Republican Spain - 'Death To the Fascist Snake!'

[Semi-Lobster]

Hi I'm new to this! I've been reading AAR's for a long time and I want to give at crack at it!

C.O.R.E. 0.63
PicPack 0411
1.05c
Hard/Furious

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As a new year rolled into Spain, dissent was plentiful. In Madrid, most of the staff of Prime Minster Manuel Portela Valladares and President Niceto Alcalá-Zamora still had terrible hang overs from the previous nights festivities. They deserved it, the previous two years where a terrible year for Spain, and frankly, they still haven't gotten over those problems, let alone a whole new year of problems. Basques, Catalans, Communists, Monarchists, Anarchists and Falangists and many, more groups of angry people.
In his office though, Niceto Alcalá-Zamora along with the Prime Minster where going over some revisions in the cabinet.
"Umm, Niceto?"
"Yes? Speak up Manuel, what seems to be the problem?"
"I think there could be trouble ahead this year"
"Of course there's trouble! We haven't stopped having trouble for years! There is an election this year and that will cause even more trouble. I am so sick of this, especially the damn Monarchists, I didn't help overthrow him for nothing. How, for example could King Alfonso, handle the revolt in the Catalans?"
"Yes, that to, but there are even larger hurdles ahead. I've been going over some files and documents on some talk amongst our troops in North Africa of some kind of revolt"
"Really?"
"Yes, I think we should make a massive general mobilzation with several new div..."
"Don't say it Manuel, you know as well as I we can not possibly do that in our countries current condition"
"Well we could bring over our troops in the Canary and Balearic Islands, also troops from Equatorial Guinea and the Western Sahara, maybe we could even bring over the dissidents from North Africa over and group them with mainland soldiers"
"Excellent thinking Manuel, they wouldn't think of anything like a whole revolt if they're side by side with some of our troops"
"It's not fail proof but I think it will do, maybe we could train some militia, to be on the safe side. We shall tell the others at the cabinet meeting, I believe there is still a bottle of wine with our name on it"
"Now there is something that our country hasn't suffered from, a lack of excellent wine"

As the Prime Minster fumbled with some glasses he found a bottle of 1934 Lalanne and the two toasted to a bleak hope as they stumbled through the fog of the future.

 

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good luck and welcome to the forums

 

[unmerged(17780)]

Welcome! There can never be too many Spanish AARs.

 

[Semi-Lobster]

Thanks for the warm welcome! Both of you are great AAR writers! I'd personally love to add Spanish words and phrases but my Spanish is well....non-existant! So any site that has a list of some would be great! Once again thank you for your responses, there's more to come soon!

 

[Semi-Lobster]

Spain lurched forward into the new year. Even though the new Minister of Armament, Alejandro Lerroux García, constantly pleaded for more investment into industry, he knew that his request would fall upon deaf ears. The other cabinet members where too busy with a more pressing issue, dissent.
Even though the Spanish Government was putting almost all it's available resources into alieviating it's citizens problems it would still be a long difficult road ahead. The factories where only working at half capacity.
As the Spanish government made plans for more social spending and programs aimed at aiding the lower and middle classes the Republican government was caught in an international tug-of-war, America, England and France attempted to reinforce Spain's crumbling Civilian administration the USSR attempted to share it's views on Communism with the Spanish people, using the instability of the country to help inform every class of Spanish society on the coming world Proletariat revolution. Spain become torn between two idealogies that would either lead Spain to ruin or glory.
The whole world seemed to be falling apart to most people anyway. Italian aggression in Ethiopia, the rise of Fascism in Europe, Anschluss in Austria, Isolationism in the United States, Militarism in Japan, the spread of Communism throught out all of Europe and the increasing weakness of the League of Nations to the point that the once highly acclaimed forum for the world was breathing it's last breath.
With the imminent demise of the League another great war seemed to loom over the continent like a massive ogre, ready to take what it desires with unrelenting force.

 

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Originally posted by Semi-Lobster
I'd personally love to add Spanish words and phrases but my Spanish is well....non-existant! So any site that has a list of some would be great!

"Ay caramba!" is a good one. No... wait... that's a stereotypical Mexican phrase. Oh well, you can throw it in here and there for color (or as you put it, colour).
Seriously, though, I speak mediocre Spanish, so feel free to PM me if you have any questions and I'll do my best to handle them. On the same note, I'm sure there are some native speakers around here that can do a better job.
Good luck in all your upcoming battles!

 

[Semi-Lobster]

Thanks CapnBiff! I may have to take you up on that offer! Well I've been trying to get this update up but the first time I was writing it, the power went out, second time, I was searching for information on Alexander Von Falkenhausen and then a pop-up appeared, I clumsily tried to close it and ended up closing the window I was writing in!

Well anyway hopefully nothing weird will happen again!

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By April both Prime Minster Manuel Portela Valladares (who was only mean't to be a caretaker PM) and President Niceto Alcalá-Zamora had lost thier positions in a short string of elections. First, in February, it was time to choose a new Prime Minster, and Mr. Valladares was replaced by the Popular Front's Santiago Casares Quiroga. In April in the same thing happened to both the new Prime Minister and the incumbant President, as the Spainsh people continued to vote left.
As stabilty was finally slowly rising, like an obese pigeon attempting to soar on to the roof tops, it once again plumted to the ground.

July 13th, 1936

aide: "Mr.President! Mr. President! I have terrible news!!"
The new president, Manuel Azaña Díaz, yawned and attempted to open his eyes.
Díaz: "Yes, what is it? Dog on fire? House run away?" said the very groggy, and tired president.
aide: "What are you talking about? Umm, no sir, there was a string of violent assasinations in Madrid!!!"
Díaz: "Well that's terrible, who got killed?"
aide: "José Calvo-Sotelo, lt. Jos-"
Díaz: "How is that a bad thing?"
aide: "Well he was th leader of the Monarchist Party"
Díaz: "Exactly! As long as we didn't do it we're fine! We can just write a press release on how we grieve for his family blah, blah, blah, etc. etc."
aide: "Ummm, sir if I may be blunt, that's an awful thing to say!"
Díaz: "It may be awful, but it's the truth, and you can't argue with the truth now? Can you?"
aide: "Well no.....I guess not...."
Díaz: "So therefore it is not as terrible-"
aide: "Awful, sir"
Díaz: "Oh yes, awful. So therefore it is not as awful as it seems, bad maybe, and most certainly a mean-spirited and callous thing to say, but not awful"
aide: "I guess so....well there where other people assasinated"
Díaz: "Well then, continue, I'm a busy man"
aide: "Not really sir, you where sleeping when I got here"
Díaz: "Well, I um.....was working SOOOO hard that fell asleep, no uhh, I have a better one....I was working hard then umm...one of those assasins jumped into my room and tried to kill me, he was wearing all black and had a red head band, I fought him off but he took out his sword and-"
aide: "Sir....your describing a ninja, and you don't have to make up stories to explain why I found you sleeping on your chair. I honestly don't care. I'm just here to deliver this message to you"
Díaz: "yes, yes, whatever, now where was I? Well the assasin, or 'ninja' as you kids seem to call it. Well he lunged at me but I fought him off-"
aide: "I need a stiff drink....."
20 minutes later
Díaz: "And I was taking a Victory Nap you see! And that's why I was sleeping. Hello? Aide? Hmmm....He must have left, I wanted to hear the rest of the report. He shouldn't be worried, ninjas only strike an area once during a ninja storm. Wait, why doesn't that sound right...."

Several days later, armed insurgents from their base in North Africa seized parts of Northern and Southern Spain, plunging the country into civil war.
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I've always intended this AAR to be a qausi-serious, and mostly comedy AAR (sorry If I made you think otherwise!) And unless you don't have my sense of humour (or at least a compatible one)I implore you to stop reading! Because there's more to come!
(PS. I was going to make a fake newspaper front-page but have no idea on how to do it!)

 

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I some funy lines in there

Sir...your describing a ninja
He shouldn't be worried, ninjas only strike an area once during a ninja storm. Wait, why doesn't that sound right...."

 

[Semi-Lobster]

It's the Civil War! I got REALLY lucky getting aid from France, later on I may reward them for their help....

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The rebel Insurgents, or 'Nationalists' as they called themselves took the country by surprise, as the nation was busy gossiping about the President's ninja fighting death-match, and therefore, most seemed to busy to join the rebellion. Pamplona, Vigo, Burgos, Salamanca, Seville, Cadiz, and Granada and Valencia, did fall into rebel hands though. Meanwhile in Gijon, Field Marshall Rojo Luchs fought a division of traitors, while in the south General Sarabia Hernández fighting against all odds and held out against two rebel divisions with his rag-tag group of militia who's struggle would be made into a terrible, high budget movie several decades later. Republican tanks and cavalry swooped into Southern Spain but where soon stalled by the rebels who had gotten aid from Germany and Italy, fortunatly France and the Soviet Union did the same for the forces of the Republic.
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Miaja: "...and that is our current situation president"
Díaz: "So what are our plans? How will we respond exactly to this Franco character?"
Miaja: "We are going for a lighting assault, we will try to retake some provinces from the rebels before they have a change to properly organize"
Díaz: "It's a good thing Valladares brought over those colonial troops, we'll teach these bastards a thing or two"
Miaja: "You can say that word here! There are children all around us!"
Díaz: "Yes...umm....about that....why are we in an orphanage?"
Miaja: "There was fear that rebels may have stormed Madrid, so this is our temporay hiding place"
Díaz: "I see...but I could have handled them, you know, with a kick and a few punches-"
Miaja: "There was no ninja was there?"
Díaz: "Well if you put it that why....umm...maybe, there wasn't a ninja.....maybe it was....a sea monster!!"
Miaja: "Please stop, we're in the middle-"
Díaz: "Beginning!"
Miaja: "Fine then, we're in the Beginning of a war here and the last thing I need are stupid antics"
Díaz: "Fine, you may not believe I fought ninjas but there are more pressing issues at hand!"
Miaja: "I thought you said you fought a sea monster"
Díaz: "Um...it was a ninja sea monster"
Miaja: "Sure....well sir, now if you would look at the schematics of the new tank the Soviet's have given us, you can see that they are much better than the ones we currently use"
Díaz: "Not...really....it's a light tank with machine guns, I could make a better tank in my basement than this"
Miaja: "Do you have to make everything so difficult?!"
Díaz: "Well! Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed today!...And it wasn't these kids, they sleep on the floor and eat gruel"
Miaja: "Ugh....I knew I should have joined the rebels, now I see why there was civil war in the first place"
Díaz: "Fine, fine, call up those militia we finished training a couple of months ago and deploy the tanks and infantry the French and Soviet's gave us, just win this war and I'll give you the highest position in the army!"
Miaja: "I already have the highest position in the army"
Díaz: "Well umm...I'll give you this shiny penny!"
Miaja: "*sigh* Sir, if you would please come along! We have a war to win!"
Díaz: "And buttons to be dispensed!"
The two then leave in a black car to plan for the future.
Orphan #1: "Wow, those to big kids got adopted already"
Orphan #2: "That guy looked like that ninja fighting president"
Orphan #1: "The pictures made him look fatter than he actually was"
Orphan #2: "Orphan #1, do you think we'll ever get real names?"

 

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Ha ha ha! A great update, Semi-Lobster. Reminds me of Satcho's Luxemburg AAR.

 

[Semi-Lobster]

Originally posted by Frankie
Ha ha ha! A great update, Semi-Lobster. Reminds me of Satcho's Luxemburg AAR.

Wow! Being compared to Satcho! Now that's a compliment! Thanks Frankie!

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Although initially able to take Burgos, the Republican troops where driven out with utter ferocity, this defeat was a major blow as now the Nationalist Fleet in Vigo could now be supplied. Not that naval power was ever important through out the course of the war.
Sudenly Nationalist tanks from Pamplona attacked a division of Republican tanks, making it the largest tank engagement of the world at the time.
By this time Soviet and French advisors had arrived in Madrid. Along with them they brought thousands of volunteers. British, French, Belgians, Mexicans, Americans and thousands of volunteers from around the world came to aide the Republican cause. Sure, most where socialists, anarchists, communists and the extremely bored but any help was much appreciated. Also the Poles sent thousands of rifles and light weaponary which the government troops eagerly used.
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Cuena

Officer: "Private! What's going on!? Are we under attack!?"
Private: "Yes sir, it's the Nationalists! I don't know how long we can hold out!"
Officer: "Dammit! What type of gun are those damn rebels using anyway?! 40mm? 70mm?! We're screwed! Our tanks are from the Great War!"
Private: "Actually....umm.....they're light tanks"
Officer: "Armed with what?! 30mm? 40mm!?"
Private: "Well, they're machine guns"
Officer: "Oh...well then...how are we doing?"
Private: "Well...hard to tell.....I don't think anything is happening though"
Officer: "Oh....this isn't nearly as exciting as I thought it would be"
Several Days later
Officer: "So uhh...private, our lines still holding?"
Private: "Yup......umm...Hey! we found out our machines guns are having very little affect"
Officer: "Well that's obvious. So, do you think ANYTHING will happen?"
Private: "Well our machines are older, they're breaking down a lot actually"
Officer: "Well we're getting reinforcements soon, some new tanks fresh from the collpase of the Granada Front"
Private: "Yay! We're saved!...from...uhhh....what are we saved from?"
Officer: "I don't know...the ravages of a good night's rest?"
And three months later the most boring battle ever fought came to end when the Nationalist just gave up and left. This lead to an important new tactic in modern warfare. Bordem. Tankettes and light tanks would sit around fighting other armoured vhicles and nothing would happen. Whatever side had the most deck of cards, radios, and dirty magazines would by default, win. This tactic was used to deadly effectiveness by the Soviets in Leningrad who armed with only a ton of magazines, and thousands of board games fought off a Finnish asault.

EDITED!: For over use of 'ummm'!

 

[Semi-Lobster]

A new update! Yay! or Boo! Or whatever sound you want! Can I keep up two AAR's at once!? YES!!! So back to the adventures of the Spanish!

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As most major combat after the battle of Ceuna ended the Republicans where eager to capitalise on the increasing obviousness that the rebels where running out of supplies, rubber, steel, oil, coal and everything else imaginable, now they boldly went of to finish the Nationalists off.

Madrid

Díaz: "Yay! We're winning! It's so great!"
Miaja: "Yes it is sir, but I believe it would be better if you could celbrate with putting on some clothes"
Díaz: "You can't tell me what to do! I'm the president! Who do you think you are, my mother?"
Miaja: "Now, now sir, let's get too excited here, the National.....aww who am I kidding!? We're not even sending all our forces, just a cavalry division to Pamplona! They're starving over in Burgos and look at us! We're eating...umm....what exactly are we eating?"
Díaz: "Oh, it's a Korean delicacy! They call it Dog! and wonder what's that Korean for? Hey, Miaja, why do you look so pale all of a sudden?"
Miaja: "I need to use the .....well....ummm...excuse me sir"
Díaz: " I wonder why he was in such a hurry, he's missing out on some fancy food over here! I bet the rebels would do anything for a taste of this, hey they might even just give up!"

Burgos

Franco: "So, what are we eating today?"
Officer: "Dog, sir"
Franco: "Well it beats nothing"
Officer: "I wouldn't go as far to say that, these mutts aren't very nutrious"
Franco: "Where did you learn this?"
Officer: "101 Ways to Eat Man's Best Friend"
Franco: "Ohh....So, how are doing in Pamplona?"
Officer: "We lost already"
Franco: "Awww, so when are Germay and Italy going to help us out again"
Officer: "about that..."
Franco: "Well?"
Officer: "They kinda don't want to be associated with us anymore"
Franco: "What? But why?"
Officer: "They kinda think we're losers, they did give us a fruit basket as a parting gift"
Franco: "They gave us a fruit basket and I'm eating a spaniel?!"
Officer: "Well, umm...the fruit basket kinda 'dissapeared'"
Franco: "Ok, who ate the them..."
Officer: "Honestly! It really disappeared! Settle down sir! All of this yelling is not good for your blood pressure, now you sit down and eat your dog"
Franco: "Fine.....but this better be the best damn dog I've ever eaten....."

 

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two aars at once, thats crazy

 

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This lead to an important new tactic in modern warfare. Bordem.

lolololololololololoololol

 

[Semi-Lobster]

Soon it was all over, the Nationalists where finally defeated. After being chased from Vigo and Burgos the Repgublic was safe from the jaws of the Fascists. Almost everywhere people celebrated the victory of the Civil War. Even the few remaining Nationalist divisions laid down their arms and accepted defeat, many then offered to join the Republican forces.

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Madrid

Díaz: "Isn't winning great! It's much better than losing!"
Miaja: "That's right sir, but at a terrible cost"
Díaz: "Well aren't you the party pooper"
Miaja: "Poop or not, our country is scarred, and thousands of people have died"
Díaz: "Well that tends to happen in wars"
Miaja: "That's the smartest thing you've said all day"
Díaz: "Of course it is, it's 1 o'clock in the morning"
Miaja: "Well, what is to be done now?"
Díaz: "Well my aide gave me this letter he suggested I read, which is a very good suggestion as I've tried to eat it, fly it, and build a house out of it, but it wasn't really suited for any of those tasks, so I shall read it"
Miaja: "Hmmmm.....it's dated yesterday. Well open it El Presidente"
Díaz: "Ahh yes, El Presidente that sounds sooo wonderful. I think with this war behind us I can continue to be El Presidente for a very long time"
Miaja: "Probably not"
Díaz: "Excuse me Miaja, did you say something, I wasn't paying attention, this damn letter opener seems to be broken"
Miaja: "Sir that is a cup of coffee with a paper weight tied around it"
Díaz: "Must you always ruin my fun Field Marshal! Every time I come up with a good idea you shoot it down"
Miaja: "Sorry sir, I give my word as an officer to never question you as long as your remain president"
Díaz: "Good! Now that I have gotten this infernal paper contraption to open I shall read it's content!...hmm..."

Dear Mr. Díaz, your country has been couped. Sorry about that!
Sincerely, Stalin
PS. Communism is Great!

 

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Originally posted by Semi-Lobster
Dear Mr. Díaz, your country has been couped. Sorry about that!
Sincerely, Stalin
PS. Communism is Great!

lmao very funny man, i guess he won't be callled El Presidente for long

 

[Semi-Lobster]

Díaz: "What is the meaning of this Miaja!??! The Communists!?!?"
Miaja: "That's right sir, they've seized power and are backed by the Kremlin"
Díaz: "Then what am I doing?"
Miaja: "Taking up space"
Díaz: "oh....so ummm...I gues I shall be taking my leave....um....do revolutions come with severance packages?"
Ramos: "That's right! I'm in charge now comrade!"
Díaz: "Oh that's good Ramos, now can you tell me who the new President is?"
Ramos: "I am!!"
Díaz: "What you? But your a Communist!"
Miaja: "Ummm sir, remember.....the coup and everything"
Díaz: "Ohh, that thing. Well umm....hello umm....El Presidente"
Ramos: "Not Presidente comrade! Chairman....your going to say something stupid aren't you....possibly involving me being some kind of sentient chair"
Díaz: "This guy is even worse than you Miaja. Feh, as long as I still control the army, I control the country! Miaja! Escort this man out!"
Miaja: "He already controls the army"
Díaz: "I see...well I guess um...this is awkward....are you going to have me shot or something? I heard that's what communist like to do....that and free love"
Ramos: "That's right! Now if you excuse me I'm going to paint the town red! Get it!? Haha! I love these figures of speech! They are like vocal chord proleteriat smashing the oppressive, stagnate understanding of language!!!"
Miaja: "Sir....you have no idea what communism is do you?"
Ramos: "I don't know what your talking about!"
Miaja: "No, you don't"
Ramos: "............I fell right into that"
Miaja: "It was to impress girls wasn't it?"
Ramos: "...yah"
Miaja: "*sigh* Well Chairman Ramos, what do you intend to do with our war torn country now? Improve infrastructure so the ideals of Lenin or whatever can spread through the nation? Make more industry for the workers? Make Spain a better place to live?"
Ramos: "I shall declare war on Portugual!!!! Those dirty Portugese fascists where a great help to those...um....equally if not more dirty Spanish fascists!! Damn them and their poor grooming habits!!! Also I shall fortify our northern provinces! You can never trust the French! Have you ever been hit by a cold baguette, comrade Miaja? It really hurts!"
Miaja: "Why did I think these guys would be better than Díaz?"
Ramos: "Now come Miaja! I have to go work on a big scary mustache like Stalin!"
Miaja: "fine, let's go..."

And so Spain once again went to war, but rather than fighting itself, Spain was about to beat the snot out of Portugual and fortify the border against the terrifying French!

Díaz: "...................Hey....what am I supposed to do?"

 

[Alikchi]

That's great! :rofl: