI : What's with all this nonsense! Won't someone listen to me?
Marie : Why don't you listen to him, can't you see everyone except you know why you're suffering?
Philippe VI : Very well then, you can talk, but be quick.
Counsellor : It's very simple. Ever since you inherited the throne, you're simply doing nothing at all. Your lack of goals is what makes you sad. You have absolutely no ambitions and the population is openly laughing about you. Actually, you're being so much ridiculed from everyone that I'm not even afraid to tell in your face that my dog has more confidence than you and that my excommunicated cousin has a higher prestige among the Catholic world than you.
Philippe VI : Oh...
Counsellor : That being said, a wise move would be to do something, to show the world that you care about your country.
Philippe VI : But, But I'm doing something... I'm at war with England against Morrocco.
Counsellor : Well, the only reason because you are at war is because England asked you to respect your alliance and you were afraid to refuse.
Philippe VI : It may be, but still, it's a war!
Counsellor : Considering neither you or Morrocco have any boats, I don't see what's so exciting about all this. For one thing, the other superpowers will simply laugh about your lack of fleet.
Philippe VI : Ok then... what do you want me to do then?
Counsellor : Well for a start, take a look at the map. Don't you see that the country is rotten from the inside?
Philippe VI : Cologne?
Counsellor : Indeed.
Philippe VI : But... we don't even have a Casus Belli against them.
Counsellor : So what?
Philippe VI : Hum... that could be interesting. But let's sleep on this, I don't like to precipitate my actions.

*The next day*

Philippe VI : Last night I had a revelation. An old wise man came in my dream and told me the path I had to follow.
Marie : This wasn't in your dream, you were dead drunk and the old man was a beggar that asked you for money.
Philippe VI : What? Oh well, nevermind. For once in my life I have a goal, and I won't let reality take this away from me.
Antoine : And what was that deam of yours about?
Philippe VI : To eradicate the Holy Roman Empire!
Counsellor : Yeah... it sure was...
Philippe VI : I somehow sense you don't take my resolution seriously? How about this : Send a diplomat to Cologne, Friesland and Mecklenburg to warn them that their next agressive action will give me a Casus Belli on them.
Counsellor : That's a nice, but weak start. It may take a long time before one of these country engage a war.
Philippe VI : Yes, well... I may have the will to conquer the Holy Roman Empire, but I'm not a tyrant. I won't attack without a Casus Belli.
Counsellor : That's what I said. It's weak. However, I may find a way to accelerate the process to gain a Casus Belli.
Philippe VI : And how would you do that.
Counsellor : If we can prove that either Koln or Nassau was once considered as one of our province, this may be a reason for our people to accept the war.
Philippe VI : Very well. Let's do it.

*Some months later, after a very fortunate event*

Courrier : Your Highness, I have a message for you.
Philippe VI : Go on. Speak.
Courrier : Our scribes just found what we were looking for. We now have a claim to both of Cologne's provinces.
Philippe VI : Excellent! Excellent! I want you to send the word to the first army to get ready to attack.
Counsellor : If I may add something, it would be wise to use more than one army, for we may defend against Mecklenburg also.
Philippe VI : How so?
Counsellor : Well, they are allied.
Philippe VI : Oh! That's even better! Courrier, send word to the first, second, fourth, sixth and seventh army to prepare to war. We're going to crush them!
Courrier : Very well.
Philippe VI : And send word to our academy to recruit generals. Sadly, the ones we had all died.

*War*

Antoine : Mother, may I ask you something?
Marie : Certainly.
Antoine : I was wondering... should we inform Philippe that his idea to eradicate the Holy Roman Empire is stupid, for he is currently the Emperor. I don't even think he is aware of that.
Marie : I don't think we should.

 

[Faeelin]

Oh, what cultures do you have?

 

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*January 1513*

Counsellor : Does Your Highness want to share what is his strategic plan for this war?
Philippe VI : The plan? It's really simple... our army are to go North and kill everyone in their path. And that's about it, really.

Counsellor : And what about Fyn?
Philippe VI : What are you talking about?
Counsellor : If you want a total victory, we need to also conquer the province of Fyn.
Philippe VI : What's the problem? We're going to get it.
Counsellor : I don't doubt of your willingness to attack it, but merely of how you will accomplish that feat.
Philippe VI : I don't think I understand what you are trying to say. Do you mean we don't have enough regiment to complete our campaign? I thought 47,000 men would be enough.
Counsellor : But you don't have any ship.
Philippe VI : Ships are for the weak. I don't need ship, I'm only interested in Europe, and I don't need a fleet for that.
Counsellor : But you need some to get to Fyn.
Philippe VI : That's stupid, why can't my troops swim to get there? It's not very far from the coast.
Counsellor : Well they can't, and I would suggest you start the construction of some ships so they'll be ready on time for the conquest of the final province.
Philippe VI : I'm still convinced that I will be able to cross the water without boats, I won't do it.

*One year later, January 1514*

Courrier : Your Highness, here are the updates from the war.
Philippe VI : Excellent! We have vassalised Cologne and we have conquered... but what am I seeing? We still need one province in Mecklenburg to achieve the total victory? How is that so?
Counsellor : Well, like I said to you last year, our troops can't get across the water without any ships. It was very shortsighted of you to ignore that fact.
Philippe VI : Very well then, if we really must do it, I will then order the construction of a galley and a barque.
Counsellor : But[...]
Philippe VI : QUIET YOU! And do as I said.
Counsellor : Okay, but I still consider this to be a very stupid move.

*Some months later*

Philippe VI : At last! The ships are ready to sail. Quick, board the troops and let's end this war.
Counsellor : But you can't do that.
Philippe VI : And why not?
Counsellor : For a start... these ships can't board any troops. And even if they could, they would only support one regiment each.
Philippe VI : Argh... Then build five of those that can and do it, and fast... I'm tired of this war.

*Some months later*

Philippe VI : Right, so now tell me that I can board my troops and conquer that last province?
Counsellor : Yes, you can now. But I'm not sure that they have enough protection to sail across their national water. Why didn't you build some Carrack earlier?
Philippe VI : Why would I need any protection. They're almost dead.
Counsellor : Have you verified if they have any fleet left.
Philippe VI : No... and I don't see why I should.

*Later that year*

Courrier : Sad news... our fleet was destroyed during a battle against Mecklenburg.
Philippe VI : WHAT? Damn it! Why is it so complicated to finish this.
Okay then, give the order to build 5 Carrack and 5 Cog. That should do it.

*Some year later*

Philippe VI : At last, the war is finally over! After one year of battle and 5 years of complete mismanagement, it's done.

Philippe VI : It's sad that Cologne is still inside our borders, but they will soon be diplo-annexed. I can't wait to see it!
Counsellor : I'm sorry to inform you that it won't be possible.
Philippe VI : Why? I know it may take a little while, but they won't be able resist to all the gifts I'll give them.
Counsellor : I wasn't talking about the possibility to annex Cologne, but of your ability to see it. I'm afraid you won't live long enough.
Philippe VI : What!? Wait, but that's impossible!

*Some days later*


ALL HAIL ANTOINE I, NEW KING OF BURGUNDY!



(Since it's my first game, I'm actually learning while playing, and this 6 years war when it could have only lasted 1 is a direct result of some really stupid move... which were described here)

 

[unmerged(15683)]

Oh, what cultures do you have?

My primary culture is burgundian and I have two accepted, cosmopolitan french and dutch.

 

[SonofWinter]

Sorry for not posting before, I like your AAR, keep going and what's your BB at this point?

 

[das]

Very interesting premise and style, I like it. Am not likely to get the game any time soon, but the thing with the ships always happens to me in other Paradox games. I really do sympathise Xerxes sometimes...

 

[Languish]

For me its not about the writing but the description (however simple) of the gameplay (enhanced by great screenshots). Bravo!

 

[EvilSanta]

Great, just great.

And the title is from European Ambitions of MistAAR Black, a Diplomacy AAR. I loved it as far it got.

 

[unmerged(15683)]

Sorry for not posting before, I like your AAR, keep going and what's your BB at this point?

From the begining to this point, my BB wasn't really high (always between respectable and slightly tarnished)... but it's going to get ugly soon.

Great, just great.

And the title is from European Ambitions of MistAAR Black, a Diplomacy AAR. I loved it as far it got.

Yay! I wasn't really expecting someone to remember it.

 

[unmerged(1004)]

Very Funny

very funny AAR....but the stupid king goals work perfectly..take a lot of time, but work

 

[unmerged(15683)]

Antoine I et la France

Counsellor : As our new King, will you choose to continue the stupid campaign against the Holy Roman Empire, which, may I remember you, you are the present Emperor?
Antoine I : You know, at first, I really thought it wasn't a good idea... but I gave some thoughts to it and I think I will continue the war. Courrier, send these letters of warning to both Saxony and Austria.
Counsellor : What? Why would you do this??
Antoine I : I can't really explain why, but I know one thing, it would feel good to kill some germans.
Counsellor : Indeed it is... But do you think the weight of killing some germans is superior to the fact that you will control provinces full of those nasty people? Have you thought about that?
Antoine I : Actually, I haven't, and that's a really good point. Very well then, we'll attack France. They have been at peace for too long now.
Counsellor : Are you certain? They have many allies and war cost money, money which could be used to build improvements in our provinces instead.
Antoine I : Who cares about improvements? The population won't be frustrated if I choose to expand our country instead of increasing their quality of life.
Counsellor : ...
Antoine I : No? Damn, why must the peasants always be against me when I have a good idea. Ok then, if I can't start a war against France now, why don't we send some flowers and some beer to our vassals Brunswick. Any descent man would see this as a gift of friendship and superiority. And who knows, maybe they would accept to join us in our great cause to get rid of the Holy Roman Empire!


*Some flowers and beer later*

Antoine I : Hurray! Another step in my grand scheme! And now, which other german countries should I invade? Any idea?
Counsellor : Didn't we have a talk about this earlier? Even though your plan is great, why would we want more germans in our country? At least, not now.
Antoine I : You're right... but I hope you realise that you won't be able to prevent me to attack them forever. Since you refuse it so much, my next target will be France. SEND THE WORDS TO[...]
Counsellor : [...] If I may interupt you for a minute, I don't think now is a good time to attack France.
Antoine I : What? Why? Why are you always against my ambitions?
Counsellor : I'm not against this aggression, I'm only saying that we should wait a little before declaring war.

*Some months later*

Antoine I : Oh! That was very thoughtful of you.
Alright, now send the word to every army, WAR IS COMING!

Counsellor : Do you really think it will be that easy? Don't you expect some kind of french resistance?
Antoine I : Expecting are for the losers. Fighting without any backup plan is the way to go!

 

[unmerged(15683)]

First, I'd like to thank everyone for the positive comments.

Also, I realised that most of you doesn't have the game...*yet*. If you want me to include some aspects of the game that you want to know more about, please say so and I will gladly add them in this AAR.

 

[stnylan]

Very amusing. I do pity the poor Counsellor though. He managed to get Phillipe out of his sloth, and then he goes too much the other way! And Antoine, on first blush, does not look much better.

 

[EvilSanta]

The way it is currently is perfect. Dont worry, we will get our games soon.

And damn right you are. Who needs back-up plans when you have armies? Or any plans at all?

 

[GeneralHannibal]

Great, just great.

And the title is from European Ambitions of MistAAR Black, a Diplomacy AAR. I loved it as far it got.

Darn you, if I had been awake two hours earlier, I would have told you.

 

[coz1]

Well, strength certainly does make up for an array of mistakes, at least for a time. Let's hope this and future Kings don't make a habit out of it...oops, too late.

Very funny. Keep it up.

 

[Freddan]

Nice AAR Foller, I'll be reading.

 

[Duke of Wellington]

Very amusing AAR. You are quite a superpower but Mecklenburg really tested you with their watery defences. Still that whole part was funny to read. France will fall easily no doubt.

 

[unmerged(15683)]

Antoine I et la France, cont.

Antoine I : So counsellor, is the war won yet?
Counsellor : Not quite. France actually defend itself, which is what everyone expected, except you.
Antoine I : How dare they? We outnumber them! They have no chance at all!
Counsellor : France alone, maybe not. But they have allies. Many of them. Norway, Scotland, Orleans, Auvergne, Bourbonais, Foix, Armagnac and Provence all joined the fight against us and England.
Antoine I : Hum... that'll make it interesting.
Counsellor : If by interesting you mean a much longer and costly war, then you are right, but ignorant nonetheless.

*Some months later*
*Ile de France, Othe, Champagne and Vermandois are under Burgundy's control*

Antoine I : Why must they always counter-attack us? Can't they see it bothers us?
Counsellor : That's precisely why they're doing so. And I must say they are quite good at it. Judging by the reports we just had, despite our victorious streak in the North, they keep on laying siege in our capital, Nevers and Franche-Comté.
Antoine I : Damn you France! Why can't you leave our capital alone!

*Some months later*
*Caux, Lyonais, Dauphiné, Piedmont and Nice are under Burgundy's control*
*Franche-Comté and Bourgogne are under France's control*
*Nevers is under Bourbonais' control*

Antoine I : What? Why can't we win the battle against the troup in our capital?
Counsellor : For one thing, they outnumber us there. It may be a good decision to call some mercenaries to help us. They are costly, but we have plenty of ducats to spare for that. And the second reason is because they have a rather good general in this army.
Antoine I : Who may that be?
Counsellor : Charles IX.
Antoine I : Who's that? I don't know him.
Counsellor : It's their King. And from what I heard, he is a really good tactician. If I were to give him an actual estimation on his military prowess, I would give him a 9.
Antoine I : What does that ever mean?
Counsellor : Nevermind. And I would actually suggest you to do the same. You could really be helpful on the battlefield...and at the same time, increase your chance of death to give our people a new, more suitable King.
Antoine I : Yeah. I think you're right. Maybe I should go to the battlefields. It would feel great.
Counsellor : One thing before you leave. We received words from Scotland. They demand a white peace between them and our alliance.
Antoine I : Scotland? Where in the hells is that?
Counsellor : They share the island with England.
Antoine I : They share it? Is England that weak? To let another country share their tiny land.
Counsellor : Well actually, England captured every scottish provinces during the war. So it would be a good thing to refuse their white peace and to propose a more conveniant counter-offer. Let's say we give England every provinces captured with the exception of their capital. That way, England should be happy and they'll help us in our continental war.
Antoine I : Fine, that seems good. And now, give me my sword. I have an army to lead.

*Some months later*
*Auvergne, Languedoc, Rouergue, Toulouse, Normandie, Maine and Armor are under Burgundy's control*
*Bourbonais lost control of Nevers*


*In Bourgogne*
Antoine I : So we meet at last Charles IX. If my count is right, we outnumber you by 5,000 men and my army's morale has never been higher. ATTACK!!

*Some days later, after an horrible defeat in Bourgogne*
Antoine I : Well, that was something I wasn't expecting...
Okay then, we will wait a little while, to give our armies a chance to reinforce themselves and then attack Charles IX once more.
In the mean time, let's annex Auvergne.
Counsellor : You shouldn't do that.
Antoine I : Why not? Anyway, it's too late. I already sent the diplomat.

*Some days later*
*Auvergne is annexed*

*Mecklenburg is pissed. Declared war. Saxony joined*
Counsellor : You can't say I didn't warn you.
Antoine I : Who cares? It's only a golden opportunity to increase our territory in the East. And against German states on top of that! Let's buy mercenaries and they'll get the job done in no time.

Antoine I : I can see now that we have enough troops to annihilate Charles IX's army.
Counsellor : Oh... you didn't hear the news? Charles IX is dead.
Antoine I : Dead you say? That's fantastic! It will be much more easier now.
Counsellor : Not quite. His successor, Philippe VII is another tactical genius. It will actually be as hard as before.
Antoine I : Damn it! But we still have no choice, we must attack now!
Counsellor : If I must say something, you should consider an important fact before the attack.
Antoine I : No time for that. Tell me later.

*After the victorious battle*

Antoine I : HAHAHA! That was easy! What was that you wanted to tell me, that was apparently so important?
Counsellor : I wanted to inform you that Philippe VII wasn't the general in this battle.
Antoine I : Huh? He was there the day before the battle! He can't just teleport himself somewhere else!
Counsellor : Actually, he can. And that's what he did. And I must also inform you of another bad news. Philippe VII participated in the battle of Armor, where he litterally crushed our army, which then fleed to Maine. They then were attacked again by Philippe VII. They were so much outnumbered that none of them survived. None of the 20 regiments we had there.
Antoine I : AAAARRGGGHH!! And if I remember correctly, they were all regular soldier, no mercenaries that we would have disbanded anyway after the war...
Counsellor : That is rightly so. May I suggest you that now is a good time for a peace treaty?
Antoine I : As much as I hate to see free people live, I guess there is no way for me to continue the war.

Antoine I : No time to lose now. Let's go East!

*After some easy battles*

Antoine I : Ah! I forgot how easy it is to win against weak countries like this.
I don't see anything that could go wrong now.
Counsellor : I'm not so sure...

*Milan is apparently also pissed at Burgundy. Declared war*

Antoine I : What? But Milan doesn't even have any ally? What are they thinking? They've got no chance at all!

Antoine I : But first, let's finish this business with the germans
Counsellor : I warn you. If you do what you're planning, it's going to get ugly.
Antoine I : No it's not...

*Burgundy won two total victory against Mecklenburg and Saxony*

Antoine I : That was nice. We must travel fast now. To Milan!
Counsellor : Before you leave. I have something to give you.
Antoine I : And what may that be?
Counsellor : A letter from Brandeburg. They declared war on us, with their ally Austria.
Antoine I : Another war? I like to kill as much as the next man, but this is getting ridiculous. Ok, we'll take care of Milan first, then we'll get Austria and Brandeburg. TO BATTLE!
Counsellor : If I may say something, you may find the roads dangerous nowadays, with all the unhappiness in the population.
Antoine I : Such nonsense. What could possibly happen to me?

*King Antoine I died on his way to Milan*

Louis-Joseph II : Counsellor, I need you to give me a report on the current population satisfaction. I'm not sure if I must continue my father's war or not.
Counsellor : Here it is.

Louis-Joseph II : Oh... I see. Very well then. Send words to Milan and Austria. We need peace in our country. At least for the moment.


*Current map of Europe*

 

[stnylan]

A moment's peace

...

Yes, that would seem to be momentary enough