Too much bear again - a tribute to the AA

[Zuckergußgebäck]

[1936, Moscow]

- I thinchhh I´ll haffffff anocher one, Stalin said and knocked back a frosty one.

The new year had long since dawned, but the exstatic new-years celebrations were still going on.
There was a sense of achievement like: "ooh, mankind hasn´t blown each other apart in 1935 either, goody!", there was also the sense that something special was about to happen, no-one really knew what, all they knew was that it had something to do with Sweden and a pair of ducks, there was also some people claiming this to be "the first year of the HOI-cycle", but no-one really paid much attention to these guys.
By the way, where were we?

oh...

- Sir, can you sign this recommendation letter to Harvard for me? Three people said in perfect unison.
Beeing drunk and slightly mad, Stalin signed it.
He wrote:

Josef Dzjugasvili, ex-georgian priest turned bankrobber then social agiotator, now dictator over the union of soviet socialistic republics.

- I must get a shorter name, he thought before he passed out.

[Stalins remote datja, buisness district, Vladivostok]

- AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

The scream made the datja lift approximately ten meters into the air, and made a camel, although with a weak psyche run of to Guam, never to bee seen again.

The scream did not just originate from Stalins massive hang-over but also from the map that Zhukov showed him, across the vast, pretty and red expanse of the soviet union, three new nations: the Ukraine, Russia and Siberia had popped up.
Josef issued a short order:

- Get these lands back! Oooooh, my head...

Then he walked away and changed his name to something shorter.

 

[Morpheus506]

So are you going to play as the Soviets, or Siberia/Ukraine/Russia, or something completely different?

 

[Henry v. Keiper]

This world has indeed far too many bears. Especially grizzlies. They're taking our jobs and stealing our women.

 

[Zuckergußgebäck]

So are you going to play as the Soviets, or Siberia/Ukraine/Russia, or something completely different?

I´ll be playing as SU, but russia inherited must of my units, and the part of SU still in my control has veeeery bad infrastructure...

 

[unmerged(11439)]

interesting idea! *subscribes*

 

[Zuckergußgebäck]

[1936, february 17, the road to siberia (that doesn´t sound very optimistic )]

The four merry soldiers show: Igor, Ivan, Vladimir and Vladivostok-guy

Thrump...
Igor: What on earth was that?
Ivan: Sounds like boots.
Thrump!
Vladivostok-guy: There it is again, oh I cant stand this!
Vladimir: You stupid imperialists! Cant you see that it is your own boots moving.
Igor(Looking down at his feet): Oh, you´re so clever Vladimir!
Vladimir: I know.


The war started on february 17, when a large soviet force (actually the last large soviet force) invaded Siberia, the siberian army did surprisingly little to stop them considering their force, the siberian army consisted of an entire squadron of siberian geese acting tactical bombers(The damage they could have made if they had fought would be immense, smelly and white), despite the desperate pleas from the siberian head of state G. Ulag and the head of government N. Idiotskij, they were content staying on the ground, building nests and doing things that cannot be mentioned here because of the large amount of minors in this forum.

[(A)Roma]

- Today, dear friendz-z-z-z-z-z-z Il Duce began, then fell asleep due to an overdose of Rohypnol (TM).

(Abyssinia was annexed by Italy on March 6)

[The Bearl-inn, March 8]

*Hiccup*
*Hiccup*
*Hiccup*
*Hiccup*
*Hiccup*
*Hiccup*
*Hiccup*
*Hiccup*
*Hicc...*
Ok, lets shorten this down a bit...

*fast forward*
swiswiswiswiswi
thunk!
gratgratgratgrat

- Tell you what chaps, lets march into the Rhineland, Hitler said.
- Well, it is march... Rommel said, then his stomach Rommeled and he went of to find some food...

[Stalins remote datja, in the foaje of Sheraton, March 28]

Stalin was sitting behind his desk, then moved so that he sat in front of it, he wanted to be in front of all, anyway, he was contemplating his new name, and wondered if it was shorter that Dzjugasvilij, it probably was.

Zhukov opened the door, only to see Stalin sitting in front of his desk, looking somewhat strange.
- Sir? He said
- Yes?
- Our troops have arrived at the siberian capitol of Komsomolsk-na-Amure
- What!? Stalin said
- I said that our troops have reached the siberian capitol of Komsomolsk-na-Amure.
- Please leave me.
- Yes sir.

After Zhukov had went away, Komsomolsk-na-Amure(also known as Stalin) put his head into his hands and sulked.

Then he walked away and changed his name to something shorter.

 

[Zuckergußgebäck]

[Stalins even more remote datja, picadilly circus, April 2, 1936]

- Tuut-tuut
- Paper, paper!
- Tuut-tuut
- Read all abaht it!

The sound outside Stalins remote datja just added to the atmosphere, Stalin leaned back, and stared Zhukov in the eyes.

...

...

...

:Blink:

- Aha! I won! Stalin screamed and began to dance moonwalk.
- Sir, that wasn´t moonwalk! Zhukov commented
- Really? What was it then?
- Some strange mix of Scottish folkdance and ballet
- That bad?
- Indeed.
- I know, lets call it: Foxtrot!
- Yey! It really looked like a fox trotting!
- Anyway, back to buisness, our fearless, invincible army..
- Of four people
- ...Of four people have captured Siberia and annexed it, they waded through mud, they fought an invincible enemy, but in the end, they prevailed.
- I wouldn´t say that a squadron of siberian geese is an superior enemy.
- Anyway, where to go now?
- How about the bar?
- Nonono, I was talking about what to do.
- As I said, the bar.
- Sir, sir! An aide screamed as he burst in through the doors of the remote datja. Sorry I´m late, I was stuck on the trafíc island.
- That is a strange name for an island. Stalin commented
- Anyway, Mao Zedong and Chiang-kai chek have made peace. The messenger replied.
- What?! Stalin said, at the virge of falling apart crying.
- Mao Zedong and Chiang-kai-chek have made peace.
- WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
- Is there anything I can do for you my lord? Zhukov asked
- Leave me. Stalin said

After he had been left alone Mao Zedong Chiang-kai-chek (also known as Stalin) fell apart crying.

Then he went and changed his name to something shorter.

The rest of the savefile went quite well, on april 10, a whole three new soldiers were deployed to the soviet army, forcing TV to skip all comercials for ten years ahead, and prepare for the long challenge of marketing "the seven merry soldiers show".

Then 5. 'Vitebskaya' Strelk. Div (also known as Stalin) found out that the 5. 'Vitebskaya' Strelk. Div actually already existed, he wept quietly for a mkinute, then went and changed his name to something shorter.

 

[Zuckergußgebäck]

Hello, I´ll give you a progress report:

NOTHING

I have been trying to "demand provinces" Russia for about five months now (used DI cheat) and they refuse, I, with 114 or so IC and about 15 divisions doesn´t have a chance agains their massive army (inherited from me )
So, should I use the fullcontrol cheat and disband all of their units an march in, or what, please, faithful readers, answer me!

 

[Morpheus506]

I say use fullcontrol and make them all march to non-VP provinces while you go and take the VP provinces.

 

[Exterous]

Let the SU die like the scum they are! Long live Italy!
Well, for your AARs sake, you could edit the savegame or take control or morpheus said

 

[Jopi]

Wonder who the Germans would DoW in this situation?

 

[Zuckergußgebäck]

Wonder who the Germans would DoW in this situation?

They would still DOW me, unless they agree to the unholy alliance that I always propose as soviet union

 

[Zuckergußgebäck]

I´ve counted the votes and has found that it stands 1-1, then I´ll lay my vote, and I vote in favour of Morpheus, I´ll use fullcontrol (but this will still be a funny AAR, and I will make a correct war with the ukraine)

 

[unmerged(27050)]

Are all of your AARs this insane, or are all of them. I read the Sweden and Switzerland ones, and they were odd...

 

[Exterous]

Yes, they are all this insane, but a good insane, since we don't actually know where he is, we don't have to be afraid of him Wait.....maybe thats a bad thing...... *Hears breathing behind him*.....

 

[Zuckergußgebäck]

*Jumps out behind Exterous and jabs a pick axe into his back head (hey, that reminds me of Trotskij )*

Well, sorry chaps, but this AAR is perhaps going down as well, I disbanded all Russian units, then invaded, and had a hell fighting all those militias that appeared across the country, it was boring and extremely frustrating, oh well, I´m off to find another little nation for Zuckergußgebäck to land in...

 

[Zuckergußgebäck]

Are all of your AARs this insane, or are all of them. I read the Sweden and Switzerland ones, and they were odd...

Well... we have "the Überdeutsh" that wasn´t insane, and "The world is not enough" where Mussolini has an interesting death...

 

[unmerged(27050)]

Well, sorry chaps, but this AAR is perhaps going down as well, I disbanded all Russian units, then invaded, and had a hell fighting all those militias that appeared across the country, it was boring and extremely frustrating, oh well, I´m off to find another little nation for Zuckergußgebäck to land in...

Hmmm... how about.... Ireland, Uruguay, and/or Greece?

 

[Zuckergußgebäck]

Hmmm... how about.... Ireland, Uruguay, and/or Greece?

No, you guessed wrong, and I have already begun playing, expect AAR to be ready to post soon.