AAR building 101 "All the cool writers have AAR in their titles"
Okay. Be advised this AAR will probably stall quite soon, and probably won't be that funny. BUT, this is my first play, AND I have a pretty screwed idea of how CK is played since my manual are Suenik, Nubia, Crovan and Knytling AAR's. So I'm bound to screw up MAGNIFICENTLY. And you will than have the opportunity to laugh at my stupidity and give me Good or Hilariously bad advice, that is going to get me into or out of trouble. In fact I'm willing to do all kind of crazy for reader approval.
Well here goes nothing:
Hi. My name is Prijezda, and I definitely didn't draw this myself. I'm not some Crovan(link) or Knytling pesant to do drawings. I've got sevants for that. But I did manly pose for this picture, and let my AWESOMNES and HANDSOMNESS infuse this picture, spawning this lightnings.
As can be seen from above I'm awesome in every regard...
What did you say?
My stewarship and Martial suck?
Guards kill this traitor!
And than find the artist that did this, and cut off his hand, for daring to insult me with insinuating that I'm less GREAT than I'm declaring. Besides Martial is for people that only know how to hit stuff, and counting Prijezdas (Yes I named the curency after myself), is boring. So I focus on important stuff. Diplomacy (telling people how great I am, and how gread it is to serve me) and Intrigue (getting people who don't agree to suffer rhino/phirana/elephant related 'accidents).
But enough about myself. Let's talk about my relam, the glorious Serbia, of whom I'm the second King (or was it third).
Here it is:
As can be seen, I have in my possesion significan chunk of Balkans, and my vasals posses provinces in the North, and one of my vasals inherited some lands in France (that inheritance definitely DID NOT have anything to do with kid who should have inherited, having an elephant related incident while wisiting a zoo.
Now let's meet some family:
My brother:
He is awesome just as I am. In fact it's rumored that he was supposed to inherit, but my father kicked the bucket too soon.
And here is the source of nearly all in relam trouble. Marko. at one time, he was supposed to inherit from Granpa, and he thus gave him relams in Walachia, but than, my granpa saw my Pa, and it was love on first stat.
Now he is the problem because, he owns most of the land in Russia. The rest is in possesion of my vasals, and allthough my capital's regiment could probably anhilate his entire army, it would be a SERIOUS pain chasing down all of his provinces.
On the other side, this AWESOME specimen of our family's ability to produce great men, is set to inherit Marko:
How can this man be the grandson of Marko, I'll never know. He also controls the lands in France. He inherited them, owning to aforementioned Zoo accident. So if he inherits Marko in time, I might as well give him a parade.
That's about it about internal stuff. Now for external.
First an overview of the world:
As can be seen (hopefully), currently only the Byzantians have the necessary manpower to chanlenge me.
Unfortunately, they have more than enough of manpower not only to chalenge me but put me into my place, because most of my supposed 37000 men is locked in my vasals, who are cretins. And 2-3K is in Russian vasals, as is 1-2.5K in France. While the Emperor on the other hand has most of the forces close at hand, AND has extensive demense, so I'm not likely to take enough of them, before he steamrolls me, or my vasals chicken out, OR couple of his thousands sneak back behind me, and lay siege to my core provinces.
Current plan is to stay still and not breathe and hopefully:
1. Marko will die and let Visarion (the Shiny one) inherit
2. Emperor will find something elese to do, like challenge the Turks, or he is going to bust my a$$
3. One of my vasals doesn't do somethin stupid
4. I don't trip and fall and break my neck, because that would be bad, not only because I'm the only one that can currently shoot lightnings in pictures, but my heir is not an adult yet.
Fat chance of those not happening.
Next update, I probably scream at somebody.
Bonus:
Where are they, the AAR-land's preemieer families:
Knytlings, who begun most of the CK MADNESS are gone. This is the last one. At least on Knut's side of the family.
Now where I'm going to get my own Knytling. All hip Kings have a Knytling of their own, but I don't.
Crovans are still on that horrible island, waiting for their mesiah, who according to the legends will "peck"?!? them
Nubia is gone but Dongolas are not. There are two remaining in one of my vasals courts. I think I'm going to
And there is also one last Gardman-Agbania
So who do I take as a cheap Knytling replacement?
Okay. Be advised this AAR will probably stall quite soon, and probably won't be that funny. BUT, this is my first play, AND I have a pretty screwed idea of how CK is played since my manual are Suenik, Nubia, Crovan and Knytling AAR's. So I'm bound to screw up MAGNIFICENTLY. And you will than have the opportunity to laugh at my stupidity and give me Good or Hilariously bad advice, that is going to get me into or out of trouble. In fact I'm willing to do all kind of crazy for reader approval.
Well here goes nothing:
Chapter 0
In which you meet me, my relam and my enemies
In which you meet me, my relam and my enemies
Hi. My name is Prijezda, and I definitely didn't draw this myself. I'm not some Crovan(link) or Knytling pesant to do drawings. I've got sevants for that. But I did manly pose for this picture, and let my AWESOMNES and HANDSOMNESS infuse this picture, spawning this lightnings.
As can be seen from above I'm awesome in every regard...
What did you say?
My stewarship and Martial suck?
Guards kill this traitor!
And than find the artist that did this, and cut off his hand, for daring to insult me with insinuating that I'm less GREAT than I'm declaring. Besides Martial is for people that only know how to hit stuff, and counting Prijezdas (Yes I named the curency after myself), is boring. So I focus on important stuff. Diplomacy (telling people how great I am, and how gread it is to serve me) and Intrigue (getting people who don't agree to suffer rhino/phirana/elephant related 'accidents).
But enough about myself. Let's talk about my relam, the glorious Serbia, of whom I'm the second King (or was it third).
Here it is:
As can be seen, I have in my possesion significan chunk of Balkans, and my vasals posses provinces in the North, and one of my vasals inherited some lands in France (that inheritance definitely DID NOT have anything to do with kid who should have inherited, having an elephant related incident while wisiting a zoo.
Now let's meet some family:
My brother:
He is awesome just as I am. In fact it's rumored that he was supposed to inherit, but my father kicked the bucket too soon.
And here is the source of nearly all in relam trouble. Marko. at one time, he was supposed to inherit from Granpa, and he thus gave him relams in Walachia, but than, my granpa saw my Pa, and it was love on first stat.
Now he is the problem because, he owns most of the land in Russia. The rest is in possesion of my vasals, and allthough my capital's regiment could probably anhilate his entire army, it would be a SERIOUS pain chasing down all of his provinces.
On the other side, this AWESOME specimen of our family's ability to produce great men, is set to inherit Marko:
How can this man be the grandson of Marko, I'll never know. He also controls the lands in France. He inherited them, owning to aforementioned Zoo accident. So if he inherits Marko in time, I might as well give him a parade.
That's about it about internal stuff. Now for external.
First an overview of the world:
As can be seen (hopefully), currently only the Byzantians have the necessary manpower to chanlenge me.
Unfortunately, they have more than enough of manpower not only to chalenge me but put me into my place, because most of my supposed 37000 men is locked in my vasals, who are cretins. And 2-3K is in Russian vasals, as is 1-2.5K in France. While the Emperor on the other hand has most of the forces close at hand, AND has extensive demense, so I'm not likely to take enough of them, before he steamrolls me, or my vasals chicken out, OR couple of his thousands sneak back behind me, and lay siege to my core provinces.
Current plan is to stay still and not breathe and hopefully:
1. Marko will die and let Visarion (the Shiny one) inherit
2. Emperor will find something elese to do, like challenge the Turks, or he is going to bust my a$$
3. One of my vasals doesn't do somethin stupid
4. I don't trip and fall and break my neck, because that would be bad, not only because I'm the only one that can currently shoot lightnings in pictures, but my heir is not an adult yet.
Fat chance of those not happening.
Next update, I probably scream at somebody.
Bonus:
Where are they, the AAR-land's preemieer families:
Knytlings, who begun most of the CK MADNESS are gone. This is the last one. At least on Knut's side of the family.
Now where I'm going to get my own Knytling. All hip Kings have a Knytling of their own, but I don't.
Crovans are still on that horrible island, waiting for their mesiah, who according to the legends will "peck"?!? them
Nubia is gone but Dongolas are not. There are two remaining in one of my vasals courts. I think I'm going to
And there is also one last Gardman-Agbania
So who do I take as a cheap Knytling replacement?