Green Through and Through - A new player's Irish AAR

[alenalenalen3]

Eterscel begins to take stock of his kingdom. First off, he needs an heir, and he needs it now. If he dies, a duchy and two counties are going to go to his sisters Failenn and Fine... which is problematic because his current heir is his sister Derby. I immediately marry him off to a woman with fairly good stats, but more importantly she has a fertility bonus. I set his ambition to have a son, and his wife conveniently sets hers to have a daughter.

I examine and find out that I can press a claim for the entire kingdom of Asturias. If I had the same numbers as when I was tribal, I would jump at this chance. As things currently are, I think I need to build up my economy/military while I try for claims on England and Wales.

I knew releasing Conlag was a bad idea. He is trying to push Princess Failenn (henceforth known as Failing) as a better ruler. Soon the sloth, fat, homosexual joins in. Thankfully, my recovering levy and retinue outnumber them so they just simmer for now.

Queen Sunigilda has a daughter, ending the succession crisis (for now). The game defaults to wanting to name the child Betty... Which I'm going to make a hard pass on. Queen Betty's reign was marked by nothing but a revolt and her own death, if we are naming children after relatives then she's definitely going to be Susan II. However, I'm going to see if I can spread the Narnia luck Queen Susan had and name her Lucy.

My chancellor comes through and fabricates on the island of Anglesey. It is well developed and somewhat isolated from the rest of Britain, a perfect target. I decide to wait a few years to press my claim so I can build up my military and cash reserve (in case I need to hire mercenaries).

Then Conlang makes the mistake of trying to fabricate again. Righteous imprisonment once more fails and the drums of war beat in Ireland again. Queen Sunigilda becomes pregnant from the night prior to her husband leaving the castle to join the forces gathering to smite the filthy Conlang (who, by the way, has had his only vassal imprisoned for at least a decade).

Pictured: The typical daily situation of the Second Conlang rebellion.

I ransom back people to help offset the cost of this war (including one bishop at least twice), but this time there will be no sparing Conlang from the oubliette if I capture him, no matter the funds he manages to procure.

Queen Sunigilda gives birth to a son. Knowing how successful Queen Susan was, there is only one possible name for him:

Eterscel's new ambition is to improve his martial ability, as it seems to come in handy the most. I suddenly notice that the owner of Conlang's province seems to have changed, and a beautiful sight awaits me:

Such a fate couldn't have befallen a better man. The rebellion ends on April 20, 846. I rejoice, until I notice that my sister Princess Derby is plotting to kill my daughter Lucy for some god-forsaken reason. What the hell could she get out of doing that? Lucy isn't going to inherit anything at the moment, and is all of 1 year old. What is wrong with my sister?

Fortunately, she comes to her senses like three weeks later and drops the plot. I breathe a sigh of relief. Princess Failing becomes of age, and after much searching a suitable match is found for her. While there were several men with more pressing claims available, they were all like thirty to forty years her senior and are probably about to drop dead anyways. The lucky man is 17, has somewhat mediocre traits, and is a claimant to the Kingdom of Pictland.

Sure he's weak and stressed, but this is his best chance of having any descendants on the throne of Pictland, and the next best option is a claimant to the Cornish throne who is 72. Besides, if he dies I can try again.

In May of 847, I decide to press my claim on the island and the drums of war beat once more. I send my troops east, and the enemy sends his troops west, though they turn around once I start sieging my opponent.

My burghers cry out that their normal taxation rate is draining them dry. I flatter them and soothe them with vague promises that their taxes might go down after the war is over. I capture the enemy king, and rather than end the war I squeeze 145 gold out of my opponent. I capture him again a month later and the war ends.

Sunigilda becomes pregnant again, hopefully with a girl. Unfortunately it turns out to be a boy, so he is named Edmund for the danger he represents.

Like a year later, the previous petty king I fought dies and I'm able to press a second claim on his successor. The war lasts until 852, and I wait a few more months for the all important year of 853. You see, Betty died in early 853, meaning that her son has reigned for 10 years in that year. As a side note, Sunigilda becomes pregnant again right after the war ends. Man, Eterscel is frisky. A daughter is born, and I name her Susan, because now I can have the four Pevensie children, if not in the right order.

So, Eterscel only needs to get approval to change laws to primogeniture, and effectively neuter my budding succession crisis. Unfortunately, quite a few people dislike me. Fortunately, there is a simple solution: I hand out money like free candy and hand out two of my counties (unfortunately including one in Mide, but it was the least developed), leaving me 1 under my desmene limit. Unfortunately my last vassal is that asshole Conlang's successor... who is imprisoned in my dungeon and hates my guts. So I banish him, hand his successor some money, and unfortunately have to label him my designated regent to get the last 8 opinion without giving up another county.

BOOM!

I can hear the angels singing! It is May 7, 853, and God has shined down upon Ireland. To be honest my fallback was to simply raise all my levies, gather them together, then imprison/execute my way into reclaiming all of Ireland, changing the law, and then handing out the land to my surviving courtiers.

Some factions start building against me, so I decide to hold a grand tournament and hope that this appeases everyone. Two of my courtiers are killed and a third maimed... I think I shall skip this event in the future. I desperately start upgrading my holdings to increase my levy, which randomly shrank again.

My sister Fine then pesters me about how she isn't married yet, and I find the perfect man:

He's single, he's looking for love, and he has a weak claim on the petty kingdom of Dyfed (those three pale provinces). Unfortunately, once I marry him I learn that I can't press the claim for some reason, so I just wasted that marriage. To make matters worse, the marriage to the guy who had claims on Pictland amounts to nothing because Pictland (excepting 1 island) got eaten by Denmark and I'm not going to poke that bear without one hell of a stick.

In related news, I'm getting extremely nervous about Denmark. They own everything in Britain north of Wales, Denmark, almost all Norway, and bits of what is modern day Russia near Finland. I'm fairly certain that I need to use my Pevensie children to secure an alliance with Francia to counter the Danish menace, as well as gain claims on the remaining areas in southern England and Wales. Strong claims, or whatever kind of claim actually allows me to press it with a matrilineal marriage.

May God have mercy on Ireland, for I seem to have chosen a rathe poor time to expand into Britain.

P.S. Any information on how to squeeze an alliance out of a marriage would be appreciated, all I can seem to acquire are non-aggression pacts, which are utterly useless to me.
​

 

[Lord Decobius]

Susan is a brawny hunchback fresh off brutally maiming a man in a duel on the battlefield, she shouldn't have to do her own damn gardening!

A depiction of Queen Susan, 9th Century artistry (as is made clear by the questionable cut-and-paste skills of the unknown artist):

The Irish were fighting the invading Picts not three months ago but the second a Dane set foot on Pict soil they were all more than happy to go help the Picts. Man, the Irish must be pretty swell guys to do this, are they Europe's Canadians?

Funny you should say that... From the South Park Wiki (a completely reputable and reliable source for true historical knowledge):

"In "Canada on Strike" the Danish arrived in America as the replacement for the Canadians who were on strike. They were the ideal replacements for the Canadians, because the Danish have both Canadian and American features, live in a country others can't find on a map, and are considered the Canadians of Europe."

It was pretty funny imagining a fleet of Irish ships rowing over to England, but when a captain glances back he sees this handful of boats hauling ass for Africa. "What on Earth are they doing?" "That's Susan's boys, milord." "Ah. No great loss, she wasn't invited anyway." No doubt they called Queen Susan "The Nun" after all that bloodshed because she sent so many souls to God. It was either that or "The Incel" considering that trait she picked up from battle, so I guess in this case the game was being kind of kind? That or they were saving up the big guns for the notes on her life after her passing. Getting in one more crack... there's a back joke in there, I just can't quite finesse it properly.

Queen Betty will long be remembered by the noble nickname "Who?" for her many deeds and extensive term in office. God sure didn't save this queen.

To be honest my fallback was to simply raise all my levies, gather them together, then imprison/execute my way into reclaiming all of Ireland, changing the law, and then handing out the land to my surviving courtiers.

Eeeeeerrrrm... I'd do this anyway, even if just to get the full duchy back. It will give you something to do while you wait for Denmark to implode, you will be able to organize the duchies so your vassals aren't going to war with each other every ten seconds, and once all your ducks are in a row you'll probably have a full complement of levies again (that is, as many as you had after going feudal at least). Plus if you clean-slate your vassals the new ones will all certainly love you for giving them counties and duchies. It's a messy process, but if you do it early (like now) you probably won't have to do it again for a long time. If you really want to limit their power, give out only a single county per person, so even the dukes you create have vassals pestering them and a single county's worth of levies. The only thing is, secure that alliance with France or whomever first in case the Danes decide to take advantage.

Also, this may be personal preference but marrying someone with Blue Heart traits is a hard pass in my book because those traits are genetic and have a chance to pass on (if not the child, the grandchild). Is a claim now worth generations of weaklings? It's not guaranteed, but imo why take the risk? Then again, it was Failing who hitched herself to the sadsack, so I guess this is just in character for her?

A full horde of Pevensies... They invaded the land in their closet as children! What mischief will the ambitious little reptiles get up to here? May God have mercy on Ireland indeed...

 

[Olenksey]

P.S. Any information on how to squeeze an alliance out of a marriage would be appreciated, all I can seem to acquire are non-aggression pacts, which are utterly useless to me.

After you got the NAP with some ruler, right-click the portrait of him and choose "Form an alliance".
Great update, go Narnia!

 

[RossN]

Pronunciation guide to the Irish names that show up in this game. Your current name is pronounced 'eth-ur-sh-kay-el'. Also 'Fíne' (note the accent over the 'i') is pronounced 'fee-nah'.

...of course that would spoil the jokes so feel free to ignore this completely.

Bad luck with Betty's early death but generally you seem in a good position. Just watch out for gardeners!

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Denmark should implode soon. If not, build your economy up to be super rich and mercenary your way through Scotland. That should be enough to make them collapse.

As to how to build an economy, you need two big duchies worth of land under your direct control. About 8 counties, and all the castles in them. Then build market towns and castle walls in every one. Then make sure you heavily favour the merchants and change your tax laws so everyone pays you in coin not men.

With a few decades of that, you should be rich enough.

 

[alenalenalen3]

After you got the NAP with some ruler, right-click the portrait of him and choose "Form an alliance".
Great update, go Narnia!

Ah. Should I go big or aim for a slightly distant relative? Europe's most eligible bachelor, the heir to Francia just came of age and is willing to marry Lucy.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Ah. Should I go big or aim for a slightly distant relative? Europe's most eligible bachelor, the heir to Francia just came of age and is willing to marry Lucy.

I would do that. Then give the king some money to up his opinion and form an alliance.

 

[alenalenalen3]

My asshole marshal dies. He was envious of me and was joining plots and factions left and right, so I'm not sad to see him go. I invite a guy named Pepin from France to replace him. I begin contemplating who to marry Lucy off to, and to my dismay there's a major major revolt in Francia going on and there's a two-way war over the largest remaining English kingdom. I decide to wait a little bit.

My chancellor fabricates on one of the 2 remaining independent British counts. Also, at some point Eterscel picked up the epithet "The Good". I take the province and hand it off to my spymaster because he likes me and I don't want any of my other vassals getting more powerful, after putting in much thought I've decided I need to start off with a clean slate, vassal wise. I made some mistakes in who I gave land to and I need to rectify that, and everyone else who holds land will likely be... displeased by my actions. Thankfully my plan is that I only need to make war against two of my most assholish vassals who keep trying to either lower my authority or put a sister on the throne. Once I've disposed of them and become quite hated, I'll create the remaining two duchy's in Ireland and then hand out three of the four duchy's to unlanded courtiers so that they (and my barons) are my only direct vassals, and thus the counts becomes somebody else's problem and the only dukes around hold only a single province and like me. However, I need to build up my treasury in case I need mercenaries and I need allies to cover my back against the Danes, so this endeavor is put off for the moment (and likely the next decade)

So King Eterscel dusts off one of the longboats from storage and on September 28, 861 visits the court of Emperor Pepin III 'the Drunkard' of Francia (the epithet is actually in reference to his wife, who is the drunkard of the two). Almost as soon as he arrives, Eterscel and the emperor retire to behind closed doors for almost four days of continuous discussion, only interrupted by the continuous stream of servants delivering food (Pepin may not actually be a drunkard, but he is a fat, gluttonous, big eater).

On October 1, 861, the discussions end and the emperor and king announce the marriage of Princess Lucy of Ireland to Prince Chlodomer of Francia.

Of course, what the rest of the court didn't know was that in reality, the marriage deal between Princess Lucy and Prince Chlodomer was sealed within the first ten seconds of the meeting, with Pepin III interrupting Eterscel's offer of his eldest daughter's hand in marriage by shouting "Oh God yes!" As it turns out, the rulers of Francia have fallen a bit since the likes of Karl the Great a century prior. While the ruling family is strong in diplomacy and learning, their other skills are... well they could be improved.

When the emperor has a 0 in stewardship and his wife has a 4, there is only so much that even the best councilors Francia has to offer can do, and Francia's coffers are in the negatives. Additionally, the marshal and personal combat skills of the ruling family of Francia are also rather poor (read: abysmal). So when Pepin III heard that the great-granddaughter of Queen Susan, the warrior Queen of Ireland who sacked the hell out of Algeria and Tripolitania, and once brutally injured an enemy bishop in a battlefield duel was a possible bride for his son, the emperor jumped at the opportunity.

Sure, Princess Lucy inherited her great-grandmother's poor marshal skill, did not completely inherit her personal combat prowess, and has a harelip. However, her husband to-be's knowledge of war is "Those guys shooting arrows at me are the enemy, right?", he has been banned from weapon practice for life by his tutors, and is clubfooted. It's like a slightly physically deformed match made in heaven, the harelipped great-granddaughter of a hunchback warrior queen is marrying the clubfooted great-grandson of an incapable lunatic count.

I also learn that the game seems to be going with the Narnia theme. Princess Lucy has the brave trait, so she is essentially Lucy the Valient (unless there is a valiant trait I haven't noticed). 15 year-old Prince Peter's lowest skill is an 11 in learning and has the genius trait, so I'm fairly certain that counts as Peter the Magnificent. 12 year-old Prince Edmund is craven and his intrigue skill is his second highest (only one point behind diplomacy), so that's early TLTWATW Edmund accounted for (I'll need to watch him like a hawk). Princess Susan is all of 8 and only has the honest trait, but I'm certain she'll pick up the traits to become gentle at this rate.

But if the marriage was decided so soon, then what was all the discussion about?

The two realms of Ireland and Francia face two very different enemies. To the Irish, the most existential threat is the Danes:

(notice the holdings in Lithuania and Ostfriesland. As a side note, Denmark is also conquering Pomerania at the moment. I fear what would happen if Denmark or Sweden absorbed the other)

To Francia, it is the Musaid Caliphate, who have apparently declared a holy war on Francia over Navarra just prior to Eterscel's arrival:

(While Francia has a much larger levy, they are also currently broke and there is a civil war going on in Champaigne)

It takes much cajoling, vague promises of support, and a reminder that there is one less city in Algeria for Francia to have to worry about because of Eterscel's great-grandmother, but eventually the two realms enter into an alliance, and Eterscel sails back to Ireland in triumph. He also starts to plot to kill one of the assholes who is supporting a plot to put his sister on the throne.​

 

[lad]

I enjoyed this update
Especially the description of the dumb and good for nothing Francian nobility

It was funny and great fun to read

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

I like that Peter heir. Try not to get him killed by Ed. Frankia being huge and powerful should give you tons of support from the continent, but remember that they have barely any ships and ports at the beginning of the game, so the amount of troops they can send you is small. Then again, this means you can focus on Scotland and they can walk to Denmark and fight them there.

 

[alenalenalen3]

Prince Peter becomes of age, and I gaze in awe upon his final form:

My successor is tied for the 4th highest stewardship in the entire game! I won't even be mad if his ambition causes him to back a plot to murder Eterscel!

Unfortunately, I don't see any good marriage prospects for him at the moment, so I decide I might try to murder my way to open a vacancy. Of course, first I need to let my current plot against an earl who is backing a faction against me finish.

On January 25, 862, some serious shit went down:

And just like that the most dangerous faction arrayed against me lost 20% of it's supporting men, as the new earl is 2 and his regent is a relative of mine with high opinion of me.

I then discover that no one wants to join my plots to kill anyone. I change my ambition to improve intrigue (Eterscel has a 0 in that), make a note of a girl with a weak claim (that will pass on succession) to the petty kingdom of Wessex who is currently 12 as a backup, and hope that something comes out of the fustercluck in Mercia soon so that changes its succession course. As another backup, I matrilineally betroth the 6 year old son of a courtier who is the current heir to the throne of Mercia in the hopes that when his dad sits on the throne my niece or any of her children will get a claim on the throne.

Time passes, I continue to tutor Susan into racking up charitable and just, and I have an opportunity to try and sleep in the bed of the wife of the guy I mentioned above who I hope will inherit the kingdom of Mercia so that the children of his son will be of my dynasty. I take a hard pass.

Peter then wants a fief, so I give him a county. I plan on expanding through war as soon as my chancellor fabricates anyways. This needs to happen soon, things are deteriorating rapidly in England, two of the smaller kingdoms have fragmented.

The guy in my court inherits the throne of Mercia, and I realize Mercia uses an elective form of succession, so I break off the betrothal with his kid. I'm really running out of options here, my damn chancellor hasn't fabricated anything recently, the Danes are conquering England, and NO one I can marry will give me anything other than weak single county claims.

Some raiders attack my holdings in England, I push them back into the sea easily with my retinue and the nearest levy.

Against all odds, the regency for an 8 year old manages to stabilize Mercia, which was fighting 4 wars simultaneously. I can't find any way to get a good claim on the place, so I decide to give up and concentrate on securing the other, smaller remaining kingdoms in England. Then I realize it doesn't matter anyways, as Peter has gone and gotten himself married already to a woman with mediocre stats. Ah well, I paid for my stupidity. Then my niece demands that I marry her. As Edmund is also of age, I marry them both (not to each other, mind you! That's keeping it a little bit too much in the family!). I give my niece Diedre to the only man who will accept a matrilineal marriage who isn't related to her, and I marry Edmund to Peter's backup girl who has inheritable weak claims in southern England on a whopping two counties.

The pagan king of Sweden sends a messenger asking if he could arrange a betrothal of Princess Susan to a random-ass Swedish pagan courtier, who is also unlanded and without any claims. King Eterscel throws the messenger into the 9th century Irish equivalent of an insane asylum.

Then:

I hit accept, of course, I need to see how tough the Danes are while I have a large bank account and I need to keep that alliance if I want to challenge the Danes for England at all. What could possibly go wrong?

 

[alenalenalen3]

I raise the troops and initially plan to form two armies, one to defend my holdings in England and the other to push into Scotland. I abandon this within days as about two thousand troops show up in England and I decide to smash them there and then proceed north. This plan is worthless once I realize a very important thing: My troops are shit. Outnumbering my opponent 4 to 3, I get my can kicked and lose half my army (the enemy only loses a fifth of theirs). As a side note, is the weather in this game borked? While trying to figure out what went wrong I realized that all of England and Ireland are covered in either mild or normal winter... in the middle of June.

While the Danes are busy sieging Wales, I wipe out about 200 Danes in tiny units as the smallest form of revenge I can get. Then an asshole takes advantage of my losses and makes another push at forming a faction to change from primogeniture to elective succession and has enough troops to rise up. I throw him in the dungeon immediately, which thankfully succeeds. I gather my forces and strike back against the Norse, and in a very close battle (where I again outnumber my opponent 4 to 3) I barely eek out a victory that costs me more than it does him. Then another asshole pushes for elective succession. I tell him no.

I ask Peppin for help in this new war and hire the Saxon Band. Peppin says yes, but he is a bit far away at the moment. I pull my troops out of Wales and march west to face my fate. I almost go bankrupt, but prisoners manage to once more keep me afloat, and then some. I especially enjoy how I captured one of my vassals at least three times and got a nice 210 gold out of ransoming him. I trap the enemy army in southwest Ireland, at least until they hop onto boats and sail off to siege my capital. I wait till one of my sieges succeeds, then go off and smite them.

I get a notice that one of my courtiers is of legal age and can marry. She's in jail because she somehow participated in the revolt and no one wants to ransom her, so in jail she stays.

In other news, the Cathar and peasants in England revolt, because we can't have nice things. To be brutally honest, my kingdom probably feels for the Cathar. The Cathar seem to be rather progressive in their views on female leaders, and in the past century my dynasty has spent more time under a female ruler or regency than a male. If the Cathar weren't filthy heretics, we might even like them.

And because nothing is easy for the Irish, except when it is luring them into a false sense of security, the revolt refuses to surrender even after its army was destroyed and all of its castles taken. Once I begin taking cities though, they fold. I then march back east and begin sieging my way across an empty England. I dismiss my mercenaries because they are expensive. This was a mistake, because as soon as enemy troops show back up we take 3 to 1 losses. I ransom a bunch of Danish prisoners from my successful sieges and hire another mercenary army. I hire the Irish Band, freshly reformed after I smashed them to pieces for siding with my rebellious counts.

This? For the first time in this war I feel that I might actually succeed against the Danes. My Chancellor finally fabricates on the one province count and I accept the claim though it may hurt my wallet. The war eventually ends in a white peace. I feel cheated, because I did a LOT of heavy lifting and had to ransom the leader of the earlier revolt to keep my troops funded. Ah well. Lesson learned. I immediately declare war on that count.

At one point, the retreating enemy army runs smack dab into a group of my reinforcements only half its size. Eterscel quickly detached half his sieging force to go assist, personally leading the left flank that smashed through the already demoralized enemy troops. When asked after the battle to describe his heroic charge, he replied that all he could remember was all sort of a blur. Rumors and stories of the spirit of Queen Susan guiding him through the battle are now spreading like wildfire. The war ends soon after.

The recent conflict with the Danes has left many an empty bed in the castles. They might as well be put to use to house the needy.

Eterscel gets a courtier pregnant. Life goes on. I send Edmund to a church career, because I'm not handing out any more counties because I have fewer than my demesne limit. Peter has had three daughters, so I assign the eldest to be tutored by Eterscel in case she is the one who inherits. I acknowledge the courtier's bastard, because he's another marriage opportunity and I honestly wouldn't care if Peter had Eterscel assassinated.

Then I learn that Denmark's most powerful Jarl is planning to invade me.

 

[alenalenalen3]

England is a hot destination. I notice that there's a second Prussian invasion of England in progress, but King Eterscel cares not. Every coin in the realm is being gathered to stuff the coffers full for the inevitable need of mercenaries.

In other news, Lucy is now the Empress of Francia. Eterscel writes her many a letter about how Francia needs to support Ireland in the upcoming conflict.

The Cathar heresy spreads to northern Ireland. I instruct my priest to kindly but gently remind them that that is heresy. Some raiders attack and my retinue smashes them. The date of the Danish attack arrives... and passes. Eventually, the stress of awaiting the Danes proves to be too much.

The king is dead, long live the king!

(Apparently Ambrose Burnside had Irish roots...)

Thanks to Peter's father's death, the Danish Jarl pushes his invasion back two years. Eterscel truly couldn't have kicked the bucket at a better time. I use my warchest to build a second castle in my capital to increase my personal levy and tax. Then my chancellor was murdered while fabricating claims, how horrible. King Peter imports another hapless fool who thinks working for me will mean that I will help press his claim on X throne (this time somewhere in Poland) and puts him to work.

Then the Cathars rise up. They are crushed quite quickly though. You know, if they had simply asked me to convert to their religion I would have, seeing as how my catholic allies in Europe have done nothing to help me. Oh well.

Maybe I'm projecting a little of my hopes on Peter's success to name his successor after him, but I'm not naming him Eterscel. Then, as we close to within a few months of the Danish invasion, another faction to lower crown authority forms. I bribe my spymaster to like me more and then plot to kill the leader.

Just days before the Danish invasion, it disappears and I notice that the Jarl who was planning to invade me has died of natural causes. Ireland is truly blessed by its Narnia expies. I wonder if there is a mod to add in the Aslan Heresy.

I begin to systematically plot away those backing the factions against me. During this time Peter falls ill, and begins to hallucinate that his cousin fancies him. Of course we all know such a thing would have to be a fever dream... It is never spoken of again once he recovers.

Susan wants to be steward on my council. I tell her it would be inappropriate, as Edmund has a higher Stewardship skill. Peter falls ill again, but doesn't let that stop him from finally pressing the first Irish claim in over a decade. He recovers again, which is lucky because before the war is even over his chancellor fabricates another claim! Chancellor Goszczon Sieradzki is awarded a three month vacation before he has to move elsewhere to fabricate, and momentarily considers attempting to help press the claim on Sieradz.

King Peter is on a roll and manages to impregnate his wife while leading troops hundreds of miles away from her! In his absence she names the son Liam. The war soon ends, and I immediately take on the next domino, which falls just as quickly. Peter returns home to meet his immaculately conceived son.

Then a beautiful sight greets King Peter as he inspects the world map for changes:

The Danish owned land in Scotland and England have broken from the kingdom of Denmark completely! Scotland is the weaker of the two, so I start to take bites out of it first. I could press for a claim on the entire kingdom, but since I'm not an emperor yet, that would be bad. So instead, I decide to take the two province Jarldom of Galloway. King Peter's court is filled with excitement, as courtiers and vassels realize that for once someone other than the highest authority is getting their claim pressed!

Sadly, on October 10, 884, Prince Edmund passes away. I invite a new steward, and the court becomes abuzz again when the newest council member is awarded Edmund's previous county. That said council member is in his seventies and has no children is completely immaterial to this decision. Soon war is declared on Scotland and the armies of Ireland march forth:

Unfortunately, the game strikes back. I missed the screenshot, but Peter gets maimed somehow when my roughly four thousand man strong army crushes 150 men.

Rulers are now banned from leading armies. To further spite me, Denmark absoarbs Scotland just before I could force a surrender and renders the war null and void.

I have no words.

 

[alenalenalen3]

I take over another one province count in England, handing the province over to Eterscel's bastard son. My regent forces medium crown authority down my throat. Then:

Ah yes, Lucy. She who is empress of Francia. She who's marriage alliance has at some random point fallen by the wayside and has done zilch for the realm. My attempt to suppress the revolt goes very poorly, I am outnumbered heavily and am promptly crushed on March 5, 888.

I am left holding 4 counties and two duchies.

I am probably calling it here. I really don't feel like trying to claw my way free as a duchy of Francia, and I'm kind of pissed my army has been halved from its 4k max for the third time. I'm also really pissed Francia ate me because of my marriage alliance with them, and all because the most high skill character I've ever gotten in CK2 died when his army crushed an opposing force 30 to 1 as part of a war I won on the battlefield, and then had my prize yanked away at random because my opponent wouldn't surrender once he was beaten. Why yes, I'm a bit bitter about that.

Pictured: CKII's final parting shot... comparing me to a dynasty that was stripped of most of its lands and titles after a rebellion:

In review:
The good:
I think I managed my financials quite well. I was building a stable income from my holdings as Etescal and Peter, and was planning on building additional castles to supplement my levy in my primary holdings in Mide. I feel that I grasped how combat works, though I'm still puzzled on those battles vs the Danes.

The bad: I do think I ran for feudal a mite bit fast, I feel that I could have built up my castle support structures easier when I was paying for them in prestige instead of cash. I probably should have raided a lot more, and could have used suicide raiding as a way of getting rid of threats to the line of succession. I should have never married into the line of succession of Francia, and I should never rely on allies across waves. I should never let a vassal have more than a single county holding, if they have more they get crazy ideas about either taking over a duchy or expanding their personal holdings inside of one. I should never, NEVER, let my ruler go into battle unless they have a more capable heir of age ready to take over. I should probably have made use of the betrothal to snatch more claims, and made use of landing claimants as my vassal so that they would serve me if I pushed their claim.

The annoying: I had way too many relatives running around. Juggling all the guardianships and marriages for them was a pain, especially with how almost all of those were irrelevant in the end. Why does it matter who raises Derby's children? I'm never going to play as them and it's easier to outsource to get skilled councilmembers.

Overall, I learned a lot about how to write an AAR. While this was a rather straightforward "I do X" mixed with a little narrative for humor due to my greenness, I really enjoyed writing the bits about Irish mall Santa, the serial killing gardener, and the forming of the counterproductive marriage alliance with Francia. I think I'll do a much more narrative based approach for my next AAR.

I'm thinking about doing a run as a Finnish pagan next, that or an English Kingdom so that I can hopefully kick Danish ass the next time they show their filthy heads anywhere near the British isles. Or Finland, whichever I end up playing as.

 

[Olenksey]

Well, that ended quick But it was fun. Dwarf fortress kind of "fun".
On a completely unrelated topic, naming a child Peter II resulted in him being king Peter II II
You did a great job writing this mini-AAR. Hope next time will be more lucky.
(and yes, allies in CK2 are mostly a nuisance, especially when they're France)

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Good show. Will look forward to next one.

Game comments:

Economy is king and you've learnt that throughout. You need to build your support base up because relying on ransoms doesn't work very well.

Land. Get as much as possible under your direct control or every single vassal will be more powerful than you and join every faction. With steward stats in the 20s, you should have been ruling have of ireland personally.

Family. Remind them of who is in charge often and well. Get good relations with as many as you can and try to build good marriges to get good genes flowing/alliances started.

War. Remember that if you are not constantly upgrading your holdings, your men will be poorly equipped technological backwards monkeys. Assign leaders with good martial scores and stat bonuses (siege leader, flank leader etc), pay attention to terrain and always try to outnumber the enemy by a great deal. Aim to overkill every war bar the absolute smallest.

 

[stnylan]

Fun run. And yes, it is easy to go too early feudal. I've done that a time or two.

 

[Lord Decobius]

A pity about the Pevensies, but sometimes that's how it goes. At least you can say this was no true defeat; it was a noble ragequit! Take that, game!

One thing I can definitely relate to is absolutely hating the idea of being a vassal when I started out. It was really tough for me to accept someone else ruling over me (actually, I still have this problem). That said, getting deposed or vassalized can actually be a really fun experience: you get to be the malcontent on the council, the kingmaker or kingbreaker, and through it all you have the protection of a higher power as you slowly eat the entire realm out from under them. There's a great sense of triumph when you have weakened your liege to the point that you don't even need them and can go it alone or usurp everything they have. Long story short: being cast down does not necessarily have to be game over, or even the end of a good time. That being said, I have to reiterate: I certainly know the feeling after something like this happens.

All in all, a solid learning experience for you and a fun read for us. Win-win! Good luck with your next AAR!