....glorious days for the High and oh-so Mighty Roman Empire, excuse me, Kingdom of Italy. Sometime in the 40s the good Emperor, excuse me King, did allow himself for a little bloodlust. Basing his aggression on the most flimsy of claims, he declared war on a minor Hungarian vassal, and did provoke the King of that worthless realm to declare war upon us. The stupid Hungarian dog, all full of pride and honor and virtue.....thankfully, my liege does not suffer from the same sense of self....
So yes, we did mobilize our legions, and arm ourselves to the teeth, and set out for Budapest to burn that oversized mudhut to the ground. My King did complain and carry on when he saw that I had doned armor and strapped a good sword to my belt, but then did think the better of it, exclaiming that the fine shining iron "showed my shape". A strange man to be sure, my King, but as long as he allows me to participate in the orgies of slaughter and bloodletting which we share a fondness for, I could truly care less.
We did take Budapest, and burn it to the ground, and took the surrounding "Royal" fiefs, and looted them. No gold or valuables were to be found, the barbarian Huns apparently are very poor. Still, much livestock and grains accquired. Indeed, many will starve, it seems, as we did pick the fiefs clean. The thought of our enemies children having nothing to eat does put a warm glow into my heart.
The idiot King of Hungary did refuse to surrender to us, and in a rear manuever which was surprisingly innovative for an unwashed ignorant Hun, did take Venice and sack it. We experienced moments of difficulty, as we were acosted by seemingly endless waves of barbarian hordes. All Hungarian forces began to slowly amass in our northern possessions; the army which had stormed Venice was sixteen thousand strong.
My Lord did call for a grand mobilization, and his loyal vassals, happy for the opportunity to shed blood, did confront the Hungarian army in Italy, and made a slaughter of it. Thousands died on both sides, but our superior legions predictably sent the Hungarian King to flight.
My King recieved word of the Hungarian's defeat, and did rejoice much, becoming quite drunk during the celebrations. The intoxicated King announced to his intoxicated army that he would have us take Constantinople from the barbarians, for the glory. And so in the dead of night we did set out, puking and stumbling and passing out, in a great chaotic merry band on our long road southeast to that magnificant city. We did unfortunatly lose many good men along the way, as those inflicted by the drink were simply left where they lay. Indeed, we did drink all the way to Constantinople, and perhaps a full fourth of our forces were lost in this manner.
We did arrive at Constantinople, and besieged that city, which, undefended, quickly fell to us. The distraught Hun King, finally opening his eyes to the hopelessness of his situation, agreed to our peace terms, and gave up Constantinople to us as a means to peace.
I am very happy these days, spending much time on indulgent practices in this most glorious of cities, as our great victory must be duely celebrated. We are all very drunk, and quite exhausted from our indulgence, so that if any were to declare war on the Kingdom at this point, I'm afraid we would be quite unable to defend ourselves....
Niunia the Ever Present, written in Constantinople, 114-
