The deeds of Otto V. Nordheim

[Kujy]

This is based on an actual game I am currently playing. 99.9% of the individuals are real, save for some, which in any case should become obvious to the reader. Now, I present to this forum the first installment of my very first AAR. Certainly not for the faint of heart.

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This is an abridged version of the chronicle of an unnamed monk, 69th Grand Master of the Order of St. Onan, located in Germany on the mountain of Bation. Translated from Ye Olde German into Ye Olde English and eventually into Ye Modern English.


Here, then, begins the story of the Bavarian Dukes (Herzogs) of the von Nordheim stock. The general founder of the family’s fortune was Otto v. Nordheim, Duke of Bavaria during the reign of Emperor Heinrich III, sovereign Holy Roman Empire of the German nation.
Finding himself Duke of Bavaria, albeit at a rather old age for the time, Otto was eager to expand his domains farther than the four provinces his title allotted him. Though admittedly not skilled in the art of war or diplomacy, Otto was well aware that he could employ others to aid him in his schemes.
So Otto, deeming imperative that he turn his Duchy into a potent and respectable state on the European political scene, decided to hold an ultra-secret meeting of those closest to him amongst his group of courtiers. Conspicuously absent from the meeting was Otto’s estranged wife Richenza.
Though some aspects of the conference have not been recorded and will probably never be known, other vital details have withstood the test of time and have become available only recently for close scrutiny.
The following is a fragment of a discussion, recorded by a spy present at the meeting, one Engelbert von Schaize.

Otto: Now we move to the question of to whom will the Duchy fall to upon my death. Shall I designate one of you as my successor so as to prevent petty squabbling, or leave the matter for another time?

(minor conversations among those present)

courtier Lambert: We believe that such talk is rather demoralizing. We urge you to beget an heir, rather than just designate an heir.

Otto: But how am I to beget an heir??? Well??? I don’t know where all of you have been since you arrived here at my court a few months ago, but I am quite married to a 36 yr old wench!!!!!! What was her name again?

unidentified courtier: Ummmmm…..Richenza, Sire.

Otto: Yes, that’s that the whore! Fifteen years and not even a bloody miscarriage. I can’t even remember the last time the two of us shared the same bed. Usually I have to make my way to the dining hall and make myself comfortable there….Anyway!

courtier Konrad v. Eschenloch: Well, my liege, German Duchesses seem to have a knack for impaling themselves on sharp objects once they turn 30.

Otto: Now, sword bearer, what are you suggesting? That I encourage my wife to take up sword fighting lessons?

courtier Konrad v. Eschenloch: Your Highness, that is strictly for your person to decide.

courtier Poppo: How about we draw up a pedigree showing Your highness married your niece? Rome seems to fall for those a lot.

Otto: Guards, seize him! The nerve of that fool. Were I to marry such a close relation, I certainly would have done a better job choosing! Now, back to my repulsive wife.

The reader shall be spared the rest of the account, as our source, Engelbert v. Schaize, and later on our chronicler, were not keen on leaving out even the most gruesome details of the meeting.

A few days following this clandestine meeting, Konrad v. Eschenloch was appointed Spy Master of Bavaria. This was around the Christmas holiday. Some months later, coinciding with the observance of Pentecost (1067) Richenza, Duchess of Bavaria was found in her apartments, located in the eastern wing of the royal palace. The lady-in-waiting to Richenza, who came across the disgusting site, fainted where she stood. From later trustworthy eyewitness accounts it was revealed that the Duchess was dismembered, her limbs located at the foot of her bed. But what was even more disturbing, it appears a long sword was inserted into Richenza starting with the vaginal cavity of the Duchess, the sharp end (somehow) exiting from the mouth of the poor Richenza.
TBC

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Even if I’m old, I’ve got lots of money. And if a young man comes forward who can shake me down at night like a warped bed so that my teeth rattle in my mouth, he won’t stay poor.

-an old, promiscuous, widow responding to her daughter’s criticism of her sexual escapades

 

[Solmyr]

Ouch.

 

[Kujy]

The deeds of Otto V. Nordheim, Part II

This is an abridged version of the chronicle of an unnamed monk, 69th Grand Master of the Order of St. Onan, located in Germany on the mountain of Bation. Translated from Ye Olde German into Ye Olde English and eventually into Ye Modern English.



New of the Duchess’s cruel demise spread like wildfire. Fingers were quickly pointed, quite a few of them at the Duchess of Swabia. She despised Richenza with a passion following rumors, attributed to Richenza, that the only reason her husband Duke Rudolf married, “such a landless and penniless wench was for her voluptuous bosoms.” The Swabian court of course denied these rumors.
A few weeks following Richenza’s death, an official funeral was held. In attendance were, among other distinguished dignitaries, Pope Anselm (surprisingly giving a harsh eulogy, urging Richenza’s heinous murder to be avenger), the Dukes of Bohemia, Mazovia, Toulouse, Serbia and the Duchess of Bari. But probably the most shocking arrival of all was that of the roughly 15 yr old Heinrich IV, Emperor of Germany. This was probably caused less by sincere grief for Richenza’ death (the late Duchess was, after all, a first cousin of the Emperor) than to use the funeral to show that everything in the Empire was in order.
It is useful to note here that among that among the dozens of emissaries who arrived to represent their absent lieges, there was present the mysterious Michael Batatzes. Michael happened to be Chancellor to Emperor Constantine of Byzantium, helping to orchestrate the coup that placed Constantine on the throne years back.
Thanks in great to credible accounts, Michael and Duke Otto v. Nordheim had numerous meetings with each other. Reportedly, though this has thus far not been proven conclusively, in attendance was Konrad v. Eschenloch. It was rumored that the main subject of these meetings was the succession following the aging Constantine’s death. More on this in a little while.
A month within Richenza’s burial, quite unexpectedly, Duke Otto’s engagement to Suanehilde Fanfani was announced. A nineteen yr old daughter of a minor, yet wealthy, Venetian merchant, Suanehilde was famous for her legendary beauty. Her dowry single handedly doubled the Bavarian treasury. This, it was claimed, brought Otto much embarrassment, something for which he is said to never have forgiven Suanehilde…
Around the time of the collection of the harvest, a somewhat grand wedding took place, financed largely in part from donations that came in from all over Europe following Richenza’ death.
The Byzantine Chancellor Michael Batatzes arrived a few days before the wedding, being received warmly by the Bavarian Duke. From the detailed accounts of Emperor Heinrich’s spy, we have an idea of what transpired during Michael’s visit.

The spy, on his way back to Innsbruck to his liege, was seized (reportedly by Duke Otto’s troops), decapitated, dismembered and disemboweled. His person was deposited in one of the Imperial gardens and was found by the Empress herself.

The spy’s account was in all probability seized by his murderers and given to Otto, for it was only recently discovered in Otto’s exhumed coffin, firmly held by his centuries-old grasp.
As at Richenza’s funeral, the discussion centered on the succession to the Byzantine throne:

Otto: Me and my close acquaintances [this appears to be Konrad and some other unidentified individuals] have realized that to make Bavaria great and the von Nordheims great, war must be abstained from. It is better to enter into advantageous dynastic alliances than to engage in senseless wars. Time will take its toll.

[This is highly reminiscent of the policy of the Austrian Habsburgs, who, four centuries earlier, preferred favorable marriages to war.]

Chancellor Batatzes: Your Highness does have a point, yes. But even if a member of your family does marry into the Imperial family, it is highly unlikely that he or his descendants shall succeed my master, Constantine.

Otto: No matter, I’ll take care of those who might stand in my way, be they royal or common. And I request you keep the details of this meeting to yourself, Chancellor, otherwise I might have to attend your funeral.

Chancellor Batatzes: No need to worry, my Duke. This will remain between you, me and those here present.
TBC

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Even if I’m old, I’ve got lots of money. And if a young man comes forward who can shake me down at night like a warped bed so that my teeth rattle in my mouth, he won’t stay poor.

-an old, promiscuous, widow responding to her daughter’s criticism of her sexual escapades

 

[Kujy]

Seeing as how much attention my AAR has received, I regrettably (for many of you) hav decided to continue with my story...

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Part III:
This is an abridged version of the chronicle of an unnamed monk, 69th Grand Master of the Order of St. Onan, located in Germany on the mountain of Bation. Translated from Ye Olde German into Ye Olde English and eventually into Ye Modern English.



A brief moment will be devoted here to Suanehilde. Almost nine months to the day after her marriage to Otto, the Duchess gave birth to a daughter, much to Otto’s chagrin. She was named Ute, but died before her first birthday. Two years later, (1070), Emmich was born, the long-awaited heir to Otto, who was now 55 yrs old.
In 1073, another son was born, named Konrad. A sickly child, he died in 1086. That same year (1073) another daughter was born (Sofie), followed in 1078 by another one (also named Sofie), and the final child between Otto and Suanehilde, Gertrude, in 1078. This last child was to die eight yrs later, causing her father much grief.
With the dawn of the 1070s, the Byzantine succession was surrounded by numerous question marks. The rapidly deteriorating Emperor, now in his sixties, had appointed his son as his successor. Michael Ducas, for that was his name, was a just and charismatic individual. But, much to the displeasure of his father, he chose to marry for love rather than to wed the potential heiress to the Duchy of Antioch. For whatever reason, the union remained childless. Rumors abounded about the wife’s infertility and Michael’s impotence.
Next in line to Byzantine’s crown appeared to be Andronicus, first cousin to Michael and son of Constantine’s late brother, Ioannes. The succession seemed secure, for Andronicus was only thirty years old, but thus far managed only to beget an imbecile son (Michael) and a daughter, both still children.
So it appeared that the succession was possibly open to contention. Otto of Bavaria decided to bide his time. Andronicus’ daughter, through who a claim might run, was only six yrs old in 1070, and the Emperor’s son might still remarry and provide a male heir.
Years passed. Bavaria developed into a premiere European state, yet to participate in a single war. Otto maintained an honorable reputation and enjoyed immense loyalty from his three vassals. If there was only one thing that plagued the Bavarian Duchy, it was the constant interference of the erratic German Emperor Heinrich. Otto strived to keep the Emperor his liege in name only. This was a rather easy task, for Otto was widely respected throughout Christendom. On many occasions (in 1070 and 1071) the Bavarian Duke refused to mobilize his troops for the Emperor’s use in the war against the count of Plauen.
During the years 1077-1078 important events rocked the Bavarian court as well as Europe. They seem in all likelihood to have been immediately preceded by the following conversation between Duke Otto, Konrad v. Eschenloch and Chancellor Batatzes, who was on his way to Paris to negotiate a military treaty with King Philippe.



Otto: I hear the Emperor’s grandniece is growing into quite a woman. Granted she is only thirteen yrs old, but she will be of marriageable age pretty soon. You know, Chancellor Batatzes, whoever marries her stands a good chance of seeing his children ascend to the dignity of Emperor. So tell me, then, has the Emperor given any thought to who shall marry the young Anna?

Chancellor Batatzes: Sire, why are you so eager about the princess’s future? You seem to be happily married. And Byzantium is so far away, why lose sleep over such a far away land that does not even pose a threat to your Duchy? And your eldest son Emmich, he is still young, six yrs Anna’s junior. By the time he reaches majority, the young lady will already have children of her own! Haha!

Otto: Silence! You know what happened to my previous wife, don’t you?

Chancellor Batatzes: Ah yes, poor Richenza! Half of Europe showed up for her burial. Supposedly the Swabian Duchess was at fault.

Otto: No, twas not her doing. You see, my late wife was a burden to me. So, I had Konrad here take care of her for me. Now, if you value yours and the Emperor’s lives, Anna will immediately make her way to Bavaria upon reaching majority. Chancellor Batatzes: And if we refuse?

Otto: Then I believe I will be attending quite a few Imperial funerals in the near future, in addition to that of an uncooperative chancellor.

(Chancellor Batatzes exits)

Otto continues: Take care of my wife, will you Konrad? Just make it less messy than with Richenza. Even a decade later no one dares to sleep where she breathed her last.

 

[Sterkarm]

Mmm, quite good, hopefully you'll continue?

 

[Kujy]

Part IV:
This is an abridged version of the chronicle of an unnamed monk, 69th Grand Master of the Order of St. Onan, located in Germany on the mountain of Bation. Translated from Ye Olde German into Ye Olde English and eventually into Ye Modern English.


Somewhere around August of 1078, Duchess Suanehilde gave birth to Gertrude, her sixth and, as it turned out, her last child. The next morning her lady-in-waiting Oda discovered her empty bed and called in the Duke’s retainers. Going out into the balcony, the soldiers looked down to the garden below. The retainers suddenly froze. After a minute, they came in and requested for Oda to wake the Duke.
Otto, still in bed, could hardly contain his grief when he was informed of what had taken place.
Soon all of Kempten was aware of what had happened to the beautiful Suanehilde during the night.
It appears that a group (?) of men broke into the Duchess’s room, quickly overpowered her and threw her over the balcony with a rope tied to one foot, thus having her dangle over the gardens just above the ground. According to testimony from a drunk who was in the area, one man hacked off the head of the Duchess with one stroke of an ax.
An elaborate funeral was staged for Suanehilde. As at Richenza’s funeral, Pope Anselm was present. Kings, Dukes and Counts were in abundance. Even William the Bastard of England, now on his deathbed, arrived, carried throughout his visit on a litter. Kings Boleslaw of Poland and Sancho of Castile also made the trip, bringing with them their children and grandchildren. It was upon seeing the Castilian Royals that Otto hatched a new scheme.
Not surprisingly Chancellor Batatzes was in attendance, accompanying his Emperor and Empress, Michael Ducas and his wife, his nephews and nieces Duke Andronicus and the Princesses Irene and Zoe and their numerous children. Among these was Anna Ducaena, now fourteen yrs old.
It is worth noting here that the Emperor Heinrich was absent, leading his troops in an unjust war against Provence.
Two years passed. Otto now had his eyes on two thrones. The Byzantine Imperial Crown was almost within Otto’s reach, save for a few “minor” obstacles. The Castilian throne was now what Otto craved. But first there was the quest for Anna’s hand.

 

[Kujy]

Part V:

This is an abridged version of the chronicle of an unnamed monk, 69th Grand Master of the Order of St. Onan, located in Germany on the mountain of Bation. Translated from Ye Olde German into Ye Olde English and eventually into Ye Modern English.


In early January of 1079, Otto made a surprising trip to Byzantium. He was greeted before the city’s gate by Constantine himself and given honors accorded only to Kings and Sultans.
Pleasure swiftly gave way to business. While Empress Eudoxia entertained the Duke’s five surviving children who made the trip with their father, Otto himself, Konrad v. Eschenloch, Chancellor Batatzes and Constantine made their way o the underground apartments of the royal palace.
Even though no details of the meeting survived, they resulted heavily in Otto’s favor. A few days before Otto’s departure (around January 25), the engagement between Otto and young Anna was announced. The ducal party left Byzantium a few days later followed on the morrow by Constantine and Eudoxia (with young Anna in tow).
The two parties arrived in the Bavarian capital about two to three weeks later. Prior, invitations to the wedding of Otto and Anna were sent to nearly every European monarch, with the exception of the German Emperor.
Following much preparation, the marriage between Otto von Nordheim and Anna, princess of Byzantium was performed on 23 April 1079. Performing the ceremony was the Papal legate (Pope Anselm, it was said, feared for fear his life in Bavaria) in the presence of the Greek Patriarch. Also in attendance was Michael Batatzes.
Celebrations continued into the night, after which the guests and the newlyweds retired to their quarters.
The joy over the wedding was overshadowed by a gruesome discovery in the palace chapel the following morning. Chancellor Batatzes, log-time associate of Emperor Constantine, was found nailed/crucified to the cross in the chapel, a sword driven through his heart to hold him up securely. [Gruesome, isn't it folks?]
Suspicion, as usual, ran amok as to who the culprits were. Most were quick to blame the Byzantine Emperor’s numerous Balkan enemies, seeking to weaken the Empire from within.
With such a major coup under his belt, Otto was able to focus his energies on Castile now.

 

[Kujy]

Part VI:

This is an abridged version of the chronicle of an unnamed monk, 69th Grand Master of the Order of St. Onan, located in Germany on the mountain of Bation. Translated from Ye Olde German into Ye Olde English and eventually into Ye Modern English.


Granted, the succession in Castile was governed by the old Salic Law, but King Sancho’s court was divided enough to leave open the door for a change in the kingdom’s succession laws.
Otto decided to take his chances and soon dispatched Konrad v. Eschenloch to King Sancho to negotiate for the hand of Yolande, the 13 yr old elder daughter of the Castilian monarch. The negotiations were successful and Sancho gave his word that upon reaching her majority Yolande would be sent to the Bavarian court to wed Odalrich v. Nordheim, the Duke’s distant cousin.
About a month after the wedding Anna was proclaimed to be with child, and in January of 1080 delivered, much to Otto’s disappointment, a girl. She wads named Gisele. Another girl was born to the ducal couple around Christmas of 1080, and Otto’s fury knew no bounds. Already 55 yrs old, bearing a son was of the utmost importance to secure the v. Nordheims dynasty’s ascendancy to the Byzantine throne.
Apparently putting aside his anger, Otto remembered about his imbecile brother-in-law, Michael. Ahead of Otto’s potential male offspring in the succession after Constantine, it was always safer to have him at his own court. Konrad was again sent on a diplomatic mission to Emperor Constantine, taking with him Otto’s heir, the 11yr old Emmich. Offered the hand of the wealthy widow Gerberga v. Becksberg, the now weak-minded Emperor accepted and even consented for the 19 yr old Michael to live in Bavaria.
Duke Otto was overjoyed. Michael’s elimination would be easier than he ever imagined. So as to avoid suspicion, Otto waited until 1084 to rid him of the Ducas dynast. Probably out of respect for his wife Anna, Michael’s sister, Otto refrained from any gruesome methods and had Michael poisoned. Otto traveled again to Byzantium, to partake along with his wife in his brother-in-law’s funeral. Michael’s father Andronicus reportedly swore revenge on Otto, realizing it was probably his son-in-law who was responsible for his Michael’s death.
Otto’s fury at his lack of a son didn’t stop at Michael Ducas. With the fulfillment of the marriage contract between Odalrich and Yolande of Castile around the time of Michael’s death, it was now important to remove Sancho’s only son, Alvaro, from the succession picture. Konrad was ordered to send his agents to the Iberian kingdom.
In what rivals other assassinations carried out on Otto’s behalf in barbarity, the 6yr old Castilian heir to the throne was found hanging in the royal gardens from a tree, disemboweled, his eyes gouged out and placed in his clutched fists.
TBC