The Destiny of Caen - How a Family of Wizards Conquered the World: Modded CK2 AAR

[StrategyGameEnthusiast]

June 7th 779:

The day had come. Robert of Caen was to be crowned King. Now, you may be wondering, who was in attendance at this coronation?

Nobody.

Nobody, not even Robert's council.

It was just Robert and a random homeless man he found on the streets of Caen.

Where was the coronation? In Maud's old shed.

The homeless man placed the crown on Robert's head, officially beginning his reign as King of Caen.

After the ceremony, which took 3 months to plan, Robert was greeted by Anthousa, holding their latest child, a boy named Robert after his father. Yes, Robert already had a son named after himself, but the original is a bastard. Robert took a look at the baby, and he said "Alexander?" Robert noticed an aura coming from his newborn son, he felt a vision that his son would make Alexander the Great look like a generic warlord.

Robert decided that he had to die to ensure that his son would become the greatest conqueror of all time. He decided to legitimise his bastards but have them beneath Robert in the line of succession.

Robert threw himself off the tallest building in Caen on June 9th 779, throwing Anthousa off with him. Robert II now rules Caen. He is just 1 month old. Remember how all of Robert I's council were called Orderic de Bayeux? All of Robert II's are called Faramond de Barfleur. A young woman named Aléarde arrives at court. A local woman has a terrible vision, and runs around Caen declaring that the new King is the Antichrist. Robert's uncle, the Emperor Niketas (who had deposed Leon a couple of years earlier), sent a letter congratulating his infant nephew on his accession (and offering condolences for Robert I and Anthousa's deaths). A 9 year old who was born in prison after Robert I fought against Abd-al-Rahman inherits his father's sheikhdom. Just months after inheriting, the baby King becomes known as 'the Great' and gets access to invasions. As a 1 year old, Robert drinks poison, which makes him stronger. As a 2 year old, Robert finds a snake and strangles it with his bare hands. A 43 year old Duke wants to be friends with a 2 year old Robert. Robert tells the creep to go away.

In 782, Gautmar, at the age of 12, manages to recreate the Kingdom of the Franks. For some reason, Robert II befriended a 40 year old cousin of Karl at some point. In 783, Aléarde is accused of witchcraft but Robert lets her go free. The 9 year old is now 15, and he asks Robert to let him go. Robert hangs him personally. Then Robert beats his older sister for reading his letters. For some reason middle-aged men have an obsession with the child King, as now another 40-something arrives to teach Robert to be a very angry and strong warrior. Aléarde decides to sacrifice Robert to Lucifer, Robert responds by impaling her with a red-hot poker. Another middle-aged man 'befriends' Robert, this time an adventurer from Russia. Robert's twelfth birthday came around, and let's just say that this is where the depravity begins....

 

[StrategyGameEnthusiast]

Robert decided that for his twelfth birthday, he was going to invoke his right as King to engage in the tradition of Prima Noctae. He ordered all girls and women aged between 12 and 21 to his chambers. This included his sisters.

Spoiler: Robert's Acts of Depravity (NSFW)

His half-sister Fredesende was the first to arrive in his chambers. "Your majesty" she says as she bows. "Do you know why you are here?" Robert commands. "No" she replies. "Take your clothes off" Robert orders. "What?" "I said, take your clothes off" Robert barked. Fredesende obliges, no doubt out of fear. Robert removed his clothes and forced Fredesende down onto his bed. He then forced himself on her and had his way with her. Once he was finished with her, he repeated with his 5 sisters and 6 prisoners.

Once finished, Robert thought of his next act of depravity....

 

[Chac1]

This has gone from comedy to tragedy in short order. Not sure of the 12-year-old Robert's stats, but he certainly is depraved. Some of the assassination attempts he survived no doubt had a hand in forming his warped personality. However, the untimely end of his parents begins this dark passage.

And on another note: you definitely like the comedic use of sheds for royal events.

 

[StrategyGameEnthusiast]

This has gone from comedy to tragedy in short order. Not sure of the 12-year-old Robert's stats, but he certainly is depraved. Some of the assassination attempts he survived no doubt had a hand in forming his warped personality. However, the untimely end of his parents begins this dark passage.

His stats are very good (and as he's a child he doesn't have his father's artifacts enabled). After all, he is the Child of Destiny (got this naturally and changed the story to make him the ruler - he has an older full brother named William), the Demon Child (decided to give this to him for story purposes), the Wolf Child (because I was giving him everything) and I'll be making him Immortal once he turns 16. So the path to world domination begins once he turns 16.

And on another note: you definitely like the comedic use of sheds for royal events.

In game the coronation took place in a barn, I think that a shed is better for conveying the cost-cutting that took place (despite the fact there was about 50,000 gold in the treasury).

 

[jak7139]

Robert will be...quite the ruler when he grows up (in both good and bad ways). Assuming he doesn't die to a random disease. of course.

 

[StrategyGameEnthusiast]

Robert will be...quite the ruler when he grows up (in both good and bad ways). Assuming he doesn't die to a random disease. of course.

It might take the Immortal Rival event chain to kill him, if the artifacts don't make him invincible.

 

[StrategyGameEnthusiast]

In early 792, Robert's sisters gave birth to children. In 793, Robert kills a giant bear by dropping a rock on its head. In 794, Measles infects the capital. Robert refuses to isolate the court. In early 795, Robert beats one of his children for asking to play with them. Robert beheads the Court Physician for botching a treatment of one of Robert's other children. In 795, Robert comes of age. His magic means he will reign for eternity, and with the artifacts now equipped, he has nearly 300 Personal Combat Skill. He joins Lucifer's Own at the earliest opportunity. In 796, Robert kills a dog for stealing his food. In 797, Robert organises a coronation. When the Pope requested Papal Investiture, Robert kidnaps him and has him gored to death by a boar. At the coronation ceremony, Robert imprisons and flays the new Pope to death. Following this, Robert began the world conquest by invading Aquitaine. In 801, the cycle may continue, even if Robert were to die, as it turns out Satan has marked one of his sons as a spare.

With endless amounts of soldiers going around the world, Robert II of Caen finds himself the Supreme Ruler by 860 AD. He is now 81 years old, and he can give one last order to his demonic horde - to kill everyone who is not one of them. With as much as 95% of the population killed, Robert finally rests and watches over a grateful world, that worships him as the saviour that he is.

The end.

 

[StrategyGameEnthusiast]

And another AAR is finished. It was originally going to be much longer, but in-game happenings caused me to improvise.

 

[Chac1]

Well, this is another surprising conclusion. You certainly like the quick AARs. I suppose when your main character has so many benefits, once the world is conquered what's the challenge?

Have you thought of taking just one of your chapters in one of your games and then writing an AAR that explores some of those characters in greater depth?

Also, a question about many of the flavor events of the last chapter: are those from imagination or through the long list of mods that you usually deploy?

 

[StrategyGameEnthusiast]

Well, this is another surprising conclusion. You certainly like the quick AARs. I suppose when your main character has so many benefits, once the world is conquered what's the challenge?

Exactly - what was going to make A2Z long and enjoyable (if it hadn't broken on me) was the roleplaying and lack of expansion that would make it more fun.

Have you thought of taking just one of your chapters in one of your games and then writing an AAR that explores some of those characters in greater depth?

If I ever try to redo A2Z, I was thinking of splitting it into 2 different AARs - one purely gameplay and one longer narrative using the characters from the gameplay - inspired by your two AARs about House Skjoldung. By splitting the two, I wouldn't be overwhelming the readers with CoM stuff if they only wanted to read about the internal affairs of the nations.

Also, a question about many of the flavor events of the last chapter: are those from imagination or through the long list of mods that you usually deploy?

Paragraph 1 was from gameplay (vanilla and mods)

Paragraph 2 was imagination (inspired by a certain fictional villain who wanted to kill half the world's population).

 

[Chac1]

Thanks for the explanations and clarifications.

If I ever try to redo A2Z, I was thinking of splitting it into 2 different AARs - one purely gameplay and one longer narrative using the characters from the gameplay - inspired by your two AARs about House Skjoldung. By splitting the two, I wouldn't be overwhelming the readers with CoM stuff if they only wanted to read about the internal affairs of the nations.

Thanks for the compliment. I split those AARs partially because I wanted a complete mood change too and I wanted to experiment with shorter chapters. However, outside the forum life has caused me to have to convert to shorter chapters everywhere. Many authAARs like you deploy short chapters to good effect and many readers prefer shorter chapters.

Paragraph 1 was from gameplay (vanilla and mods)

Paragraph 2 was imagination (inspired by a certain fictional villain who wanted to kill half the world's population).

Thanks for confirming that Robert II certainly had a Thanos vibe about him... although even more vile.

 

[jak7139]

That was quick! Robert reigned, warred the world, and had them feel his wrath. The end.

If only CK2 had CK3's custom religion mechanics, then you could truly transform the world. This was an enjoyable read! Thanks for writing it!

 

[StrategyGameEnthusiast]

That was quick! Robert reigned, warred the world, and had them feel his wrath. The end.

'Perfectly balanced, as all things should be' - probably something Robert said in this world.

If only CK2 had CK3's custom religion mechanics, then you could truly transform the world.

If I knew how to make mods myself, and it was feasible, there's definitely mechanics from CK3 that I'd love to bring into CK2 (custom religions and cultures in particular, but also the expanded map). But there's also things in CK2 that aren't in 3 that I can't play without (societies, unlimited demesne size and no vassal limits, the 769 start date in particular).