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Hello! Welcome to the first part of my AAR, I prefer to write in a 1st person "comedian" style rather than a story telling. Lets go! -- Hurray for changing styles by chapter Tri!
Here is the kingdom of Dyfed's mighty king and council! Now, we have no heir so let's change that...
Lets get it on - Martin Gaye
I think its about time we began to colonise our Irish neighbours. TO THE BOATS!
What a wise investment. :laugh:
I AM UNSTOPPA-
Oh...
Still, I got it in the end, what's the worse that could happen?
Gather round kiddies, it's time for a cultural lesson! What happens at the end of every year in Wales?
It's the national wrin i fyny of course! Drinking, fighting and death, fun for the whole family.
Decision time! Should I go forth and inva- colonise our scandinavian sav- I mean brothers?
You have until the 31st to decide! (I got the cash and colonists, just the matter of seeing if my viewers want to see a bunch of welsh men harassing even more nationalities!)
While we wait, let's jump into Chapter Dau, Wonderful Wars
Long post awaits you!
Wales vs Rome? No problem.
Oh shi-
One very short war later...
Using my Welsh persuasion skills I managed to um... Get Rome to agree to a rather generous treaty.
WELSHIFICATION IN PROGRESS. STAND ASIDE. (Londonderry to Llundainderw, much better. )
Now time to go war the very bad representation of Ceredigion who apparently ended up spanning from the Gower to Monmouthshire!
The Caerdydd Trading Centre is now open!
Now time to deal with our peskie northern brothers.
And with the last Welsh Kingdom under Dyfedian control... ANTHEM PLEASE!
Mae hen wlad fy nhadau yn annwyl i mi,
Gwlad beirdd a chantorion, enwogion o fri;
Ei gwrol ryfelwyr, gwladgarwyr tra mad,
Dros ryddid collasant eu gwaed.
Gwlad, gwlad, pleidiol wyf i'm gwlad.
Tra môr yn fur i'r bur hoff bau,
O bydded i'r hen iaith barhau.
Hen Cymru fynyddig, paradwys y bardd,
Pob dyffryn, pob clogwyn, i'm golwg sydd hardd;
Trwy deimlad gwladgarol, mor swynol yw si
Ei nentydd, afonydd, i mi.
Os treisiodd y gelyn fy ngwlad tan ei droed,
Mae hen iaith y Cymry mor fyw ag erioed,
Ni luddiwyd yr awen gan erchyll law brad,
Na thelyn berseiniol fy ngwlad.
After the Welsh have risen to power in the British Isles, other kingdoms begin to acknowledge our supremacy!
BUT WHAT'S THIS? THE DASTARDLY IRISH ARE MAD ABOUT THOSE PROVINCES WE COLONISED? TO ARMS MEN!
I chose a bad time to disband the mercs...
"Sire!" A young man yells as he runs into the court "The cantrefi of Llundainderw is under attack!" King Gruffydd IV of Wales arises from his throne and demands "Contact the Brigantes for access!"
"I have sire... They declined..." replied the diplomat. A loud scream is heard as it bellows through the British Isles as Gruffydd curses the Irish
(I should point out that before this, Mercia joined in against ME! )
Thanks for readin'
Yes I did cheat a bit! But yet again I do have to play through 1,500 or so years. Gimme a break!
Good stuff, although I see you are playing some sort of mod, so probably won't be able to give much advice on much
Is there any point in trying to colonise Scandinavia? It's an interesting idea but I would have thought that would simply be more land that is harder to defend and England would be a challenge enough? I admit to being a more cautious player generally though...
Good stuff, although I see you are playing some sort of mod, so probably won't be able to give much advice on much
Is there any point in trying to colonise Scandinavia? It's an interesting idea but I would have thought that would simply be more land that is harder to defend and England would be a challenge enough? I admit to being a more cautious player generally though...
Yes, it's the Phoenix III mod. My reasons for investing some time in Scandinavia are for manpower, resources and for an offensive base if I ever need to strike into Midwest Europe (Denmark, Germany) and the same with the Vikings who spawn in around 5, 10 years IIRC.
I've decided not to go for Scandinavia yet, onwards I go for another session.
--
Chapter Tri: Vigorous vassals
The admiral walks in one not-so-surprisingly rainy afternoon "Sire!" he says as he kneels before the king before raising himself up, eager with anticipation.
"What is it Admiral Iosue?" The king asks before being handed a roster
"Our navy has made significant improvement. We actually have ships now!"
King Gruffydd's adviser remarks "Wow. What a staggering development!"
(Those who help get a ship with their name on it! - Literally.)
Soon after the Governor General of the colony known as (Wi-Fi) Donegal enters the room "Sir, I wish for you to know that our settlers have found staggering amounts of fish)
King Gruffydd smiles and turns around "I think we should try something bold, new and exciting!"
His council gasp in amazement, looking forward to whatever he might say next.
"Oh I don't mean a war! I mean something culinary."
The King's adviser, Dafydd (Because we can't have Wales without a Daf.) replies with "But sir. We already have Welshcakes and Cawl!"
The King slumps down and goes "Yes but, what if we combined the fish... With those potato sticks our colonists have fashioned?"
Everyone looks in shock and awe some King Gruffydd the fourth, as appointed by the Lord has been given a culinary idea that will shock the world, for Wales has invented... FISH AND CHIPS!
"OH! Before I forget, my liege." Dafydd says before leaving to his room "I don't know if you saw but the castle was magically upgraded around 10 seconds ago."
Gruffydd looks around in amazement "That Merlin did a bloody good job!" he remarks "Dinefwr must be the only castle that upgrades itself in the world!
"What else is in the news?"
"Well sire, our marshal reports that we've got some angry peasants in Birmingham..."
"Oh drat. Send the Fyddin Celtaidd to quell them, Dafydd. Anything else?"
"Yes sir! The court of romantic interactions of Europe has send us this certificate of one of your many sisters giving birth to the heir of Rheged!"
"Splendid!" King Gruffydd yells "You look concerned, what's wrong?"
Dafydd looks down in shame and says "Remember how me and your sister went out?"
"Which sister?"
"All of them, sir."
"Oh.. Yea so?"
"Well the one you shipped off to Rheged loves me so much that she sent me a letter saying she's naming him after me..."
"Oh right..." The King replies with "Any more news?"
"We've sent one of your aunts over to Strathclyde for a marriage with the desperate ruler, we now have a marriage."
"Aelwyn?"
"No Sire."
"Damn! I hate that landwhale. Anything else?"
"The college of priests in Aberystwyth say that the Heavens are getting extremely furiated with our lack of activity on the subjugation of Wessex."
"Then lets go blow the bloody swine up and make them yield to us!"
"Slight problem, my lord."
"Eh?" Said Gruffydd as he drops his rather large sword collection
"They are allied with Domino Piz- I mean Domonia."
"Damn and blast!" cried the King as two peasants run in
"Yes sire?" they reply with
"Oh not you, sorry. Go back to the kitchen."
The two walk back off
"What will we do Dafydd?"
"Our army can fight them. We will win."
"Very well. Send the bag of cheese to Domonia, see if they'll consider joining our side regardless."
King Gruffydd's strategy would've worked fine if the ruler of Domonia actually liked Edam...
"Good news sire. With Domonia annexed and Wessex kissing our feet, Elmet has sent a rather generous peace offer, including some cash to repay for the Edam"
"Good. Tell the diplomat that we accept his kingdom's offer."
"Very well sire, however a slight problem?"
"Agh, what now?"
"Well, the fur coat you're wearing..."
"Yea, what of it?"
"You've just walked past some diplomats from the kingdom of PETA..."
"Ba-"
"So Dafydd, how do we recover from this... um..."
"Coc-"
"Don't use vulgar language, Dafydd... The angels are watching."
"Right... Anyways, we could always rename the conquered provinces into our mother tongue."
"Interesting Hypothesis, Dafydd."
"I did graduate top of my advisory class in Abertawe University."
"It pays off too!"
After renaming the provinces, a messenger comes in with a note "Sir! Our stability has increased!"
"Before I go, any other news?"
"Well sir...
Elmet has been defeated and released a kingdom...
Wessex agrees to a royal marriage...
Oh and due to a weird lack of coverage, we've apparently won a war against the angles and annexed them along with London...
But on the good side, it's a golden age for the Welsh culture!"
"Good" Gruffydd says with a smile.
-
Thanks for reading, a little note I'd like to include:
I am aware I've cheated and that's fine for singleplayer games of mass conquest but I know it's rather crap for an AAR. I've used a save editor to revert the cheated techs back to it's starting point along with a fresh army. A new, greater challenge awaits with many more losses and trips to my anger management counselor! :rofl:
Hi! Glad your enjoying, I'll try and get Chapter four done asap. Castles add a prestige and legitimacy bonus I think. Forts are still in the game as Castles are a separate entity. I think 1 Castle gives you around 3 Fort levels.
Dinefwr was once again in the Welsh monsoon season (Which as we all know lasts 51 weeks) and once more King Gruffydd had spent too much on Hwlffordd Hoo- Can we say this word? and had to disband the army once more in order to pay for his adventures
Dafydd enters the royal chambers with a scroll scented with potato plants
"What the hell is this Dafydd? It's 3AM!" Gruffydd says angrily, lobbing a shoe at the door like a drunk hobo from Glynneath.
"Sorry Sire... But the Irish are once again restless."
Gruffydd utters a word so vile my account would be banned if I typed it
"Let me see that!" Gruffydd takes the declaration off Dafydd's hands.
"I can't believe this!" Gruffydd cries. "They haven't even been arsed to get a casus belli!"
Dafydd ponders "I wonder if its to do with religion, sir."
Gruffydd scoffs "Since when has Ireland ever been turmoiled with religion!"
The duo make their way into the chamber of war, used more than the bathrooms and kitchens in a Welsh Kingdom.
"Marshal, I trust you have some good news..."
The Marshal, Llewellyn shakes his head
"I'm sorry sir but not only have they called in Mercia...
But they've also marched on the cantref of Uchder!"
King Gruffydd, who's rightfully mad orders a diplomat to their vassal Wessex asking for military support, scared of the Welsh and the brand new tactic from Cwmbran known as slinging your mothers knickers at them, they quickly accepted!
"Sir, we've got reports that both Wales and Wessex march onto Chester."
Several thumps and curse words are heard as Dafydd walks in with a bloodied forehead
"Are you alright?" Gruffydd asks who's given a scroll
Gruffydd orders more men to be recruited in the Welsh cantrefs in Ireland but the situation quickly spires out of control...
However, hope is not all lost as Welsh army quickly gathers its bearings and momentum...
The glorious armies of Wales head southwards into the core of the Brigantes after annexing the Nagnataes.
City after City fell to Welsh rule until their capital, Dublin was surrounded by 30 Welsh men and one goat with a missing leg...
After Ireland was under Welsh rule, they remaining foe in the war, Mercia quickly saw reason to negotiate, Gruffydd exploited that.
Cheers fell around Wales and it's lands as a messenger from the chapel ran to Gruffydd
"Sir! I bring news, the heavens demand we vassalize a primitive south state!"
"Then we shall." Gruffydd said with a cold tone, war was declared almost instantly.
As the sun rose Gruffydd was getting grumpy and went for a nap "Dafydd, before I go is there any news?"
"Well...
Rome is in a spot of bother...
Your nephew is on the throne at Rheged...
OH YES!" Dafydd said loudly
"The picts, Elmet and other kingdoms have torn Mercia to shreds, they stand with one province... Our female spies were quite... helpful in securing a claim, shall we exploit it?"
Gruffydd rolled his eyes "Do the sheep baa? Of course!"
Moments later as once more the Welsh army held up with Cawl and a few pints loomed over the hill (And some fell down it) Mercia was ruined...
--
Cheers for reading! I apologise if I went over the photo limit!
And I also apologise if I offend anyone during this AAR, it's not my intention I just think it's more accurate if the Welsh rulers are portrayed as how I have portrayed them.
On a gameplay note, which kingdom should I invade next? Rheged isn't an option unfortunately, gonna try and inherit them. No point in blowing up Nephew Dafydd now is there.
On a gameplay note, which kingdom should I invade next? Rheged isn't an option unfortunately, gonna try and inherit them. No point in blowing up Nephew Dafydd now is there.
