Daniel,
I only read your original post, because I have very little patience for these kinds of discussions when they are, as you say, self-evident.
The solution is a rule. I'm against them generally, I don't like arbitrary limits outside the game mechanics unless they have a very specific purpose and it is quite true that, technically, Tonio did nothing wrong in Battlefront. At the same time, however:
A. If you play in that manner, pushing wars that are not sawing back and forth but are plainly lost by one power or another, you obliterate any possibility of limited peaces. If you take frontier provinces, get into stabhitting range and stay there for a couple years and your opponent agrees to peace, one or two provinces change hands. If, however, you're forced to 100%, six or seven provinces tend to change hands. This result is bad enough, but the torrent of bitching that results is much worse.
B. Prolonged wars of this kind certainly took place in the time period, but not in the sense that the game engine defines a war. Continual conflict-with one or both sides campaigning each season-was very rare, and when it happened there was a stalemate of some kind. Refusing to give up one province year after year while a quarter of the country was occupied, the army was in shreds and enemy troops ravaged the countryside was a political impossibility.
C. The worst case scenario doesn't fuck up just your game. It fucks up everybody's game. If you're too stubborn to give up one or two provinces, either out of a simpleminded singe player mentality or, as in Tonio's case, because you feel it's "unfair" and "dishonorable," it creates a toxic affect on the game. There's back and forth bitching, a sense of futility, a wariness to start wars because a player will drag them out forever and pitch a fit, etc., etc. And when the worst does come, and it does, the results are catastrophic for balance and everybody's good time.
Take Chill 3 for example. Not a group of egomaniacs and powergamers, by any means. The most aggressive players are Dago and I, and neither one of us, in our pride or subborness, was responsible for any of the Great National Foldings that've defined that game. Moreover, heh, we have a three province rule. You'd hardly be able to tell, though. In order:
1. Nor, playing France, refuses a general white peace with England, then re-DOWs after England makes a seperate white peace and goes after his allies. France is eliminated. (this is a mild example because Nor acted, in the main, appropriately, although he ought to have accepted the first WP and was quite stubborn in refusing to)
2. Nabu, playing the OE, and despite repeated warnings by several players (myself included), chooses to yet again invade Venice, which had taken Greece (this was a 1337 scenario), despite having a grossly inferior fleet. In the course of the multiple wars they'd fought, Nab continued in the same way despite progressively steeper odds. The Ottoman Empire is eliminated.
3. Earendhil, playing Venice, declares another war on Austria to reclaim Milan and Genoa, which he had lost to Tonio. Despite much back and forth, eventually Venice was on the ropes. Its inferior morale was insurmountable, and quickly Ear found himself at -3 stab and taking hit after hit. He himself tells me, by PM, that he'd have to peace out, this because I had bankrolled Venice's various adventures, including this one, into the many thousands of ducats. I tell him it is a good idea to do so ASAP and there's nothing he can about my lost investment. He presses on, however, and on and on, until his government falls. Venice is eliminated.
4. Fnuco, playing Austria, refuses to restore Venice's provinces, despite intense English pressure, and faces an invasion. He loses Genoa and Peidmonte, but, after Earendhil declines to continue playing, makes a deal with England for the partition of Venice and the restoration of his provinces. He has, however, lost key income, troops, ducats and momentum for these years, and it comes back to haunt him. Dago, who had landed several defeats on Austria in defensive wars, DOWs and gains Ansbach and rights to Bohemia. Hungary then DOWs Austria, bringing Brandenburg along, and Dago now has a CRT advantage. In the hopes that he will be helped, Fnuco holds out against these odds until, eventually, Oz, playing Muscowy, sends a large army through Poland to help. Oz, however, is stopped at the Elbe and Fnuco, just as he is finally making peace, loses his government. All of Austrian Italy, except Genoa and Milan, had been rebel controlled. Seven years before Frundsberg, Austria is eliminated.
That's four humans destroyed. At least three of them unnecessarily because they played to the hilt.
A stabhit rule is essential in cases like Tonio's. But often times, with less skilled players or more difficult situations, it's not a simple matter of a divisive play style. You just have to be sensible. Otherwise, you make a mess of a whole four-six month campaign. For everybody.