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unmerged(174159)

Still Alive
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Oct 18, 2009
4.525
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  • Crusader Kings II
  • Darkest Hour
oddoneme.jpg


I'm Oddone di Montferrato, Count of Montferatto (or something. I am not good at spelling). I paid good money for this picture. He omitted my grey hairs. And my fangs. It's a shame he painted my eyes in normally. Oh well.

Papa.jpg


This is my Papa. He did it with his sister. I am the only result. We do not talk about Mama. They are both dead now.

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This is my confusingly named cousin, Oddone. He is the count of the county next door. He smiles because my uncle did not have sex with his sister, like my father did, and thus he has no tail. Oh well.

That said though, he's a whole 5 years older than me. Fingers crossed he'll die before my kidneys give out. I've learnt not to hope for such good luck.

mydarlingconstzane.jpg


This is Constanze. She's my wife. She's got this incredible 50 yard stare. I don't know if she likes me or something, but she's like my shadow. Something about my smell. Everyone else stays well away from me though. Oh Well.

GUIGGI.jpg


This is my son Elmo. He's named after my father. I need to get him a wife before he screws his mother (thankfully he has no sisters...) He has suspiciously blonde hair, but no extra fingers. I wonder if my wife mixed me up with the man from Saluces. Oh well.

myneighbourhood.jpg


This is where I live. I am the one in the middle. If all goes to plan, my ugly blue shielded cousin will die, and then I shall conquer Genoa. This of course hinges on the city attempting to break off from the empire (that green colour everywhere) but never mind. Not gonna happen, is it?​
 
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Best to open with some inbreeding. Any CK AAR without a healthy dose of inbreds isn't really a CK AAR.

Monferrato has a special place in my heart as it is the first province I EVER inherited in CK. :D

I wish the Monferratos luck on their adventure!
 
Best to open with some inbreeding. Any CK AAR without a healthy dose of inbreds isn't really a CK AAR.

Monferrato has a special place in my heart as it is the first province I EVER inherited in CK. :D

I wish the Monferratos luck on their adventure!

I made the joke about Oddone being unable to spell his own province name is because I can't spell it either, and apparently neither can you ;) :rofl:
 
Good start Muffin, will be following this one. But please don't make them Catalan, I am writing an AAR about Catalans. Therefore I claim all inbred, crazy Catalans as mine :D.
 
Good start Muffin, will be following this one. But please don't make them Catalan, I am writing an AAR about Catalans. Therefore I claim all inbred, crazy Catalans as mine :D.

I've got a 17 year old king of England that's completely bonkers. And all of his stats are above 10 even though he's got crazed. Beat that. :p
 
I've got a 17 year old king of England that's completely bonkers. And all of his stats are above 10 even though he's got crazed. Beat that. :p

I had a batcrazy schizo who develloped into a homicidal maniac who killed his wife, the only competent member of his court. Game crashed though, and he remained sane after reloading. The others will feature in my AAR ;).

Hopefully Kaisermuffin will get some chaps like these in his AAR :D.
 
Great Expectations.
1066-1069(ish)


Right. Where was I. Yes. 1067.
So. New Years came and passed. We all got very drunk. I think I vomited on my wife's dress. Oh well.

Then THIS happened.
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I told her if she was a better steward I could maybe afford something. That said, I couldn't since I needed the money to go drinking on Friday. Then I remembered I was a count, and didn't have to save my money, but she'd ran off by then. She's been stressy ever since. Oh well.

On the fifteenth? I forget. Of February, I changed some laws quietly. Boring stuff really. Elmo didn't notice.
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And I got the boy a wife. Some sneaky girl who'd slipped into court at some point... I'd have her if I could you know...

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Was rather quiet after that, except for the sound of furniture grating and some odd moans. So onto 1068!

At some point I realised there was a cradle in the corner of the court.

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He'd been there for 6 months apparently. Nobody told me.
Also some guy turned up. Said he was rich... I said he was useless - and gave him a job as Marshall.

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It was the only one I had going which he was the most competant of all four of my courtiers at, not counting my grandson.

July had me falling out with the Bishop of Nice (who is mean)
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I then hatched a plot with my cousin, Oddone. Called the two O's we intend to er. Double trouble!
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Speaking of Bishops, 1068 saw me take in two... both of them were actually good at other jobs, so didn't get Bishopped... Oh well.

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The second one took over from Elmo after Candida died. That was a whole bunch of pain, tears and some german bird... I think she is german anyway. Oh well.

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Hmm. What else. Oh yeah. Nosy stuttermouth Forez...

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and this doomed sod...
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I said no. I couldn't afford the shipping fee on a return letter, never mind an army.

Oh yeah... one last thing.
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He died? Oh well. :)

I'll be following this. Most amusing.
 
Just started to like the chap :(.
 
Great Expectations.
1069-1071


I am Guiglielmo di Montferratto, Count of Montferratto.
inheritancedayoct181069.jpg


See. That said I was.

That was the only interesting thing that happened in 1069, apart from the bit where I planned to kill my second wife. But never mind that.

I went hunting with the Bishop of Nice during the first month of 1070. I think he was sick and tired of me by the end. It's not my fault - I am a master of arms and huntsmanship, and he's a fat ass on an ass.
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Then May rolled around and I managed to scrape the cash together in order to annihilate my aged hag of a wife. Her norwegian accent grated on my nerves, and she was about as fertile as a bucket of sea water. I need more heirs. Backup, you know?

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Freedoooom!
I send a letter to Denmark.

Whilst I wait for my reply. I get some good news from my peasants. They've been ambitious, without trying to kill me - the best sort of ambitious.
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A get a response quickly... about 4 days travel apparently between Fyn and Montferratto... and my sons will have the blood of kings!
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She even came with a cash sum to replenish the coffers.
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I am married to the daughter of the former King of England! Huuah!
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And it was not long either until...
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Then the Pope sends me a 3rd bishop.
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He's not more competant than any of the previous bishops, so he gets the bishopping job. I'm kind of glad. This place was in danger of going monastic.
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Toward the end of the year, me and Count di Savoie hatch a plan.
1070oct25savoiardconspiracy.jpg


Finally I have to decide who looks after my young Fernando. He's not even noticed his mother has gone yet, and I've been babysitting him alot, but I have a county to run. I send him off to my favourite noble.
1070nov7ferdinando.jpg


Gytha completed her education and became a 'detached nun'. Odd, she's still a sex pest!
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I had a moment of Crisis in February.
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Decided to not worry and keep on being a rebel.

In March, I get this letter from the Free Republic of Pisa... since they aren't at war, and have an army of about 3000 they're perfect for my Genoese designs... I just hope I have the ability to claim the Republic for my own some day.
1071mar1pisantroopas.jpg


In April, Gytha popped...
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and practically jumped back in bed with me!
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Half the year to go, and it's all coming up smelling like roses.
 
If you're lucky, maybe you'll inherit the claim to England. Italians in London, that could be a laugh.