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Originally posted by Sir Humphrey
I like this one. Great work Faeelin!
I agree. Jolly good show!
May 28, 1937
Had a discussion over the respective merits of the French and German armies. The German commander, one Guderian, pointed out their superior tanks. I responded by pointing out my superior infantry divisions of the Grande Armee, and the French Air Force also delivered its opinion. Guderian, seeing the error of his ways, withdrew with the remnants of his army. The Saar is ours! We had a similar discussion with the commander in Cologne.
May 30, 1937
Some sort of coup’s breaking out in Berlin. German units are fighting one another. (Editor’s note: Actually, the Germans loaned them to me, and their control was never returned). Wermacht vs. the SS, I think.
That’s what you get for not taking better care of the help. The Imperial Guard may be bastards, but they’re my bastards, which is all that matters in the end.
May 30, 1937
Well, we’ve crossed the Rhine. Essen has fallen to our armies with no resistance. The war in Berlin is still ongoing!
June 1, 1937
Perfidious Albion! The British have taken the province of Dagabur, dear and near to the hearts of all Frenchmen.
When we find out where this Dagabur is, we shall assuredly have our revenge.
Soviets are busy shooting their officers. I wonder if it’s time to do 1812 properly?
June 7, 1937
Jerusalem is ours! I’m debating whether or not to bring the Rock back to Paris, where it truly belongs. Various religious leaders are against it, but it would help tourism.
June 9, 1937
Still no sign of the rest of the German army after we sunk that fleet off of Hamburg. Apparently they’re now stuck in England!
We’ve also liberated Munster and Hannover. I’m trying to figure out who should be the new king of Westphalia. Or perhaps Charlemagne’s title for myself?
June 14, 1937
Hamburg has fallen. Damn sauerkraut eating surrender monkeys. That civil war in Berlin must have really shaken things up.
June 26, 1937
Ah, crap. My army’s trapped in Egypt. Again.
The British have liberated the Suez Canal and taken Alexandria, so our only supplies to the army travel via Tobruk. We're rapidly withdrawing from French Ethiopia, but we are losing there as well.
July 1, 1937
Well, so there is some fight left after all. Erfurt’s resisting my best efforts to capture it. Had another talk with DeGaulle, today.
“So, what do you think of Germany’s situation?” I asked. I have to find some disciple.
“Well, this is blatant stupidity. We actually outnumber their divisions, even if they could get them home from Britain, and we’re going to close up that pocket in Southern Germany any week now. “
I laughed. “Yeah, everyone thought Hitler was nuts to worry about France, didn’t they?” I sipped some coffee as I read the report. “Well, he was right, but he’s still nuts.”
Had a discussion over the respective merits of the French and German armies. The German commander, one Guderian, pointed out their superior tanks. I responded by pointing out my superior infantry divisions of the Grande Armee, and the French Air Force also delivered its opinion. Guderian, seeing the error of his ways, withdrew with the remnants of his army. The Saar is ours! We had a similar discussion with the commander in Cologne.
May 30, 1937
Some sort of coup’s breaking out in Berlin. German units are fighting one another. (Editor’s note: Actually, the Germans loaned them to me, and their control was never returned). Wermacht vs. the SS, I think.
That’s what you get for not taking better care of the help. The Imperial Guard may be bastards, but they’re my bastards, which is all that matters in the end.
May 30, 1937
Well, we’ve crossed the Rhine. Essen has fallen to our armies with no resistance. The war in Berlin is still ongoing!
June 1, 1937
Perfidious Albion! The British have taken the province of Dagabur, dear and near to the hearts of all Frenchmen.
When we find out where this Dagabur is, we shall assuredly have our revenge.
Soviets are busy shooting their officers. I wonder if it’s time to do 1812 properly?
June 7, 1937
Jerusalem is ours! I’m debating whether or not to bring the Rock back to Paris, where it truly belongs. Various religious leaders are against it, but it would help tourism.
June 9, 1937
Still no sign of the rest of the German army after we sunk that fleet off of Hamburg. Apparently they’re now stuck in England!
We’ve also liberated Munster and Hannover. I’m trying to figure out who should be the new king of Westphalia. Or perhaps Charlemagne’s title for myself?
June 14, 1937
Hamburg has fallen. Damn sauerkraut eating surrender monkeys. That civil war in Berlin must have really shaken things up.
June 26, 1937
Ah, crap. My army’s trapped in Egypt. Again.
The British have liberated the Suez Canal and taken Alexandria, so our only supplies to the army travel via Tobruk. We're rapidly withdrawing from French Ethiopia, but we are losing there as well.
July 1, 1937
Well, so there is some fight left after all. Erfurt’s resisting my best efforts to capture it. Had another talk with DeGaulle, today.
“So, what do you think of Germany’s situation?” I asked. I have to find some disciple.
“Well, this is blatant stupidity. We actually outnumber their divisions, even if they could get them home from Britain, and we’re going to close up that pocket in Southern Germany any week now. “
I laughed. “Yeah, everyone thought Hitler was nuts to worry about France, didn’t they?” I sipped some coffee as I read the report. “Well, he was right, but he’s still nuts.”
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Go Napoleon! Soon the Tricolor will fly over Berlin, and possibly Moscow, and who knows.... the White House?
Meh. I do not speak of America, as Napoleon once said.
Of course, he then spoke of how he'd like to take back louisiana, so who knows?
Originally posted by Rocky Horror
You won't gloat when Napoleon IV is crowned Emperor at Versailles...
Sniff... ah, surely there are better places?
November 16, 1937
I’m sorry for not updating beforehand. It’s been a tad hectic, what with the invasion of Germany.
Now, though, Berlin has fallen. 400,000 Germans are trapped in the Breslau pocket.
And we have captured the Austrian. He’s enroute to Paris for a meeting with me.
November 17, 1937
It was… frightening. There’s a lot of hatred in him.
“Damn Frenchman”, he said when I met him. You’ve gotta admire a man who starts cursing at his captor, even as his cause lies in flames. “ You stabbed us in the back.”
I nodded. “Yes. And? I’ll grant you that Germany has never stabbed its allies in the back, eh?” I said, as I lit a cigar. I’ve always enjoyed a good smoke.
“We will fight on. We control Britain, we have a million men in arms, we are developing new weapons to eliminate you, we….” I hit him with the butt of my pistol. He was getting a bit irritating.
“Oh, please. You’ve lost. Your national socialists are cursed for damning Germany to a lost war. As for Britain… well, it will be nice to be viewed as liberators. I’d rather enjoy Buckingham Palace, I think.” I paused for a moment. “You do realize that a substantial part of your nation views us as liberators? Probably didn’t help that you tried to destroy your nation’s farms and factories lest we use them.”
The Austrian then went into a speech about racial purity, communists, and a few other things that bored me to tears. Eventually, I said, “enough.” I clapped my hands, and the Guard came in.
“You do realize what your problem is, Hister? (I could never get his name right). “You’re utterly wrong. For all I care, Frenchmen could start praying to the sun God while screaming for the ghosts of Marx, Washington, and Robespierre to lead them to victory, and it doesn’t matter. As long as they pay their taxes, as long as they join the army, it’s insignificant. Heck, even the Romans knew that.”
He was dragged away, and would later be shot while attempting to escape (can’t have loose ends around), but still… I guess it just goes to show that stupidity isn’t necessarily a handicap in politics.
I went back to work.
December 28, 1937
“People of Europe! The Combat phase of the war against fascism is over. We have strangled the fascist beast in its lair. Berlin, Hamburg, Munich, are all once more in the hands of the Republican armies.
But let it be known that there will be no more Versailles. We must look to a New Order, in which we build a new future together.
For do we not believe in the same things? Freedom of religion. Freedom of press (so long as it says what I want). A 40 hour work week. Socialized medicine. An arrogant sense of superiority over the Americans. Why then should we fight?
Even as I speak, plans are being drawn up to liberate England from the fascist remnants under Guderian. We have entered into an alliance with Poland, securing Europe from the Red Menace.
Let us go forward, then, together. The nations of Holland, Germany, Italy, Britain, and France have a glorious future together. A grand, federated system, bound by a common market (and ruled from Paris) can only be beneficial to progress.
Together, we shall be masters of the world. That is why, I have taken up my forefather’s claims (well, mine). I shall become Napoleon IV, Emperor of Europe.”
On cue, the fireworks fired up from the top of the Brandenburg Gate, where I speaking from. Cheers went up from the French and Italian troops, “Vive L’Emperor!”
Naturally, Prufrock had a word for me. As I sat in my study, he asked “Aren’t you doing what you did last time? The whole imperial conquest of Europe?”
I laughed. “No, no. This time, England’s going to fall.”
”But I meant about the spread of democracy, and such.”
I waved the Space bat away, damaging its wing. “Well, I have to secure Europe first.”
“When will that be?”
”When I have achieved the natural boundaries.”
”Which are?”
”The Pacific.”
”And?” Prufrock was getting annoyed.
“No, the Earth’s a globe, you see. So I mean that when France controls both sides of it.”
I’m sorry for not updating beforehand. It’s been a tad hectic, what with the invasion of Germany.
Now, though, Berlin has fallen. 400,000 Germans are trapped in the Breslau pocket.
And we have captured the Austrian. He’s enroute to Paris for a meeting with me.
November 17, 1937
It was… frightening. There’s a lot of hatred in him.
“Damn Frenchman”, he said when I met him. You’ve gotta admire a man who starts cursing at his captor, even as his cause lies in flames. “ You stabbed us in the back.”
I nodded. “Yes. And? I’ll grant you that Germany has never stabbed its allies in the back, eh?” I said, as I lit a cigar. I’ve always enjoyed a good smoke.
“We will fight on. We control Britain, we have a million men in arms, we are developing new weapons to eliminate you, we….” I hit him with the butt of my pistol. He was getting a bit irritating.
“Oh, please. You’ve lost. Your national socialists are cursed for damning Germany to a lost war. As for Britain… well, it will be nice to be viewed as liberators. I’d rather enjoy Buckingham Palace, I think.” I paused for a moment. “You do realize that a substantial part of your nation views us as liberators? Probably didn’t help that you tried to destroy your nation’s farms and factories lest we use them.”
The Austrian then went into a speech about racial purity, communists, and a few other things that bored me to tears. Eventually, I said, “enough.” I clapped my hands, and the Guard came in.
“You do realize what your problem is, Hister? (I could never get his name right). “You’re utterly wrong. For all I care, Frenchmen could start praying to the sun God while screaming for the ghosts of Marx, Washington, and Robespierre to lead them to victory, and it doesn’t matter. As long as they pay their taxes, as long as they join the army, it’s insignificant. Heck, even the Romans knew that.”
He was dragged away, and would later be shot while attempting to escape (can’t have loose ends around), but still… I guess it just goes to show that stupidity isn’t necessarily a handicap in politics.
I went back to work.
December 28, 1937
“People of Europe! The Combat phase of the war against fascism is over. We have strangled the fascist beast in its lair. Berlin, Hamburg, Munich, are all once more in the hands of the Republican armies.
But let it be known that there will be no more Versailles. We must look to a New Order, in which we build a new future together.
For do we not believe in the same things? Freedom of religion. Freedom of press (so long as it says what I want). A 40 hour work week. Socialized medicine. An arrogant sense of superiority over the Americans. Why then should we fight?
Even as I speak, plans are being drawn up to liberate England from the fascist remnants under Guderian. We have entered into an alliance with Poland, securing Europe from the Red Menace.
Let us go forward, then, together. The nations of Holland, Germany, Italy, Britain, and France have a glorious future together. A grand, federated system, bound by a common market (and ruled from Paris) can only be beneficial to progress.
Together, we shall be masters of the world. That is why, I have taken up my forefather’s claims (well, mine). I shall become Napoleon IV, Emperor of Europe.”
On cue, the fireworks fired up from the top of the Brandenburg Gate, where I speaking from. Cheers went up from the French and Italian troops, “Vive L’Emperor!”
Naturally, Prufrock had a word for me. As I sat in my study, he asked “Aren’t you doing what you did last time? The whole imperial conquest of Europe?”
I laughed. “No, no. This time, England’s going to fall.”
”But I meant about the spread of democracy, and such.”
I waved the Space bat away, damaging its wing. “Well, I have to secure Europe first.”
“When will that be?”
”When I have achieved the natural boundaries.”
”Which are?”
”The Pacific.”
”And?” Prufrock was getting annoyed.
“No, the Earth’s a globe, you see. So I mean that when France controls both sides of it.”
Hahahaha, Napoleon IV is a little cocky wouldn't you say? What does the extraterrestrial Prufrock have to say about this?
"My people and I have come to an agreement which satisfied us both. They are to say what they please, and I am to do what I please.", as Frederick the Great said.
He who conquers Western Europe has a right to be.
Prufrock could not be reached for comment, but a lesser space bat (who was busy trying to help the romans build steam engines) said that he was in a conference over the issue.
Originally posted by Vincent Julien
"My people and I have come to an agreement which satisfied us both. They are to say what they please, and I am to do what I please.", as Frederick the Great said.
Indeed. Incidentally, I'm surprised no one's asked about Skorzeny, who's apparently mandatory for AARS.
Prufrock nibbled on his donut. Why, he wondered, did they keep providing donuts at these meetings? We're BATS, for Christ's sake. Where's the moths? The gnats? The succulent blood-laden mosquitoes? He sighed and brushed some sprinkles out of his fur.
"So, your project's not going quite as expected."
Prufrock shrugged. "Well, it's tricky, you know. These humans- not exactly up to bat standards. Unpredictable. Erratic. But with a firm guiding hand, we should still be able to get him moving in the right direction."
"It appears he intends to move in every single direction. Do you have a plan for getting him back on track?"
Prufrock paused. "Yes. Yes, I do."
"What is your plan?"
"Well." Prufrock shifted on his perch. Think fast, lad- "Well, well. Elections are out of the question. And he doesn't have any real competitors in his government. Foreign intervention won't do much to change the course his government is taking." The pause continued for a while.
"That's not much of a plan. As a matter of fact, if I had to classify your statement, I'd call it the exact opposite of a plan."
"Aheheheh." Prufrock nibbled nervously at his donut. "Well... I'll get this thing moving. Trust me on this."
"So, your project's not going quite as expected."
Prufrock shrugged. "Well, it's tricky, you know. These humans- not exactly up to bat standards. Unpredictable. Erratic. But with a firm guiding hand, we should still be able to get him moving in the right direction."
"It appears he intends to move in every single direction. Do you have a plan for getting him back on track?"
Prufrock paused. "Yes. Yes, I do."
"What is your plan?"
"Well." Prufrock shifted on his perch. Think fast, lad- "Well, well. Elections are out of the question. And he doesn't have any real competitors in his government. Foreign intervention won't do much to change the course his government is taking." The pause continued for a while.
"That's not much of a plan. As a matter of fact, if I had to classify your statement, I'd call it the exact opposite of a plan."
"Aheheheh." Prufrock nibbled nervously at his donut. "Well... I'll get this thing moving. Trust me on this."
elbasto said:has this well written, easy to read aar come to an end???
Well, let me put it this way. I became very, very busy. However, I recently discovered I still have the save game.
You thought the nightmare was over. You thought it was safe. You were wrong.
For you see, The Emperor can never die, only the soldiers who serve him!
I make no promises, but I'd like to restart this from where I left off.
January 27, 1938
Greetings, citizens! Well, actually, greetings, diary! (It’s been a long day. You try rallying Germans about how their annexation is for their own good).
As the complete and total destruction of the German’s monstrosity continues, I am posed with a most vexing problem: What should be done with Germany?
Of course, it could not be left intact. It’s simply too large. Even if France includes the Rhineland and Belgium, there are more Germans than Frenchman (and the Flemish, who are of course Frenchmen and don’t know it).
At the same time, it’s become apparent that nationalism has infected Europe. Germany could never be broken up into two or more nations; it is inconceivable that anyone would stand for it. Imagine, an East and West Germany? The very idea is absurd.
Therefore, a solution had to be developed. Germany would be part of the European Union, as I was calling my goal, but the question was how? Hence my meeting with the former mayor of Cologne, Konrad Adenauer.
He had refused to play a part in the French occupation of Cologne, which was a pity, but understandable. I’d rather have a man who stood by his convictions than another Talleyrand. When I read what he did…. Well, I’m back and he’s not, so who had the last laugh?
In any case, Konrad did agree to meet me, once a few tanks were parked outside of his house in Cologne.
I smiled, and bowed as I entered, and sipped a cup of coffee. (Fortunately I had learned German by this point).
“Good day, Herr Adenauer,” I said. “I have a proposition for you.”
Adenauer smirked. “President of a Rhenish Republic? Or governor of the new province of the Empire of France?” There was an awkward pause, since I had considered those too. “Am I to become Judas?”
“Would you rather die on a cross after hours of wailing and torment?” I said, smiling back at him. “No, no, I have a much different offer for you.”
I sat down across from him, admiring his library. “You seem an educated man, Herr Adenauer. You have heard, I trust, of the Confederation of the Rhine?”
“Who hasn’t?” he asked. “All Germans know of it.”
I paused to sip a cup of coffee. “Your leader once said that Europe needs a new order. Perhaps,” I said over my cup, “Europe needs an old one.”
Adenauer leaned forward. “What do you mean?”
”The Empire of France will not divide Germany. It will reorganize Germany, as part of the European Union. Instead of a dictatorship governed from Berlin, there will be a Central European Confederation. The Rhineland will be separate and yet part of it, Bavaria will have a place, as will Baden, Hanover, and the rest. The Confederation will be known as the Confederation of the Rhine.”
“And in return? Reparations, perhaps?” said Adenauer. “Will you occupy the Ruhr once more?”
I waved my hand around the room. “Not at all. Germany will be part of the European Union, as will be Italy, and Holland. Britain too might have its place.”
Adenauer’s face became impossible to read as he leaned forward. “And if I refused?”
I shrugged. “We’d find some one else, although I’d rather not. We might even, if resistance is harsh enough, divide up Germany. Cologne as a French city, Prussia to Poland, Bavaria joined with Austria…. You wouldn’t want that, would you?”
Adenauer shook his head, and I smiled. “There is but one condition. You will join the European army, of course.”
Adenauer was still considering my proposal. “Of course, although I do not know who you will fight.”
I finished off the rest of my coffee. “Stalin, of course. I think that it’s time to show the world how 1812 would have gone if France had had tanks.” I lit a cigar and took a puff. “Stalin is the last great threat to Europe. His regime is a horrific unending nightmare of purges and slaughter. It’s the terror all over again, and I’ll be damned if I let the Jacobins win!”
Adenauer blinked. “You mean the communists, of course.”
I sighed. “Whatever.” I looked at him for a long while. “Do I have your support, President Adenauer, Duke of Westfalen?”
He looked at the map of Germany for the longest time. “Jawohl, mein Kaiser.”
Greetings, citizens! Well, actually, greetings, diary! (It’s been a long day. You try rallying Germans about how their annexation is for their own good).
As the complete and total destruction of the German’s monstrosity continues, I am posed with a most vexing problem: What should be done with Germany?
Of course, it could not be left intact. It’s simply too large. Even if France includes the Rhineland and Belgium, there are more Germans than Frenchman (and the Flemish, who are of course Frenchmen and don’t know it).
At the same time, it’s become apparent that nationalism has infected Europe. Germany could never be broken up into two or more nations; it is inconceivable that anyone would stand for it. Imagine, an East and West Germany? The very idea is absurd.
Therefore, a solution had to be developed. Germany would be part of the European Union, as I was calling my goal, but the question was how? Hence my meeting with the former mayor of Cologne, Konrad Adenauer.
He had refused to play a part in the French occupation of Cologne, which was a pity, but understandable. I’d rather have a man who stood by his convictions than another Talleyrand. When I read what he did…. Well, I’m back and he’s not, so who had the last laugh?
In any case, Konrad did agree to meet me, once a few tanks were parked outside of his house in Cologne.
I smiled, and bowed as I entered, and sipped a cup of coffee. (Fortunately I had learned German by this point).
“Good day, Herr Adenauer,” I said. “I have a proposition for you.”
Adenauer smirked. “President of a Rhenish Republic? Or governor of the new province of the Empire of France?” There was an awkward pause, since I had considered those too. “Am I to become Judas?”
“Would you rather die on a cross after hours of wailing and torment?” I said, smiling back at him. “No, no, I have a much different offer for you.”
I sat down across from him, admiring his library. “You seem an educated man, Herr Adenauer. You have heard, I trust, of the Confederation of the Rhine?”
“Who hasn’t?” he asked. “All Germans know of it.”
I paused to sip a cup of coffee. “Your leader once said that Europe needs a new order. Perhaps,” I said over my cup, “Europe needs an old one.”
Adenauer leaned forward. “What do you mean?”
”The Empire of France will not divide Germany. It will reorganize Germany, as part of the European Union. Instead of a dictatorship governed from Berlin, there will be a Central European Confederation. The Rhineland will be separate and yet part of it, Bavaria will have a place, as will Baden, Hanover, and the rest. The Confederation will be known as the Confederation of the Rhine.”
“And in return? Reparations, perhaps?” said Adenauer. “Will you occupy the Ruhr once more?”
I waved my hand around the room. “Not at all. Germany will be part of the European Union, as will be Italy, and Holland. Britain too might have its place.”
Adenauer’s face became impossible to read as he leaned forward. “And if I refused?”
I shrugged. “We’d find some one else, although I’d rather not. We might even, if resistance is harsh enough, divide up Germany. Cologne as a French city, Prussia to Poland, Bavaria joined with Austria…. You wouldn’t want that, would you?”
Adenauer shook his head, and I smiled. “There is but one condition. You will join the European army, of course.”
Adenauer was still considering my proposal. “Of course, although I do not know who you will fight.”
I finished off the rest of my coffee. “Stalin, of course. I think that it’s time to show the world how 1812 would have gone if France had had tanks.” I lit a cigar and took a puff. “Stalin is the last great threat to Europe. His regime is a horrific unending nightmare of purges and slaughter. It’s the terror all over again, and I’ll be damned if I let the Jacobins win!”
Adenauer blinked. “You mean the communists, of course.”
I sighed. “Whatever.” I looked at him for a long while. “Do I have your support, President Adenauer, Duke of Westfalen?”
He looked at the map of Germany for the longest time. “Jawohl, mein Kaiser.”