This was planed to be a real long on-going AAR until i bit off more than i could chew, all for glory, power, riches, women, more women, and a few more women. 
WARNING: THIS IS A CHEAP, HALF ASSED AAR. What you are about to read contains stupidity, violence, and the EXTREMLY bad planning of a man who had much to gain, but plenty to lose, witch he did.
king (me)- what does our empire look like
advisor- A group of small cities in two provences, my lord
me- how is our economy
advisor-Very poor, my lord
me- How is our millitary
advisor- very small, my lord
me- how are our relations with other empires
advisor- very bad, my lord
me- GREAT! lets declare war on prussia!
advisor- umm why, my lord
me- we dont need a reason!
advisor- the pesents may get scared my lord, prussia IS twice our size and extremly powerful, my lord.
me- so? we have superior forces!
advisor- no, my lord, we dont. the army they have on our border is larger than our entire millitary
me- well, lady luck is with us.
advisor- no my lord, she isn't, prussia will sweep the floor with our forces, its best to stay peacful, we have a very weak empire that needs a good ruler like you, my lord.
me- YOU WILL GIVE BERLIN THE BAD NEWS TOMMOROW OR DIE OF no headacitus. understand!
advisor- yes my lord, but i will need more than a day to get there.
me- use the teleporter
advisor- umm yeah, ok???
Jan 1st, 1492
troops of saxony (30k) march on madgeburg's garrison (35k)
me- sure is a buitiful day for a battle, aye geneal?
General- ChEeSe Is FuN? *drool*
me- haha, good one general, acting like a idiot to trick our enemies eye?
General- WERE ar mey PANTS??!!
me- DAMN, this man is a genius!! Trying to act like he has no idea that in the following battle he could die a horrible death.
General- Chipmunks can be good smooferS!!
me- i agree general, now i think you should attack before they get the declaration of war, to surprise them.
General- NO!! We MUsT aTTack At noon, next sunday.
me- anther trick eye general. You never cease to amaze me.
*next sunday*
General- AtACkE
troops- AHHHH, the pain, the agony, i want my mommy!!
me- general, do really think telling the troops to attack a hornets nest will prepare them for battle? I mean that looks painful and it is making the prussian's laugh.
prussians- hahahahahahaha
General- sTOP LAUGHING AT ME, CHARGE MEAN PEOPLE NOW, SHOW NO MESSY!!
me- its mercy general.
General- you no like generAL IDEA?!! *throws sword at me*
me- *ducks*
prussian general- arrrrgfff....
*prussian general dies, troops retreat, i lose a few troops to hornets*
*outside madgeburge's walls*
General- cHARge!!
*troops overun defenders who apparently thought it was better to let enemy troops kill there families than have to fight*
me- DAMN!! we lost only a few troops to freindly fire.
General- those were OuR troops??
*march on berlin, there capital, meet troops we defeated earlier in battle*
General- cHaRGE MEAN PEOPLE!!!
*defeat demoralised prussian troops*
me- WOW!! General, you defeat those troops so quick its stunning
General- you think ME am goodly!!! yAY! me do more fight fore you, and me win.
*seige capital*
me- well, after many months of attrition they are raising the white flag. good job general
General- ChARGE!!!!!
* we overrun enemy troops who all had mallaria and were starving to death*
me- looks like we can annex them soon, and spies report the enemy army is in a nearby city resting and recruting new troops, we have troops coming to refill our army.
General- we no need moRE gUYs, wE aTTACK nOW!!
*we move into provence to attack a 48k army with 13k*
General- ChargE!!!
me- My god, general you cant charge them!!! they out number us nearly three to one!!!
Prussian general to his men- troops, we could counter this charge by attacking there flanks but i beleive thats what they want us to do, so we are going to spread out and hold our ground.
prussian advisior- we could charge sir, and defeat them with sheer numbers, they have no other troops according to our scouts, and there general is not very special, infact all we have ever heard him say is "ChARGe", he may be mentaly challenged.
Prussian general- tsk, tsk, tsk, you know nothing of current day tactics, his troops will spread out and fight 3-1 rather than charge our weak points one by one.
* by some divine miracle we defeat the prussians and lay seige to there city*
me- are you a prodegy??!! That was amazing!!!
General- im not porNOGrapHY!!!
me- haha, you are a great man.
General- I like SPAM!!!!!!!!
*continue seige*
General- CHArge!!!
me- again!!! i hope seven is your lucky number.
*fortress finally falls due to lack of sleep, i guess our 1 assault every five hours policy paid off*
me- you will surrender all your lands to saxony without terms!!
prussian- im just the janator, our leader fled to the last 2 provences.
me- what "last two provences"
janator- the other 2 that cant be reached without going thrue poland
*at this point i passed out due to pure rage*
*we end up getting madgeburge and only madgeburge from prussia*
me- WHAT THE F***, WHY DIDN'T YOU F***EN A**HOLES TELL ME PRUSSIA CANT BE ANNEXED BY LAND!!?
advisors- we tried to but the general shot at us everytime we came near you. saying somthing about a "evil hedge hog"
me- GET ME THE GENERAL NOW!!!!!!!
*general walks in*
me- you are being tried for treason against saxony.
General- pANTS arE FUn!?!?!
me- no, your sly words wont get you out of this one general
*the general is drawn and quartered, about 30 times*
Advisor- ummm sir if your done cutting up the general, i have his replacement.
me- okay, send him in.
New General- hello, can we make this fast, 3:00 is tea time.
me- WHAT!!? I asked you for a real general, instead you bring me a retard. it looks like im going to have to lead the armies myself.
Advisor- well i can get you a better one, just give me a few days.
me- Theres no time, we must attack, ummm, well let me flip a coin, heads bohemia, tails hannover. *flip* bohemia tommorow!
advisor- sir, we should consolidate our gains, or atleast build more troops!
me- our 12k men can defeat bohemia easily, she dosen't even have a army!!
*declare war, call new allies (austria and freinds) storm erz, sudetan, and bohemia.
me- *yawn* this is to easy, we only need, umm, east bohemia provence thingy.
second in command- *goes extreemly pale* sir, ummm, bohemia just took back sudetan, and is almost done with erz. they have 4x as many men under them then we have.
me- WHAT?!?!?!?!? HOW!!?
second in command- they apparenly used them to annex wurtenburg and just got back, seeing what you did to there wives and children put them into a blind rage were they now dont even feel pain.
me- well thank god for austria.
second in command- *goes paler* austria just sighned a peace where they get silesia and wurtenburg.
me- ok. we need to GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!!!
troops- ahhhh!!!!! *run into nearby provence*
Bohemian general- KILL KILL KILL. wait, whats that?.... ITS THEM!!!
*my troops run into a wall of pikes, only me, a mercanary named Frank, and a donkey live, we promptly retreat into our home provence were we are soundly defeated again*
me- how many infantry do they have.
spy- 11k
me- not that big, ok, how many cavaly do they have.
spy- 5k
me- thats not that bad, how much artillery do they have
spy- 143
me- i asked how much artillery they had, not how many troops are manning them!
spy- umm, 143
me- dear god....
* at this point my walls in all three provences fell to a hail of steel (1 small, 2 minimum), i was forced to surrender all provences but my capital and i gave up*
as you can see, its better to wait and develop in this game, than to attack all your neighbors until one comes up with more artillery than you have infantry...
i hope you enjoyed my (PATHETIC) AAR, and had a good laugh. If this one goes over well i may write another one, if it dosen't i will probably get board and write another one anyway. good night (ooh wait, i stayed up till 4 in the morning playing eu...)
WARNING: THIS IS A CHEAP, HALF ASSED AAR. What you are about to read contains stupidity, violence, and the EXTREMLY bad planning of a man who had much to gain, but plenty to lose, witch he did.
king (me)- what does our empire look like
advisor- A group of small cities in two provences, my lord
me- how is our economy
advisor-Very poor, my lord
me- How is our millitary
advisor- very small, my lord
me- how are our relations with other empires
advisor- very bad, my lord
me- GREAT! lets declare war on prussia!
advisor- umm why, my lord
me- we dont need a reason!
advisor- the pesents may get scared my lord, prussia IS twice our size and extremly powerful, my lord.
me- so? we have superior forces!
advisor- no, my lord, we dont. the army they have on our border is larger than our entire millitary
me- well, lady luck is with us.
advisor- no my lord, she isn't, prussia will sweep the floor with our forces, its best to stay peacful, we have a very weak empire that needs a good ruler like you, my lord.
me- YOU WILL GIVE BERLIN THE BAD NEWS TOMMOROW OR DIE OF no headacitus. understand!
advisor- yes my lord, but i will need more than a day to get there.
me- use the teleporter
advisor- umm yeah, ok???
Jan 1st, 1492
troops of saxony (30k) march on madgeburg's garrison (35k)
me- sure is a buitiful day for a battle, aye geneal?
General- ChEeSe Is FuN? *drool*
me- haha, good one general, acting like a idiot to trick our enemies eye?
General- WERE ar mey PANTS??!!
me- DAMN, this man is a genius!! Trying to act like he has no idea that in the following battle he could die a horrible death.
General- Chipmunks can be good smooferS!!
me- i agree general, now i think you should attack before they get the declaration of war, to surprise them.
General- NO!! We MUsT aTTack At noon, next sunday.
me- anther trick eye general. You never cease to amaze me.
*next sunday*
General- AtACkE
troops- AHHHH, the pain, the agony, i want my mommy!!
me- general, do really think telling the troops to attack a hornets nest will prepare them for battle? I mean that looks painful and it is making the prussian's laugh.
prussians- hahahahahahaha
General- sTOP LAUGHING AT ME, CHARGE MEAN PEOPLE NOW, SHOW NO MESSY!!
me- its mercy general.
General- you no like generAL IDEA?!! *throws sword at me*
me- *ducks*
prussian general- arrrrgfff....
*prussian general dies, troops retreat, i lose a few troops to hornets*
*outside madgeburge's walls*
General- cHARge!!
*troops overun defenders who apparently thought it was better to let enemy troops kill there families than have to fight*
me- DAMN!! we lost only a few troops to freindly fire.
General- those were OuR troops??
*march on berlin, there capital, meet troops we defeated earlier in battle*
General- cHaRGE MEAN PEOPLE!!!
*defeat demoralised prussian troops*
me- WOW!! General, you defeat those troops so quick its stunning
General- you think ME am goodly!!! yAY! me do more fight fore you, and me win.
*seige capital*
me- well, after many months of attrition they are raising the white flag. good job general
General- ChARGE!!!!!
* we overrun enemy troops who all had mallaria and were starving to death*
me- looks like we can annex them soon, and spies report the enemy army is in a nearby city resting and recruting new troops, we have troops coming to refill our army.
General- we no need moRE gUYs, wE aTTACK nOW!!
*we move into provence to attack a 48k army with 13k*
General- ChargE!!!
me- My god, general you cant charge them!!! they out number us nearly three to one!!!
Prussian general to his men- troops, we could counter this charge by attacking there flanks but i beleive thats what they want us to do, so we are going to spread out and hold our ground.
prussian advisior- we could charge sir, and defeat them with sheer numbers, they have no other troops according to our scouts, and there general is not very special, infact all we have ever heard him say is "ChARGe", he may be mentaly challenged.
Prussian general- tsk, tsk, tsk, you know nothing of current day tactics, his troops will spread out and fight 3-1 rather than charge our weak points one by one.
* by some divine miracle we defeat the prussians and lay seige to there city*
me- are you a prodegy??!! That was amazing!!!
General- im not porNOGrapHY!!!
me- haha, you are a great man.
General- I like SPAM!!!!!!!!
*continue seige*
General- CHArge!!!
me- again!!! i hope seven is your lucky number.
*fortress finally falls due to lack of sleep, i guess our 1 assault every five hours policy paid off*
me- you will surrender all your lands to saxony without terms!!
prussian- im just the janator, our leader fled to the last 2 provences.
me- what "last two provences"
janator- the other 2 that cant be reached without going thrue poland
*at this point i passed out due to pure rage*
*we end up getting madgeburge and only madgeburge from prussia*
me- WHAT THE F***, WHY DIDN'T YOU F***EN A**HOLES TELL ME PRUSSIA CANT BE ANNEXED BY LAND!!?
advisors- we tried to but the general shot at us everytime we came near you. saying somthing about a "evil hedge hog"
me- GET ME THE GENERAL NOW!!!!!!!
*general walks in*
me- you are being tried for treason against saxony.
General- pANTS arE FUn!?!?!
me- no, your sly words wont get you out of this one general
*the general is drawn and quartered, about 30 times*
Advisor- ummm sir if your done cutting up the general, i have his replacement.
me- okay, send him in.
New General- hello, can we make this fast, 3:00 is tea time.
me- WHAT!!? I asked you for a real general, instead you bring me a retard. it looks like im going to have to lead the armies myself.
Advisor- well i can get you a better one, just give me a few days.
me- Theres no time, we must attack, ummm, well let me flip a coin, heads bohemia, tails hannover. *flip* bohemia tommorow!
advisor- sir, we should consolidate our gains, or atleast build more troops!
me- our 12k men can defeat bohemia easily, she dosen't even have a army!!
*declare war, call new allies (austria and freinds) storm erz, sudetan, and bohemia.
me- *yawn* this is to easy, we only need, umm, east bohemia provence thingy.
second in command- *goes extreemly pale* sir, ummm, bohemia just took back sudetan, and is almost done with erz. they have 4x as many men under them then we have.
me- WHAT?!?!?!?!? HOW!!?
second in command- they apparenly used them to annex wurtenburg and just got back, seeing what you did to there wives and children put them into a blind rage were they now dont even feel pain.
me- well thank god for austria.
second in command- *goes paler* austria just sighned a peace where they get silesia and wurtenburg.
me- ok. we need to GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!!!
troops- ahhhh!!!!! *run into nearby provence*
Bohemian general- KILL KILL KILL. wait, whats that?.... ITS THEM!!!
*my troops run into a wall of pikes, only me, a mercanary named Frank, and a donkey live, we promptly retreat into our home provence were we are soundly defeated again*
me- how many infantry do they have.
spy- 11k
me- not that big, ok, how many cavaly do they have.
spy- 5k
me- thats not that bad, how much artillery do they have
spy- 143
me- i asked how much artillery they had, not how many troops are manning them!
spy- umm, 143
me- dear god....
* at this point my walls in all three provences fell to a hail of steel (1 small, 2 minimum), i was forced to surrender all provences but my capital and i gave up*
as you can see, its better to wait and develop in this game, than to attack all your neighbors until one comes up with more artillery than you have infantry...
i hope you enjoyed my (PATHETIC) AAR, and had a good laugh. If this one goes over well i may write another one, if it dosen't i will probably get board and write another one anyway. good night (ooh wait, i stayed up till 4 in the morning playing eu...)
