Can I say “Communism”, or does that break a rule?
So anyway, coming off a somewhat frustrating game as the USA, I decide to play the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. Workers of the World, Unite!
Actually, there was a great deal of thought put into my selection. Since every game I had played so far resulted in the USSR getting hammered in 1939 – which seemed a bit unrealistic/unlikely to me – I thought that by being the Russians, I could get the game to produce a more reasonable outcome.
So here’s what happened.
** 1936 **
Having seen every game to date run almost the exact same course, with a totally successful German invasion of Russia in 1939, it appeared to me that the trick to winning as the Soviet Union was to survive 1939. [Two advanced degrees has given me a stunning grasp of the obvious.]
So technological development was out. After all, how much tech edge could the Germans develop by 1939? So what was in? INFANTRY! LOTS of infantry. And fortifications along the border. LOTS of fortifications.
** 1937 **
So, here I am, piling up the troops along the border. Kind of bored. So what else can I do? I figure I’ll give diplomacy a try.
First, I start by trying to "influence" Finland. Damn, it works. So I influence them again. And again. Finland is starting to move to my philosophy. No diplomatic response from Germany. I still have plenty of those diplomacy point things, so I start to work on Romania, too. Then Turkey and Bulgaria. I wanted to try Hungary, but I kind of ran out of diplomacy points. At no time during this was there any response from Germany.
** 1938 **
Germany declares war on France! Czechoslovakia and England declare war of Germany! Hungary, Italy, and Nationalist Spain declare war on the Allies! Poland stays neutral! [Nationalist Spain ALWAYS seems to declare war on the Allies. In real life they stayed *mostly* neutral.]
Italian forces smash through the French defences, and advance on Paris. Just like always. Italian forces also quickly overrun Egypt. Also just like always. When Germany starts to advance, and they are heavily committed in the west, I think to myself: Why not? And declare war on Germany.
I was sort of surprised, really. I kind of expected that there would be some mechanism to prevent the Soviet Union from attacking too early – a Pact of some sort, or some form of war entry limitation. But nope, I declared war on Germany just fine. [IS there any way to re-create history, and have Russia cut a non-aggression deal with Germany?]
I tried to join the Allies at this point, which would make a kind of sense – since we were all fighting Germany together. For some reason, HoI wouldn’t let me. [I’m not really sure why this is. In EU2, two alliances can’t combine, so I wonder if this limitation was carried forward to HoI?]
OK, now here it starts to get a bit strange. My Commie pals Rumania, Finland, Turkey, and Bulgaria all join me at war with Germany, Italy, and Hungary. A quick look at the map shows that the only contiguous border I have with the Axis is the Romanian-Hungarian border.
Fine, so the whole Soviet Army (lots of infantry) pours into Romania, and smashes into Hungary. Now, despite the fact that I have 10x more troops than Romania, and I’m the one fighting and winning all the battles, the game gives control of all the provinces I capture to Romania. Hey, now there’s a deal!
BTW, for some reason, my allies Turkey, Finland, and Bulgaria never leave their home countries. Later, I figure out that this is because the AI playing these minor allies never thought to request military access to Romania. Just a guess, of course, but it seems to fit the evidence.
Anyway, my victorious advance soon captures all of Hungary – which Romania promptly annexes. This places my hordes of infantry at that intersection where Italy, Germany, and Switzerland sort of meet. So I set up a defensive line against Germany, and redirect my attack into Italy. I quickly make it to Rome, and also advance towards France (along the southern border of Switzerland).
So now a bit of bad news for Italy. Somebody (not sure if it was Germany or Italy) creates a puppet (Vichy) government in France. For some reason, this puts the entire Italian Army that was in France back into the only remaining province along the French border. Liguria (Genoa). I probably spelled that wrong.
This is bad for the Italians, since being stuck in that one province, backed up against a neutral, doesn’t leave them any place to retreat. I attack – and win – and poof! No more Italian Army.
At this point, I have reached all the way down Italy, and would normally be thinking about installing a puppet government. Unfortunately, control of Italy has inexplicably been assigned to ROMANIA, and so I can’t force Italy out of the war. Despite the fact that I control their entire country. Go figure.
** Still 1938 **
As Romania begins to become a superpower, I’m starting to feel that this is all very silly. So I decide: Let’s push the envelope, and make it even sillier! So, without any trouble at all, I "influence" Poland, Vichy France, and Lithuania (or maybe it was Latvia?) to join my side as well. No diplomatic response from the Axis. Now, almost every remaining country in Europe is part of the Comintern, workers united, advancing gloriously against the counter-revolutionary Germans to the strains of l’Internationale! Monkey pile on Germany!
Polish armies pound into Germany, with the vicious Polish Lancers slaughtering the helpless German panzers in droves. My Soviet legions hammer into Spain, and begin to reverse the unfortunate outcome of their late civil war.
At this point, disaster strikes! The Japanese declare war, and almost immediately wipe out my forces in Vladivostok. I don’t bother to send any reinforcements, however. I’m thinking that I have Germany on the ropes, so I might as well finish them off first, and then work on Japan. After all, how far across Siberia can Japan get on foot? I figure I have some time.
** 1939 **
The new year begins with the annexation of Spain by Romania. Huh? Germany is reduced to two pockets – Berlin and Paris. I quickly wipe out the Paris pocket, while the Poles are reducing the Berlin pocket.
This seems like the ideal opportunity to start to shift forces to the Siberian front. I haven’t really checked it in a while, so I quickly look to see how far the Japanese have advanced. Answer? Not a millimetre. They wiped out my army, and then sat on their fannies. Maybe it was because the Nationalist Chinese were busy forcing their way into Korea, after having annexing the Communist Chinese, Tibet, and all the other little Chinese sub-countries. [This seems to happen every game, as well.]
My next surprise. The Poles finish off Berlin! Romania annexes Germany! [It could have happened. No, really.]
Japan is still just sitting there, having been pummelled by the Chinese. Italy is still in the war, with their GHQ in Addis Ababa I suppose. Romania, who of course controls all of mainland Italy (after my hard work), still does not see fit to install a puppet government, so the Italians fight on.
At this point, I’m faced with building a navy in the Pacific, to invade the do-nothing Japanese, and chasing down every little Italian province in Africa and who knows where else, though I wasn’t sure that even this would force them out of the war.
Then the game crashed to the desktop, so I gave up, and figured I’d call it a win.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
End result?
1939! The Soviet Union victorious on all fronts, resulting in total Romanian control of all Europe! The Polish Lancer is the decisive weapon of the war! The Nationalist Chinese are the rulers of Asia! The US never enters the war! The British forgot to build armies again!
Just another day at the office.
Unfortunately, I think, like so often in history, the outcome of this war just sowed the seeds for the next one. Which would probably involve the world’s two leading superpowers, Romania and the Nationalist Chinese, slugging it out for total control of the globe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Disclaimer #1: I really do have a life and a family, and only play these games in hotel rooms, when I’m travelling on business. Really. Unfortunately, that is a lot of time. Anyone who is interested, send me a private message, and I can tell you good hotels and what beer to drink in any country in Asia you’re planning to visit. Don’t get to Europe, much. Occasionally, but I’m no expert.
Disclaimer #2: I apologize for my sorry attempts at levity. This was one of the funnier results I’ve gotten playing HoI (I’ve played beginning to end three times – USA, USSR, and Mexico), and really couldn’t think of a serious way to spin it. I did not mean to offend anyone. I really do like the game, and plan to play it heavily after patch 1.04 or so. Meanwhile, EU2 is taking up a lot of my travel time.
So anyway, coming off a somewhat frustrating game as the USA, I decide to play the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. Workers of the World, Unite!
Actually, there was a great deal of thought put into my selection. Since every game I had played so far resulted in the USSR getting hammered in 1939 – which seemed a bit unrealistic/unlikely to me – I thought that by being the Russians, I could get the game to produce a more reasonable outcome.
So here’s what happened.
** 1936 **
Having seen every game to date run almost the exact same course, with a totally successful German invasion of Russia in 1939, it appeared to me that the trick to winning as the Soviet Union was to survive 1939. [Two advanced degrees has given me a stunning grasp of the obvious.]
So technological development was out. After all, how much tech edge could the Germans develop by 1939? So what was in? INFANTRY! LOTS of infantry. And fortifications along the border. LOTS of fortifications.
** 1937 **
So, here I am, piling up the troops along the border. Kind of bored. So what else can I do? I figure I’ll give diplomacy a try.
First, I start by trying to "influence" Finland. Damn, it works. So I influence them again. And again. Finland is starting to move to my philosophy. No diplomatic response from Germany. I still have plenty of those diplomacy point things, so I start to work on Romania, too. Then Turkey and Bulgaria. I wanted to try Hungary, but I kind of ran out of diplomacy points. At no time during this was there any response from Germany.
** 1938 **
Germany declares war on France! Czechoslovakia and England declare war of Germany! Hungary, Italy, and Nationalist Spain declare war on the Allies! Poland stays neutral! [Nationalist Spain ALWAYS seems to declare war on the Allies. In real life they stayed *mostly* neutral.]
Italian forces smash through the French defences, and advance on Paris. Just like always. Italian forces also quickly overrun Egypt. Also just like always. When Germany starts to advance, and they are heavily committed in the west, I think to myself: Why not? And declare war on Germany.
I was sort of surprised, really. I kind of expected that there would be some mechanism to prevent the Soviet Union from attacking too early – a Pact of some sort, or some form of war entry limitation. But nope, I declared war on Germany just fine. [IS there any way to re-create history, and have Russia cut a non-aggression deal with Germany?]
I tried to join the Allies at this point, which would make a kind of sense – since we were all fighting Germany together. For some reason, HoI wouldn’t let me. [I’m not really sure why this is. In EU2, two alliances can’t combine, so I wonder if this limitation was carried forward to HoI?]
OK, now here it starts to get a bit strange. My Commie pals Rumania, Finland, Turkey, and Bulgaria all join me at war with Germany, Italy, and Hungary. A quick look at the map shows that the only contiguous border I have with the Axis is the Romanian-Hungarian border.
Fine, so the whole Soviet Army (lots of infantry) pours into Romania, and smashes into Hungary. Now, despite the fact that I have 10x more troops than Romania, and I’m the one fighting and winning all the battles, the game gives control of all the provinces I capture to Romania. Hey, now there’s a deal!
BTW, for some reason, my allies Turkey, Finland, and Bulgaria never leave their home countries. Later, I figure out that this is because the AI playing these minor allies never thought to request military access to Romania. Just a guess, of course, but it seems to fit the evidence.
Anyway, my victorious advance soon captures all of Hungary – which Romania promptly annexes. This places my hordes of infantry at that intersection where Italy, Germany, and Switzerland sort of meet. So I set up a defensive line against Germany, and redirect my attack into Italy. I quickly make it to Rome, and also advance towards France (along the southern border of Switzerland).
So now a bit of bad news for Italy. Somebody (not sure if it was Germany or Italy) creates a puppet (Vichy) government in France. For some reason, this puts the entire Italian Army that was in France back into the only remaining province along the French border. Liguria (Genoa). I probably spelled that wrong.
This is bad for the Italians, since being stuck in that one province, backed up against a neutral, doesn’t leave them any place to retreat. I attack – and win – and poof! No more Italian Army.
At this point, I have reached all the way down Italy, and would normally be thinking about installing a puppet government. Unfortunately, control of Italy has inexplicably been assigned to ROMANIA, and so I can’t force Italy out of the war. Despite the fact that I control their entire country. Go figure.
** Still 1938 **
As Romania begins to become a superpower, I’m starting to feel that this is all very silly. So I decide: Let’s push the envelope, and make it even sillier! So, without any trouble at all, I "influence" Poland, Vichy France, and Lithuania (or maybe it was Latvia?) to join my side as well. No diplomatic response from the Axis. Now, almost every remaining country in Europe is part of the Comintern, workers united, advancing gloriously against the counter-revolutionary Germans to the strains of l’Internationale! Monkey pile on Germany!
Polish armies pound into Germany, with the vicious Polish Lancers slaughtering the helpless German panzers in droves. My Soviet legions hammer into Spain, and begin to reverse the unfortunate outcome of their late civil war.
At this point, disaster strikes! The Japanese declare war, and almost immediately wipe out my forces in Vladivostok. I don’t bother to send any reinforcements, however. I’m thinking that I have Germany on the ropes, so I might as well finish them off first, and then work on Japan. After all, how far across Siberia can Japan get on foot? I figure I have some time.
** 1939 **
The new year begins with the annexation of Spain by Romania. Huh? Germany is reduced to two pockets – Berlin and Paris. I quickly wipe out the Paris pocket, while the Poles are reducing the Berlin pocket.
This seems like the ideal opportunity to start to shift forces to the Siberian front. I haven’t really checked it in a while, so I quickly look to see how far the Japanese have advanced. Answer? Not a millimetre. They wiped out my army, and then sat on their fannies. Maybe it was because the Nationalist Chinese were busy forcing their way into Korea, after having annexing the Communist Chinese, Tibet, and all the other little Chinese sub-countries. [This seems to happen every game, as well.]
My next surprise. The Poles finish off Berlin! Romania annexes Germany! [It could have happened. No, really.]
Japan is still just sitting there, having been pummelled by the Chinese. Italy is still in the war, with their GHQ in Addis Ababa I suppose. Romania, who of course controls all of mainland Italy (after my hard work), still does not see fit to install a puppet government, so the Italians fight on.
At this point, I’m faced with building a navy in the Pacific, to invade the do-nothing Japanese, and chasing down every little Italian province in Africa and who knows where else, though I wasn’t sure that even this would force them out of the war.
Then the game crashed to the desktop, so I gave up, and figured I’d call it a win.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
End result?
1939! The Soviet Union victorious on all fronts, resulting in total Romanian control of all Europe! The Polish Lancer is the decisive weapon of the war! The Nationalist Chinese are the rulers of Asia! The US never enters the war! The British forgot to build armies again!
Just another day at the office.
Unfortunately, I think, like so often in history, the outcome of this war just sowed the seeds for the next one. Which would probably involve the world’s two leading superpowers, Romania and the Nationalist Chinese, slugging it out for total control of the globe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Disclaimer #1: I really do have a life and a family, and only play these games in hotel rooms, when I’m travelling on business. Really. Unfortunately, that is a lot of time. Anyone who is interested, send me a private message, and I can tell you good hotels and what beer to drink in any country in Asia you’re planning to visit. Don’t get to Europe, much. Occasionally, but I’m no expert.
Disclaimer #2: I apologize for my sorry attempts at levity. This was one of the funnier results I’ve gotten playing HoI (I’ve played beginning to end three times – USA, USSR, and Mexico), and really couldn’t think of a serious way to spin it. I did not mean to offend anyone. I really do like the game, and plan to play it heavily after patch 1.04 or so. Meanwhile, EU2 is taking up a lot of my travel time.
