The Time of Conquest - A Brittany AAR

[Hyena Dandy]

Hi there.

So this is my first AAR. I was trying to write a couple, but they wouldn't get off the ground. Problem was, well, I like roleplaying. And I kept having to change voice every time my character died. So, I came up with this idea to have a way to have both a consistent narrator, and therefore narrative voice, and still deal with the fun intrigue of all these people running around.

Each chapter is marked with a Bible quote, I put both the intro and Chapter 1 in here to whet my appetite, and because starting an AAR without giving you an, well, A to R on would just be a little cheap.

It's presented with her addressing the reader, but this isn't an interactive. The reader (in this set-up) is basically trapped... Somewhere between worlds or something. It's not interactive because she wouldn't listen to you even if you DID talk back.

The tense changes in these a lot, but that's because it's basically her reporting on events periodically to her captive (you, the reader)

I made the main character a her, because for some reason I've always imagined the riders as female. Don't ask me why.

Anyway, I could tell you more about what she's going to do, but... I'll let her explain.



=====================

Prologue
February 2012​

And I saw, and behold a white horse: and he that sat on him had a bow; and a crown was given unto him: and he went forth conquering, and to conquer.
-Revelation 6:2


My sisters. I hate my sisters... They turned on me centuries ago. Why? I was too cruel... And that dear little runt didn’t like playing target practice. And for that, they cast me out.

Not only them. You have cast me out. You do not even know my name... And when you speak of the four horsemen, you do not know you speak of me. You speak of aloof Death, bloody War, and the runt Famine... But then you speak of my youngest sister. You speak of Pestilence.

PESTILENCE! A child, an afterthought. I came first. I came before all of them. I am Conquest, the rider on the white horse.

You may wonder why I speak of sisters. Male, female... Do you think we are humans, slaves to our bodies? St. John saw men on horseback. You see a woman.

I wonder what that says about you...

Ha! Pitiful. Look at you... A frightened rat. But I will forgive you for your ignorance. For not acknowledging me. Of course you don’t know me yet, but you will... Soon, you will.

Do you read the papers? Or the blogs or wherever your news comes from? A lot of disappearances these days, aren’t there... It’s really a shame, but... I needed them. I needed their life, there power. I can’t just change the world so quickly, you know. I need their life energy. Don’t worry, it didn’t hurt... They even enjoyed it... But now I can depart.

What’s that? Oh, why do I need you? Well, nobody’s perfect. I have needs, you know...

Oh, don’t blush, not that type of need! Humans, just slaves to your bodies... No, I have a need for recognition. Call it a weakness, or whatever you want, but I simply want to tell you. Because I want you to bear witness.

Because when this is over, you will remember me. The whole world will remember me. I will not be the forgotten one of the four. I will be the greatest, the ruler of the other three. I will be what I DESERVE to be.

How? Oh, don’t worry your head about how...

I am tying my fate to the fate of a human, and his family. Foolish? Well, I suppose it may be...

Where to start, where to start... You see, I think I’ll start here... 1066. As good a year for conquest as any. Dear William even took my name...

You know, I won’t let anyone say I’m unkind. I’m starting here, yes, in 1066... But where is up to you... All these nobles, Emperors, Kings, Dukes, Counts... All of them, all together in this century... I’m going to let you choose who I will tie my fate to.

There? You want me to start there? A lone count in the middle of an empire?

Are you trying to trick me, human? Trying to make this so hard that I’ll fail?

Oh, you’re not? No, you’re sure? Oh, that’s lovely, just lovely... Then choose another.

Caliph? The Caliph of the Shia state? Are you MOCKING me now? I am CONQUEST. I don’t need to have half a-

Oooh, now that’s an interesting pick... I knew I could get something fun out of you... Conan II of Brittany. Yes, yes... I rather like it... I’ve always had a thing for men named Conan.

Now stay, little human. I will keep you informed.



===========================================

Chapter 1
September 1066-September 1068​

And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing
-Genesis 12:2

Duke Conan II sleeps alone in his bed... At least, he sleeps without a wife. The human mind is weakest when asleep. And in his dreams, I visit him... I guide him. I poke around inside his mind... A brilliant mind. The mind of a man who would be a great leader on the battlefield... But at the moment, he is a soldier with no battle to fight. Poor Duke Conan...

I like him, though. Proud, angry... And a brilliant mind for war. None can hear me or see me, not now... But here he is... Look at him, little human... Father of a new line.

A father already, in fact... To a young boy named Alain. But poor Alain cannot inherit... Useless. I would kill him, but... No, I cannot do much more now than sit... Whisper in the ear of his father, and while Alain is useless to me, I have a larger metaphorical meal on my plate. I must find Conan a wife, so that he may have a son worthy of the name de Rennes... Not a bastard born out of wedlock.

Hmm... Yes... I put the name in his mind... A Holy Roman Princess... Adelhaid Salian. Her name is a mouthful, but I encouraged him to ask the Emperor for her hand.


----------




What a good boy the Duke is has been. He did exactly as I asked. I stood by the royal couple at the wedding... They took their vows as husband and wife. Isn’t it just adorable? Holy matrimony... Legitimate holy matrimony which will lead to a child. A son, an heir to the duchy. An heir to the line... A future for this house. For me!

There is unrest in the east now... The Holy Roman Emperor has declared war on Pommerania, and called Conan to aide him... Conan has jumped at the chance... Yes, he is a soldier at heart. That is plain to see. And he should be proud of that fact. I know I am.

He is on the ships, now... Not even a thousand men. Rash? He may be rash, I suppose... He may be over-eager to wet his sword in blood. I think he is eager to prove himself. To prove his power...

Perhaps even to prove himself to me. Some nights I come to him while he sleeps. Invisible. Untouchable. I slip into his thoughts as he lies at rest.

During the day, I walk the halls of his castle and listen. He has spoken to Bishop Gautier, his chancellor. He spoke of the woman in his dreams... A beautiful woman who has tasked him with glory. Has assured him he will be known as “Conan the Great”.

Bishop Gautier... I must be careful around him. He is a madman... Madmen are like children and animals, they can see me... They hear the words I whisper in the ears of other men. They see me as plain as day...

The poor bishop has been trying to hide it... He knows of his madness, but the color drained from his face when he heard the Duke speak of me. I must be careful of Bishop Gautier... I am working now to turn the Duke’s mind against his faithful servant. For a madman, Gautier is a brilliant chancellor. He could aide the Duke well. I cannot risk it, though... I cannot risk allowing someone so close to the duke to see me... Perhaps even realize my true nature. I would be undone.

------------------

Oh, that poor bishop... I had to do it. To allow him free reign back home? I could never... No, no, I could never do that. I had to, you understand, keep deer Gautier close to his liege... Even on the battlefield.

Oh, and would you imagine that... Some things happen on the battlefield. The last we heard of His Excellency he had wandered too far from camp and disappeared. Captured or dead, I don’t know and I don’t care. What I DO care is that there will be a new chancellor. One who is less aware of my presence.

The count of Leon seems a more likely supporter. Morvan... He has been blessed with a silver tongue, the charisma to move mountains... But he is as innocent as a child, nearly incapable of intrigue. Good. He can let the Duke handle intrigue, and just do as he’s told.


---------

And little more than a year after the war was declared, it has ended... Victory for the Emperor, of course, with some assistance by my dear Duke. Only some. I know much of war, and so does Conan. No doubt with a greater army, we would be able to say that this was ours. But for now, no... This victory is the Emperor’s. He has conquered Settin. And he should be proud of it.

There is some misfortune. Bishop Gautier has returned to the castle... The mere months he spent in the dungeons of the High Chief of Pommerania have driven him madder than he was before... He no longer pretends not to see me. He no longer behaves as if I am a vision. I am not invisible, but I can hide. I have overheard him speak to others about me... He has called me a demon, corrupting the mind of His Grace, and an angel, leading him to glory. If only he could fathom the truth...



I stick close to the Duke now. At least the Bishop has not gone so mad that he will speak of me in front of Conan. Conan, for his part, seems blissfully unaware. I have retreated from his dreams, though, as a precaution. His Grace has reinstated the Bishop as chancellor. A shame, the Bishop has his ear. But he still has the faintest hold on his senses, enough to avoid seeming outright mad to his liege.

Still, I have waited thousands of years for this... I am here to change history. To change the world... The Duke wants his glory. And I want mine. I will make the name De Rennes as renowned as that of Capet.


And where the name De Rennes travels, so shall I... The rider on the white horse.

===================================================================


Well, there's the intro and Chapter One. Look forward to hearing what you think. Usually I'd say something like "Constructive critiques are welcome" but from what I've read, you guys are always constructive (or at the least not downright nasty) and would take that as a given. Hope you enjoyed. Now back to Brittany, and The Time of Conquest

 

[Mr. Capiatlist]

Very nice. I am loving the tone. I enjoy playing as Brittany, they have so much open to them: France, England, both... I wish you luck and I'll be lurking.

 

[loki100]

interesting start both in tone and country.

you may find it easier with the screenshots not to use the forum upload facility but to open a (free) account with one of the many image hosting sites - image shack/photobucket etc (check out the AAR FAQ for more on this, there's a link in my signature)

 

[Hyena Dandy]

I seem to be having a problem with the link saying 'invalid URL'

I'm going to not use an image in this update until I can figure out the problem.

Chapter 2
September 1068-October 1071​

Then he that had received the five talents went and traded with the same, and made other five talents.
-Matthew 25:16

Perhaps withdrawing from his dreams was a poor idea... He had become convinced I was a saint... Or an angel. Something of that matter... My failure to appear for a mere month has made him convinced I have abandoned him. And my efforts to harden his heart against the bishop have not helped... He became convinced that Gautier seeks to dethrone him... Along with half the rest of the court.

Call it a moment of weakness. Call it a slight slip. Maybe all that human energy I absorbed has given me emotions, but I couldn’t help it. I had to soothe his mind. What good is a paranoid duke to me anyway? If he can’t trust the soldiers at his back when at war, he won’t be able to fight the ones in front of him. So I have returned to his dreams, soothing him... Assuring him that the court does not want him dead, and if the mad bishop plots against any of us, he plots against me.

I know, I know, I could have encouraged his fears. Perhaps he would have demoted dear Gautier, even thrown him in prison. How I would love that... To visit the man in his cell, torment him where only he could see me.

But for all the torments I would love to bring upon that fat fractured head, I have to concentrate. This is about the Duke. Not him, and not me... Well, it is about me, I suppose. What is good for the Duke is good for Conquest.

And right now, what is good for the duke is a skilled chancellor, even if the man thinks he’s a dove given human form.

What bothers me now is succession. The man still has no children. No son, no heir... No future. Aren’t 22 year olds supposed to have a damn sex drive?! Two years in the same bed and they haven’t consummated. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he fancies me over his precious princess.

Well, of course he does... But he’s a duke. A lord. He has a duty to his line. A duty to ME damnit!

As for this chancellor? Well, I’m working that... The Duke trusts him less and less, even as the Bishop trusts his liege more and more... He does seem to think I’m an angel. It’s almost a shame, but... Well, one can’t have an irrational man like this about.

So we’ll send him off to Babenburg to ‘improve relations’ with

Who knows? Maybe Conan’s brother-in-law will see if the dove can still fly!

Oh, don’t be like that. A girl can dream, can’t she?

----------------------

Four years, FOUR DAMN YEARS! Married to the woman for four damn years and not a single night of fun in the time they’ve been together. I see him, oh what’s the proper term, ‘commit the sin of Onan’ and call my name at night... Oh, I should be flattered, and I know, I AM beautiful, but look at her. LOOK AT HER!

You don’t want to bed her? I want to bed her and I DON’T EVEN HAVE A BODY TO DO IT WITH. She’s 24 years old and the most beautiful woman at court. What’s the matter with her? That she has the sex drive of a wet rag and the self-esteem of a frightened squirrel?

Oh, I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant at all. I meant to say she is “Blessed with the twin virtues of chastity and humility.” Well if she’s not blessed with twin children soon I’ll see if I can’t talk the Duke into ramming a dagger through her blessed windpipe...

Oh, I’m sorry, listen to me rambling on. How are YOU doing. Notice any changes in history, hmm? None? None at all?

Don’t worry about it dear, I’ve only had four years down here. You’ll notice it soon enough. Oh, yes. Soon enough. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some lustful fires to stoke.

--------------------
You know what happens in Brittany? NOTHING happens in Brittany. Oh, some uppity peasants, but that’s resolved in two months. The Duke goes on a hunt he doesn’t like, and gets annoyed at the little bastard he’s hunting with (Not that I blame him, of course)

He has a bit of a fever. There’s a summer fair... Oooh, yes, lots of things happen, but nothing important. And by IMPORTANT, I mean anything involving sex. For heaven’s sake you’re the DUKE. Grow some damn balls and tell her you’re going to fuck or you’ll throw her in priso-

Wait. Wait right here, my little pet... I may have solved the problem of our Ice Queen duchess after all... Young Alain may be a bastard, now, but if I can’t have an heir conventionally

--------------------
Yes, yes, YES... Just as I’d hoped would happen... There’s a few old bylaws. A bastard doesn’t have to stay a bastard his whole life. You just need the help of a bishop... A bishop, a bishop, now where could I find one of those...

Looks like it’s time for the birdy to fly back to his nest.

Oh, this is lovely, it really is... You see, here’s how it works. I’m going to really focus on the dear Duke’s dreams tonight. And tomorrow, and tomorrow's tomorrow... And then, the time will come when he’ll listen to me. He’ll legitimize Alain, make him a proper De Rennes. Oh, I know, the boy will never have the same respect as a trueborn De Rennes, but desperate times call for desperate measures, and if her grace the duchess won’t get desperate, then we’ll have to find a way around that technicality. There’s more than one way to skin a cat.

I imagine the duchess won’t be too happy about it, but who cares? She should have taken this little rule into consideration all those times she was sleeping chastely next to her husband.

Now we’ll just find some pretty little girl and marry Alain off. I won’t act like I actually care who, I just want to make sure that THIS one is going to actually put out when she’s old enough.

 

[Saithis]

I do love this approach to an AAR, although it helps that the female Conquest has an attitude that rings all too familiar with me. I'll definitely have to keep an eye on this one.

 

[Hyena Dandy]

I think we've all known someone a bit like conquest one way or another.

I've got the next chapter done already, I'm just waiting to post it until tomorrow.

 

[Hyena Dandy]

Sorry for the double post, folks.

Well, said I'd post tomorrow.

It's 12:30... TOMORROW ENOUGH TO WORK

Also, the more I think of it, the less I like having the screencaps. In the future I might screencap at the start of a new chapter, but I don't like throwing them into the middle of posts as much, doesn't really fit with the "Conquest rants at people" thing.

Chapter 3
October 1071-October 1074​

A false witness shall not be unpunished, and he that speaketh lies shall not escape.
-Proverbs 19:5

Who knew the Duke was such a moody little wimp? I am disgusted right now with my choice, simply disgus-

Not my choice, no, not MINE. Your choice. You set me up for this... Did you know he would be so moody? So weak? Did you know he wou-

Oh, oh, I’m sorry... I’m sorry my poor little pet. I didn’t mean to yell at you. I simply had an AWFUL time. The great conquerer, one of the greatest swordsmen I have known, one of the most skilled marksmen I have seen (beyond myself) and he couldn’t catch a rabbit in the forest today. Oh, but if you think I’M upset. He’s gone and decided that not being able to catch a fluffy bunny is the end of the world for him. Cry me a river, baby boy...

You don’t catch a rabbit? That’s a shame. Go get a bird to do it for you or something. No, he’s fallen into depression over this. Humans. Humans humans HUMANS. Are you all this weak?

Oh, don’t answer that one, I have work to do. Alain’s to be married to a French courtier. Some minor noblewoman from Anjou, not a claim to her name, but she’s the right age and she’s not a frigid bi... Excuse me, a frigid bitter woman like this one we have here. And I need to make sure he’s prepared. He’s shaping up to be a skilled fighter like his father, and he has a mind like a steel trap. Always has his nose in the Bible or some other book. I’d be dismissive but I’m not naive like my sister War. I know that a smart man can be as useful as a strong one. And seeing as he’s not an incompetent fighter, I’ll encourage him. With any luck, he’ll shape up to have an ego that won’t be bruised by a single failed hunt.

----------

Is nothing sacred anymore? Is there no dignity? Woe is me, woe is virtue, woe is all of BRITTANY! The name De Rennes has never meant so little. Oh the agony... The horror. The... Heh... The HUMANITY.

Because that’s what it is, isn’t it? You know it as well as I do. It’s all humanity. All the virtues you preach, charity, honor, they’re all a cover. You humans just want one thing. Power... And that’s what I give you. That’s what I am... I am power. I am victory. I am Conquest.

Oh, I’m sure you’re wondering what this is all about. Some stupid countess, my dear duke’s fat cow of a sister Havoise, was plotting to assassinate Alain. Her own nephew, would you imagine it? Perhaps I should have let her. There’s no way to find use in a man who can’t defend himself. He’s 16 now, a brilliant scholar. He could be court chaplain, but that would mean ordaining him. Well, I don’t want to do that. Priests are not exactly renowned for their firey love lives.

For now I will keep him close, though... And wait for his future bride to be old enough to marry. I intend to keep a close eye on both of them, especially that little girl once she comes to court.

-----------

The Duke is a glorious man when he gets to work, you know... Oh, you should see him. His spymaster, Count Hoel of Nantes, accused the treasurer, Mayor Mathias of St. Malo, of treachery. The Duke went himself to fetch the traitor. Such a battle... Oh, my liege has missed combat, that much is clear. There was practically joy in his face when he went to arrest Mathias.

The poor mayor didn’t know what hit him. And why should he? He hadn’t done anything... Well, he was not the greatest steward in history. That much was plain, but he wasn’t incompetent. The man was... Well, he was a good man. He didn’t have a treacherous bone in his body. Poor fellow. He tried to resist when the Duke confronted him... I could tell, oh, I could tell that that was exactly what His Grace wanted. A fight erupted, and... Heh... Poor little Mathias... I’m not thoroughly convinced that he will survive the night.

Alain’s wife has come to court now... Clemencia de Poitou. What a lovely name, hmm? She sounds like she floats on clouds. And what a lovely lady she is. Though he’s a competent fighter, my hopeful future-duke Alain is no great man beyond his learning. Oh, yes, he knows the Bible well... As well as any priest at court. As well as Bishop Gautier, for what little that’s worth. The court Chaplain is no great theologian beside Alain... But beyond that, he needs assistance. And that’s where dear Clemencia comes in... A bright, kind woman... But she has a nasty side to her. She may be loyal to her husband and all these other wonderful traits in a wife, but she can do more than that. She can spot plots and tell lies with the best of them. Which is fortunate, because I wouldn’t trust Alain to spy his way into a girl’s shower.

Ah, but the heir married, now, and Conan is content... He thinks he has deposed a traitor. He has done some good, true... The new treasurer, Geoffrey, count of Penthievre is a little better with numbers. Beyond that, though, he’s traded one just, good man for another.

Well, very nearly one for another... The Count de Penthievre has a mean streak... I’ve seen the cells at Monkontour, and... Well, what can I say. The man certainly is... Creative. Heh... Heh... Ha... Haahaahaahaa..

Oh, this will be so lovely... I think I will persuade Conan to allow our new master of the treasury free reign in the dungeons. Oooh, what fun that will be... Poor, innocent mayor Mathias... And that old cow who tried to kill dear Alain. They have it coming, both of them. Havoise, the old bi... Bint should never have betrayed family like that. Well, not THIS family. Not the family of Duke Conan. The family I am tied to.

And what did Mathias do? Oh, don’t be so naive my little peanut. That much should be obvious... He didn’t see it coming. He was at the council meetings, he spent hours with Count Hoel... He didn’t see it coming, he barely tried to defend himself... Until after he was presented with his furious liege, and by then it was too late.

So you see, they both had it coming. They could have avoided it. They didn’t.

They had it coming.

 

[loki100]

more good stuff.

Aye, there is a long tradition of CK AARs with no or very very few screenshots.

 

[Mr. Capiatlist]

Good, show. Definitely liking our narratoress thus far. She showed the same rage at the de Rennes-es as I have been in my recent games. I have found they are slow to bed and slower to the grave... T__T

But yes, do not worry about images. Many of the best CK AARs were without images. Concentrate on narrative.

 

[Saithis]

They definitely had it coming. It sounds like the Duke takes a wee bit too much pleasure in his work, I'm sure that's Conquest's fault.

I think we've all known someone a bit like conquest one way or another.

In my experience, I'm the one who everyone knew that was like that. >.>;

 

[Hyena Dandy]

Well then, Sai, I'll have to be extra nice to you.

 

[Hyena Dandy]

Another double-post, hope it's not a problem.

I have come down with the worst cough I have ever had in my entire life. I cannot even speak without coughing so hard that I almost (and occasionally do) vomit.

So... Bad news for me. Good news for you not having to wait for me to do classwork.

Chapter 4:
October 1074-June 1077​

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
-Matthew 5:9



Another grand war, isn’t it lovely? More fighting in the name of the Prince of Peace... Oh, you little humans and your little lies. Don’t think I don’t enjoy them, I do. In fact, I’m actually growing fond of all the tales you tell. It has been so long since I could truly walk amongst you... Pay attention to all the little things you say and do... Your little hypocrisies. I love them, I really do.

And now, Heinrich IV, the Holy Roman Emperor, has declared war on Sicily. A holy war to rest this land from the godless heathens, of course. Purely motivated by his belief in the truth and justice of the Church. What other motive could the ruler of such a powerful nation have for declaring war other than purely altruistic ones?

At any rate, His Grace seems to agree with me... He has seen fit to join this little war. Well, we were called in to help after all... And to see this man on the battlefield once more, well, it will be an absolute pleasure. Maybe the time will come when I can see him lead his troops against a true foe. Him or his child... Or grandchild... Or great grandchild. I can wait, you see, oh, I can wait.

I have centuries, my little peanut. Centuries to change the world... To make it all Breton. To raise the name De Rennes so that history will worship it... Because when their name is spoken, so shall mine be.

--------

Who knew war was so easy?

Well, I did. As did practically every man, woman, and base animal she’s met... Ah, but I mean battles... The Duke’s fleet landed on the shores of southern Sardinia in February, and by June our 1,000 man force has taken the castle at Cagliari, stormed the city of Ogliastra, and taken the mosque at Assemini.

Could this have happened without His Grace’s help? Of course... Again, I’m many things, but not naive. We have mustered all the forces of Brittany and yet still the Holy Roman Emperor could crush us with a few counties. This would likely have fallen to true Christian control anyway, but so fast? So decisively?

Perhaps the Emperor would have taken them as fast with more troops... But with a mere 1,000, a paltry force compared to the might of so many others, we have done well for ourselves. Yes, he has proved himself to Europe now... But more importantly, he has proved himself to me.

If I had any doubt that house De Rennes would serve me well, it’s gone now... Oh, yes... This man is worthy of me. Of my attention, my protection... And he is worthy of carrying my name into the future. I wish I could say the same of his not-a-bastard son. Alain is skilled with a sword and brilliant with a bible, but... Well, after the storming of Sardinia, I don’t look forward to guiding him. He is barely half the man his father is... At least if his young bride is to be believed.

Ugh, you’re right, can’t live in the future. With any luck, the Duke has a few years in him yet. Maybe by the time he takes the throne, little Alain will be worthy of it.

Who am I kidding, right? He’s a scholar. Still, scholars have their place in history. Alain may prove a competent ruler. He could be of great benefit to Pope Something the Umpteenth or whatever, but for now... Oh, no, for now, we will let him study at home in his little library while his father does the real work.

--------

The war ended in June... Sardinia was wrested from the cruel, unjust hands of the wicked Arabs, to be placed in the surely less cruel and godless hands of the wicked Arabs, and returned to the hands of the peace-loving emperor Heinrich IV. Heinrich will no doubt be renowned throughout history for his ability to bring peace to the empire, which is constantly plunged into war due to his no-doubt anomalous habit of declaring war on people he doesn’t like.

The war ended, but the battle is just beginning back home. Not a literal battle, no... But the Duke’s absence has caused no small number of plots and intrigues to rise up throughout Brittany. Most are simple counts assassinating other counts, or courtiers, or sometimes their wives. Lovely little plot twists, but hardly worthy of Duke Conan’s consideration, are they?

His wife, though, has somehow managed to grow even more frigid. She has demanded that they sleep in separate bedchambers. I don’t see the point in it, to tell you the truth. It’s not like they were doing anything interesting in the ones they shared.

Conan apparently felt the same way. He said she could sleep wherever she wanted. The poor, lonely man, all alone in bed... Perhaps I’ll help entertain him at night.

The other news of note is good... Count de Penthviere is no longer interested in spending his time balancing budgets and has stepped down in favor of the position of torturer... While Gautier de Redon, our torturer, took the position of treasurer. A rumor is that a bet was involved... Considering their mutual predilections, I’m not sure who won it. The castle seems to be settling down now that the duke is home. Pity, I liked the battles... All work and no play makes Conquest a dull girl.

Ta-ta for now, my little peanut.

----------------

Oh, now you show an interest? Now you declare your love and share the bed with your devoted husband, hmm? After demanding seperate bedchambers? Oh, no, I don’t mind. I don’t mind at all. It’s not like I spent MONTHS convincing him to declare Alain a legitimate heir and you and your sudden onset of lust has put that all in danger...

You know what? You had better put out a little girly-girl... Someone with a claim as legitimate as field mouse. If there’s a boy around, a girl can’t inherit, isn’t that right? Well, not that most of them will care. No, if there’s a potential claimant, the born bastard will be out the window in the eyes of these local lords. Sure, sure, they love the good duke. Let’s be honest, who wouldn’t. But his son? The boy hasn’t done much to prove himself...

Maybe you’re just jealous. Is that it? Are you jealous? Are you jealous that someone else’s son is the heir to the duchy? Want to have a claimant of your own, hmm?

No sympathy, my dear, no sympathy. I gave you YEARS. Years to do this, and now you finally come around to coming around? Was your own bed too lonely for you, huh?

You’re nothing but a worthless bi...Big ugly snake!

Ugh... I’m so sorry, Peanut, so sorry. I don’t suppose you could check up on the history books, could you?

Oh, of course not... No, not like I put you somewhere where there would be many books, did I? Mmm... I hope you’re comfortable, my dear... This could get interesting.

------------

Well, the good news is that it’s a darling baby girl. Isn’t she just.. Lovely. The Duke named her Marie. Why Marie, oh, I suggested it, of course... And he’ll do what the angel tells him. I named her Marie after the virgin mother... Because I wish her mother would have stayed a virgin!

Oh, that was funny. Tough room, eh? So how about that airline food...

Airline food... One of the runt’s best ideas.

Yes, of course Famine. Did you think I meant Queen Elizabeth? I don’t know why I even bother with you...

Oh, of course I do, of course I do... You’re just so cute, all tied up like that in your little prison between worlds. Heh... Maybe sometime I’ll let your chains up... I know your arms are tired from being stretched for over a decade.

Hmm... Maybe I’ll let you relax...

Maybe some other time... Oh, I have so much to do, my little peanut... I have a whole world to conquer...

See you later.

 

[horgoz]

the way you tell this story is quite chilling, especially since i think all of us are like this when we play the CK games and EU3. subscribed

 

[Mr. Capiatlist]

I am really enjoying this. So keep it up.

Rate of updates is not a problem especially when there are no images. There is a 20 image an hour limit.

 

[Saithis]

I hate it when you give up, legitimize the bastard and THEN she decides she wants to jump in the sack. Such a waste.

 

[Mr. Capiatlist]

I hate it when you give up, legitimize the bastard and THEN she decides she wants to jump in the sack. Such a waste.

I have an tendency to go Henry the VIII on wives... <___<

 

[Saithis]

I have an tendency to go Henry the VIII on wives... <___<

I've done that to wives that won't put out. 90% chance with strong enough plot power.

 

[Hyena Dandy]

Horgoz - Yeah, I know I can be. A lot of Famine's ranting is what I'm thinking about the characters.
Capiatlist - I generally avoid it unless there's a serious dislike for her... Though in my Transylvania game, I very nearly beat good ol' Henry's record. I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for my meddlesome son... And his stupid veal, too!
Sai - I probably would have with this one if it weren't for the 'legitimize Alain' option.

 

[Hyena Dandy]

Chapter 5
June 1077-September 1079​

And it came to pass on the morrow, that the evil spirit from God came upon Saul, and he prophesied in the midst of the house: and David played with his hand, as at other times: and there was a javelin in Saul's hand.
-1 Samuel 18:10

Will no-one rid me of this turbulent priest?

Ha... Oh, it’s okay, little peanut, don’t worry. Hasn’t happened yet anyway.

It may have been my fault... Perhaps I wasn’t careful enough. I should have checked the room before I went in. But really, what sort of Bishop spends his time in the kitchens? Shouldn’t his Excellency have been doing something a little more... You know... Bishoply? Whatever it is they do... Say mass? Give communion? Being celibate and still getting laid more than the Duchess?

Whatever, ... I’m always concerned at feasts. So many rich and powerful people there... There’s bound to be some sort of unpleasantness. I was looking at the boar (killed by our dear Alain) and trying to make sure that no, well, unpleasant additives were being put in... When Gautier noticed me, grabbed a knife, and tried to stab me! I could have been in TERRIBLE DANGER if I had any sort of corporeal body!

At any rate, Gautier appeared to everyone else to be swinging the knife wildly at air... I let him think he’d almost hit me a few times... But the commotion had brought the attention of Duke Conan. Mere seconds after Duke Conan came into the kitchen, he had disarmed the Bishop, and held him to the floor until he calmed down from his ‘sudden attack’...

The Duke has ordered the kitchen staff not to tell anyone. And kitchen staff are certainly famous for their ability to avoid gossip, hmm? I expect word of the Bishop’s madness to get all the way to Hungary by the end of the week.


-----

The feast was marvelous. There were acrobats, conjurers, a minstrel... It was truly a wonderful event. In fact, it may have been a bit too wonderful... All the excitement seemed to have sparked the duchess’s desires once again... Isn’t that simply lovely? Miss frigid hopped back in bed. Great, they’ve lain together twice... And if I’m any judge of it, there’s going to be two children out of the deal...

Of course, there was an ulterior motive to this whole event. The duke didn’t simply wake up and decide to invite all his vassals over to watch the game.

No, there wasn’t an ACTUAL game... Ugh, you really are stupid, aren’t you? I’d find another little friend to talk to, but... You’re just so cute tied up there, and if I let you out... You might find a way to let my sisters know.

There was a reason for all this, though... The Duke had intended to us the opportunity to grant his son the County of Rennes. It seems Duke Conan was as worried as I am about the whole succession issue, and is trying to establish some legitimacy for Alain by allowing him to control the family’s ancestral home... As well, I suspect, he is trying to ensure that Alain will have a good base of operations should their be a revolt against his rule.

Ugh... I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t talked Conan into legitimizing the young man. If the bastard doesn’t prove himself competent enough, we may end up with a succession crisis on our hands... And as fun as it would be to battle for the throne so soon, I’d like it if we could start off smoothely... Maybe in a century or so I’ll change my mind.

Yes, a century... What, how long did you think this would take? I can’t change history in a few little months you know... No, no... This is going to be complicated... It’ll take centuries before the world is different enough for me to take my place-My RIGHTFUL place-Ahead of my sisters.

You’ll just have to wait and... Try to make yourself comfortable.

--------------

DAMNATION! Hellfire and brimstone, it looks like the Duke is now proud father of a bouncing baby boy... A bouncing, TOTALLY LEGITIMATE, baby boy... If I had been worried about Marie, young Gilles is even worse... It’ll be easy for him to claim that the Duchy should be his, as his brother is not a true De Rennes... Besides, Marie could be married off to some minor count on the other side of Europe... Gilles will be harder to be rid of.

Ugh, humans... So difficult, so flighty. Why couldn’t the Duchess have stayed frigid? She’s initiated it both times... Is she really that concerned about getting her own child into power in Brittany?

She should shut up and be happy with her position. Not everyone gets to be a duchess, you know. I’ve been alive for centuries and haven’t been a duchess even once! It’s not like YOU would get anything out of being the mother to the duchess, anyway... All that you get from it is that the new duke would have come out from between your legs instead of some serving wench’s...

Oh, that’s what it’s about, isn’t it... I should have known. It’s about nobility. You want the new Duke to be a proper noble, not the son of some commoner. UGH! Humans... Nobility doesn’t mean anything! It doesn’t make you smarter, or kinder... Damn Divine Right... I don’t know who thought it up, but I wish they hadn’t. It makes this whole situation so much more complicated.

----------------------

Ding-dong, the witch is dead!

Ah, I needed some good news after all of that, and it’s finally happened. The dove finally decided to take wing again. And thank God for that, too... I was getting tired of sneaking around the castle. I still have to be careful around the children... They can still see me, after all. But the Duke and Duchess think I am just a game Marie plays, and young Gilles does not yet have the capacity to tell his parents what he sees.

Gautier was the only threat to me... Oh, there are threats to Conan, threats to Alain... But Gautier was the only one who threatened me. And now he’s finished. He can’t hurt me anymore. He can’t tell anyone about me anymore. You are the only one who knows what I am... Who I am...

Doesn’t that make you feel so special? In all the world, in all time and space, you are the only one who knows my secret. Not even my darling sisters are aware where I am. Aren’t you so lucky? Oh so lucky, my little peanut.

But that will change. Eventually, it will all change. The time will come when everyone knows me... But for now, you are the only one. You, trapped in chains, where no-one will ever see you. Where no-one will ever hear you... Where you can scream as loud as you like and no-one will know. YOU are the only one who knows the glory of Conquest.

Lucky you.

 

[unmerged(96639)]

Very interesting concept, and perhaps the most original narrator I've ever seen in an AAR. Love the subtle humor of the crazed Ms. Conquest's appetite for destruction clashing with the decidedly less sanguine Breton temperaments.