Cherson:Failure is ALWAYS an option.
Chapter One: Cherson the Glorious..Or not
Greetings Peasants, Behold the might of Alexandros Dalassenos the Glorious, Lord of Cherson and Prince of the Roman Empire....
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Also known as Alexandros Dalassenos the Incompetent. And Friendless.
I think God hates me. Here I am, Duke of some godforsaken patch of grass and manure surrounded by pagans and people wearing furry hats making unfunny jokes that go around the wrong way, and a drooling idiot for a leader. That said I am a very, very long way away from the hordes of Seljuks invading the empire.
But I have plans. Plans to build an empire worthy of the name. A Third Rome (before the furry hat wearing wannabe comedians copyright it first). Well actually, that can wait... because dynasties dont breed themselves ya'know?
I cast my eyes around for a pretty girl to be the mother of the next generation of Dalessenoi. That said the market for marrigeable girls when your the Lord of the ass-end of the Empire is fairly small. So I settle for what I can get:
*shudder* At least Semne is young and fertile and will make a good steward for all the gold in the family treasury. All 3 pounds of it. And besides, she digs the pudding bowl haircut.
The next day a messenger appears at the Castle gate requesting an audience.
It appears that the Count of Maynch wants to marry a woman of my court. I point to the empty room behind me and tell him to take his pick. I briefly considered cutting my losses and letting him have Lydia but its best not to antagonise future meatshiel... I mean allies. And besides I dont have an heir yet.
As Semne was the only woman in the court we needed a plan. So I sent the guard out to find a peasant woman to dress up. Eudokia isnt pretty, or intelligent, or even particularly intersted in personal hygiene but she will do. The messenger seemed a little puzzled when she vomited all over him at the farewell feast and at her lack of teeth but I sent them both happily on their way with my blessings. Diplomacy is fun, especially when it happens to other people.
I also get inundated with offers for alliances with just about every backstabbing, cretinous, two-timing prince in the Empire. I look at the strength of their armies. I look at the strength of mine. Then I think about the pagan hordes and the likelihood of my new 'allies' fighting through them to rescue me, and say no to all of them. If I am going to fail spectacularly I'll do it on my own thank you very much.
*grabs popcorn*
