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Empire of weed- A Tannu Tuva AAR

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Second Lieutenant
Apr 15, 2006
133
0
Heh, my last 2 AAR's, with Sweden and Scotland, turned up terrible. I just couldnt do much with that crappy IC, i thought maybe making one with a big country, but wheres the fun in that? Then i thought, maybe i would make a humerous one. I will probably fail at it terribly, since i'm no good comedian, i'm guessing, never tried this before. If you dont like the cheesy jokes involving weed, a talking super intellegent monkey, and 2 stoner-dictators, just enjoy as i take over the world. I will use cheats, ofcourse, this isnt about showing people how 1337 much gameplay skillz are.

Empire of weed
Tannu Tuva
1936

Chapter one: The wish

Chairman Salchack and Kemchik-ool were happily smoking weed in the presidential hut of Tannu Tuva, and reading porn magazines.

Salchack: Wooah dude, i am like, mega high right now
Kemchik-ool: This is some heavy shit dude.
Salchack: I just realised, our country sucks dude.
Kemchik-ool: O rly?
Salchack: Yarly, dude. Screw communism dude, lets create a global empire.. Out of weed dude.
Kemchik-ool: Yeah man, and lets like, be nazies and stuff.
Salchack: Yeah dude, we are like real Aryans n shit.
Kemchik-ool: Like heil Hitler dude.
Salchack: Pfft, Hitler sucks dude. Heil Salchack and Kemchik-ool is better, man.

Suddenly, a beutiful pixie fairy appears in the hut.

Fairy: I will grant you 3 wishes!
Kemchik-ool: Like, wow dude. This is some killer weed man, i'm like, seeing a fairy infront of me. Far out.
Fairy: I am no illusion, i am real, now hurry up you dam stoners, your not the only dictators i got to give wishes to, i have to visit Hitler in 15 minutes.
Salchack: Like, anything, dude?
Fairy: I'm not a dude. Yes anything.
Kemchik-ool: Far out, man, my first wish is for a million zillion tons of weed, dude!
Fairy: Weed? Eeeh granted.
And suddenly a million zillion tons of weed appears infront of the presidential hut.
Fairy: Second wish?
Kemchik-ool: Like, i want to have unlimited IC, dude. So i can produce even more weed, man.
Fairy: Your wish is my command.
And suddenly an unlimited number of factories appeared all over Tannu Tuva.
Fairy:Your last wish?
Salchack: Dude like give this to me, dude.
Kemchik-ool: Whatever, dude.
Fairy: What is your last wish god damit!?
Salchack: Like, a super-smart talking monkey.
Fairy: A super-smart talking monkey? What the? Fine, whatever.
Suddenly a monkey in a suit appears in the hut.
Monkey: Greetings gentlemen, i am an intellegent talking money. I know everything there is to know about the universe. I hope our friendship will be everlasting.
Fairy: I'm out of here, this place sucks.
The fairy dissapears.
Salchack: So, like, what now, dude?
Kemchik-ool: Like. Lets take over the world dude.
Monkey: That seems like blasting fun gents.
Salchack: Man, we got like, more IC than USA at wartime. We are like, soo cool right now.
 
Ok this is wierd, but interesting. I will be watching :) .
 
The speech

Salchack: So now that we are like, uber, what are we going to do?
Kemchik-ool:Like, lets like, take over the world dude. Spread the love and weed man.
Salchack: Yeah man, Heil Salchack and Kemchik-ool!
Kemchik-ool: Word.

Salchack and Kemchik-ool both had to give a speech.New reforms started. These include changing the national flower to Marijuana, legalizing all drugs, banning police activity, demolishing all hospitals and rebuilding them as crack houses.

Salchack: So like people, me and Kemchik were talking and, like, we think this country sucks ass.
Kemchik-ool: So like, we are going to do some reforms and shit, and like, a revolution.
Salchack: And when you like, want to say hi to a person, you like, no longer have to say hello. Hello is like uber lame, dudes, so what we want you to do when you want to say hello to someone, is say Heil Salchack and Kemchik-ool instead. If anyone says hello, we are going to kill them using a watermelon. So like, what do you do when you want to say hello to somebody?
Huge crowd: HEIL SALCHACK AND KEMCHIK-OOL!
Kemchik-ool: So like, any questions?
Mother: My son just died yesterday from an overdosage of drugs, he heard you are making them legal, so he went crazy. I lost my boy to drugs, how can you do such things!? Your going to kill the country!
Kemchik-ool: Wow settle down bitch, so your like, blaming drugs for your sons death? Your like, one crazy bitch. Security, take the bitch to the „watermelon room“.
The mother gets dragged away, and beaten to death with a watermelon.
Salchack: Oh and, regarding religion, like, our state religion will be weedism. Yeah, i order the construction of one huge temple for the ultimate god, weed, dude. Far out. All people who do not believe in the magnificant powers of weed, will be skinned alive with like a piece of paper, man.
Kemchik-ool: And like, smoking weed is nessecary and will be enforced in schools, no longer like, will some weird bustas keep us down man! Also, a new class will be added, drug use. So like, dont worry parents, we will teach your children about how good drugs are and how to take them as much as possible without dying.
Salchack: So thats like, pretty much it, like cool. So, everyone, party!!!
And suddenly it starts raining weed and other drugs, and alchochol. The party lasted till morning for most, besides a few who died from overdosage.
 
Reminds me of Rest Stop to the West!
 
No offence but this is sort of like one of Earth's Savior's AARs but funnier.
 
GoforitPanzer: No, only 3 wishes. But you shall see, how that is done.
Jemisi:
iczh0.jpg
No, it still runs on resources, you will see soon.
Evilsanta: They are Nazi weedists, as far open society weedists i could go, central weedists( Ofcourse, so they can get all the weed for themselves), standing weedists, Hawk weedists and interventionist weedists.
GeneralHannibal: Sorry if it somehow looks like some other AAR
 
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The game really begins soon ;)

The plan

In the morning, Kemchik-ool and Salchack are greeted by the Super-intellegent mega monkey.
Monkey: I have come up with the perfect plan to take over the world, i have also created patterns for everything that can be invented in the universe. As you requested, this also includes new mega-weed that can never end.
Kemchik-Ool: Wow, a talking monkey.
Monkey: I thought we got over that, sir.
Salchack: Am i high?
Monkey: Yes, medium high, for you sir. If it was a normal human, he would be dead.
Salchack: Wtf, how dare you insult me you, like, talking monkey? Soo lame.
Monkey: I would like to clear it up, that i am an ape, not a monkey.
Salchack: I can call you whatever i like want, monkey.
Monkey: My name is Charles Agamendius III.
Salchack: How about i call you Dick?
Kemchik-Ool: Loldicklolz.
Dick: I would prefer Charles, but if that is your wish, so let it be.
Dick: I suggest we start training an army, i have created a cloning machine, with this device, we could create a massive army.
Salchack: Lets like, attack France dude.
Dick: France sir? There is no way we can attack France at this time, my lords.
Kemchik-Ool: And another thing, lord sucks, call us supreme overlords of everythings.
Dick: So be it, There is no way we can attack France at this time, my supreme overlords of everythings.
Salchack. No monkey named Dick cant tell me like what i can and what i cant like do, man.
Dick: How do you propouse we do it then, supreme overlord of everything?
Kemchik-ool: Lets like, use lasers and spaceships n shit.
Dick: That will take too much time, puny human brains cannot possibly build such things, not yet, even if i give them patterns.
Kemchik-ool: I said do it bitch!
Dick: We could take over the world much much faster if we would follow my plan, after we have created a mega-army of super troopers and a mighty airforce, we should attack the Soviet Union and Mongolia.
Salchack: Arnt they not like our like.. allies?
Dick: Yes, but i thought we were national socialists? We cant be in an alliance with communists.
Salchack: Again, dam you Dick, your like some dictator man, telling us what we can and what we cant do.
Dick: Actually, you are the dictators, my supreme overlords.
Salchack: Exactly so stop being a lame buster dude.
Kemchik-ool: Look, a talking monkey dude.
Dick: Arghh..
Salchack:LOLZ!!!
 
Raudsarw said:
GeneralHannibal: Sorry if it somehow looks like some other AAR
Click to expand...

Yours is great, but there was this other guy a while ago who did that kind of modding to the game so he'd have unlimited IC. Yours is much much funnier though.
 
Organizing

Dick, the super intellegent monkey, who has pretty much taken matters into his own hands, since Kemchik-ool and Salchack do nothing more than do drugs and look at porn all day, has invited our 2 supreme overlord of everythings to a tour of the research facilities, and factories.

Dick: Ahh, welcome, my supreme overlord of everythings, we are about to begin research on better infantry divisions.
Kemchik-ool: Let the Tannu Tuva mining company handle it.
Dick: Why? They have nothing to do with the military.
Kemchik-ool: Are you forgetting who the supreme overlord of everything is, bitch?
Salchack: Lol a talking monkey.
Dick: But supr..
Kemchik-ool. I said do it bitch! The mining company is like, our best reserach team.'
Dick: Yes my supreme overlord.
Kemchik-ool: Besides we like fired all the other reserach teams anyway
Dick: What!?!
Salchack: Yeah like, they are now all working in the weed mines.
Dick: But my supreme overlords, now we can only reserach one thing at once, since the mining company is the only thing that can research anything?
Dick: And what?? Weed mines? You are aware you cant mine for weed right?
Salchack: You cant? Oh dam. Well i guess i just have to like plant the weed then.
Dick: ....

miningfe0.jpg


Salchack: Pfft this place sucks ass, lets like go get some weed at our weed factories.

Our brave heroes arrive at the weed factories.
Dick: Currently we are building many many divisions, soon we shall rule the world.
Kemchik-ool: What? DID I LIKE TELL YOU TO LIKE MAKE THA WEED FACTORIES INTO ARMS FACTORIES, DUDE?
Dick: Eeh, but, this is needed to take over the world.
Kemchik-ool: PAH! Fine, your like mega lame. But only at like 40%, the rest 60% must go to making weed.
Dick: Eeeh, if i were able to kill my masters, i would probably do so. Lets move on.

They enter a strange room, with a strange machine in the centre.

Dick. Behold, the resource maker X-2000!
Kemchik-ool: What does it like do?
Dick: It creates any resource we would need to take over the world.
Salchack: Like weed?
Dick: No, not weed.
Salchack: Then it's lame, dissasemble it and make it into weed!
Dick: Supreme overlord of everything, this will help us take over the world! And we cant make weed out of metal.
Salchack: Again, there you like go, telling me, that i cant do something. I didnt like have you created so you could command me around.
Dick: Once we control the entire world, you can have all the weed you want. We need this machine to get it.
Salchack. FINE, but, the name is like uber lame. Lets rename it to the boobmachine.
Kemchik-ool:Lolboobmachinelol.
 
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