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To Rule Ze Vorld: A(n) (Un)Funny German AAR Without Screenshots, Unfortunately

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Sergeant
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Aug 15, 2010
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  • Crusader Kings II
Pre-AAR Obligatory Stuff:

Okay, I've been a member of these forums for *checks User CP* about 20 days now (since the day I got HOI2), and after reading some of the wonderful AARs written by various MembAARs, I really wanted to write one of my own.

Unfortunately, I greatly underestimated the amount of time needed to play a game, and I'm still on my first game (following Ironhead 5's masterful How The Heck Do You Play this Game? as a tutorial). But after a bit of thought, I thought a nice comedic AAR might be a good way to get into the community. Here it is, for those who want to read it.

Platform: HOI2, no patch, no mod
Scenario: 1936, though the AAR starts in March 1938
Difficulty/Agressivness: Normal
Country: Germany
Type of AAR: Comedic. Hopefully.

First update a little later today. Hopefully.

EDIT: Also, there will unfortunately be no Screenies, as I still don't know how to take them (what is "PrintScreen", anyway?).
 
Just a little teaser to get the bad jokes ot of my system...

p148354-Berlin-The_Reichstag.jpg

The Reichstag, Berlin, Germany, 0000 Hours, March 11, 1938

Adolf Hitler, Der Fuehrer, The Complete and Utter Ruler of Germany, Recipient of the Most Hated Man In the Multiverse Award Sixty Years Running, Guy Who For Some Reason Really Doesn't Like Jews, stood at the head of the table.

“So, my friends, it is time vunce again for our monthly status meeting.”

The nine men sitting at the table in front of him immediately began whispering among each other.

“God, I hate status meetings.”

“I wish I had stayed in bed.”

“Why do we have these meeting at 0000 hours?”

“Why is the Fuehrer speaking English?”

“Zilence!” screamed Hitler furiously, beating the table with a Field Marshal's Baton.

“God, I hate Tuesdays.”

Hitler snarled.

“I'll let zat vun go,” he said, a dangerous twinkle coming into his eye, “But ze next man who speaks without permission is goink to be removed from ze game files.”

The Ministers shut up. None exactly knew what the Fuehrer meant when he said that, but they had a feeling it wasn't good.

“Exzellent. Now, movink on to ze reports, I believe that Hjalmar goes first?”

“Errrr....yes,” said the Armaments Minister uncertainly and in perfect English, taking out a folder. “I have with me here”

“No, no, no, not like zat!” said Hitler in an exasperated voice. “You have to speak like ze German, Ja.”

“I'm not the one speaking in falsely accented English-”

“Are you questionink your Fuehrer, Schacht?”

Schacht sighed. “Very vell, Meine Fuehrer.” He began his report.
 
:rofl: That was funny. If those were your 'bad' jokes, then the 'good' ones will be gold! I bet the rest of the ministers were confused as to the perfect english spoken. :D

PS: The Print Screen button on your keyboad might be like this, 'Prt/Scrn' or something like it.
 
Guy Montag/Soulking: I found it! I found the PrintScreen! Whooooooooooo! :cool:

Zeldar155: Good to have a follower! :)

Soulking: And another one...I'm glad to see that someone appreciates my comedic genius ;).
 
Last edited:
Uh, err, umm...I'm probably being really, really dense, but where do the PrintScreens go? Do they have their own foldr or something?
 
Melkor-Morgoth said:
Uh, err, umm...I'm probably being really, really dense, but where do the PrintScreens go? Do they have their own foldr or something?
Click to expand...

you can find the printscreens in the main directory if you used F11, if not you have to paste the screens in paint, then save..
anyway the start sounds good :cool:

regards
guy montag
 
Schacht launched into his report.

“Well,”

“Vell!!!”

“Right, sorry. Vell, ve Germans haf an extremely poverful economy. Ve have in pretty much efery sinkle category a large stockpile of goods, some of vhich occasionally fall into ze red, but stay most of the time in ze green. Ja.”

There was about a minute of awkward silence.

“I zink,” said Hitler, “Zat a picture vould be of much use in augmenting the details of your report, Ja?”

“I agree,” said Goering, the Chief of the Air Force.

“Ah, yes,” said Schacht, a pained look crossing his face. “You see, I did have pictures for it...and there was this really nice guy, Hans, who would make the most amazing graphs...but well, he was found to be sleeping with the wife of the son of the daughter of the second cousin twice removed of a man who once made a remark supporting socialism...”

“Ah. I'm zorry, Hjalmar.”

“Its all right, Mein Fuehrer. Hans was occasionally-”

“No. I'm zorry you still can't master ze German vay of speaking! Ja!”

“Aw, come on!” yelled Schacht, giving up all pretence of a German accent. “Goering spoke in normal English just a few moments ago!”

“Luftforzuberperson Goering has...proven himself loyal,” said Hitler, and his and Goering's eyes met, and everything else went away-only the two of them, the spark, the passion-

Constantin von Neurath, the only non-National Socialist in the room, ran out screaming and retching at this point.
“Continue, Hjalmar,” said Hitler at a length.

Schacht came abruptly back to reality.

“Well, we unfortunately have to keep a lot of industrial resources on consumers, since we desperately need the money. We still have about 107 industrial capacity on Production, which we are using for a large load of Interceptors, Submarines, CAS, and Factories.”

“Also, I really think we should build some infantry, since our borders are totally unguarded-”

“You thought wrong, Schacht,” said Hitler in a playful voice. “Now you'll have to be punished.”

Schacht looked around nervously. “Ummm, I, well, what I mean to say is...do you think that's really necessary.”

“Awwwwwwww, You're no fun at all.”
 
Germanic English! Haha!!
 
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