I read the first several pages of your story before jumping to the end. Looking good! You have definitely captured the..chaos..of medieval politicking.
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Snugglie said:By now, it is almost too obvious that it was her.Seems like poor Baldwin was right all along.
Yes, Baldwin was right...but only in the sense that it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. If Baldwin hadn't jailed Annelies and banished William, odds are everyone could have lived happily ever after. Stupid butterfly. ;c)
As for it being too obvious that it was her...true. ;c) It was always too obvious that it was going to be her, which is why I tried to mislead with both Matilda and, briefly, Gulsum. Gulsum, in Arabic, even says "I killed them all, you think I would not kill you too?"
This is a reference to the curse she put on any man who would touch her, only to have all the pirates die. I originally intended to go into more detail on this, as they had all developed a disease that would be an early precursos to the plague...which Gulsum would take credit for.
This was going to be a major storyline for chapter two: William would rape Gulsum, creating the bastard Guy, but would get syphilis from the encounter and die. Matilda's brother Geoffrey would inherit the county, but would declare independence from King Phillipe Capet. Geoffrey and King Phillipe would kill each other in battle, but France would get Guines back, banishing the family.
Matilda would go before the King of England and ask him to free Guines so she could rule the land that both her husband and brother had died for, but would be turned down. So she would instead go to a relative of the King...fourth or fifth in line...and offer to make him King in exchange for him putting her in charge of Guines. He would agree, and Matilda would set about assassinating various characters in the way to the throne, including children. So Matilda would turn out to be ANOTHER "She'll kill them all."
Matilda's liege's wife is assassinated in return for all of Matilda's assassinations, and the liege marries his cousin, because she is the only one capable of otherwise producing a different heir to the throne under the current law. But the liege ends up dying before the King, so that cousin marries someone else...and suddenly produces another four or five heirs in front of the dead liege's son, all of whom have to be killed.
In a morbidly-comical scene, the cousin ends up dying in childbirth, just moments before the King dies as well. If the King had died first, and the cousin had produced a son, Matilda's new liege would never have become King.
But the new King is true to his father's word, conquers Guines, and appoints Matilda as countess...later, Duchess. When she eventually dies of old age around 70 or so, Guy (the bastard son of William and Gulsum)...through a wild amount of game-rigging...becomes the new Duke and Count of Guines.
He dies without producing any sons, so the county passes to his daughter’s son…who promptly loses Guines to France again and flees to his father’s county in England.
But the plague hits England hard, and lots of people die…hinted to be an offshoot of Gulsum’s curse, making her the THIRD “She’ll Kill Them All.” Through the tons of deaths that destroy England, Guy’s grandson manages to become King.
But while all of that would have made an awesome second or third chapter, there were huge gaps where nothing happened, and the bloodline eventually died off entirely without further excitement, and no obvious heir (beyond a country cousin.)
So…I went back and replayed from the moment William arrives in Guines.
And had an even more interesting story occur.
And THAT’s the Chapter Two: Sons of Our Fathers that will be revealed here!
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You write casually about what might have been, but it's an awesome story. Your promise, that the real chapter two will be better, looks too good to be true.
But I am really curious about what happened in the future while everyone was busy slaughtering each other.
But I am really curious about what happened in the future while everyone was busy slaughtering each other.
What's moving in your mind that makes you spit out these awesome storylines as if they were used chewing tobacco? Seriously, now I'm even more eager to follow, because if it is more awesome than what you described, it has to be... well, awesome.
Seriously, now I'm even more eager to follow, because if it is more awesome than what you described, it has to be... well, awesome.
Annelies! You KILLED THEM ALL!
I must admit I did suspect her at first, but then fell for your distracting measures like a dupe following Turkish Delight!
So...onwards to the future? What happens to Gulsum? What has changed in the world now that picardian counts are known to die like flies? Will we hear more from Juvenal Quentis? What new phrase will enter my vocabulary as a result of this AAR?
The waiting will drive me mad!
...drip...
...drip...
...drip...
DON'T YOU SEE?!, SHE KILLED THEM ALL!
...drip...
...drip...
...drip...
TheExecuter
I must admit I did suspect her at first, but then fell for your distracting measures like a dupe following Turkish Delight!
So...onwards to the future? What happens to Gulsum? What has changed in the world now that picardian counts are known to die like flies? Will we hear more from Juvenal Quentis? What new phrase will enter my vocabulary as a result of this AAR?
The waiting will drive me mad!
...drip...
...drip...
...drip...
DON'T YOU SEE?!, SHE KILLED THEM ALL!
...drip...
...drip...
...drip...
TheExecuter
To be honest, maybe that chapter two is better than the one that I chose, in the terms of story alone. But the problem was that the family pretty much died off, and once Matilda became Countess and then Duchess, I couldn't play as her, so I would've either have had to make up about 40 years worth of story for her out of the blue, or just completely ignore my favorite character thus far. ;c) The "actual" chapter two, however, keeps the family alive with far more interesting new characters, keeps the tragedy going strong, and...most important to me...stays true to the few characters who are still alive.
Plus, now that we've revealed that it was Annelies who killed them all, I'm not comfortable with the idea of Matilda murdering scores of babies just so she can become a countess. Annelies would do it, but not Matilda.
We will hear more from Juvenal. I do have two awesome Juvenal scenes in my head, but they won't be any time soon. In the meantime, I'm really not sure what to do with him.
Actually...I think I just came up with something!
BTW, I realize I have been writing "about" the story for the last couple days, rather than writing "the" story.
I'm still trying to figure out where the heck I can fit Snugglie into the story.
The temptation to make him Slinky's pet cat is just overwhelming.
Plus, now that we've revealed that it was Annelies who killed them all, I'm not comfortable with the idea of Matilda murdering scores of babies just so she can become a countess. Annelies would do it, but not Matilda.
We will hear more from Juvenal. I do have two awesome Juvenal scenes in my head, but they won't be any time soon. In the meantime, I'm really not sure what to do with him.
Actually...I think I just came up with something!
BTW, I realize I have been writing "about" the story for the last couple days, rather than writing "the" story.
I'm still trying to figure out where the heck I can fit Snugglie into the story.
The temptation to make him Slinky's pet cat is just overwhelming.
I have no problem with thatActinguy said:I'm still trying to figure out where the heck I can fit Snugglie into the story.
The temptation to make him Slinky's pet cat is just overwhelming.
Better make it a very prominent, and damned evil cat then.Actinguy said:The temptation to make him Slinky's pet cat is just overwhelming.
I just read through all of this over the past few days, and I must say...
Amazing!!!
Excellent writing, by both you Actinguy and Slinky, I can't wait for more.
Amazing!!!
Excellent writing, by both you Actinguy and Slinky, I can't wait for more.
2014 - Los Angeles, California
Michael Slinkayama's consciousness snapped awake, even as his eyes did not.
Staying perfectly still, pretending that he remained asleep, Slinkayama sensed the invasion of his room before there was any evidence. From the scent alone, he correctly identified his attacker...and by the time the floorboard creaked beneath the unwelcome guest’s feet, Michael was ready for action.
He rolled to the side and sprung from his bed just as the attacker struck. The man’s strike connected harmlessly with a pillow, followed immediately by Michael’s foot connecting not-so-harmlessly with the man’s head.
A series of chops and kicks, parries and counters, and then it was over.
The man lay on the floor, unable to breathe, as Michael tightened his choke hold. After all, Michael needed no information from him…they already knew each other.
The man’s name was Donny Snugle.
And he was a Trained Assassin.
Michael Slinkayama's consciousness snapped awake, even as his eyes did not.
Staying perfectly still, pretending that he remained asleep, Slinkayama sensed the invasion of his room before there was any evidence. From the scent alone, he correctly identified his attacker...and by the time the floorboard creaked beneath the unwelcome guest’s feet, Michael was ready for action.
He rolled to the side and sprung from his bed just as the attacker struck. The man’s strike connected harmlessly with a pillow, followed immediately by Michael’s foot connecting not-so-harmlessly with the man’s head.
A series of chops and kicks, parries and counters, and then it was over.
The man lay on the floor, unable to breathe, as Michael tightened his choke hold. After all, Michael needed no information from him…they already knew each other.
The man’s name was Donny Snugle.
And he was a Trained Assassin.
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Welcome to the future!
And, introducing Michael "Slinky Bear" Slinkayama, and Donny "Snugglie" Snugle!
:rofl:
And, introducing Michael "Slinky Bear" Slinkayama, and Donny "Snugglie" Snugle!
:rofl:
It looks like Snugglie's appearance in this AAR will be rather short
The update suggests I am a trained fighter. Perhaps I am also a trained assassin
The update suggests I am a trained fighter. Perhaps I am also a trained assassin
You introduce me and decide to kill me more or less immediately?
But AHA! Nothing in this AAR is ever as it seems to be, so I might very well get away alive!
But AHA! Nothing in this AAR is ever as it seems to be, so I might very well get away alive!
Thanks for the great read. You've given me new desire to get my CK AAR off the ground. Now I just need a burst of time...
2014 - Los Angeles California
“Say it.”
Donny Snugle shook his head violently, as his face experimented with new color palettes.
“Say it!” Michael shouted, tightening the choke hold even further.
Finally, the trained assassin tapped out, gasping for air as Michael let up on the hold.
“Say it!”
“Fine, fine,” Donny said between gasps. “Michael Slinkayama is…a little bitch.”
“Wrong,” replied Michael as he tightened the hold once again, until Donny finally tapped out for good this time.
“Alright! Alright. Michael Slinkayama is the most greatest kung-fu master in the world.”
“That’s better,” said Michael, as he helped his roommate…Donny Snugle, lead drummer of the Trained Assassins…to his feet.
“And he’s a little bitch.”
“That’s it!” Michael made a grab at Donny’s shirt, but the drummer slipped through his hands and took off down the hallway. Michael chased him down the stairs, through a living room, and to the front door as Donny took off into the yard…when he heard the sound of crashing glass behind him.
Michael stopped dead in his tracks, hissing Donny’s name, but his roommate was already gone. Creeping slowly across the carpet, ready to defend himself from a real attacker this time, he made his way to the kitchen…
…and watched as a large black man, in full medieval armor, reached through the broken glass on the back door and let himself in.
“Slink…” the man gasped when he spotted Michael in the archway.
And then Juvenal Quentis collapsed on the kitchen floor, blood spilling from his neck.
"Uh...Mike?"
Michael pivotted,and spotted Donny standing at the front door...handcuffed, and sandwiched between two police offers.
"Little help?"
“Say it.”
Donny Snugle shook his head violently, as his face experimented with new color palettes.
“Say it!” Michael shouted, tightening the choke hold even further.
Finally, the trained assassin tapped out, gasping for air as Michael let up on the hold.
“Say it!”
“Fine, fine,” Donny said between gasps. “Michael Slinkayama is…a little bitch.”
“Wrong,” replied Michael as he tightened the hold once again, until Donny finally tapped out for good this time.
“Alright! Alright. Michael Slinkayama is the most greatest kung-fu master in the world.”
“That’s better,” said Michael, as he helped his roommate…Donny Snugle, lead drummer of the Trained Assassins…to his feet.
“And he’s a little bitch.”
“That’s it!” Michael made a grab at Donny’s shirt, but the drummer slipped through his hands and took off down the hallway. Michael chased him down the stairs, through a living room, and to the front door as Donny took off into the yard…when he heard the sound of crashing glass behind him.
Michael stopped dead in his tracks, hissing Donny’s name, but his roommate was already gone. Creeping slowly across the carpet, ready to defend himself from a real attacker this time, he made his way to the kitchen…
…and watched as a large black man, in full medieval armor, reached through the broken glass on the back door and let himself in.
“Slink…” the man gasped when he spotted Michael in the archway.
And then Juvenal Quentis collapsed on the kitchen floor, blood spilling from his neck.
"Uh...Mike?"
Michael pivotted,and spotted Donny standing at the front door...handcuffed, and sandwiched between two police offers.
"Little help?"
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Wait, so I am a kung-fu master in a rockband!
This AAR is getting better by the minute
It will be interesting to see how the police officers will react to the bleeding knight in the kitchen
This AAR is getting better by the minute
It will be interesting to see how the police officers will react to the bleeding knight in the kitchen