Rise of Greater Britain: A Kaiserreich AAR

[The_Frozen_1]

This Is My Humble Second Attempt at an AAR. This Time I'll actually play!
This Will Be A Union of Britain AAR Using Kaiserreich. It Will Be an Attempt At Comedy, Hopefully Everyone Likes it. Here Goes.

(Phillip Snowden Is Having A Cabinet Meeting)

Snowden: Good Morning Everyone.

All: Good morning

Mosley: Why Do I Have Armaments? Snowden, Give Me Your Job! (Tries to sit in the Chairman's seat)

Snowden: Down, Boy, Down

(Mosley Sits)

Snowden: Roll Over

Mosley: Watch it, Sucka!

The Cabinet Looks Bug Eyed at Mosley

Snowden: Uhh.... Okaaay, Now That That's Over, Glias, How's Our Foreign Relations

Glias Holds Up A Diagram

Glias: This Is Us. We Are Isolated in every way. We Have No Alliances. Half The World Hates us. But The French like us! And they Send Us these great bottles of wine.

(Drinks Wine)

(Glias Spits it out)

Glias: This Tastes Like ****! Where's my earl gray, It's Noon!

Snowden: Motion To Have Midday Tea!

Horner: Seconded!

Snowden: All who agree say Aye!

All: Aye!

Hill: How Much Intelligence do we have on this so-called 'Tea'? We can't trust it until we've spied on it, collected enough Intelligence, Blown Up A few Military Installations...

(Mosley Slaps Him)

Mosley: Snap Out of it!

Hill: You Slapped Me!

Mosley: Suck it up, princess!

Hill:This Is a communist state! There Are no princesses Idiot!

(Slaps Mosley)

Mosley: Ow! Hill! I didn't slap you that hard!

Hill: No, You Slapped Me This Hard!

(Slap Mosley again, harder)

Mosley: Hill, I'll Get You For That!

Hill: You and What Army!

Crawfurd: Boys, Boys

Mosley & Hill: Shut Up!

Snowden: Children!!

Mosley: He Started It!

Wrintringham: Thank You For The Medicare!!

All: Shut Up!

Snowden: Mosley, Hill! Timeout! Now!

Mosley: One of these days hill...

Note: I Hope You Like It, Please Comment! This update is just introducing the charecters, gameplay has not actually started. This will be Normal/Normal. Sometimes also, I might ask for help, as I am a 5 year newb. So Here Goes!

Contents:
Update 1 (First Page)

 

[The_Frozen_1]

Okay, First Gameplay Update! No Comments so far!
Remember, More comments= More Updates

Snowden: Good Morning and Happy New Year Everyone!
It Is time for Our Cabinet meeting. Our First Report is from our Foreign Minister, Mr. Glias

Glias: The situation is the same, we are all alone on our island. We have lots of people that don't like us though!

Mosley: Captain Kirke seems happy!

Snowden: He's a General and be quiet Mosley

Glias: The Canadians want our land for their imperialistic porpoises!

Mosley: Its Purposes you numskull!

Glias: Whatever. The Canadians loyal munchkins...

Mosley: Minions!

Hill: Shut up and let the man speak Mosley!

Glias: The Canadian's loyal Minions Delhi, the Carribean Federation, Australasia, and the Nationalist French also hate us.

Glias:The Commune of Dance

Mosley: France, you senile fool!

Glias: Shut Up Mosley! Those peeps like us, but our peeps don't want to ally!

Snowden: Thank you Glias. Next is *Sigh* Comrade Mosley. our Armaments Minister.

Mosley: Thank you, esteemed chairman!

(Snowden facepalms)

Mosley: In a flash of genius, I started military production of invincible Union forces. We will smash the canadians!

Snowden: Thank you, Comer...

Mosley: Our Aircraft Carriers will destroy the Canadian Fleet, Our Cruisers and Battlecrusiers will, uhh, Help! Yeah, that's the ticket!

Snowden: (Slightly Louder) Thank You Comra...

Mosley: Our...

Snowden: MOSLEY!!!

Mosley: Sorry, Comrade Snowden.

Snowden: Next is Comrade Alexander with the Army report.

Alexander: Our only Army is a Headquarter and obsolete infantry. Since we are isolationist and you have no use for me, i'm going hunting.

Mosley: I'll add a few divisions to

Snowden: MOSLEY!!!

Snowden: Next is comrade Copeman with Navy

Copeman: Me Collect Boat In Port and KILL old Boats! KILL BOAT!!!

Mosley: Copeman, you're a Neanderth...

Snowden: COMRADE MOSLEY!!!!!!!!

Snowden: Next is Comrade Hill with Intelligence

Hill: There are No Spies. Anywhere. Ever

(Mosley opens his mouth but Snowden gives him the Evil eye and he shuts up)

Snowden: Thank You. Next is...

Mosley: Comrade Benn with the Air Force

Snowden: Thank you...

Benn: My Mother Has Fleas! Mosley Has Gout! Crawfurd's a Fan of WWF!

Crawfurd: I Am Not! (Hides WWF Button)

Mosley: I'm not sure I Wan to hear about the air force.

Benn: I was once constipated for a week!

Mosley: Uhh... Okay.... And I do Not Have Gout. OW MY @#!%@ TOE!

Snowden: Shut up Mosley, or I'll step on your Gout again!

Writringham: I put a Motion to ajourn! Please!

Mosley: Sec...

Snowden: ...onded!

Benn: Snowden has a Jonas Brother's Poster on his wall and Celine Dion CD's

Snowden: Who?

Wrintringham: All who agree say Aye!

All: Aye!

Mosley: Hey! I want to uhh... 'Discuss' More... Yeah, 'discuss'

All: Shut up, Mosley

Benn: Wrintringham lives with his mother!

 

[unmerged(187877)]

And now all you have to do is avoid starting a war.

...sod that, see if you can get the Union to start getting the army back up to scratch and do something different than just waiting for France to start WW2. How about getting making a few of those African nations a nice shade of red for starters?

 

[unmerged(178957)]

I just can't not laugh at the "Isolation" picture! Death to the imperialists! Long live the Union!

Crilly

 

[The_Frozen_1]

Thanks guys! And Here is a Short scene that I Shamelessly Ripped from the HOI2 Risk AAR

Aide: Comrade Alexander, a Herd of Deer! In the clearing!

Alexander: You're right!

(Aims, Fires, Misses)

Alexander: Damn. Well, I Won't Let this trophy go! (Lights Flare and throws it into the woods)

(The woods light up with the impact of Artillery shells from the British Army, Alexander and his aide are showered in Deer Meat)

Aide:...

Alexander: Lunchtime!

 

[yourworstnightm]

That was great!

 

[Asalto]

Great story!

 

[Mico94]

nice AAR,
I liked that from the German RISK
comrade Mosley taking power soon?

 

[The_Frozen_1]

I think I'll Make Sweden randomely DoW Norway. What does everyone Think?
Update Tonight where Kirke Gets some Action! Besides Deer Hunting!

 

[Milites]

The Union Jack hurts my eyes Unfold the red standard of the progressive Union of Britain! Down with imperialists, militarists and monarchists! Power to the people and the unions!

 

[The_Frozen_1]

Thank You All!
P.S. Can anyone make a flag and shield for me?

Mosley: Good Morning Everyone!

Snowden: Comrade Mosley! Thats My Line!

Benn: I...

Mosley: Don't Say it Ben

Kirke: So, Lots of random events in the world

Snowden: How did you get in my cabinet meeting?

Kirke: Uhh... Tea? (Offers Snowden Tea)

Snowden: Yes Please!! (Drinks tea in one gulp)

Kirke:

Snowden: I don't feel well

Kirke: I laced the tea with laxitives

Snowden: I need to go to the bathroom...

Mosley: In the absence of the chairman...

Kirke: Don't even think about it Mosley

(Mosley whispers something into the intercom)

Kirke: Two new infantry divisions were deployed. They will be called.... the Mosley Rulez Division???

Mosley: Because Kirke Sux!!

Benn: Mosley Dated his Sister!!!

Mosley:o

All::wacko:

Horner: You guys are too weird for me, I'm Going to France

Kirke: Uhh, We Started New Techs.

Kirke: A destroyer's finished and... Mosley!!!!

Mosley:

Benn: What does this button do?

Kirke: No, Benn! You just...

Kirke: Invaded Ireland!

Mosley: Well, more revolution...

Kirke: Well, i'll go uhh... Liberate Ireland

Kirke: That went well enough

Mosley: My Division's here too!

Kirk: *Sigh* Well, let's do this

Back at Parliment

Snowden: That was terrible! Where are Mosley and Kirke?

Horner: Ireland

Snowden: I Won't ask why... Horner, uhh, when did you get Here?

Horner: I'm your Head of state and you don't even know i'm here? Who do you think I am, Voroshilov???

Snowden: (whispers) Wrong AAR

In Ireland...

Mosley: There's Dublin! Well, This was fun while it lasted, eh Kirk?

(Mosley looks to see dublin burning with a white flag above it)

Kirke (yelling):Easy As Pie

Mosley:

Mosley:Who are you, Chuck Norris?

Kirke: How did you know?

(Kirke tears off a mask to reveal that he is, truly, Chuck Norris)

Mosley: Uhh, Okay!

Back In London

Benn: Me Press Button!

 

[History_Buff]

Like the humor. I cast a vote for invading Norway now. Time to make the Union of Britain the dominant power in the world. Also, after you take down Scandinavia, why don't you force things in starting WWII. Join the Internationale and declare war on Germany yourself, Then, you can attack from the North and seize huge amounts of territory while the French tie down the Germans in the West. Since you do not start as a member of the Internationale, you could also declare war on France if your feeling lucky or particularly strong. Hundred Years War anyone? But my favorite option after the conquest of Scandinavia would be for you to try to push to rebuild the Empire by invading Africa and possibly Asia.

 

[Asalto]

Great update.

By the way, you can download KR skins here, I think there's one for UoB included. Milites is realy great artist, he made those skins.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=IEU5T1CQ

 

[The_Frozen_1]

@asalto: good idea! I'll do that before the next update

@history buff: I really have no clue what I am going to do, but norway is next

Here is a breif scene with our heroes

Mosley and Kirke have just returned from Ireland

Kirke: Now what?

Mosley: I don't know what you're going to do, but I'm writing my novel!

Kirke:

Three Days Later

Mosley: I hate writer's block!

Kirke: Try being constapated for a
week

Mosley: You just sit there, and sit there, and nothing happens!

(Kirke nodds in agreement)

 

[The_Frozen_1]

I Just wanted my few readAARs to know that this is on hold for a month due to my grades (4 A's and 2B's and I can't go on my computer!).

 

[Mico94]

wow, you have a strict grade-PC rule then.
just don't let this die

 

[The_Frozen_1]

Just wanted to let everyone know that this is not dead, and If everything works out I should be updating in a week. But is there still interest in in the AAR? I probably will let this die if no one is reading

 

[unmerged(178957)]

I'm still here.

 

[4th Dimension]

Interested