The Asen Family

[Kamelot]

My first AAR and first post (Hurrah for me!)

This will be an AAR about the Asen-dynasty, royal family of Bulgaria. The scenario starts in 1187 and the Deus Vult-expansion pack is installed. Every update of mine will cover 5 to 10 years. Enjoy reading

Ivan Asen

Ivan Asen: The First Ten Years - Part I
Ivan Asen: The First Ten Years - Part II
Ivan Asen: The First Ten Years - Part III
Ivan Asen: The First Ten Years - Part IV
Ivan Asen: The First Ten Years - Part V
Ivan Asen: Part VI
​

 

[Veldmaarschalk]

My first AAR and first post (Hurrah for me!)

This will be an AAR about the Asen-dynasty, royal family of Bulgaria. The scenario starts in 1187 and the Deus Vult-expansion pack is installed. Every update of mine will cover 5 to 10 years. Enjoy reading

Good luck with your first AAR

I played 3 short games with the Asen's the last few days (to test things for TASS-mod) and each game was very interesting, short but interesting

 

[Kamelot]

Ivan Asen: The First Ten Years - Part I

THE FIRST 10 YEARS OF IVAN ASEN​

Well, let’s look at some facts. I’m 26, King of Bulgaria, some money and no wife. Let’s look for one. The Byzantines are having trouble of their own and I’m sure they wouldn’t want any angry Bulgarians rushing, looting and murdering themselves through their lands, so I think I’m going to “ask” the Byzantine Emperor to give his daughter Maria to me. He gladly accepts of course.

1 February 1187

The King of Serbia wants to be my ally. Well, who doesn’t want to? They’re only a small state so I guess they won’t cause me much concern.

1 March 1187

Today my glorious Bulgarians stormed into the pagan lands of Cuman and Turnu. Soon these lands will all belong to me, ME!

11 April 1187

The frequent pagan-hunting trips with the Prince of Macedonia have really made us friends. Oh, the stories I could tell! Like that one time when this big pagan came rushing for us and I slammed my axe into his stomach. He was bleeding and screaming and we were all laughing so hard.

Meh, I guess it’s one of those “you-should-have-been-there”-stories...

21 June 1187

Today the pagan lords submitted themselves before me. To celebrate, the Serbian king declared war on some more pagans and our armies rushed into the Chiefdom of Olvia.

5 July 1187

The generals saluted me and my vassals praised me as word spread of my brave behaviour on the battlefield.

Truth be told, I got scared and tried to escape through the woods but got lost and ended up in the rear lines of our enemies with my personal bodyguards. Funny thing is, nobody noticed we were on the wrong side for half an hour. Then the fact that we were holding other banners, riding horses and were wearing armour and the others were peasants with only pitchforks kind of made both sides reflect for a moment. After that moment we agreed on slaughtering each other.

Good God, I almost died out there…!

30 July 1187

Ok, ok, Serbia, let’s not get overenthousiastic…

1 December 1187

We made peace today. We annexed the pagans to the north of us and made a white peace with Crimea. Serbia is still at war with them, but that’s their problem. They started it…

Mighty Bulgaria in December 1187​

4 Februari 1188

The letter that I got from home 2 days ago already worried me a bit

"Mighty King

Good news from your homelands. The peasants are quiet, the construction of roads has been going well. Other good news is that your wife seems to have gotten rid of those nasty monthly bloodlosses after several visits to the city.

Humble regards

Your Chancellor"

When I returned home my wife told me the good news that she was pregnant. And this despite me being on a campaign for almost a year and the fact that semen can't fly (as far as I know). I'm having some doubts about the whole me-being-the-father...

20 March 1188

That filthy woman….

*mumble mumble*

But I know what I’m going to do. I'm going to change the inheritance laws so the strongest child gets it all. That way I can dump that bastard in some poor county and give my second son, who is still on my to do/to conceive list, some rich lands. Ha, that’ll show her!

6 June 1188

Turnu Pagan 1: I don't know about you, but I don't want a ruler who doesn't share my faith and who will try to convert us!
Turnu Pagan crowd: BOOOOH, DOWN WITH IVAN!
Turnu Pagan 1: I say enough is enough! We shall revolt!
Turnu Pagan crowd: YAAAAA! Revolt, revolt!
Turnu Pagan 1: We are going to pillage our province, burn down our homes and destroy our livestock. That should teach Ivan a lesson!
Turnu Pagan crowd: What?

The pagan Burghers in Turnu don’t want to be ruled by a ruler who doesn’t share their faith. Ok, let them become Orthodox then. But nooo, they had to go all emotional on me and start burning and looting their own lands. I'm sure they'll stop revolting in a few months.

Dumb pagans…

12 November 1188

I’m a father, his name is Strez. Hurrah….

Stupid cheating wife…

 

[Kamelot]

Ivan Asen: The First Ten Years - Part II

28 December 1188

Today I went to visist the king of Serbia came and I told him about the whole woman-cheating-on-me-then-getting-pregnant-and-now-my-firstborn-son-not-being-my-real-son-thing.

Serbian King:Oh, come on, chap. Cheer up. Want go bash some pagan skulls in?
Ivan Asen:Nah, not really in the mood.
Serbian King:But it will be fun, we can make little funny cups out of their skulls.
Ivan Asen:No, I'm just going to sit here in my castle.
Serbian King:And drink their blood
Ivan Asen:Excuse me?
Serbian King:While we hold a great feast celebrating their slaughter!
Ivan Asen:Oooookaaaay...
Serbian King:We shall burn their homes, take their wifes, slaughter all in our path!
Ivan Asen:Well, would you look at the time. I should be getting home.
Serbian King:And angels shall sing as we bring divine rule over them, crushing all that stand against us!
Ivan Asen:I'm just going to walk to the door, please don't try to follow me.
Serbian King:KILL KILL KILL

I wonder what's gotten into his mind, I think he doesn't really like (living) pagans.

Thanks, but no thanks. How about you go chop up some pagans alone?

11 June 1189

I can keep this up longer than you can!

18 July 1189

Nah, thanks. Don't really feel like sending my soldiers a few hunderd kilometres away to the north. But you have a good time now! Go and kill all them pagans.

29 Augustus 1189

Hey, when I told you to go kill all them pagans, I didn't mean to say that you should go declare war on all pagans you could find. Being outnumbered 10 to 1 isn't really in your advantage. But hey, have fun up north!

I need a diversion...

22 April 1990

Looks like diversion enough for me! And this time I’ll be better prepared than ever, no more nasty surprises for me! This time I got my wife pregnant before I went off to war! HA!

7 June 1990

Spy Master:My Liege, I have disturbing news for you.
Ivan Asen:Don't tell me the Serbian King send another suprise package of pagan skulls...
Spy Master:No, my Liege. Myself and people have noticed that there is a strange difference between yourself and your son.
Ivan Asen:Being?
Spy Master:Well, he doesn't really look like you or your ancestors... I think he might be a bastard son...
Ivan Asen:Noooo, reaaalllly? Well, I kind of figured that thing out myself. You know, me not being there when he was conceived. But tell me, who are those "people" you spoke about?
Spy Master:The Bulgarian people.
Ivan Asen:So you spoke about it with the Bulgarian people?
Spy Master:I had to be sure, my Liege.
Ivan Asen:So you decided to have a chat with the Bulgarian people about it?

My spymaster died of intense stomach pains today. I wonder if my sword in his belly had something to do with it.

So, not only has my wife been cheating on me while I was away on business (plundering and looting pagan lands, traditional business as you could guess), now she has also decided to become chaste. That’s just great…

 

[Kamelot]

Ivan Asen: The First Ten Years - Part III

11 June 1990

Meh, at least I got myself some new land.

28 Augustus 1190

Courtier: My Liege, grave news!
Ivan Asen: What is it?
Courtier: Beloslava has died!
Ivan Asen: Who the hell is Beloslava?
Courtier: Well, she is the daughter of...
Ivan Asen: Nah, never mind. Doesn't matter, she's dead anyways.

Beloslava something died. Didn’t even know she lived at my court…

8 December 1190

Turnu Peasant 1: We shall keep on revolting, no matter what they throw at us.
Turnu Crowd: Revolt, revolt! No matter what they throw at us!
Ivan Asen: How about we throw heavy pointy things at them?

The pike was also introduced in Turnu. First reviews of local rulers were positive, although they complained that it’s kind of hard cleaning all the pagan blood and organs off it.

20 December 1190

“And so like, my cousin from Turnu like. He like told me that rebellion was all cool like and that we should too like rebel against the Bulgarian King like, you know. Becoming a Christian ain’t like cool, you know. Let’s all like remain pagan and stuff, you know.”

Stupid treehugging, axewielding, rebelling and looting pagans in Severin.

26 March 1191

Off to Monk School with you!

29 June 1191

Popular revolt, popular revolt, … I’ll show them some popular oppression in very original ways. In completely unrelated news: boiled leather has spread in Severin.

29 Augustus 1191

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you about my family. My wife, stupid whore, gave birth to a son a few months back. At least this one is mine! I named him Simeon Asen. She also gave birth to a daughter some time ago, but I don’t remember when or what her name is or what she looks like.

30 Augustus 1191

Just goes to show that doing things yourself doesn’t always make you do things better…

 

[Kamelot]

Ivan Asen: The First Ten Years - Part IV

26 November 1192

My wife gave birth to a new child. A daughter, so that’s just a waste of effort.

6 December 1192

My other daughter, what’s-her-name, tries to draw my attention by getting pneumonia.

“That’s a nice cough you got there, honey. Why don’t you go cough a bit on mommy, see if she catches it as well.”

18 April 1193

A lustful bishop and a wife who doesn’t seem to mind cheating on me. Thanks, but no thanks.

10 July 1193

Fine, fine. I’ll just make him Bishop of Birlad, should be far away enough from my wife.

10 August 1193

My steward told me that courtier Gavril-Radmor Terter has fallen ill. I wonder who that Gavril guy is and why he is staying at my court.

24 August 1193

Evil omen? Ha, I’m sure it’s a good sign! I'm going to throw a huge party "Cometalooza" with a huge meal for everyone, nobles and peasants alike.

27 August 1193

I almost got away with it. People almost believed me when I said that the comet was actually a good sign! I was just giving my "Why The Comet Loves Us"-speech when my daughter had to ruin it all by having the comet crash on her.

28 Augustus 1193

Maybe I should tell them that my daughter got rid of her disease in an original way and that the comet thus was actually a good thing?

27 October 1193

Turnu is still revolting. I’ll just act like I don’t notice the smell of burning strongholds, towns and people. As long as we got enough rope, there should be no problem at all.

6 December 1193

That Gavril-Radmor, I call him G.R. (he hates it), thinks praying will heal him. Ha!

26 December 1193

It worked? Well, I’ll be damned… This guy is truly blessed by God. Maybe I should kill him.

22 February 1194

They will run out of people before we run out of ropes!

 

[Kamelot]

Ivan Asen: The First Ten Years - Part V

23 May 1194

If the Bulgarians could speak Greek, this would certainly have become a popular poem.

29 July 1194

Some representatives of peasants came to my court and demanded that no one be born into serfdom. They demanded equal rights and a fair rule over all Bulgarians, regardless of birth. They had a long list of demands about respect for peasants and against the use of extreme violent measures against the peasantry. For three hours they kept on talking and nagging and nagging some more.

I had them thrown in the cesspits.

6 August 1194

Me and that cheating wife of me were having a talk about celibacy. She told me it appealed to her. Then we both laughed really hard.

Stupid whore.

31 January 1195

That bastard in my court is getting on my nerves, but I got a nice way to get rid of him!

1 February 1195

Step one: find a weak kingdom and claim king-title

16 April 1195

Step two: declare war on that weak kingdom

1 July 1195

Step three: conquer weak kingdom and make your 7-year old bastard-son King of it. Problem solved!

24 September 1195

During this war, Turnu and Severin just kept on revolting and we just kept on hanging more traitors. But now my main province is also revolting. The revolters apparently shouted something about respect and not throwing representatives into cesspits. Fine by me, I’ll just impale them next time.

13 March 1197

I send some messengers to Bosnia to form an alliance now that the one with Serbia has expired. Great was my surprise when the letter in which they accepted it was signed with “Stefan” instead of Strez Asen. Greater was my surprise when Strez was also among the diplomats who returned. Apparently the old king of Bosnia managed to get back in power somehow.

 

[Kamelot]

Continues tomorrow or the day afterwards

 

[stnylan]

Good start. Can be an interesting region to play in indeed

And welcome to both the forums and AAR writing. Remember, have fun

 

[Slinky]

I like Bulgaria and I like your writing. I'll definitely be following. Good luck

 

[Lord Valentine]

A realy nice AAR! I will be following this. *subscribes*
Looks like poor Ivan is truly cursed with his family. Now who does that remind me of? Perhaps some Scandinavian dude with the initals K.K.?

~Lord Valentine~

 

[Kamelot]

18 March 1197

Ivan Asen: So, boy, what do you want to study now that you are 7?
Bastard Son: Well, daddy,...
Ivan Asen: Don't call me that.
Bastard Son: I want to study diplomatic texts, or maybe some monastic studies and study theological works
Ivan Asen: Allright then, off to the army it is!

23 April 1198

"So the knife is for cutting your meat and not for stabbing random servants?"

13 June 1199

Bishop: If you wish to go to heaven, then you shall allow the clergy the right to collect extra tithes on free peasants!
Ivan Asen: Excuse me?
Bishop: You heard me well, I demand, in the name of God Himself, that you allow us to collect extra tithes!
Ivan Asen: Well, let's talk things over. Now, let's look at the peasants. Take a peek out of that window. Now, do you wish to collect extra tithes on those already poor peasants?
Bishop:*takes a look out of the window* Well, of course I do, that's why I'm here for.
Ivan Asen: Maybe you need a closer look.

Peasant 1: So, what do we got today?
Peasant 2: Three servants and a bishop. The last one made a nice dive, real classy.
Peasant 1: Well, he was a bishop after all.

29 November 1199

During the traditional boozefest after every councilmeeting

Ivan Asen: I bet you twenty gold I can shoot an apple off your head with my bow!
Spymaster: You're on!

We all agreed on calling it suicide.

15 February 1200 and 4 March 1200

Stupid wife, two can play that game!

29 March 1200

Burgher representative: And that concludes our reason why burghers deserve as much respect as nobles and why we should be appointed to your council as well.
Guard: My Lord, they're done. You can wake up now...
Ivan Asen: Hmmm? Oh yeah. Are you still here? Well, now, you are giving me quite a dilemma.
Burgher representative: We are sure you will take a wise decision.
Ivan Asen: I know, but it's hard. Will I have you beheaded or just quartered?
Burgher representative: *turns pale* Excuse me, my Lord?
Ivan Asen: Hahaha, naaah, I'm just kidding with you. I'm no barbarian.
Burgher representative: *Phew*
Ivan Asen: Into the cesspits with them!

18 July 1200

My wife gave birth to another son.

22 July 1200

The nobles demand hunting rights on church lands. I decided not to grant them, the clergy is still a tad upset about a certain bishop who apparently fell out of my window.

24 July 1200

Ivan Asen: Now, what do you want for your birthday, son?
Samuil Asen: I wanna be king too!
Ivan Asen: You heard the boy, off to war!

 

[stnylan]

Very good. Some nice humour here.