THIS IS SPARTA!!! No its the Byzantine Empire- A Byzantine AAR

[Imperator1993]

THIS IS SPARTA!!! No its the Byzantine Empire- A Byzantine AAR

No its this

It was a great a pretty average day for Autokrator Konstantinos X Doukas, he woke up and pigged out because he is a fat ass, and then would sit on his throne and ask for more food to be brought to him
-This is me
While eating his weight in Gyros and other Greek foods the Autokrator's Chancellor, who was also the Ecumenical Patriarch, Ioannes VIII walked into the throne room with news for the Autokrator.
"Ioannes- Mighty Autokrator did you know we are at war with the Seljuk Truks!"

Konstantinos looked up from the buffet that was next to his throne and said

"Ioannes- There is no need for sarcasm my Autokrator, it is my job to inform you of these things."
"Konstantinos- Well Ioannes don't tell me the obvious, especially when I'm eating."
"Ioannes- But my Autokrator you are always eating."
"Konstantinos- Oh a fat joke real mature Ioannes, just go fetch my Marshal, Doux Theodoros"
"Ioannes- As you wish my (fat ass) Autokrator"
-My sarcastic Chancellor and the Ecumenical Patriarch


Hi guys this is my first CK2 AAR and I am playing one of my favorite nations, wish me luck and wish the House of Doukas luck as well .

 

[Imperator1993]

Rushing into the throne room came Doux Theodoros I of Trebizond the Marshal of the Empire
"Theodoros- You called for me my Autokrator."
"Konstantinos- I sure did, that fool of a Patriarch tells me we are being attacked by the Turks."
"Theodoros- Yes my Autokrator we are."
"Konstantinos- Good fetch me my battle crown while tell my wife to make me a sammich for the road."
-My marshal Theodoros,he is good at being a general but i bet he does make good sammichs

As Konstantinos looks all over the imperial palace for his wife Eudokia he runs into his Steward, Baron Kallistos,
"Kallistos- Oh my Autokrator what are you doing in this part of the palace?"
"Konstantinos- Looking for my wife that bitch needs to go to kitchen and make me my battle sammich."
"Kallistos- My Autokrator is'nt your wife a lesbo?"
"Konstantinos- No Kallistos she is the Countess of Lesbos not a lesbo."
"Kallistos- I'm sorry my Autokrator."
"Konstantinos- It's fine I just need to find her, I need my battle sammich."
"Kallistos- Well my Autokrator I think I saw her in the palace gardens."
"Konstantinos- Thank you Kallistos."
As his Autokrator walked away Baron Kallistos could not help but grin for he knew that

-No wonder Kallistos lied he does not like me

 

[Tapscott]

looks promising, good luck!

 

[Davisx3m]

*subscribes

 

[Mr. Capiatlist]

Watch the spam.

 

[Imperator1993]

As Konstantinos walked through the palace gardens he did not see his wife Eudokia any where all he saw was two of his female Courtiers making out but that was nothing special they do that all the time and since Konstantinos was a chaste man he did not wanna get involved




-The 2 young female courtiers making out in the gardens just another typical day in the Byzantine Empire

Konstantinos finnaly found his wife, Eudokia, at the palace chapel after much more wondering around the palace.
"Konstantinos- At last I found you, now woman get your ass to the kitchen and make me my battle sammich."
"Eudokia- You know you have servants to do that stuff for you, I am just here to get you laid."
"Konstaninos- You giving me lip woman, I want my sammich don't make me plot to kill you."
"Eudokia- If its a plot why would tell me about it?"
"Konstantinos- Oh never mind I'll just get one of those courtiers that were making out in the gardens to do it, because only a woman can make a good sammich."
-My no sammich making wife

Will Konstantinos ever get his sammich? Will the Empire survive the Turkish onslaught? All and more on the my next update probably tonight

 

[Imperator1993]

Konstantinos walked back to the palace gardens to get one of the girls he saw earlier to make the sammich he needed so dearly. He entred the gardens and saw the two girls, Antonina and Barbara, streightning there dresses and fixing there hair when they saw there Autokrator approching.
"Antonina- Oh greetings my Autokrator we were not doing anything."
"Konstantinos- I am not interested in hearing about your sordid affairs, I just want one of you to make me a sammich and I will keep this little secret of yours from the court."
"Antonnia- As you wish my Autokrator."
Konstantinos could bearly hold back his excitement he finnaly was gonna get his sammich.

No with his sammichs ready and with his battle crown, Konstantinos went out on a very large horse (to acomadate his large weight) to head the army, with the troops assembled outside Constantinople the soldiers cheered as there Autokrator appeared before them


- Getting ready for battle

 

[ve3609]

I love a good Greek AAR, but the memes are kinda getting in the way.