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Why does it matter that she's a woman? Shouldn't the standard be the average human being? (considering that barely anything else takes into consideration gender other than succession laws and marriage)

If the standard was the average human being then there would have to be modifiers in the game to keep the number of strong/huge women down to more 'realistic' levels. And there is already plenty of events that takes gender into account.

Anyway, it's not a huge issue since it's only really a problem with Brienne since she starts out insanely stacked with good duelling traits. I personally think Brienne should 'just' be a level 3 fighter to compensate a bit so she's not the ~best fighter ever~ which isn't exactly what the book implies.
 
It's probably because she is "huge" compared to an average woman? But if that's the case it shouldn't give the same fighting bonus as Gregor Clegane's huge trait for example....

Yeah. Actually, female = yes should just have a slight combat malus, and additionally reduce the combat bonus of huge and strong to something like 25-50% of their usual effectiveness, when a woman has them.

I prefer the sort of "Jedi-Force-powers-make-the-genders-physically-equal" school of fantasy fighting, since that creates the space for a better set of metaphors. It's pretty obvious that G.R.R. Martin is going to make more than a few female hand-to-hand combat experts, but that women generally require exceptionally special training, absurdly atypical physicality, or dragons/magic to reach that level. So, it's not realistic for Brienne's Huge+Strong (which she totally deserves, given that she's more atypical for a woman than The Mountain is for a man) to be as impactful as The Mountain's.
 
Honestly, I think this mod needs to give Tumco Lho better traits. Barristan says that he's the best natural swordsman he's seen since Jaime Lannister, besides being fast and strong.

'The boy from the Basilisk Isles, for a start. Tumco Lho.' Black as maester's ink he was, but fast and strong, and the best natural swordsman Selmy had seen since Jaime Lannister.

Based on this, I'd give him level 4 + Strong. I mean, it's Barristan Selmy giving him this type of praise, and Barristan, were it not for his age, is someone I believe could match, if not surpass Jaime.