A Gentleman's War : The Middle-East Command (HoI3 TFH - UK AAR)

[roverS3]

I'm sure Maj. General Blackadder will be reunited with his 'friend' Field Marshall Melchett sooner rather than later. Blackadder is a great addition to the cast of characters, and I'm impressed at the amount of reinforcements Melchett has been given after writing such terrible letters.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

I'm sure Maj. General Blackadder will be reunited with his 'friend' Field Marshall Melchett sooner rather than later. Blackadder is a great addition to the cast of characters, and I'm impressed at the amount of reinforcements Melchett has been given after writing such terrible letters.

Well...if Alexanderia falls for some reason, they'll be forced together.

 

[Eurasia]

A Gentleman’s War : The Middle-East Command
(HoI3 TFH - UK AAR)
Chapter Twelve : Theaters Of The Empire - 1.6.1936 To 10.6.1936

British Virgin Islands - 1936​

By the 1st of June the Dominion Monarch Flotilla was passing by the port of Valencia.

While that Flotilla was heading homeward the Queen Mary Flotilla was passing by the port of Benghazi on its way to the port of Alexandria with the old Malta Command in its holds.

Near midnight the ships finally entered the port of Alexandria and the long job of unloading the troops and their equipment had started.

The old Malta Command, once finally unloaded, was renamed the Alexandria Garrison and was attached to the Middle East Command HQ.

Back on Malta the NEW Malta Garrison had finally settled down, finished all the paperwork, and officially attached itself directly to the Middle-East Commander Theater HQ.

The Queen Mary Flotilla was ordered back to Plymouth.

The Dominion Monarch arrived there by the 3rd and the Queen Mary arrived there by the 8th. They were ordered to merge and the new Fleet was misnamed the 1st Middle East Flotilla. Commander Evans was put in charge much to the relief of Commander Dunar-Naismith. He was hopeful his next command would be proper military one.

“Hey Boo Boo!”​

On the late morning of the 9th, before the Field Marshall could get into his overcoat and grab his swagger stick, the Captain brought something to his attention.

“Sir,” said Captain Timothy Malek, “I wonder if you would look over this…what is that on your face?!?”

“Plaster,” replied the Field Marshall. “I cut myself a few times while shaving. If you would get me a Butler like I asked for one I would not, currently, have plaster of Paris all over my face. Shame!”

“Yes sir,” responded the Captain with a frown. “Well, like I was saying I noticed something while looking over the requests from the other Theaters. And I wondered if you would also see the pattern.”

He handed over the papers to the Field Marshall who looked them over with his best ‘serious’ face.

“Hmmm…I noticed St. John HQ is in the British Virgin Islands instead of Canada,” he remarked after about a minute.

“What?” The Captain glanced at the paperwork and realized the Field Marshall was correct. “I didn’t notice that. But I meant the other pattern.”

“Of course, of course,” said the Field Marshall. “I noticed all the patterns. As they say I’m smarter than the advantage Field Marshall. But…eh…why don’t you tell me which pattern you noticed?”

“The Theaters ordered their reinforcements in such a way that their Transport Flotillas are some of the last units being assembled.”

The Field Marshall just stared at the Captain as if waiting for the punch-line of a overly long joke.

“It MEANS,” continued the Captain, “that most Theaters will not be able to ship in their reinforcements, that they asked for, till later this year or early 1937.”

“I see….” lied the Field Marshall.

“It means if the war starts this year a lot of those Theaters are going to be overwhelmed due to a lack of any ground troops,” added the Captain.

“How sad for them,” replied the Field Marshall still with a somewhat blank expression.

“If the Theaters are defeated in the next war,” said the Captain slowly, “the British Empire falls, the middle class blames the upper class, the lower class has a revolution, and all the upper class are put against the wall.”

Still a blank expression.

“It means they are all shot.”

Still no reaction.

“Sir,” said the Captain as he pronounced each word as carefully as he could. “You are a member of the upper class.”

“Oh my GOD!” exclaimed the Field Marshall. “Those fools! Why can’t the other Theater Field Marshalls be as brilliant as me! They’ve doomed us all!”

He suddenly stood up. “This calls for action. I’m going out for lunch now. Might be out longer than normal. Going to get stinking drunk.”

As the Field Marshall left with his overcoat and swagger stick the Captain collected the paperwork. There was ANOTHER pattern he had noticed that the Field Marshall had missed.

Most of the ground troops requested by the other Theaters had been garrison divisions. It looked like most of the Field Marshalls of the British Empire felt they could get away with a purely defensive strategy in the next war.

“Defense will not win the war,” mumbled the Captain to himself. Maybe the Field Marshall was right. Maybe it was time for a drink? Or two?

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Hooray! The British Empire is about to collapse!

Wait...hang on...we're in the british empire!

Oh dear.

 

[nuclearslurpee]

“Oh my GOD!” exclaimed the Field Marshall. “Those fools! Why can’t the other Theater Field Marshalls be as brilliant as me! They’ve doomed us all!”

He suddenly stood up. “This calls for action. I’m going out for lunch now. Might be out longer than normal. Going to get stinking drunk.”

Truly the only correct, and indeed the only useful, course of action to an existential threat from the proletariat.

Most of the ground troops requested by the other Theaters had been garrison divisions. It looked like most the Field Marshalls of the British Empire felt they could get away with a purely defensive strategy in the next war.

“Defense will not win the war,” mumbled the Captain to himself. Maybe the Field Marshall was right. Maybe it was time for a drink? Or two?

In fairness, traditional British military strategy has been to hole up behind the RN and wait until everyone else is shot to Hell, then swoop in and save the day. Accolades and glory abound, no one dies except for French, Germans, and other unimportant people, and usually there are some nice goodies in the peace treaty. Needless to say WWI was something of a shock to the system and it is understandable that most of the other marshals are in favor of a return to the traditional British way of doing things.

I take no responsibility for the historical accuracy of the preceding statements.

Hooray! The British Empire is about to collapse!

Wait...hang on...we're in the british empire!

Oh dear.

You say this as if it is a bad thing.

 

[Surt]

At least the fieldmarshall has a somewhat competent adjudant or at least not an incompetent one ...

 

[Eurasia]

A Gentleman’s War : The Middle-East Command
(HoI3 TFH - UK AAR)
Chapter Thirteen : The Baron of Hautvillers - 11.6.1936

Major General Edmund Blackadder was sipping strong Arabic coffee while reading some reports his ‘batman’, or orderly, Private Davies had brought him that morning. The coffee was slightly spicy, as was how it was served in this part of Africa, and when compared to the mud coffee he had in the trenches it was a liquid form of Heaven.

Private Davies was a genius. He was friends with the locals and knew where to get good coffee, real sugar, and even fresh cream. He was also friends with most of the cooks, knew people in the Quartermaster department, and seemed to know which rumors were false and which were fact.

He kept Blackadder’s office well aired, his uniform brushed, his boots polished, and his bedroom clean.

The man was worth his weight in chocolate rations.

So when Davies walked into Blackadder’s office with a envelop in his hands the Major General was not ready for the shock he was about to receive.

“Sir,” said the young man, “we received this letter for you in the last diplomat pouch. From the Baron of Hautvillers, sir.”

“Really? I don't know any Barons. From France?”

“Yes sir,” said Davies as he handed the letter to Blackadder. “Sir, would you like me take away the coffee set, sir?”

“Yes, thank you Davies,” replied Blackadder as he picked up his letter opener and sliced open the envelope.

He waited till his ‘batman’ had cleared the desk and left the office before pulling out the letter, unfolding it, and soon found himself staring at it in shock.

“By all that is Holy,” murmured Blackadder before continuing to read.

“He’s alive,” mumbled Blackadder as he put the letter down to process this information. Years of survivor’s guilt mixed with anger flashed across his face.

On one hand he has been Baldrick’s commanding officer. And he had failed to protect the private. He felt Baldrick’s death had been partially his fault. Mostly Sir Anthony C.H. Melchett’s fault. But he had to share SOME it it.

On the other hand, now that he knew Baldrick was alive, Blackadder wanted to snap the idiot’s neck for not getting in touch with him earlier.

“Calm down,” he whispered to himself, “and finish the letter.”

He placed the letter on his desk and leaned back in his chair.

“If, or when, the war starts I almost feel sorry for the French,” he said to himself.

“Almost.”

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Oo, always nice to have a vineyard friend.

The germans may find attacking through the Belgian border is a bit trickier than they expected, especially of baldricks cunning plan is to ignore his superiors and try to counter what the germans are obviously not going to do (March through a forest) rather than defend the obvious line of attack...

 

[Surt]

Oh noes, another Baron of Hautvillers!

 

[roverS3]

The germans may find attacking through the Belgian border is a bit trickier than they expected, especially of baldricks cunning plan is to ignore his superiors and try to counter what the germans are obviously not going to do (March through a forest) rather than defend the obvious line of attack...

That would be classic Baldrick. Doing something that seems stupid, calling it a 'cunning plan', and then it turns out to unexpectedly win the day. Him becoming a French Baron, and then being drafted into the French army at the Lt. General level was an interesting twist. Maybe in this case basing an officer's rank on his noble title might pay of for the French? I guess we'll have to see, won't we.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

That would be classic Baldrick. Doing something that seems stupid, calling it a 'cunning plan', and then it turns out to unexpectedly win the day. Him becoming a French Baron, and then being drafted into the French army at the Lt. General level was an interesting twist. Maybe in this case basing an officer's rank on his noble title might pay of for the French? I guess we'll have to see, won't we.

Would be interesting to see a world war 2 where the germans have to defend their homeland desperately from the British and French from the off, because their own offensive collapses after a few weeks stalled fighting along the Belgian border. No Soviet invasion leaving Italy high and dry in Africa for meltchett, and a race to Berlin and later Warsaw for the brits before stalin ends the winter war and can actually move on eastern Europe.

 

[Eurasia]

A Gentleman’s War : The Middle-East Command
(HoI3 TFH - UK AAR)
Chapter Fourteen : Sir Alwyn Douglas Crow - 12.6.1936 To 30.6.1936

Rocket Man​

The rest of the month of June was slow. At least from Field Marshall Anthony C.H. Melchett’s point of view. He was still upset that he couldn’t find a proper English pub. He was running out of places to have ‘lunch’ in.

At least the weather in Cairo had cleared up a tad. Back in the UK the weather was….well, normal for the UK.

But Captain Malek did hear a interesting piece of information on the 12th of June. Seems there had been successful rocket tests of some kind in England. He knew that a Sir Alwyn Douglas Crow had been working on replacing the regular anti-aircraft guns with missiles or rockets under the Projectile Development Establishment.

The idea was they could take down high flying aircraft who might be out of the range of normal anti-aircraft weapons.

And with the success of the latest tests a larger scale project was in the works. In fact there were rumors that a Rocket Test Site was now under construction in the Caribbean.

Would that explain why the St. John HQ was in the Virgin Islands instead of Canada?

There was also news of more advances made in Light Tank development. Maybe asking for Armoured Divisions might not be a bad idea?

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Author’s Notes:

OOC: The AI does not seem to know how to build Rocket Sites so I ordered one to be built for it in Jamaica. I wanted someplace that would not get overrun by enemy units later in the game. Also a fan of 'Dr. No'.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

And with the success of the latest tests a larger scale project was in the works. In fact there were rumors that a Rocket Test Site was now under construction in the Caribbean.

Good lord, some civil servants really lucked out today. And no doubt some quangos too...

 

[Eurasia]

A Gentleman’s War : The Middle-East Command
(HoI3 TFH - UK AAR)
Chapter Fifteen : Surprise Production - 1.7.1936 To 31.7.1936

Halfway through July, shortly after noon on the 11th, Captain Timothy Malek noticed something in the dailies coming from the UK.

Seems the Ministry of Armaments was counting down when three new units would be available to the Middle-East Command Theatre. Three units the Captain was sure the Field Marshall had NOT asked for.

When the Field Marshall wandered in the Captain tried to get his attention.

“Sir,” he said softly as he followed his superior officer down the hallway. “I have some good news.”

“Shhhhh,” said the Field Marshall. “Had a few gin and tonic too many. Or was it the spicy crisps? Was that crisps? Captain, do the Arabs eat crisps?”

The Captain helped the Field Marshall into his office and over to this desk. “Crisps? Not a lot of potatoes around these parts, sir.”

“Oh dear,” whispered the Field Marshall as the Captain helped him out of his coat and hat. “My head is spinning and my tummy burns. Now…what were you talking about? Good news?”

“Yes sir,” said Captain as he placed a piece of paper before the Field Marshall. “Seems the previous Field Marshall may have already had a order for reinforcements before you took command.”

“Really? Oh, surprise reinforcements! Owwww…my head.”

“Yes sir,” continued the Captain. “Seems we will be getting a fighter wing, a tactical wing, and a armoured brigade of light tanks.”

“A armoured division?” said the Field Marshall his voice sounding almost happy.

“No, brigade,” replied the Captain.

“A armoured brigade?” said the Field Marshall, staring off into space, as he seemed to sweat even more and his forehead turned a brighter shade of red. “Why would anybody ask for a brigade of light tanks?”

“I don’t know sir,” answered the Captain. “I don’t even know their model. But we should start getting the units around January of next year.”

“I guess we can assign the tanks to one of the infantry divisions,” murmured the Field Marshall. “Ohhhh…why is the wall rippling?”

The Captain, realizing he needed to get in his say before the Field Marshall tossed him out of the office, quickly said, “No, sir, the walls seem solid. I think we MAY find a use for the tanks as a small mobile force. We could even use them in Operation Boomarang. See, sir, I added them to the map.”

The Captain placed the updated map onto the desk. He kept his hand on it just in case he needed to remove it quickly. To, for example, dodge vomit from a superior officer.

“Oh…hmmm…a small swift force…don’t know. Sounds like something the Americans would do,” muttered the Field Marshall. “Not very English. Not English at all.”

“But think of it as…cavalry, “ said the Captain. “They can be used to scout out provinces, cut supply lines, and so forth. All they need is a good name for the unit.”

“Desert Badgers,” said the Field Marshall as he closed his eyes and rubbed his face.

“Badgers?” replied the Captain. “Why Badgers?”

“Can you think of anything more British than a Badger?” demanded the Field Marshall. “Loyal and strong, swift and irate, nothing as English as a badger! Now…got out!”

The Field Marshall started to make noises that suggested he had a huge furball he needed to cough up.

The Captain left, making sure to take his map, and alerting the staff that they may need a mop and bucket in the Field Marshall’s office before tea time.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------​

Author’s Notes:

OOC: It seems at the start of the game all Theaters have requests next to the ‘Build’. Even the Middle East Command. So I must of accidentally hit the button when randomly hitting the other buttons. So I have a Fighter Wing, a Tactical Wing, and a crappy Light Armoured Brigade. Oh goody.

 

[Bullfilter]

My my, you have been busy!

Major General Edmund Blackadder was known as somewhat as a trickster and a expert when it came to offensive tactics.

Ah, he lives. Appropriate traits.

Kate Parkhurst had tried to pretend to be a man during the Great War with mixed results.

Bob! So she hasn’t run off with Captain Flashheart (woof)!?

So George brought his wife Madeline.

Seems George had joined a club called the ‘Drones’, met a new friend named Bernie Wooster, visited one of the family’s many estates, and with the help of a Butler named Jeeves he was able to marry one of Bernie’s friends. Who happened to be the lovely Madeline Bassett.

Nice crossover.

On the 20th the artillery units were finally delivered to the port of Alexandria. The 8th Infantry was given the 2nd Artillery and the 7th Infantry was given the 1st Artillery.

Good idea giving them proper artillery.

I must agitate for the inclusion of whiskey cocktails

Oh dear. Each according to their taste, but the only thing to have with good single-malt whiskey is a glass!

whiskey was drank straight or with water

Quite so, old chap.

while reading some reports his ‘batman’, or orderly

Nice. Though an orderly is really more a clerical appointment: Batman will do.

knew where to get good coffee, real sugar, and even fresh cream

Never trust the cream produced from a very small kitten.

Baldrick was alive

!!

The germans may find attacking through the Belgian border is a bit trickier than they expected, especially of baldricks cunning plan is to ignore his superiors and try to counter what the germans are obviously not going to do (March through a forest) rather than defend the obvious line of attack...

... until his main method of defence turns out to be a vert large turnip.

So I have a Fighter Wing, a Tactical Wing, and a crappy Light Armoured Brigade. Oh goody.

Well, better than nowt. The armour may get upgraded one day.

 

[Surt]

OOC: It seems at the start of the game all Theaters have requests next to the ‘Build’. Even the Middle East Command. So I must of accidentally hit the button when randomly hitting the other buttons. So I have a Fighter Wing, a Tactical Wing, and a crappy Light Armoured Brigade. Oh goody.

Sounds like what the war ministry would build on its own ...

 

[roverS3]

Desert Badgers. Brilliant. Any news on getting a Motorised brigade to go along with the light tanks? I know the brits used unsupported tank forces in the early North-African campaigns, so we might get some realism here... I guess the light tanks would be qualified as 'cruiser tanks', meant to operate on their own at (relatively high speed).

 

[Eurasia]

A Gentleman’s War : The Middle-East Command
(HoI3 TFH - UK AAR)
Chapter Sixteen : Malta Defenses And More Transports - 1.8.1936 To 31.8.1936

On the 1st of August, while the Field Marshall was eating his somewhat traditional British breakfast (the cooks had run out of chicken eggs and were now making his scrambled eggs from the powdered stuff) the Captain decided to talk to him about the defenses of Malta. Or lack of them.

“Sir,” he started with a small smile, “as you know we have a garrison in Malta manning the anti-aircraft guns and a few coastal forts we have there. But I would feel a lot better if we had more coastal forts and defenses on the beaches of the islands.”

“How many more?” asked the Field Marshall as he eyed one of his sausages. He was starting to think the beef sausages had been replaced with some other type of sausage. Like camel sausages.

“All of them sir,” replied the Captain. “I think our engineers should build gun positions, trenches, shelters, and barbwire fences all over the place till they run out of material.”

So the Field Marshall signed off the orders needed.

“Excellent,” said the Field Marshall as he sipped his orange juice. “Recruit all the men, women, and children needed to do the work. Work them night and day. Use whips if you have to! BRAAAAAAAAHHH!”

“Sir,” remarked the Captain as he picked up the orders, “I am sure we can’t do that. There are child labor laws.”

“Nonsense!” exclaimed the Field Marshall. “Malta is a British colony! They don’t have rights like WE do. Silly Captain.”

The Captain opened his mouth, closed his mouth, and backed out of the office.

He made sure to send the orders out as soon as possible. He wanted the construction on the Coastal and Land Forts finished before any conflict with the Italians started. He feared Malta might be even more important to a UK victory than even he knew.

The third Transport Flotilla was ready by the 8th of August and the fourth Transport Flotilla was ready by the 14th of August. So Henry the VIII and The Bishops Flotillas both joined the 1st Middle East Flotilla. By the end of the month the 1st Middle Flotilla had four Transport Flotillas waiting in Plymouth for the infantry division that SHOULD be ready by September.

It was also noticed that on the 16th a Italian militia unit was on the border. It seemed to be stationed in the Italian occupied Province of Bardia.

When the Field Marshall was told this he just laughed. “Militia? The Italian forces in Africa are militia? Blah! How do they plan to rule a world wide empire armed with flintlocks!”

“Flintlocks?” asked the Captain.

“Flintlocks,” repeated the Field Marshall. “Isn’t that what militia are armed with? Like the Americans during the Great American Tantrum.”

“Sir,” said the Captain, “that was the American Minutemen. During the 18th Century. The Italian militia are NOT going to have flintlocks. In the 20th Century. And they likely have a lot of the militia unit available. They are cheap and easy to equip. Not a BAD choice to have guarding their colonies.”

“Blah!” responded the Field Marshall. “Bunch of Italians wearing shorts and pith helmets. They’ll fold the second our men show up and take away their bottles of wine!”

The Captain just pretended to nod in agreement. He worried that numbers might be a factor in the battle for Africa and if the Italians had enough militia units they COULD overwhelm the Middle-East Command Theater. No matter how well equipped the British forces were the Captain felt there may not be enough of them.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Nothing too difficult to deal with so far...

 

[nuclearslurpee]

“Blah!” responded the Field Marshall. “Bunch of Italians wearing shorts and pith helmets. They’ll fold the second our men show up and take away their bottles of wine!”

Here we see how utterly incapable the Field Marshall is for the job at hand, any fool knows that the correct solution is to take away their water so that they cannot boil pasta.