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Magic Pancake said:Edit: Sorry for being a fanboy, but every one knows that you can't go at warp 10 or higher.
Fanboy!? Phtah! :rofl:
Warp 10 was only the limit after they changed the scale for The Next Generation and later series. In the original series the Enterprise exceeded warp 10 on several occaisions, usually under the influence of super-beings.
Oh, and keep up the AAR. It's hilariously insane.
In one Voyager episode Paris and Janeway went to warp 10 and turned into giant lizard/amphibian things.
And in All good things they exceeded warp 10 like nothing... But let's get back to the AAR
MXAC
Chapter 3
Nov. 1936 - Feb 1937
The war continued, and the massive might of America's industries was finding its stride. In fact, since artillery was so expensive to make, many factories simply built special ramps so the excess supplies/consumer goods produced would fly off and impact the enemy lines.
The Mexicans began to call the flying foods "The Devil's Pop-Tarts". Little did they know, the Devil actually prefers Toaster Strudel.
While the US played defense on the coasts and the Mexican border, Canada took the brunt of the American force.
Dec. 1936
Ottowa province, occupied Canada
Private Bucky was pissed. The Americans here had been driven back to Toronto a few days ago and now they were marching back to Ottowa.
"Sir, I have a question," he asked his commander, General Wiglaf.
"Yes?"
"It took us four days to get to Ottowa the first time, when we held it. Why is it taking us 9 days to walk there now that the Canucks have it back? They don't even have any troops there."
"Son, follow me. Watch your step." The General took the Private off to the edge of the path and pointed to a poor US soldier stuck to a tree.
"Maple syrup bombs. We have to sweep them clear or we all wind up like pancakes."
Bucky, horrified, could only stare as the General returned to his truck.
A few days later...
Bucky's group came to the edge of a river. They could see the edge of Montreal province on the other side.
"This is it! We take Montreal, and we can rescue the Canadians!"
Private Willard jumped in the stream and swan across, or tried to. Halfway across, a polar bear caught him and carried him off.
"Hmm..." mused the General. "This may take longer than I thought..."
20:00 February 1937
Washington DC
Roosevelt was taking a power nap behind his desk. Unfortunately, no one else could sleep, as the President was sawing the Amazon forest down. Suddenly, a large gray button appeared on his desk with a loud 'bang' sound.
The Prez, startled out of sleep, fell over backwards.
"Aw, dammit..." he grumped as he tried to stand up.
He stretched up and managed to touch the 'call' button. "Mr. Marshall? Come quickly, please. I've fallen and I can't get up."
After some lifting, Roosevelt rolled back behind his desk, where he noticed the new button. "Sweet! A new button to press!"
He pressed it.
The entire Earth shook, rattling every living thing and sloshing a few ships into the rocks. They were all French ships, though, so nobody cares.
Roosevelt shook his head. "What the Hell was that?!" he yelled.
Marshall stared at the large globe in the corner. "Uh, sir?"
Roosevelt's eyes widened. The nation of Canada had vanished, and the blue of America now stretched to the Arctic. Suddenly, a mighty voice spoke.
"You have annexed Canada."
Roosevelt and Marshall loked around. FDR shook his head again. "TRUMAN!"
The Vice-President stumbled into the room. "Yes, sir?"
"You haven't been messing with the Ark again, have you?"
Truman looked a little nervous. "Uh..."
"Harry..."
"Ok, yes, I have... but MacArthur made me do it!"
"No buts, young man, now go to your room."
"Awww.... you never make MacArthur go to his room..." Truman complained as he left the Oval Office.
Roosevelt's intercom beeped. Flicking it open (with a cricket chirp), he answered. "Yes, this is Roosevelt."
"Mr. President, this is the USS Enterprise, requesting permission to run aground in DC."
"WHAT?!"
"Yes, sir, the damn enemy navies caught us. Yes, sir, all of the important nations anyway. 56 to 1, sir. It was bad."
CRUNCH!
"Yes, sir, we're parked now. Sorry about that, sir, they shot our brakes off. No, sir, we only hit the IRS building. Yes, sir, I agree. You're welcome, sir"
March 1937
Washington DC
Roosevelt's phone rang. "Mr. President? This is the Rocket Research Facility, you want to hear this, sir"
FDR continued listening, and heard... "Boink"
FDR: ?
"That was the newest rocket design, sir. We have indeed proved that scientific progress does go 'boink'. Also, we got the speech chip fixed."
"The Russian says, 'nukcleur wessels'."
"Oh, by the way, sir. Congratulations!"
Roosevelt was confused. "For what?"
"For winning your second term, sir."
"I ran for a second term?"
"Not really, sir. It's just that the other guy was eaten by wolverines during a trip to former Canada."
"Oh."
"Yeah... take it easy, sir."
December 25, 1937
A bunch of US soldiers decided to invade Mexico. They loaded up in transports and attacked a western beach. Unfortunately, because they didn't tell anyone, they didn't get any supplies or reinforcements. Thus, they only stayed long enough to get drunk on tequila and impregnate every senorita in Culiacan. Yes, even that one.
Unfortunately, this event sparked a new round of hostilities. The US was rushed to move troops from Canada to Mexico. They weren't fast enough in some places and the Mexicans took Arizona and New Mexico. Then the Texan divisions arrived and the Mexicans fled across the border again.
Two and a half years later...
June 28, 1939
"You have annexed Mexico."
"Damn it, Truman, stop provoking the Ark!"
Roosevelt called a meeting to discuss why it had taken so long to topple Mexico.
Eisenhower: "Well, sir, my men were the ones to find the stockpile of bean burritos. We had such horrible gas, we could barely walk."
MacArthur: "Sir, it was mainly the mountains. The Mexican Army was crap, but they'd hide in the mountains and surprise us with stolen US weaponry"
Roosevelt: "Damn. I hope that never happens again"
Eisenhower: "Also, sir, I suggest we build even more fighters and bombers. They tore the Mexicans up even more than the Army did."
Roosevelt smiled. "I'll get them right on it. By the way, Gentlemen, I have the perfect idea of where to strike next..."
June 28 - July 28
Massive fleets of US submarines were patrolling the narrow strait between Florida and Cuba. The US was winning the first major sub battles in history. Its huge research labs had made America the number one nation on Earth in terms of military tech for all three branches, though it was still heavily outnumbered.
Through the sub cover, a 12-transport fleet sailed towards Cuba, also protected by dozens of US fighters, which were blasting the Cuban air force into nothing.
US pilot 1: *laughs* "Hey, here he comes again!"
Cuban pilot (flying a paper airplane): "Die, American pigs!"
US pilot 2: *reaches out his window and tosses his cigar into the Cuban's plane*
Cuban: *plane explodes into ash* "Damn you all!"
US pilot 1: "Jolly good fun, eh?"
US pilot 2: "Indeed, old boy. You up for a pint?"
They turned back to Florida.
The Second Battle of Havana lasted about 35 minutes, a marked difference from the first battle. Cuba was annexed the same day, its people freed from the mind-control by a gaseous spray of 'cheez'.
August 1, 1939
Washington DC
Dark clouds were gathering over Washington. A fateful decision was being made deep within the White House...
MacArthur: "Sir, I'm begging you, we can't do it! Don't damn us like this!"
Eisenhower: "He's right, sir. We're marching into ruin!"
Red-shirt Staffer: "Generic warning of doom, sir!" *explodes into flames*
Roosevelt: *ignoring burning red-shirt* "Boys, I don't care. The annexation of Cuba opened the perfect pathway to destroy this Evil Empire before it becomes too powerful."
Truman: "But, sir, with the Enterprise damaged, how will we destroy their mighty navy?" *holds up picture of a battleship*
Roosevelt: "They have a battleship?"
Truman: "No, sir, just a picture of one."
Roosevelt: "O...K... Regardless, gentlemen, we shall begin drawing up plans for the invasion of... HAITI!"
*dramatic music plays and lightning crashes across a dark sky*
Chapter 3
Nov. 1936 - Feb 1937
The war continued, and the massive might of America's industries was finding its stride. In fact, since artillery was so expensive to make, many factories simply built special ramps so the excess supplies/consumer goods produced would fly off and impact the enemy lines.
The Mexicans began to call the flying foods "The Devil's Pop-Tarts". Little did they know, the Devil actually prefers Toaster Strudel.
While the US played defense on the coasts and the Mexican border, Canada took the brunt of the American force.
Dec. 1936
Ottowa province, occupied Canada
Private Bucky was pissed. The Americans here had been driven back to Toronto a few days ago and now they were marching back to Ottowa.
"Sir, I have a question," he asked his commander, General Wiglaf.
"Yes?"
"It took us four days to get to Ottowa the first time, when we held it. Why is it taking us 9 days to walk there now that the Canucks have it back? They don't even have any troops there."
"Son, follow me. Watch your step." The General took the Private off to the edge of the path and pointed to a poor US soldier stuck to a tree.
"Maple syrup bombs. We have to sweep them clear or we all wind up like pancakes."
Bucky, horrified, could only stare as the General returned to his truck.
A few days later...
Bucky's group came to the edge of a river. They could see the edge of Montreal province on the other side.
"This is it! We take Montreal, and we can rescue the Canadians!"
Private Willard jumped in the stream and swan across, or tried to. Halfway across, a polar bear caught him and carried him off.
"Hmm..." mused the General. "This may take longer than I thought..."
20:00 February 1937
Washington DC
Roosevelt was taking a power nap behind his desk. Unfortunately, no one else could sleep, as the President was sawing the Amazon forest down. Suddenly, a large gray button appeared on his desk with a loud 'bang' sound.
The Prez, startled out of sleep, fell over backwards.
"Aw, dammit..." he grumped as he tried to stand up.
He stretched up and managed to touch the 'call' button. "Mr. Marshall? Come quickly, please. I've fallen and I can't get up."
After some lifting, Roosevelt rolled back behind his desk, where he noticed the new button. "Sweet! A new button to press!"
He pressed it.
The entire Earth shook, rattling every living thing and sloshing a few ships into the rocks. They were all French ships, though, so nobody cares.
Roosevelt shook his head. "What the Hell was that?!" he yelled.
Marshall stared at the large globe in the corner. "Uh, sir?"
Roosevelt's eyes widened. The nation of Canada had vanished, and the blue of America now stretched to the Arctic. Suddenly, a mighty voice spoke.
"You have annexed Canada."
Roosevelt and Marshall loked around. FDR shook his head again. "TRUMAN!"
The Vice-President stumbled into the room. "Yes, sir?"
"You haven't been messing with the Ark again, have you?"
Truman looked a little nervous. "Uh..."
"Harry..."
"Ok, yes, I have... but MacArthur made me do it!"
"No buts, young man, now go to your room."
"Awww.... you never make MacArthur go to his room..." Truman complained as he left the Oval Office.
Roosevelt's intercom beeped. Flicking it open (with a cricket chirp), he answered. "Yes, this is Roosevelt."
"Mr. President, this is the USS Enterprise, requesting permission to run aground in DC."
"WHAT?!"
"Yes, sir, the damn enemy navies caught us. Yes, sir, all of the important nations anyway. 56 to 1, sir. It was bad."
CRUNCH!
"Yes, sir, we're parked now. Sorry about that, sir, they shot our brakes off. No, sir, we only hit the IRS building. Yes, sir, I agree. You're welcome, sir"
March 1937
Washington DC
Roosevelt's phone rang. "Mr. President? This is the Rocket Research Facility, you want to hear this, sir"
FDR continued listening, and heard... "Boink"
FDR: ?
"That was the newest rocket design, sir. We have indeed proved that scientific progress does go 'boink'. Also, we got the speech chip fixed."
"The Russian says, 'nukcleur wessels'."
"Oh, by the way, sir. Congratulations!"
Roosevelt was confused. "For what?"
"For winning your second term, sir."
"I ran for a second term?"
"Not really, sir. It's just that the other guy was eaten by wolverines during a trip to former Canada."
"Oh."
"Yeah... take it easy, sir."
December 25, 1937
A bunch of US soldiers decided to invade Mexico. They loaded up in transports and attacked a western beach. Unfortunately, because they didn't tell anyone, they didn't get any supplies or reinforcements. Thus, they only stayed long enough to get drunk on tequila and impregnate every senorita in Culiacan. Yes, even that one.
Unfortunately, this event sparked a new round of hostilities. The US was rushed to move troops from Canada to Mexico. They weren't fast enough in some places and the Mexicans took Arizona and New Mexico. Then the Texan divisions arrived and the Mexicans fled across the border again.
Two and a half years later...
June 28, 1939
"You have annexed Mexico."
"Damn it, Truman, stop provoking the Ark!"
Roosevelt called a meeting to discuss why it had taken so long to topple Mexico.
Eisenhower: "Well, sir, my men were the ones to find the stockpile of bean burritos. We had such horrible gas, we could barely walk."
MacArthur: "Sir, it was mainly the mountains. The Mexican Army was crap, but they'd hide in the mountains and surprise us with stolen US weaponry"
Roosevelt: "Damn. I hope that never happens again"
Eisenhower: "Also, sir, I suggest we build even more fighters and bombers. They tore the Mexicans up even more than the Army did."
Roosevelt smiled. "I'll get them right on it. By the way, Gentlemen, I have the perfect idea of where to strike next..."
June 28 - July 28
Massive fleets of US submarines were patrolling the narrow strait between Florida and Cuba. The US was winning the first major sub battles in history. Its huge research labs had made America the number one nation on Earth in terms of military tech for all three branches, though it was still heavily outnumbered.
Through the sub cover, a 12-transport fleet sailed towards Cuba, also protected by dozens of US fighters, which were blasting the Cuban air force into nothing.
US pilot 1: *laughs* "Hey, here he comes again!"
Cuban pilot (flying a paper airplane): "Die, American pigs!"
US pilot 2: *reaches out his window and tosses his cigar into the Cuban's plane*
Cuban: *plane explodes into ash* "Damn you all!"
US pilot 1: "Jolly good fun, eh?"
US pilot 2: "Indeed, old boy. You up for a pint?"
They turned back to Florida.
The Second Battle of Havana lasted about 35 minutes, a marked difference from the first battle. Cuba was annexed the same day, its people freed from the mind-control by a gaseous spray of 'cheez'.
August 1, 1939
Washington DC
Dark clouds were gathering over Washington. A fateful decision was being made deep within the White House...
MacArthur: "Sir, I'm begging you, we can't do it! Don't damn us like this!"
Eisenhower: "He's right, sir. We're marching into ruin!"
Red-shirt Staffer: "Generic warning of doom, sir!" *explodes into flames*
Roosevelt: *ignoring burning red-shirt* "Boys, I don't care. The annexation of Cuba opened the perfect pathway to destroy this Evil Empire before it becomes too powerful."
Truman: "But, sir, with the Enterprise damaged, how will we destroy their mighty navy?" *holds up picture of a battleship*
Roosevelt: "They have a battleship?"
Truman: "No, sir, just a picture of one."
Roosevelt: "O...K... Regardless, gentlemen, we shall begin drawing up plans for the invasion of... HAITI!"
*dramatic music plays and lightning crashes across a dark sky*
More! More! I can't believe more people aren't responding to this. It's as far as you can get from, say, "Advantages Without Obligations" while still playing the same country. In fact, it's so far away it loops back around and becomes just as enteraining, only in an entirely different way. :rofl:
((comp's on the fritz, still got my savegames, but I think there's a virus on my HoI comp, here's what I've got so far))
US attacks Haiti! the papers screamed.
Panic swept the nation. Was the President mad? Launching an invasion of the invincible Haiti?!
Parents ordered their sons to come home, injure themselves, anything to keep them from being sent to that region of evil.
Newspapers warned of a massive quagmire that would sap American manpower and resources in this time of global war.
And for a while, they seemed to be right.
Several invasions were launched, and the single Haitian division beat back the Americans every time. The fighting was sticky and fizzy, and many began to question the use of soda in warfare. Even worse, without the USS Enterprise to protect them, the poor US soldiers got papercuts from the mighty Haitian picture of a battleship.
Then, one day, the US troops abandoned their beachheads.
The Haitians sneaked out to check warily. After several hours, they confirmed it. The Americans had left Haiti! Haiti had won! Huzzah!
The Haitians were so busy celebrating their victory, they didn't notice the American bomber flying far, far overhead.
50 seconds later...
US attacks Haiti! the papers screamed.
Panic swept the nation. Was the President mad? Launching an invasion of the invincible Haiti?!
Parents ordered their sons to come home, injure themselves, anything to keep them from being sent to that region of evil.
Newspapers warned of a massive quagmire that would sap American manpower and resources in this time of global war.
And for a while, they seemed to be right.
Several invasions were launched, and the single Haitian division beat back the Americans every time. The fighting was sticky and fizzy, and many began to question the use of soda in warfare. Even worse, without the USS Enterprise to protect them, the poor US soldiers got papercuts from the mighty Haitian picture of a battleship.
Then, one day, the US troops abandoned their beachheads.
The Haitians sneaked out to check warily. After several hours, they confirmed it. The Americans had left Haiti! Haiti had won! Huzzah!
The Haitians were so busy celebrating their victory, they didn't notice the American bomber flying far, far overhead.
50 seconds later...
Ahem! It's high time to get one thing straight. Haiti, despite anything vigilantsldr has written, is NOT a powerful country. In fact, it's one of the most pathetic. They get annexed before they're DoWed. Hey, what're you doing with that doll? You're going to stick the pin in it, right? Ow,my eyes!! No, not there, not there, the eyes are way much better...
I recognized the Y-Wing even if I saw only the last half of its engines, maybe I've seen the movies few times too many? Anyway, great AAR! I love all those references.
I recognized the Y-Wing even if I saw only the last half of its engines, maybe I've seen the movies few times too many? Anyway, great AAR! I love all those references.
