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...It is early morning and bright sunlight shines throuh the half open window in Hitlers office, the men are just beginning to wake up...
Raeder: Argh my head, why have i got a tank stuck to my face.
Hitler: Morning all, Raeder get that tank off your face immediately, it's government property.
Goering: This is a lovely day.
Hitler: Where are Kluge and Guderian?
Himmler: They probably went back to their headquaters to find out the status of the front.
Hitler: Cheeky sods, without even asying goodbye. Oh well.
Goering: Who's up for a spot of breakfast.
Raeder: You, a spot of breakfast, more like a landfill.
Hitler: Even though Herman here might send the Main Street Breakfast Bar out of business I think he is right.
Ribbentrop: That is a first. Shall we?
...40 minutes later and the group are wandering up a small side street, Hitler is furiously red and turning a map round...
Hitler: I could swear it was just down the road-
Himmler: If you would just let me-
Hitler: Maybe up this road, no we've already been down there-
Himmler: The ma-
Hitler: Listen Heinrich, I am trying to get us out of this mess and you are just disturbing me.
Himmler: THE MAP!
Hiler: What about the stinking map.
Himmler: You have it upside down.
Hitler: Err, well done, it was an exercise to see how perceptive my staff arel, shame on the rest of you.
Raeder: If I knew it was a contest I would have pointed it out a while ago.
Goering: I have it, fried eggs, croissants, THIS WAY.
Hitler: How does he do that.
Ribbentrop: It takes years of cramming every avaliable food down your throat.
...When all of the staff had sat down in the Main Steet Breakfast Bar a waiter appeared...
Waiter: How good to have your custom again Mr Hitler. Please take these complimentary chocolates.
Goering: Mmm, complimentary chocolates.
Hitler: What is everybody having then, waiter some menus please?
Waiter: Ah no, it is buffet.
Raeder: Race you to the cakes.
Ribbentrop: Look at Goering go, he can move when he wants to.
Hitler: Are you not having anything Ribbentrop?
Ribbentrop: I had small wafer bar early this morning and the compliementary chocolate, I'm watching my figure.
Raeder: Because nobody else will.
Hitler: Back from the buffet then Raeder?
Raeder: Yea, Herman is clearing the place out.
Hitler: I'm off to get some food.
Himmler: As am I.
Goering: These fools, couldn't cook a fried egg if they cracked an egg in the sun.
Raeder: Mmm, whatever, these cakes are nice aren't they.
Goering: I don't taste the food I just shovel it in.
Raeder: Why? WHY!
Goering: So I don't miss a piece.
Hitler: They seem to have run out of food.
Goering: Gulp, bagel?
Himmler: WHAT!
...Goering was saved by the sudden entrance of Guderian and Kluge...
Kluge: My Fuhrer, we have won.
Hitler: Really, pull up a chair take the weight off your feet.
Himmler: What is wrong with Heinz?
Guderian: I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
...Guderian rushed out of the cafe slamming the door as he went...
Kluge: Leave him, he lost 3 panzer divisions.
Hitler: How many has he got left?
Kluge: None.
Hitler: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Raeder: Argh my head, why have i got a tank stuck to my face.
Hitler: Morning all, Raeder get that tank off your face immediately, it's government property.
Goering: This is a lovely day.
Hitler: Where are Kluge and Guderian?
Himmler: They probably went back to their headquaters to find out the status of the front.
Hitler: Cheeky sods, without even asying goodbye. Oh well.
Goering: Who's up for a spot of breakfast.
Raeder: You, a spot of breakfast, more like a landfill.
Hitler: Even though Herman here might send the Main Street Breakfast Bar out of business I think he is right.
Ribbentrop: That is a first. Shall we?
...40 minutes later and the group are wandering up a small side street, Hitler is furiously red and turning a map round...
Hitler: I could swear it was just down the road-
Himmler: If you would just let me-
Hitler: Maybe up this road, no we've already been down there-
Himmler: The ma-
Hitler: Listen Heinrich, I am trying to get us out of this mess and you are just disturbing me.
Himmler: THE MAP!
Hiler: What about the stinking map.
Himmler: You have it upside down.
Hitler: Err, well done, it was an exercise to see how perceptive my staff arel, shame on the rest of you.
Raeder: If I knew it was a contest I would have pointed it out a while ago.
Goering: I have it, fried eggs, croissants, THIS WAY.
Hitler: How does he do that.
Ribbentrop: It takes years of cramming every avaliable food down your throat.
...When all of the staff had sat down in the Main Steet Breakfast Bar a waiter appeared...
Waiter: How good to have your custom again Mr Hitler. Please take these complimentary chocolates.
Goering: Mmm, complimentary chocolates.
Hitler: What is everybody having then, waiter some menus please?
Waiter: Ah no, it is buffet.
Raeder: Race you to the cakes.
Ribbentrop: Look at Goering go, he can move when he wants to.
Hitler: Are you not having anything Ribbentrop?
Ribbentrop: I had small wafer bar early this morning and the compliementary chocolate, I'm watching my figure.
Raeder: Because nobody else will.
Hitler: Back from the buffet then Raeder?
Raeder: Yea, Herman is clearing the place out.
Hitler: I'm off to get some food.
Himmler: As am I.
Goering: These fools, couldn't cook a fried egg if they cracked an egg in the sun.
Raeder: Mmm, whatever, these cakes are nice aren't they.
Goering: I don't taste the food I just shovel it in.
Raeder: Why? WHY!
Goering: So I don't miss a piece.
Hitler: They seem to have run out of food.
Goering: Gulp, bagel?
Himmler: WHAT!
...Goering was saved by the sudden entrance of Guderian and Kluge...
Kluge: My Fuhrer, we have won.
Hitler: Really, pull up a chair take the weight off your feet.
Himmler: What is wrong with Heinz?
Guderian: I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
...Guderian rushed out of the cafe slamming the door as he went...
Kluge: Leave him, he lost 3 panzer divisions.
Hitler: How many has he got left?
Kluge: None.
Hitler: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
...The world had been treated to a new deadly kind of warfare, blitzkreig. Poland's quick collapse had been celebrated across Germany and across the world because nobody really got on with the Poles anyhow, to demonstrate the worlds tolerance of Germany here is a snippet of a meeting between Stanley Baldwin and Adolf Hitler...
Hitler: Sorry about the Poles.
Baldwin: The what now?
...To further Germany's status as a superpower Hitler secured the 1936 olympic games which were held in Berlin. This was their chance to show how understanding and nice German people could be...
Stadium Announcer: Hello and welcome to the 1936 Berlin Olympic Games and this is your host Von Crappen. For all you unfortunates who could not secure tickets I will be presenting it on the wireless. All are welcome here-
...Meanwhile at the door...
Guard: Sorry you can't come in.
Man: Why not?
Guard: Skinhead, read the sign.
Man: Damn you, you'll regret this someday.
Guard: Why are you talking to that sign?
Man: I'm talking to Hitler.
Guard: That is a sign for orange juice, can you read?
Man: Eh...
Guard: I thought not, move along, did you not see the 'no illiterates' sign.
Man: Can't read.
Guard: But it's a picture of a bald man scratching his head with a red line through it.
Man: I thought it was advertising wigs.
Guard: Get lost before I call the guards.
Man: But you are the guards.
Guard: No I'm a pretend guard, look this isn't even a real gun.
Man: Well, what would happen if a group of skinheads ran in.
Guard: I'd shoot them.
Man: What, with a fake gun?
Guard: No with this you idiot.
Man: Oh, nice Luger.
Guard: Thanks, it is my personal weapon.
Man: SO, I'll just be going then.
Guard: The other way.
...In the top box proceedings were getting heated with the leaders of the world and their aides as everybody awaited the opening ceremony...
Stalin: Oi Hitler.
Chamberlain: Are you talking to me?
Stalin: Uh, sorry, it's the moustache.
Chamberlain: No problem, happens all the time.
Stalin: So what do you do.
Chamberlain: Erm, not really sure, going to be Prime Minister soon though.
Stalin: Really? Sounds cushy. Do you know where Hitler is?
Chamberlain: Over there by the pool table.
Stalin: Thanks.
Hitler: Ha, another world leader bows down to me at the table. Bring it on baby!
Mussolini: Bloody Germans...
Stalin: Move it Benito, I've got beef with Hitler.
Hitler: Move along Roosevelt, you have been beaten.
Stalin: So the famous Adol Hitler, we finally come face to face.
Hitler: What are you talking about, remember that vacation we took to America?
Stalin: Nope.
Hitler: Herman came with us, do you not remember.
Goering: What about when you got caught shoplifting.
Hitler: And they took you to the police station.
Goering: And it, caught on fire?
Stalin: ....
Hitler: You don't remember any of it?
Goering: They had to airlift you to safety?
Hitler: In the plane?
Goering: When you fell out?
Stalin: ....
Hitler: Do you not remember any of that? You were wearing your blue jumper.
Stalin: AH yes, our holiday to America, such fun we had.
Hitler: Indeed, want a game of pool?
Stalin: Why not?
Hitler: I go first, here we go...
Stalin: Ah my eye, you fool.
Hitler: Ooops, who left that succulent strawberry on the pool table, I have fired it into Stalins eye.
Goering: Sorry. It was I.
Hitler: Nice work. HOW COULD YOU!
Baldwin: Quick the ceremony is beginning.
Hitler: Where am I meant to be right now?
Goering: The podium?
...In the stadium the greatest athlete in the world is running with the olympic flame to the podium where Adolf Hitler is waiting...
Von Crappen: Ah, look at this fine example of athleticism by one of the worlds greatest athletes and a shining example of German Aryan superiority, I kid I kid. He's past the Spanish camp, some fighting there between themselves, will they ever learn? Past the Brits, the Russians, the Yanks, he's past everyone, up the stairs and, oh he's gone the wrong way now that is unfortunate for the young athlete. Back down the stairs, what is he doing now, over a hurdle and another and oh dear he's tripped and fallen into the water. The flame has gone out, it is out, oh no it's back again, good quick reactions by the staff there. He has exactly 13 seconds to get to the podium before the fireworks and the orchestra goes off is he going to ma- I do not believe it, he's taking a shortcut across the green in the middle, come on 5, 4, past the shot put 3, 2, there he goes with the olympic flames, 1 Our great fuhrer holds it up and the fireworks and orchestra blow into full swing. How professional is that ladies and gentlemen, the crowd are going wild. This is a great day for Germany. Muhahahahaha.
Hitler: Sorry about the Poles.
Baldwin: The what now?
...To further Germany's status as a superpower Hitler secured the 1936 olympic games which were held in Berlin. This was their chance to show how understanding and nice German people could be...
Stadium Announcer: Hello and welcome to the 1936 Berlin Olympic Games and this is your host Von Crappen. For all you unfortunates who could not secure tickets I will be presenting it on the wireless. All are welcome here-
...Meanwhile at the door...
Guard: Sorry you can't come in.
Man: Why not?
Guard: Skinhead, read the sign.
Man: Damn you, you'll regret this someday.
Guard: Why are you talking to that sign?
Man: I'm talking to Hitler.
Guard: That is a sign for orange juice, can you read?
Man: Eh...
Guard: I thought not, move along, did you not see the 'no illiterates' sign.
Man: Can't read.
Guard: But it's a picture of a bald man scratching his head with a red line through it.
Man: I thought it was advertising wigs.
Guard: Get lost before I call the guards.
Man: But you are the guards.
Guard: No I'm a pretend guard, look this isn't even a real gun.
Man: Well, what would happen if a group of skinheads ran in.
Guard: I'd shoot them.
Man: What, with a fake gun?
Guard: No with this you idiot.
Man: Oh, nice Luger.
Guard: Thanks, it is my personal weapon.
Man: SO, I'll just be going then.
Guard: The other way.
...In the top box proceedings were getting heated with the leaders of the world and their aides as everybody awaited the opening ceremony...
Stalin: Oi Hitler.
Chamberlain: Are you talking to me?
Stalin: Uh, sorry, it's the moustache.
Chamberlain: No problem, happens all the time.
Stalin: So what do you do.
Chamberlain: Erm, not really sure, going to be Prime Minister soon though.
Stalin: Really? Sounds cushy. Do you know where Hitler is?
Chamberlain: Over there by the pool table.
Stalin: Thanks.
Hitler: Ha, another world leader bows down to me at the table. Bring it on baby!
Mussolini: Bloody Germans...
Stalin: Move it Benito, I've got beef with Hitler.
Hitler: Move along Roosevelt, you have been beaten.
Stalin: So the famous Adol Hitler, we finally come face to face.
Hitler: What are you talking about, remember that vacation we took to America?
Stalin: Nope.
Hitler: Herman came with us, do you not remember.
Goering: What about when you got caught shoplifting.
Hitler: And they took you to the police station.
Goering: And it, caught on fire?
Stalin: ....
Hitler: You don't remember any of it?
Goering: They had to airlift you to safety?
Hitler: In the plane?
Goering: When you fell out?
Stalin: ....
Hitler: Do you not remember any of that? You were wearing your blue jumper.
Stalin: AH yes, our holiday to America, such fun we had.
Hitler: Indeed, want a game of pool?
Stalin: Why not?
Hitler: I go first, here we go...
Stalin: Ah my eye, you fool.
Hitler: Ooops, who left that succulent strawberry on the pool table, I have fired it into Stalins eye.
Goering: Sorry. It was I.
Hitler: Nice work. HOW COULD YOU!
Baldwin: Quick the ceremony is beginning.
Hitler: Where am I meant to be right now?
Goering: The podium?
...In the stadium the greatest athlete in the world is running with the olympic flame to the podium where Adolf Hitler is waiting...
Von Crappen: Ah, look at this fine example of athleticism by one of the worlds greatest athletes and a shining example of German Aryan superiority, I kid I kid. He's past the Spanish camp, some fighting there between themselves, will they ever learn? Past the Brits, the Russians, the Yanks, he's past everyone, up the stairs and, oh he's gone the wrong way now that is unfortunate for the young athlete. Back down the stairs, what is he doing now, over a hurdle and another and oh dear he's tripped and fallen into the water. The flame has gone out, it is out, oh no it's back again, good quick reactions by the staff there. He has exactly 13 seconds to get to the podium before the fireworks and the orchestra goes off is he going to ma- I do not believe it, he's taking a shortcut across the green in the middle, come on 5, 4, past the shot put 3, 2, there he goes with the olympic flames, 1 Our great fuhrer holds it up and the fireworks and orchestra blow into full swing. How professional is that ladies and gentlemen, the crowd are going wild. This is a great day for Germany. Muhahahahaha.
Sultan of Swing you are an actual legend! Thanks for recommending my AAR in the bAAR 
nice work. How you all liking this so far? Any recommendations.
nice work. How you all liking this so far? Any recommendations.
...A huge party is in full swing in Hitlers office, the whole gang is there including a lot of Aryan women and other SS troopers...
Hitler: Ah, nothing like a party.
Ribbentrop: Too true, more Austrian beer?
Hitler: Please, look at Raeder strut his funky stuff.
...A circle had formed around Raeder and he was break dancing...
Kluge: Oh yea oh yea, he's my buddy.
Guderian: Poser, I could dance better than that.
Raeder: Oh yea? Please ladies I'm married.
Kluge: No you're not.
Raeder: Oh yea, WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO.
Kluge: Raeder, they are the ladies, ah who cares.
Guderian: Disgrace, I'm leaving.
Kluge: Why you party pooper?
Guderian: In case you didn't notice there is a war on, I might be shipped off to the front.
Kluge: What war?
Guderian: Oh you were away that day, Adolf was annoyed. You are meant to get your mum to ring up or write a note if you are going to be ill.
Kluge: But my mum's dead.
Guderian: That's unfortunate, really is.
Kluge: Eh, so where are you going now?
Guderian: Staff HQ, need to draw up maps of the Iberian Peninsula.
Kluge: Iberia? I didn't think the Russians would DoW us this early?
Guderian: Not Siberia, Iberia. Spain.
Kluge: Let me guess, civil war?
Guderian: Yep.
Kluge: Again?
Guderian: Yep. I'm off now, bye.
Kluge: Have fun at Staff HQ.
Hitler: Hi Kluge.
Kluge: Heya, great party.
Hitler: Thanks. Your present was real nice.
Kluge: Well, I do know what my fuhrer likes.
Hitler: Thank you, those fluffy handcuffs came in handy.
Aide: Mr Hitler, your esteemed colleguae and friend Goering is on the phone.
Hitler: Cheers, hey Herman, what on a plane......yea I know it is your holidays but.....well yea i know it is but.........no lesbos is just a name it doesn't mean it is full of lesbians......well why are you going there then.......true true...bring me something back......bye.
------------------------
sorry for the short update but i got block, can;t think of anything to write, please dont let this die, i really want to finish this!
Hitler: Ah, nothing like a party.
Ribbentrop: Too true, more Austrian beer?
Hitler: Please, look at Raeder strut his funky stuff.
...A circle had formed around Raeder and he was break dancing...
Kluge: Oh yea oh yea, he's my buddy.
Guderian: Poser, I could dance better than that.
Raeder: Oh yea? Please ladies I'm married.
Kluge: No you're not.
Raeder: Oh yea, WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO.
Kluge: Raeder, they are the ladies, ah who cares.
Guderian: Disgrace, I'm leaving.
Kluge: Why you party pooper?
Guderian: In case you didn't notice there is a war on, I might be shipped off to the front.
Kluge: What war?
Guderian: Oh you were away that day, Adolf was annoyed. You are meant to get your mum to ring up or write a note if you are going to be ill.
Kluge: But my mum's dead.
Guderian: That's unfortunate, really is.
Kluge: Eh, so where are you going now?
Guderian: Staff HQ, need to draw up maps of the Iberian Peninsula.
Kluge: Iberia? I didn't think the Russians would DoW us this early?
Guderian: Not Siberia, Iberia. Spain.
Kluge: Let me guess, civil war?
Guderian: Yep.
Kluge: Again?
Guderian: Yep. I'm off now, bye.
Kluge: Have fun at Staff HQ.
Hitler: Hi Kluge.
Kluge: Heya, great party.
Hitler: Thanks. Your present was real nice.
Kluge: Well, I do know what my fuhrer likes.
Hitler: Thank you, those fluffy handcuffs came in handy.
Aide: Mr Hitler, your esteemed colleguae and friend Goering is on the phone.
Hitler: Cheers, hey Herman, what on a plane......yea I know it is your holidays but.....well yea i know it is but.........no lesbos is just a name it doesn't mean it is full of lesbians......well why are you going there then.......true true...bring me something back......bye.
------------------------
sorry for the short update but i got block, can;t think of anything to write, please dont let this die, i really want to finish this!
Just watch a few comedy movies, you'r brain might be refreshed a bunch of new ideas.
...Many days have passed since the fateful party of 36, Guderian is in a wheelchair after falling from a tank while on manoveurs in Spain, Kluge has dissappeared and there are rumours that he has been captured by Communist agents, Raeder is still pottering around staff HQ envying the Royal Navy from afar. Hitlers faithful servant Ribbentrop still serves him and cleans up after him but the Fuhrer is not the same as his old buoyant self. There are new faces all over headquaters, the strangest of all being Von Ingwerbier. His carrot like ginger hair sticks out from the rest of the blonde officers and grey officers. This is his first day with Hitlers meeting crew...
Ribbentrop: Sir, you must get up, I implore you.
Hitler:...
Ribbentrop: You can't lie on that sofa all day!
Hitler:...
Ribbentrop: We have a meeting soon! Please get up.
Hitler:...
Ribbentrop: Right, I'm going out now, when I get back I expect you to be up, do you want anything from the shop?
Hitler: Cornetto...
Ribbentrop: Right I'll jus-
...The two were disturbed by a great crashing out side the oak door. Ribbentrop drew his luger and crept toward it...
Ribbentrop: Shh mein Fuhrer, not a word I will dispatch this deadly assasin or die trying!
Hitler: HERMAN!
..The door swung open and standing in the threshold with sun light blazing in from behind him giving the new figure god like status was a tall lean muscular figure dressed in a pirates hat, a Napoleonic Uniform and knee high cowboy boots. At his side was a gold plated luger and a thin gold box housing the most expensive cigarettes known to man were showing from a top pocket. He sureveyed the scene before him, Ribbentrop lieing on the floor aiming a gun with one eye closed and the lazing Hitler curled up in a mangy blanket staring with great awe at this new face...
Ribbentrop: FREEZE, HALT, HANDS UP!
Hitler: Wow, who are you?
Von Ingwerbier: I am named Von Ingwerbier and I am born for a life of servitude at your side.
Hitler: Come in, take the weight off your feet, sit down.
..Hitler jumped up from his sofa bed, flattened his moustache and hair and straightened his uniform, his face was glowing...
Ribbentrop: SIR, WHAT IF HE'S AN ASSASIN SENT BY THE COMMIES TO KILL YOU!
Hitler: Nonsense....your not are you.
Ingwerbier: A more prepostorus suggestion has never reverberated my ear drums.
Hitler: See, weren't you leaving for the shops Ribbed? Two cornettos for Ingwerbier and I!
Ribbentrop: Yes sir.
...Some time later all of the staff (that were left) apart from Ribbentrop were seated around the large oak table, Ingwerbier and Hitler at the head sharing a quiet joke...
Raeder: He's perked up hasn't he.
Guderian: Yes, It is that new guy, Hitler associates him with his lost friend Goering.
Raeder: I thought he hated Goering?
Himmler: Never! It was like unconditional love between them, friends since they were 6.
Raeder: Really! What like gay love.
Guderian: No you idiot.
Raeder: That would be funny.
Himmler: Don't you know the fuhrers opinions on homosexuality?
Raeder: Eh, it's alright if you're Austrian?
Guderian: Very funny.
Raeder: Well I try.
...Suddenly Ribbentrop burst in with an Asda shopping bag, he saw Ingwerbier in his usual seat next to Hitler, staring at the Fuhrer waiting for him to apologise and offer his new friends seat but he didn't so after throwing two cornettos down the table he plonked down next to Raeder...
Hitler: Mm, wait a minute strawberry flavour?
Ingwerbier: I have been graced with a double chocolate frozen snack.
Hitler: Double chocolate eh?
Ingwerbier: For what, do you contend that you are unstaisfied with the zesty fruit flavoured iced snack.
Hitler: Erm, yeeea, that's exactly what I meant, d'you want to swap?
Ingwerbier: The pleasure would be all mine, Strawberry is one of my particulars and to possess any small fragment of your own belonging has long been my dream.
Raeder: Do you always speak like such a tosser?
...Hitler went redder than the strawberry ice cream he'd just swaped for a double chocolate and stared at Raeder, one eye twitching...
Hitler: How DARE you! My good friend is the most cultured man in Germany.
Ingwerbier: I thank you.
Ribbentrop: What are you, why do you and where?
Raeder: Have you been at the diesel oil again Ribbed?
Hitler: Can we actaully have this meeting please, or are we going to waste ANOTHER session.
Ingwerbier: Here here, an excellent suggestion only surpassed in its brilliance by your wit.
...Hitler smiled indulgently and scratched his ear slightly bowing his head...
Ribbentrop: Ahem, there is a crisis in Europe. There will be a war before the end of the year.
Raeder: Is that it?
Ribbentrop: Yup.
Hitler: If I hadn't lost so many staff you'd be out of the door.
Ribbentrop: If it wasn't for me you wouldn't be able to find the door.
Ingwerbier: Disgraceful.
Hitler: Step down werb, I'll handle this punk.
...Both stood at either end of the table staring into the very souls of one another...
Ribbentrop: Watcha gonna do?
Hitler: Depends.
...Suddenly the room was plunged into darkness, the walls lit up red and a spot light focused on each man, a heavy beat beagan to pump and shake the room. Raeder was in a spotlight on a raised platform to the left of the table stood behind some decks, one handedly spinning and mixing the beats while the other hand held one earphone to his right ear. A smile resided on his face. The table was going wild and guards from outside came in increasing the throng of people and yelling broke out. Hitler jumped onto the stage (the table) and began to rap, one hand holding a microphone upside down to his mouth the other twisted into a gun pointing angularly at Ribbentrop...
Hitler's Rap:
Now everybody from the Nazi Parti
Put your mothefucking hands up and follow me
Everybody from the Nazi Parti
Put your mothefucking hands up
Look Look
This guy aint no mother-fuckin MC,
I know everything he's got to say against me,
I am white, I was a fuckin bum, I do live in a trailer with my mom,
And Ribbentrop lives at home with both parents
And Ribbentrop's parents have a real good marriage
This guy don't wanna battle, He's shook
'Cause there no such things as half-way crooks
He's scared to death
...The crowd went wild, they were all imitating Hitlers gun on their hands toward Ribbentrop. Suddenly a clearing broke in the middle of the throngs of people dancing to the music and there was Guderian break dancing on his wheelchair, the carpet was being churned up as he span on one wheel tilting further back than anyone dared imagine was possible. Every one in the room was clapping in time with the pumping music and the spotlight was focused on him. Cries of 'Go Guddy, Go Guddy' turned into chants and stamping feet, the crowd wanted more, more, more. It was all over as quickly as it had begun. A cornetto hit him in the eye and he fell to the ground panting...
Ribbentrop: Sir, you must get up, I implore you.
Hitler:...
Ribbentrop: You can't lie on that sofa all day!
Hitler:...
Ribbentrop: We have a meeting soon! Please get up.
Hitler:...
Ribbentrop: Right, I'm going out now, when I get back I expect you to be up, do you want anything from the shop?
Hitler: Cornetto...
Ribbentrop: Right I'll jus-
...The two were disturbed by a great crashing out side the oak door. Ribbentrop drew his luger and crept toward it...
Ribbentrop: Shh mein Fuhrer, not a word I will dispatch this deadly assasin or die trying!
Hitler: HERMAN!
..The door swung open and standing in the threshold with sun light blazing in from behind him giving the new figure god like status was a tall lean muscular figure dressed in a pirates hat, a Napoleonic Uniform and knee high cowboy boots. At his side was a gold plated luger and a thin gold box housing the most expensive cigarettes known to man were showing from a top pocket. He sureveyed the scene before him, Ribbentrop lieing on the floor aiming a gun with one eye closed and the lazing Hitler curled up in a mangy blanket staring with great awe at this new face...
Ribbentrop: FREEZE, HALT, HANDS UP!
Hitler: Wow, who are you?
Von Ingwerbier: I am named Von Ingwerbier and I am born for a life of servitude at your side.
Hitler: Come in, take the weight off your feet, sit down.
..Hitler jumped up from his sofa bed, flattened his moustache and hair and straightened his uniform, his face was glowing...
Ribbentrop: SIR, WHAT IF HE'S AN ASSASIN SENT BY THE COMMIES TO KILL YOU!
Hitler: Nonsense....your not are you.
Ingwerbier: A more prepostorus suggestion has never reverberated my ear drums.
Hitler: See, weren't you leaving for the shops Ribbed? Two cornettos for Ingwerbier and I!
Ribbentrop: Yes sir.
...Some time later all of the staff (that were left) apart from Ribbentrop were seated around the large oak table, Ingwerbier and Hitler at the head sharing a quiet joke...
Raeder: He's perked up hasn't he.
Guderian: Yes, It is that new guy, Hitler associates him with his lost friend Goering.
Raeder: I thought he hated Goering?
Himmler: Never! It was like unconditional love between them, friends since they were 6.
Raeder: Really! What like gay love.
Guderian: No you idiot.
Raeder: That would be funny.
Himmler: Don't you know the fuhrers opinions on homosexuality?
Raeder: Eh, it's alright if you're Austrian?
Guderian: Very funny.
Raeder: Well I try.
...Suddenly Ribbentrop burst in with an Asda shopping bag, he saw Ingwerbier in his usual seat next to Hitler, staring at the Fuhrer waiting for him to apologise and offer his new friends seat but he didn't so after throwing two cornettos down the table he plonked down next to Raeder...
Hitler: Mm, wait a minute strawberry flavour?
Ingwerbier: I have been graced with a double chocolate frozen snack.
Hitler: Double chocolate eh?
Ingwerbier: For what, do you contend that you are unstaisfied with the zesty fruit flavoured iced snack.
Hitler: Erm, yeeea, that's exactly what I meant, d'you want to swap?
Ingwerbier: The pleasure would be all mine, Strawberry is one of my particulars and to possess any small fragment of your own belonging has long been my dream.
Raeder: Do you always speak like such a tosser?
...Hitler went redder than the strawberry ice cream he'd just swaped for a double chocolate and stared at Raeder, one eye twitching...
Hitler: How DARE you! My good friend is the most cultured man in Germany.
Ingwerbier: I thank you.
Ribbentrop: What are you, why do you and where?
Raeder: Have you been at the diesel oil again Ribbed?
Hitler: Can we actaully have this meeting please, or are we going to waste ANOTHER session.
Ingwerbier: Here here, an excellent suggestion only surpassed in its brilliance by your wit.
...Hitler smiled indulgently and scratched his ear slightly bowing his head...
Ribbentrop: Ahem, there is a crisis in Europe. There will be a war before the end of the year.
Raeder: Is that it?
Ribbentrop: Yup.
Hitler: If I hadn't lost so many staff you'd be out of the door.
Ribbentrop: If it wasn't for me you wouldn't be able to find the door.
Ingwerbier: Disgraceful.
Hitler: Step down werb, I'll handle this punk.
...Both stood at either end of the table staring into the very souls of one another...
Ribbentrop: Watcha gonna do?
Hitler: Depends.
...Suddenly the room was plunged into darkness, the walls lit up red and a spot light focused on each man, a heavy beat beagan to pump and shake the room. Raeder was in a spotlight on a raised platform to the left of the table stood behind some decks, one handedly spinning and mixing the beats while the other hand held one earphone to his right ear. A smile resided on his face. The table was going wild and guards from outside came in increasing the throng of people and yelling broke out. Hitler jumped onto the stage (the table) and began to rap, one hand holding a microphone upside down to his mouth the other twisted into a gun pointing angularly at Ribbentrop...
Hitler's Rap:
Now everybody from the Nazi Parti
Put your mothefucking hands up and follow me
Everybody from the Nazi Parti
Put your mothefucking hands up
Look Look
This guy aint no mother-fuckin MC,
I know everything he's got to say against me,
I am white, I was a fuckin bum, I do live in a trailer with my mom,
And Ribbentrop lives at home with both parents
And Ribbentrop's parents have a real good marriage
This guy don't wanna battle, He's shook
'Cause there no such things as half-way crooks
He's scared to death
...The crowd went wild, they were all imitating Hitlers gun on their hands toward Ribbentrop. Suddenly a clearing broke in the middle of the throngs of people dancing to the music and there was Guderian break dancing on his wheelchair, the carpet was being churned up as he span on one wheel tilting further back than anyone dared imagine was possible. Every one in the room was clapping in time with the pumping music and the spotlight was focused on him. Cries of 'Go Guddy, Go Guddy' turned into chants and stamping feet, the crowd wanted more, more, more. It was all over as quickly as it had begun. A cornetto hit him in the eye and he fell to the ground panting...
Hitler: I'm sorry no one told me he was a ginger tosser.
Ribbentrop: Well, you shouldn't have ditched me for him.
Raeder: Yeah, you bitch!
Hitler: Pipe down navy boy, please Ribbentrop. Just remember the times we've shared together, don't let this ginge come between us.
Ribbentrop: Very well, come here you big old Austrian.
Raeder: Gay love?
Guderian: Prepostorus.
Igwerbien: Erm, may I be admitted entry into the room at present?
Raeder: No, fuc-
Hitler: Wait, in a minute my dear pal.
...After the heated meeting Raeder had knocked Igwerbiens boistrous hat off by accident in a furious game of pictionary as he threw the pen across the room when his picture was guessed in under a minute for the 5th time that morning. Upon the hats flight from its owners head a mane of ginger hair was revealed tied up momentarily before falling down behind his back. It clashed horribly with the royal blue of the Naroleonic Uniform and the gold of the gun and cigarette box. He had been ejected from the room and a game of Trivial Pursuit was underway, Igwerbians hat lieing on the floor, a stark reminder of his oily sarcastic tone...
Himmler: We should let him in sir.
Raeder: Why, he's a tosspiece.
Guderian: A phoney tosspiece, he pretended to be something he's not.
Himmler: No he didn't.
Raeder: He did so.
Guderian: Yes, he pretended to be cool.
Raeder: And all the while he was harbouring a dark secret.
Ribbentrop: A ginger secret.
Hitler: Enough, we can't persecute someone because of the colour of their hair. That is so immoral.
Raeder: Can we get on with the game please, I believe it was my turn?
Hitler: Let him in, he can play.
Himmler: ENTER THE ROOM VON IGWERBIEN.
...The cool arrogant figure that would have swaggered before now slumped into the room staring at the decimated carpet. He took a seat next to Himmler opposite Raeder...
Hitler: I'm going to need a new carpet after your little stunt Heinz.
Guderian: Sorry about that boss, it's just, I don't want this wheelchair to impede me from going about my normal life. I want to be able to do the things I used to do.
Himmler: You never did break dancing?
Raeder: Yeah you lieing git, you just want to be like that guy on the BBC1 advert.
Guderian: You fool look at this, I was international breakdancing champ of '29.
Hitler: What about my carpet!
Ribbentrop: Get a new one?
Hitler: From where?
Ribbentrop: I dunno, Allied Carpets?
Hitler: WHAT?!
Ribbentrop: I me-
Hitler: Why don't you just bend me over and take me up the arse, because that's all your doing, you are having a laugh you dirty traitor.
Ribbentrop: No no you misunderstand me. Allied Carpets are a popular chain of carpet stores all over Europe.
Hitler: Bring me the owner, I will meet him tomorrow, and convince him to change the name.
Himmler: Brilliant plan.
Hitler: Of course it is I devised it, now whos go is it?
Raeder: Mine, let me see where are the dice?
Guderian: Come on people, I've nearly one.
Hitler: Not if I have anything to do with it.
Guderian: Would you care to make a wager with that strong statement?
Hitler: Yeah maybe I would care you spastic.
Guderian: What!
Hitler: You heard me wheelie boy, here's your dice.
Raeder: Thanks, ah ha 4. 1 2 3 4, blue, general knowledge.
Ribbentrop: What does it say?
Raeder: What is the most common colour of pubic hair most likely to induce a bout of vommiting? That's right ginger and I wi-
...Von Igwerbien jumped to his feet sending question cards and counters alike flying...
Igwerbien: I will not suffer this horrendus abuse any longer, you people disgust me.
Ribbentrop: Yea well you disgust us, you shirt lifter. So why don't you go back to your broken home?
Raeder: Yeah, see you ginger beer.
Himmler: Ginger beer?
Raeder: Yeah, if you look up Igwerbien it means ginger beer I think.
Guderian: Interesting, wait Igwerbien, how's Herman?
...Igwerbien stopped dead in his tracks and turned, looking nervous...
Igwerbien: Wh-wh-who?
Hitler: Listen if you've touched him, I'll break every bone in your worthless body.
Igwerbian: I don't know what you're drivelling about, I am leaving now.
...With a swish of his ginger locks he was gone out of the door...
Guderian: I will follow him, I have installed motors on my wheelchair, I will contact you soon.
..With that Guderian sped out of the door in a cloud of smoke...
Ribbentrop: What an eventful afternoon.
Hitler: Yes, I finally think we may be unravelling the mystery of where poor Herman has got to.
Raeder: Whose for a bit of lunch?
Himmler: I'm game.
Raeder: Don't you mean gay?
Himmler: That is a very misguided accusation to make.
Rader: Shut up you gay, I run the show now, I'm the daddy.
Hitler: You kids run along now, I have some important business to get on with.
...Everyone apart from Hitler scrambled out of the room chattering, Hitler sat darkly with his hands clasped staring at the table. Silently he moved toward the door and closed it quietly. Then he made for his big cupboard, he opened in and revelled for a moment in the Nazi merchandise cluttering the shelves. Then he lifted the hand grenades and removed his favorite issue of Austrian babes. It was going to be a long night...
Ribbentrop: Well, you shouldn't have ditched me for him.
Raeder: Yeah, you bitch!
Hitler: Pipe down navy boy, please Ribbentrop. Just remember the times we've shared together, don't let this ginge come between us.
Ribbentrop: Very well, come here you big old Austrian.
Raeder: Gay love?
Guderian: Prepostorus.
Igwerbien: Erm, may I be admitted entry into the room at present?
Raeder: No, fuc-
Hitler: Wait, in a minute my dear pal.
...After the heated meeting Raeder had knocked Igwerbiens boistrous hat off by accident in a furious game of pictionary as he threw the pen across the room when his picture was guessed in under a minute for the 5th time that morning. Upon the hats flight from its owners head a mane of ginger hair was revealed tied up momentarily before falling down behind his back. It clashed horribly with the royal blue of the Naroleonic Uniform and the gold of the gun and cigarette box. He had been ejected from the room and a game of Trivial Pursuit was underway, Igwerbians hat lieing on the floor, a stark reminder of his oily sarcastic tone...
Himmler: We should let him in sir.
Raeder: Why, he's a tosspiece.
Guderian: A phoney tosspiece, he pretended to be something he's not.
Himmler: No he didn't.
Raeder: He did so.
Guderian: Yes, he pretended to be cool.
Raeder: And all the while he was harbouring a dark secret.
Ribbentrop: A ginger secret.
Hitler: Enough, we can't persecute someone because of the colour of their hair. That is so immoral.
Raeder: Can we get on with the game please, I believe it was my turn?
Hitler: Let him in, he can play.
Himmler: ENTER THE ROOM VON IGWERBIEN.
...The cool arrogant figure that would have swaggered before now slumped into the room staring at the decimated carpet. He took a seat next to Himmler opposite Raeder...
Hitler: I'm going to need a new carpet after your little stunt Heinz.
Guderian: Sorry about that boss, it's just, I don't want this wheelchair to impede me from going about my normal life. I want to be able to do the things I used to do.
Himmler: You never did break dancing?
Raeder: Yeah you lieing git, you just want to be like that guy on the BBC1 advert.
Guderian: You fool look at this, I was international breakdancing champ of '29.
Hitler: What about my carpet!
Ribbentrop: Get a new one?
Hitler: From where?
Ribbentrop: I dunno, Allied Carpets?
Hitler: WHAT?!
Ribbentrop: I me-
Hitler: Why don't you just bend me over and take me up the arse, because that's all your doing, you are having a laugh you dirty traitor.
Ribbentrop: No no you misunderstand me. Allied Carpets are a popular chain of carpet stores all over Europe.
Hitler: Bring me the owner, I will meet him tomorrow, and convince him to change the name.
Himmler: Brilliant plan.
Hitler: Of course it is I devised it, now whos go is it?
Raeder: Mine, let me see where are the dice?
Guderian: Come on people, I've nearly one.
Hitler: Not if I have anything to do with it.
Guderian: Would you care to make a wager with that strong statement?
Hitler: Yeah maybe I would care you spastic.
Guderian: What!
Hitler: You heard me wheelie boy, here's your dice.
Raeder: Thanks, ah ha 4. 1 2 3 4, blue, general knowledge.
Ribbentrop: What does it say?
Raeder: What is the most common colour of pubic hair most likely to induce a bout of vommiting? That's right ginger and I wi-
...Von Igwerbien jumped to his feet sending question cards and counters alike flying...
Igwerbien: I will not suffer this horrendus abuse any longer, you people disgust me.
Ribbentrop: Yea well you disgust us, you shirt lifter. So why don't you go back to your broken home?
Raeder: Yeah, see you ginger beer.
Himmler: Ginger beer?
Raeder: Yeah, if you look up Igwerbien it means ginger beer I think.
Guderian: Interesting, wait Igwerbien, how's Herman?
...Igwerbien stopped dead in his tracks and turned, looking nervous...
Igwerbien: Wh-wh-who?
Hitler: Listen if you've touched him, I'll break every bone in your worthless body.
Igwerbian: I don't know what you're drivelling about, I am leaving now.
...With a swish of his ginger locks he was gone out of the door...
Guderian: I will follow him, I have installed motors on my wheelchair, I will contact you soon.
..With that Guderian sped out of the door in a cloud of smoke...
Ribbentrop: What an eventful afternoon.
Hitler: Yes, I finally think we may be unravelling the mystery of where poor Herman has got to.
Raeder: Whose for a bit of lunch?
Himmler: I'm game.
Raeder: Don't you mean gay?
Himmler: That is a very misguided accusation to make.
Rader: Shut up you gay, I run the show now, I'm the daddy.
Hitler: You kids run along now, I have some important business to get on with.
...Everyone apart from Hitler scrambled out of the room chattering, Hitler sat darkly with his hands clasped staring at the table. Silently he moved toward the door and closed it quietly. Then he made for his big cupboard, he opened in and revelled for a moment in the Nazi merchandise cluttering the shelves. Then he lifted the hand grenades and removed his favorite issue of Austrian babes. It was going to be a long night...
...It's December 25th 1938 and all over the world people are beginning to wake up and celebrate Christmas. It is 4:30AM in the Reichstag and Ribbentrop is in a blissfull sleep as are all of the other members of Hitlers faithful circle in the big State Apartment they share...
Hitler: HE'S BEEN HE'S BEEN.
Raeder: *Yawn* What the fu-
Hitler: RISE AND SHINE FOR T'IS CHRISTMAS TIME!
Ribbentrop: So I said to him 'you wanna piece a me, o yea well-
Raeder: Shut up.
Guderian: Somebody wake him up before he says anything embarassing.
Hitler: No lets listen.
Ribbentrop: -oh Miss Jageblowski, I never thought you felt this wa-
Himmler: Mein Fuhrer, how are you this morning?
Hitler: I'm about as excited as an especially excited person with a special reason to be excited!
Ribbentrop: -yes my usual pedro, shaken not stirred-
Guderian: What's the time, ah 7:35, you've done well this year mein fuhrer, i'll never forget last year when you woke us at 2 AM with a brass band.
Raeder: I feel like I've had about 4 hours sleep though.
Ribbentrop: -do you expect me to talk? no no no noooooooooooooooooooo-
Hitler: Thank you gentlemen, someone wake him up.
Himmler: My dear von Ribbentrop, hello? Morning, merry christmas?
Ribbentrop: -not now M, I'm undercover in th-
Raeder: Wake up you complete end.
Himmler: End?
Ribbentrop: -is it in yet?-
Guderian: My clock, what has happened to it, why is it covered in greasy marks and the buttons are all pressed in.
Hitler: SILENCE!
Hitler: HE'S BEEN HE'S BEEN.
Raeder: *Yawn* What the fu-
Hitler: RISE AND SHINE FOR T'IS CHRISTMAS TIME!
Ribbentrop: So I said to him 'you wanna piece a me, o yea well-
Raeder: Shut up.
Guderian: Somebody wake him up before he says anything embarassing.
Hitler: No lets listen.
Ribbentrop: -oh Miss Jageblowski, I never thought you felt this wa-
Himmler: Mein Fuhrer, how are you this morning?
Hitler: I'm about as excited as an especially excited person with a special reason to be excited!
Ribbentrop: -yes my usual pedro, shaken not stirred-
Guderian: What's the time, ah 7:35, you've done well this year mein fuhrer, i'll never forget last year when you woke us at 2 AM with a brass band.
Raeder: I feel like I've had about 4 hours sleep though.
Ribbentrop: -do you expect me to talk? no no no noooooooooooooooooooo-
Hitler: Thank you gentlemen, someone wake him up.
Himmler: My dear von Ribbentrop, hello? Morning, merry christmas?
Ribbentrop: -not now M, I'm undercover in th-
Raeder: Wake up you complete end.
Himmler: End?
Ribbentrop: -is it in yet?-
Guderian: My clock, what has happened to it, why is it covered in greasy marks and the buttons are all pressed in.
Hitler: SILENCE!
...Far away in a Communist prison somewhere in Estonia Herman Goering the former Chief of Air Operations in the Nazi Party of Germany is sitting chained to a metal bar above his head. He is sitting on an iron bench, his feet attached to a huge cannon ball residing between his legs, he is despondant and his eyes are fixed on the floor until a rattle of keys and a smatter of Russian conversation greets his ears and he perks up...
Guard 1: Yeah, thats nice, look what he got me.
Guard 2: Nice.
Goering: Hello?
Guard 1: Ah the prisioner has awoken.
...Two guards come in, one is short and plump, he has an elaborate moustache and blonde hair. The second is tall and thin with no hair at all...
Guard 2: Merry Christmas to you.
Goering: Thanks, merry christmas to both of you to.
Guard 1: You're welcome, so we've got some news.
Goering: Yes?
Guard 2: Your mum died in a car crash.
Goering: Oh really.
Guard 1: No, he was joking.
...The guards fell about laughing resting on each other for support their faces turning pink, Goering stared at them stoney faced...
Guard 2: I am sorry.
Goering: You know it would be more effective if you didn't do this every morning.
Guard 1: SILENCE!
Goering: Owwwwwwwwww!
Guard 1: SPELL THE WHOLE WORD!
Goering: O-U-C-H!
Guard 2: Stop abusing the prisioners like that.
Guard 1: Why don't you shut your mouth, he's going to be meeting Mr Grenade soon.
Guard 2: You've gone too far, you've changed guard 1.
Guard 1: Oh yea, you don't know me anymore guard 2.
Guard 2: Hell I do, I'm outta here. You better do what he says Goering guard 1s gone mental.
Guard 1: Stay outta it guard 2.
Goering: Please don't do this Good Guard Bad Guard thing again.
Guard 2: Very well, it is Christmas day though, so Merry Christmas.
Guard 1: Yes Merry Christmas.
Goering: Same to you to.
Guard 1: I hope you're ready for a meeting with Comrade Vashlinikov.
Goering: Who.
Guard 2: The greatest living Russian.
Goering: Which considering his competition is no great acheivement.
Guard 1: You should not be so disrespectful to our great leader of our great unit.
Guard 2: Yea!
...After a brief 10 minutes of undoing of chains and chatter Goering was being frog marched between Guards 1 and 2 up some stone stairs...
Guard 1: We will be taking a car to his residence.
Guard 2: Do you like cars?
Goering: No I prefer planes really.
Guard 2: Seriously? I've found that too.
Guard 1: Shut up guard 2, we aren't allowed to fraternise with the prisioners.
Guard 2: Why not guard 1, what about our endless Poker sessions?
Goering: Yeah, and the games of Pictionary, I love pictionary, we used to play that back at HQ. Raeder always sucked at it.
Guard 1: Shut up you two, that was in the cells, a lot of things happened in the cells...
Guard 2: Are you crying guard 1?
Goering: What happened in the cells?
Guard 1: SHUT UP!
Goering:....
Guard 2:...
Guard 1: Listen, we are outside now, we don't know each other, well we do but if we are seen to be friendly with this piece of filth prisioner then we will be for it.
Goering: I don't think that insult was necessary.
Guard 2: Yeh, lay off him guard 1.
...As the trio got up the stairs they had walked down a brown rug to a large oak door, through it they had proceeded and through some more passages until they found themselves outside crunching across a gravelly drive way to 3 black cars...
Guard 1: Get in, guard 2 you drive, I will watch the prisioner. Our car will drive in the middle of the 3.
Goering: Why would I care?
Guard 2: Incase you were planning to escape, isn't that right guard 1.
Guard 1: Perfectly guard 2, now drive on.
...10 minutes into the journey and the car was in a que waiting to cross a junction in a busy high street...
Guard 1: I think you'll find escape is quite impossible.
Goering: No I've got it.
...and with that he was out of the door and running down the street...
Guard 1: After him guard 2!
Guard 2: Yes guard 1!
Guard 1: So the chase begins...
To be continued, the chase and Hitlers Christmas Day!
Guard 1: Yeah, thats nice, look what he got me.
Guard 2: Nice.
Goering: Hello?
Guard 1: Ah the prisioner has awoken.
...Two guards come in, one is short and plump, he has an elaborate moustache and blonde hair. The second is tall and thin with no hair at all...
Guard 2: Merry Christmas to you.
Goering: Thanks, merry christmas to both of you to.
Guard 1: You're welcome, so we've got some news.
Goering: Yes?
Guard 2: Your mum died in a car crash.
Goering: Oh really.
Guard 1: No, he was joking.
...The guards fell about laughing resting on each other for support their faces turning pink, Goering stared at them stoney faced...
Guard 2: I am sorry.
Goering: You know it would be more effective if you didn't do this every morning.
Guard 1: SILENCE!
Goering: Owwwwwwwwww!
Guard 1: SPELL THE WHOLE WORD!
Goering: O-U-C-H!
Guard 2: Stop abusing the prisioners like that.
Guard 1: Why don't you shut your mouth, he's going to be meeting Mr Grenade soon.
Guard 2: You've gone too far, you've changed guard 1.
Guard 1: Oh yea, you don't know me anymore guard 2.
Guard 2: Hell I do, I'm outta here. You better do what he says Goering guard 1s gone mental.
Guard 1: Stay outta it guard 2.
Goering: Please don't do this Good Guard Bad Guard thing again.
Guard 2: Very well, it is Christmas day though, so Merry Christmas.
Guard 1: Yes Merry Christmas.
Goering: Same to you to.
Guard 1: I hope you're ready for a meeting with Comrade Vashlinikov.
Goering: Who.
Guard 2: The greatest living Russian.
Goering: Which considering his competition is no great acheivement.
Guard 1: You should not be so disrespectful to our great leader of our great unit.
Guard 2: Yea!
...After a brief 10 minutes of undoing of chains and chatter Goering was being frog marched between Guards 1 and 2 up some stone stairs...
Guard 1: We will be taking a car to his residence.
Guard 2: Do you like cars?
Goering: No I prefer planes really.
Guard 2: Seriously? I've found that too.
Guard 1: Shut up guard 2, we aren't allowed to fraternise with the prisioners.
Guard 2: Why not guard 1, what about our endless Poker sessions?
Goering: Yeah, and the games of Pictionary, I love pictionary, we used to play that back at HQ. Raeder always sucked at it.
Guard 1: Shut up you two, that was in the cells, a lot of things happened in the cells...
Guard 2: Are you crying guard 1?
Goering: What happened in the cells?
Guard 1: SHUT UP!
Goering:....
Guard 2:...
Guard 1: Listen, we are outside now, we don't know each other, well we do but if we are seen to be friendly with this piece of filth prisioner then we will be for it.
Goering: I don't think that insult was necessary.
Guard 2: Yeh, lay off him guard 1.
...As the trio got up the stairs they had walked down a brown rug to a large oak door, through it they had proceeded and through some more passages until they found themselves outside crunching across a gravelly drive way to 3 black cars...
Guard 1: Get in, guard 2 you drive, I will watch the prisioner. Our car will drive in the middle of the 3.
Goering: Why would I care?
Guard 2: Incase you were planning to escape, isn't that right guard 1.
Guard 1: Perfectly guard 2, now drive on.
...10 minutes into the journey and the car was in a que waiting to cross a junction in a busy high street...
Guard 1: I think you'll find escape is quite impossible.
Goering: No I've got it.
...and with that he was out of the door and running down the street...
Guard 1: After him guard 2!
Guard 2: Yes guard 1!
Guard 1: So the chase begins...
To be continued, the chase and Hitlers Christmas Day!
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