Greetings Knights of Paperos!
We're currently hosting a weekly text based adventure on our Facebook page where you get to play together with the community.
Simply check in once a week, read what's happened and vote in the comments. The most mentioned alternative will move the story in that direction. Exciting stuff!
THE STORY SO FAR:
In times gone by, it was thought that the optimal path to adventure was to experience it oneself. In slightly later times gone by, recognition was finally bestowed upon those who did not technically have adventures, but instead chose to describe them for others in excruciating detail with rigid adherence to the rules. Now, for the first time in interactive community-driven fiction, that choice can (sort of) be yours.
Dice Hard II: Choose Someone Else’s Own Adventure
You are in a WELL-LIT AND TASTEFULLY ADORNED ROOM. The rituals of your people have traditionally taken place in dank rooms that smell of stale potatoes, but frankly, you prefer having enough light to read without eyestrain. There are exits to the WEST and NORTH.
Arranged on the TABLE in front of you are the ARTIFACTS OF YOUR POWER: a collection of INTRICATE FIGURINES made to resemble beasts and villains of legend; a series of HARD-BOUND TOMES that explain the rules of your ritual in painstaking detail, a CAREFULLY BALANCED SET OF STONES used to dictate the fortunes of your subjects, and a gaudily decorated FIELD OF OPAQUENESS to allow you to consult all of the above in secrecy.
However, even though the hour of your weekly ritual is at hand, one piece is yet missing: FRANK.
In all honesty, the tardiness of FRANK is such a regular occurrence that you may as well make it part of the overall ritual. Commencing the ritual without him might not be altogether socially acceptable, and DAN, LILY, and ALDRIC THE INDEFATIGABLE ORC-SLAYER may think less of you. On the other hand, getting through a ritual without FRANK could be quite advantageous to your plans, and this is a unique opportunity to advance them – and honestly, sometimes it seems the others will regardless become annoyed with you for a myriad of infantile reasons, including referring to ALDRIC by his actual name, BOB, when he is “in-character.”
COMMAND?
> COMMENCE RITUAL WITHOUT FRANK
> ABSTAIN FROM RESPONSIBILITY BY TAKING A VOTE
> DECLARE THAT FRANK WILL BE GIVEN ANOTHER FIVE MINUTES
> WAIT PATIENTLY FOR FRANK
You bring down your palms on the RITUAL TABLE with just enough force to draw the OTHERS’ attention. “So, look,” you begin with a casual tone, “Frank is always late. What if we just get underway on time, for a change? We can get him caught up whenever he decides to get here.” Inwardly, you smile, sure that once you’ve drawn attention to FRANK’S FLIPPANT ATTITUDE, the others will agree that he is not deserving of special dispensation. With luck, this will allow you to complete a delicate part of the ritual without INCIDENT.
The hope welling inside you is dashed as ALBRIC THE INDEFATIGABLE ORC-SLAYER speaks his PHRASE OF POWER. “No way,” he protests, “You never split the party.” DAN and LILY nod sagely at this argument, and you find it difficult to counter, seeing as you have also used this PHRASE to avoid situations like HAVING TO MANAGE TWO MAPS AT ONCE. Convincing the others to start the ritual now will be difficult indeed. You have no choice but to patiently wait, and, sure enough…
“Hey-o! Sorry I’m late!” comes the incurably cheerful VOICE OF FRANK. It is followed almost immediately by FRANK himself, striding winningly into the room through the NORTH exit. Nuts. Now there’s no way to START WITHOUT FRANK.
COMMAND?
> GIVE FRANK A FROSTY GLARE
> SMILE AND WAVE WHILE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVELY BEING UPSET AT FRANK
> TELL FRANK HE’S A BIG STUPID JERK AND YOU HATE HIM
> WHATEVER, LET’S JUST PLAY
“You’re late, but you’re here,” you say with an EYE-ROLL. “Let’s just get started.” DAN, LILY, and ALBRIC THE INDEFATIGABLE ORC-SLAYER find this to be agreeable, and FRANK slides into his seat. “Good, because I’m ready to start,” grins FRANK. “I have a good feeling about this week!” You wish you shared this HIGHLY UNLIKELY SENTIMENT.
It is not that you genuinely dislike FRANK, even with his casual tardiness and frequent irresponsibility. He genuinely seems to enjoy his part in the RITUAL, and he is neither DISRUPTIVE nor NEGATIVE, and he does not insist on playing ANNOYING, RULE-SKIRTING, MIN-MAXING CHARACTERS, like certain INDEFATIGABLE ORC-SLAYERS you could name.
The problem is that FRANK has FREAKISHLY, UNBELIEVABLY BAD LUCK when it comes to ritual time. You can lay no less than four TOTAL PARTY KILLS at the feet of FRANK’S TERRIBLE ROLLS. Just last week, FRANK’S CHARACTER, CANDAMIR, got his FEET impaled on a BED OF SPIKES due to a BOTCHED DISARM CHECK, and he’s stuck there even now.
You’ve been hanging on to a REALLY GREAT LEVEL 5 MODULE for almost a year now, and you’ll never get to play it if the party keeps having to roll up NEW CHARACTERS.
COMMAND?
> TELL FRANK HE CAN’T PLAY BECAUSE HE’S LATE
> OFFER TO LOAN FRANK SOME BETTER DICE
> LET FRANK RE-ROLL THAT LAST DISARM CHECK
> PRAY EVERYONE ELSE ROLLS AMAZINGLY WELL
“C’mon you LAZY LUGS, help ol’ CANDAMIR out of this BED OF SPIKES. The LAND OF BROXATH won’t save itself,” says FRANK with a WINNING SMILE. “I’m sure if we all think HAPPY THOUGHTS, we can GIT ‘ER DONE!”
As LILY, DAN, and ALBRIC THE INDEFATIGABLE ORC-SLAYER smile in agreement, but you cannot help but feel a deep sense of DREAD. SOMETHING is not right. You say a quick prayer to THE GOD OF DICE and hope for the best, as LILY and DAN rush in, attempting to salvage CANDAMIR’S SITUATION with their powers of CUNNING and HEALING.
DISASTER. CATASTROPHE. An unmitigated DEBACLE. A stunned silence falls over the RITUAL TABLE as the RESULT becomes clear--a CRITICAL FAIL. “Farts,” says FRANK under his breath, but not even a COMICAL BODILY FUNCTION can save him now.
In complete silence, you scan the HARD-BOUND TOMES for what RULE to apply, but you already know what’s waiting for you: the penalty for this type of failure...is DEATH.
COMMAND?
> FOLLOW THE RULES--CANDAMIR MUST DIE
> FUDGE RULES TO ALLOW CANDAMIR TO LIVE AND THE GAME TO GO ON
> GIVE THE OTHERS A CHANCE TO SAVE CANDAMIR
> GO WEST
“Candamir is now in mortal peril,” you intone with grave seriousness, looking to DAN, LILY, and ALBRIC THE INDEFATIGABLE ORC-SLAYER. “He will be dead in moments unless you act quickly.” FRANK gives the others a HOPEFUL SMILE and a gesture of ONE UPRAISED THUMB. “You got this, guys,” he quips.
“Let’s just loot his stuff and keep going,” suggests ALBRIC, his voice rising in annoyance. “He’s not going to make it; he never does.”
“Heck of an attitude for a paladin,” replies LILY. Trust a ROGUE to go right for the VITALS! You suppress a WINCE as ALBRIC sputters, temporarily at a loss for words. It seems your TRUSTY FRIENDS are willing to take on this challenge IN AND OUT OF CHARACTER.
The GROUP is now in ANIMATED DISCUSSION, rapidly reviewing their options on how to meet your challenge. Perhaps now is a good time to give them a LITTLE NUDGE.
“All right,” you declare with strength of purpose, “Looks like Candamir’s life comes down to one final roll.” You pluck up your most trusted STONE OF FORTUNE. The others look at you, not entirely sure what you’re rolling for, but they are clearly riveted by what it may mean!
COMMAND?
> CLAIM IT CAME UP A NATURAL 20
> DELIBERATELY ROLL OFF THE TABLE
> THROW STONE OF FORTUNE AT ALBRIC
> DO THAT THING WHERE YOU KNOCK THE DIE AGAINST YOUR FOREHEAD THAT ALWAYS MAKES IT SUPER LUCKY
Follow the link to participate!
We're currently hosting a weekly text based adventure on our Facebook page where you get to play together with the community.
Simply check in once a week, read what's happened and vote in the comments. The most mentioned alternative will move the story in that direction. Exciting stuff!
THE STORY SO FAR:
In times gone by, it was thought that the optimal path to adventure was to experience it oneself. In slightly later times gone by, recognition was finally bestowed upon those who did not technically have adventures, but instead chose to describe them for others in excruciating detail with rigid adherence to the rules. Now, for the first time in interactive community-driven fiction, that choice can (sort of) be yours.
Dice Hard II: Choose Someone Else’s Own Adventure
You are in a WELL-LIT AND TASTEFULLY ADORNED ROOM. The rituals of your people have traditionally taken place in dank rooms that smell of stale potatoes, but frankly, you prefer having enough light to read without eyestrain. There are exits to the WEST and NORTH.
Arranged on the TABLE in front of you are the ARTIFACTS OF YOUR POWER: a collection of INTRICATE FIGURINES made to resemble beasts and villains of legend; a series of HARD-BOUND TOMES that explain the rules of your ritual in painstaking detail, a CAREFULLY BALANCED SET OF STONES used to dictate the fortunes of your subjects, and a gaudily decorated FIELD OF OPAQUENESS to allow you to consult all of the above in secrecy.
However, even though the hour of your weekly ritual is at hand, one piece is yet missing: FRANK.
In all honesty, the tardiness of FRANK is such a regular occurrence that you may as well make it part of the overall ritual. Commencing the ritual without him might not be altogether socially acceptable, and DAN, LILY, and ALDRIC THE INDEFATIGABLE ORC-SLAYER may think less of you. On the other hand, getting through a ritual without FRANK could be quite advantageous to your plans, and this is a unique opportunity to advance them – and honestly, sometimes it seems the others will regardless become annoyed with you for a myriad of infantile reasons, including referring to ALDRIC by his actual name, BOB, when he is “in-character.”
COMMAND?
> COMMENCE RITUAL WITHOUT FRANK
> ABSTAIN FROM RESPONSIBILITY BY TAKING A VOTE
> DECLARE THAT FRANK WILL BE GIVEN ANOTHER FIVE MINUTES
> WAIT PATIENTLY FOR FRANK
You bring down your palms on the RITUAL TABLE with just enough force to draw the OTHERS’ attention. “So, look,” you begin with a casual tone, “Frank is always late. What if we just get underway on time, for a change? We can get him caught up whenever he decides to get here.” Inwardly, you smile, sure that once you’ve drawn attention to FRANK’S FLIPPANT ATTITUDE, the others will agree that he is not deserving of special dispensation. With luck, this will allow you to complete a delicate part of the ritual without INCIDENT.
The hope welling inside you is dashed as ALBRIC THE INDEFATIGABLE ORC-SLAYER speaks his PHRASE OF POWER. “No way,” he protests, “You never split the party.” DAN and LILY nod sagely at this argument, and you find it difficult to counter, seeing as you have also used this PHRASE to avoid situations like HAVING TO MANAGE TWO MAPS AT ONCE. Convincing the others to start the ritual now will be difficult indeed. You have no choice but to patiently wait, and, sure enough…
“Hey-o! Sorry I’m late!” comes the incurably cheerful VOICE OF FRANK. It is followed almost immediately by FRANK himself, striding winningly into the room through the NORTH exit. Nuts. Now there’s no way to START WITHOUT FRANK.
COMMAND?
> GIVE FRANK A FROSTY GLARE
> SMILE AND WAVE WHILE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVELY BEING UPSET AT FRANK
> TELL FRANK HE’S A BIG STUPID JERK AND YOU HATE HIM
> WHATEVER, LET’S JUST PLAY
“You’re late, but you’re here,” you say with an EYE-ROLL. “Let’s just get started.” DAN, LILY, and ALBRIC THE INDEFATIGABLE ORC-SLAYER find this to be agreeable, and FRANK slides into his seat. “Good, because I’m ready to start,” grins FRANK. “I have a good feeling about this week!” You wish you shared this HIGHLY UNLIKELY SENTIMENT.
It is not that you genuinely dislike FRANK, even with his casual tardiness and frequent irresponsibility. He genuinely seems to enjoy his part in the RITUAL, and he is neither DISRUPTIVE nor NEGATIVE, and he does not insist on playing ANNOYING, RULE-SKIRTING, MIN-MAXING CHARACTERS, like certain INDEFATIGABLE ORC-SLAYERS you could name.
The problem is that FRANK has FREAKISHLY, UNBELIEVABLY BAD LUCK when it comes to ritual time. You can lay no less than four TOTAL PARTY KILLS at the feet of FRANK’S TERRIBLE ROLLS. Just last week, FRANK’S CHARACTER, CANDAMIR, got his FEET impaled on a BED OF SPIKES due to a BOTCHED DISARM CHECK, and he’s stuck there even now.
You’ve been hanging on to a REALLY GREAT LEVEL 5 MODULE for almost a year now, and you’ll never get to play it if the party keeps having to roll up NEW CHARACTERS.
COMMAND?
> TELL FRANK HE CAN’T PLAY BECAUSE HE’S LATE
> OFFER TO LOAN FRANK SOME BETTER DICE
> LET FRANK RE-ROLL THAT LAST DISARM CHECK
> PRAY EVERYONE ELSE ROLLS AMAZINGLY WELL
“C’mon you LAZY LUGS, help ol’ CANDAMIR out of this BED OF SPIKES. The LAND OF BROXATH won’t save itself,” says FRANK with a WINNING SMILE. “I’m sure if we all think HAPPY THOUGHTS, we can GIT ‘ER DONE!”
As LILY, DAN, and ALBRIC THE INDEFATIGABLE ORC-SLAYER smile in agreement, but you cannot help but feel a deep sense of DREAD. SOMETHING is not right. You say a quick prayer to THE GOD OF DICE and hope for the best, as LILY and DAN rush in, attempting to salvage CANDAMIR’S SITUATION with their powers of CUNNING and HEALING.
DISASTER. CATASTROPHE. An unmitigated DEBACLE. A stunned silence falls over the RITUAL TABLE as the RESULT becomes clear--a CRITICAL FAIL. “Farts,” says FRANK under his breath, but not even a COMICAL BODILY FUNCTION can save him now.
In complete silence, you scan the HARD-BOUND TOMES for what RULE to apply, but you already know what’s waiting for you: the penalty for this type of failure...is DEATH.
COMMAND?
> FOLLOW THE RULES--CANDAMIR MUST DIE
> FUDGE RULES TO ALLOW CANDAMIR TO LIVE AND THE GAME TO GO ON
> GIVE THE OTHERS A CHANCE TO SAVE CANDAMIR
> GO WEST
“Candamir is now in mortal peril,” you intone with grave seriousness, looking to DAN, LILY, and ALBRIC THE INDEFATIGABLE ORC-SLAYER. “He will be dead in moments unless you act quickly.” FRANK gives the others a HOPEFUL SMILE and a gesture of ONE UPRAISED THUMB. “You got this, guys,” he quips.
“Let’s just loot his stuff and keep going,” suggests ALBRIC, his voice rising in annoyance. “He’s not going to make it; he never does.”
“Heck of an attitude for a paladin,” replies LILY. Trust a ROGUE to go right for the VITALS! You suppress a WINCE as ALBRIC sputters, temporarily at a loss for words. It seems your TRUSTY FRIENDS are willing to take on this challenge IN AND OUT OF CHARACTER.
The GROUP is now in ANIMATED DISCUSSION, rapidly reviewing their options on how to meet your challenge. Perhaps now is a good time to give them a LITTLE NUDGE.
“All right,” you declare with strength of purpose, “Looks like Candamir’s life comes down to one final roll.” You pluck up your most trusted STONE OF FORTUNE. The others look at you, not entirely sure what you’re rolling for, but they are clearly riveted by what it may mean!
COMMAND?
> CLAIM IT CAME UP A NATURAL 20
> DELIBERATELY ROLL OFF THE TABLE
> THROW STONE OF FORTUNE AT ALBRIC
> DO THAT THING WHERE YOU KNOCK THE DIE AGAINST YOUR FOREHEAD THAT ALWAYS MAKES IT SUPER LUCKY
Follow the link to participate!
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