The Großdeutsche Lösung: The Austrian variation
5. The heir.
Prince Lichnowsky found a suitable replacement in a youngster that was arousing a bit of a upheaval in Vienna for his curious sense of humour. He was an Austrian-born, but, as his father was from Portugal, he did not "sound" (nor look) quite Germanic. His name was José Mário dos Santos Félix Mourinho. Just the name made him quite insuitable as a replacement. Worse still, he was a commoner. Von Lichnoswky, however, had learnt a few tricks during the conquest of Africa and the defeat of Prussia, and thus he managed soon to get rid of the troublesome aspects of the deal (i.e José's family -mother, father, three brothers, two sisters and a turtle-, to be precise, who died because of some poisoned food when José was away) and then began to work in the real question: the Germanization of Mourinho.
Poor José, orphan and alone in the world, managed to get adopted by a well-bred family of the Austrian nobility and soon appeared to the Viennesse high society as Joseph Felix von Mourrinen und Lichtenberg. He was a quite charming young -if you could forget his habits of calling himself "the Special One", of course.
However, Lichwnowsky had found a replacement and, while Lichnowsky brainwashed... erm..., instructed the young pupil the the arts of the good government, the prince, as said, was a bit busy, for the while being, trying to bribe Prussia.
King Wilhem was not in the best of terms with Austria since the defeat of 1866. The bargain that made him hugely rich in exchange of some Polish lands (1) had not softened the memories of being almost the ruler of Germany, and Lichnowsky, with the full agreement of the Kaiser Franz-Joseph, promised to the Prussian all the minor German states in exchange for his full support when the war with France came. It goes without saying that Prussia was more than happy to oblige, as beating France was some kind of hobby for them, but, with the yummy bait in front of his face, Wilhelm failed to see that receiving those lands from the Austria Emperor put him in a subservient situation.
Alàs...
Meanwhile, the Upper Congo was proclaimed, officially, as an Austrian colony and the dream to rule Africa from East to West began to be closer to its fullfillment.
Then, a small provocation, a silly reply, you know, that kind of things that happen when telegrams are sent to settle territotrial demands ended with Hannover declaring war to Prussia, a few weeks before Austria's date for the planned conflict. Well, war, war never changes...
Prussia wasted no time and soon him armies were moving deep inside of Hannover and brushing aside any pathetic attempt to resist their onslaught. The war was nothing but some kind of military exercises with lively ordinance, one could say, and it worked to the perfect satisfaction of the Prussian king, who saw Hannover humbled and squashed in only four months.
Then, a month later, and by another sheer coincidence, another telegram transformed a petty nuisance between Mecklenburg and Austria, and war, again, ensued, with all the minor allies of Austria -but for the Southern Block- changing sides, to the delight of Prussia. This time the Austrian Army was placed to attack. In twelve days Braunschweig was defeated and annexed to Prussia (September 18, 1868).
However, the submission of the central states was a more delicate affair that was not sorted out until late January, 1869. This mess allowed Austria to make a small present to Bavaria, in the shape of Fulda, which was annexed by the Southern ally of Viena. The Bavarian perfomance was so poor that it caused the following telegram:
"
Zank you for nice war. STOP. Fery funny but a way too short. STOP Next war refrain from bringing the saussage-eaters wiz you. STOP
Bismarck".
With Holstein puppetized by Austria after the Kiel Treaty (November 5th, 1869), there was a sudden frenzy to finish the "North German" question. Thus, the northern half of Germany was "pacified" by the Prussian armies and the southern bit by the Austrian. Thus, by later March 1870, Prussia was finally at peace.
Just in time...
(1) I bought the lands that Prussia took from Russia during the Crimean War and returned them for a cheap price to the Tsar. It goes without saying that I lost a bit of money (money? who worries about that having Africa?!?!?!) in those deals, but now, as Forrest Gump would say, Russia is my most best friend.
@FlorisDeVijfde: Well, I hope that, once Germany is in, I can finish my African Empire...
@Serek000: I found myself being a in odd situation, I must confess...
@Middelkerke: All German lands are Germany but not all the Austrian Empire is German...
@Enewald: As usual. I'm distrusted by the Brits (as usual), ignored bt the Yanks, hated by the French

D) and the Italians and, finally, the Tsar loves me because I gave him his lands back and offered all the help to recover the lands that those pesky Frenchies took from Holy Russia in 1854.
@Najs: Thank you!