To Be Remembered in the Anals, I mean, Annals, of Wales

[WankoStankins]

*sitting down reading book, suddenly stairs up at audience*
Well hello! Didn't see ya there, how do you do? The names Bleddyne Cynfyn!

Don't you just love my face? I've been told I was the physical representation of Jesus during my Bachelor party.

Incase you haven't figured out by my Certificate(shown above) I am duke of a duchy called Gwyned or something, for reasons of my overinflated ego, lets call it wales. Here is my domain.

Well, this is my first day out of the Deep Coma i've experienced for 3 months, and god told me the way to unite Wales once more! But I cannot tell you that now, for all will be revealed when the time is right! Anyway, when I woke up, the country was in the crapper, so I made some changes, and instated new advisors, changed tax rights, Dotted all my I's and crossed all the T's ect.. I also changed inheritance laws, now the Duchy shall go to the Strongest child, if not him, then the second strongest child! This will ensure that never again shall a weak monarch shall soil this great land!

But even an zealot like me, realizes the need for diplomacy. Therefore, envoys shall been sent to our weaker welsh neighbors with alliance offers, so eventually we may persuade them to swear fealty to me for the greater good.

Unfortunately right before I send the envoys, my son comes up to me to whine about his lack of lands, escorted by his concubines. AND HE'S COMPLAINING!!! WTF IS WRONG WITH HIM!

"Father, I deserve lands, for I am now a man!"
"No! I give you these fine ladies and you whine to me?"
"Ladies are no substitute for power!"
*Wacks in face with Rotissary Chicken* "Now you have earned your land you ungrateful sunavagun!"

Finally time to send my envoys! All I must do is put a checkmark next to the "offer alliance" space on my Diplomatic Menu.

Before I go, I have some more Exciting news! Me and my wife have fallen deepling in love when my Messenger came up saying that we were in love. When I asked why he said because I suddenly developed a fetish for BBW and the event fired at that particular time due to a multitude of factors. I asked what he was talking about but he said ERROR 2024 as3023lkda2024_code... makes yah wonder eh?

Well Ta ta for now, for I must retire to the grand 'Wooden Shack Palace'!

 

[WankoStankins]

Hello loyal Citizens of Wales! Today is the day I shall present a summary of the past years, and add them officially to the Anals, I mean, Annals, of Wales!

These are the Envoys I sent to our inferior neighbors. I'm sure you'll all be relieved when I tell you that the envoys were given forty lashes each for failing me.

'tis a sad story, he died suddenly, he had just married a courtier of the Count of Glamorgen and his wife was expecting a child, and he died just like that.

My younger son Cadwagon or whatever his name is, was just a waste of Wooden Shack's Palace space. I sent him away as a fosterling and found the air of the castle much more breathable. I suppose you can put a price on humans eh?

I sent my brother to be married to a haaawt chick named Eva, a few months into it they were expecting a baby.
"My dear wife, we are having a neice or nephew!" I exclaimed to my wife.
"OH MY! A baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybeeeeee!!!" She exclaimed and clapped her hands, making her massive 300 pound fatass body jiggle.

But an even Bigger Joy was coming!

Let it be known, on September 3rd, Year of our Lord 1071, The Count of Glamorgen, swore fealty to me, the Duke of Wales, and it was Officially Proclaimed in my newly renovated palace, that the KINGDOM OF WALES was once more united! My finest craftsmen worked tirelessly through the night, and on the 4th of September, in a massive procession, the Crown, inlaid with precious gems and golden embroidery, was placed on my head by the Bishop of Wales, and he proclaimed Church Support for the unity of Wales!!! My subjects had a massive feast in my honor. Roast boar, apples, carrots, cow, lamb, chicken, herring, every delicacy you could imagine was at the feast in the sacred hall of my ancestors. Now, all of Wales is once more united!
"Sir, good news!" my messenger said.
"What is it?"
"The duke of deheubarth or whatever has asked to come before you tonight and swear an oath of fealty!"
"Marvelous! At what time?"
"He said he'd be around around eightish"
"What does he mean by 'eightish'"
"I'm guessing he means around eight m'liege."
"Ah yes of course. Here, have a turkey leg."
*Hands turkey leg to messenger*
"Thankyou m'liege."

*8:23 pm, September 4th, Year of our Lord 1071, King of Wales Palace, Royal Potty Room*
*grunts* "grrrrrrr, aaaaargh! GAAAAAAGH!!!"
"M'liege are you alright?"
"Get me some ****in horse laxitives!"
"Sir the Duke is here!"
"Oh my god! Just bring him in 'ere!"
*Duke walks in and flinches at the sight of the royal privates*
"ahem, well, I suppose I should do it now and be done with it"
"yes yes yes, well well... go on..."
*Duke bows down before him in a rather naughty way*
"I promise on my faith that I will in the future be faithful to the lord, never cause him harm and will observe my homage to him completely against all persons in good faith and without deceit."
"Great, now that it's over please let me be."
"Yes of course m'lord."

And so that's the way it happened, melodramatic to be sure, but it'll be our little secret, for thats not what it says in the popes archives... hee hee.

 

[WankoStankins]

Great news loyal subjects! I have begun the construction of a fishing wharf in our wonderful capital in order to ensure your continued economic prosperity! But the bad news is, that my brother, who has just gotten married and is expecting a child, is ill. He has piously placed his faith in god and refused medical treatment... *3 months later* More bad news, my brother has refused treatment for a second time... *3 month later* Well I guess god is punishing him for his sinful bastard sons he had a few years back and he has pneumonia... *1 month later* He's dead... well, there's always a bright side right? We didn't spend money on treatment! Yay!

 

[WankoStankins]

Hello everyone, this is my first AAR, and i'll try to NOT QUIT, as long as feedback is positive. Just tell me constructive criticism please, and remember, i'm only 13 lol so i'm not a great writing like you 20 year olds... But i'll try to be humorous and present it in an interesting way. Awaiting your feedback!

 

[Dasfubar]

We didn't spend money on treatment! Yay!

lol, subscribes.

 

[WankoStankins]

*Trumpets Bray upon Entree notes*
"Presenting Bleddyne Cynfyn, King of Wales, Duke of Gwynedd, Count of Gwynedd and Powys!" Announced my Royal Messenger. *Red Carpet unfolds as I am carried out of my palace on my golden throne by 20 Persian Slaves*

Greetings Citizens of Wales! Welcome to my Humble Abode! There is much more excitement going on recently, and I'd like to tell you.


My 2nd son, Cadwagon I believe his name is, got married to a ugly, selfish woman 20 years older than him as punishment. The reason I always punish him is because it keeps me entertained. Recently Cadwagon claimed he would be a better steward than my current one in front of my entire court! Of course since the Diocese Bishop announced he was destined to be an imbecile since birth I banished him from my courtroom. I was so embarrassed that I had to have several snickering courtiers tortuously executed. Oh well, 'twas good for revenue for the peasants love seeing a good ol' fashion execution. Not often do you see a long, gruesome painful death with no mercy these days, too much religious influence. These days the only people you can torture are heretics and infidels and there ain't many of them 'round Wales. My son has gone on to become stressed out, then depressed, and is considering commiting suicide, I will do all I can to make sure he dies naturally, don't want a blemish on the family history ya know. One of my advisors gets an illness and I make sure he's medicated, for 10 gold pieces, he's cured. On an unrelated not I give land to the church and lose my +1 stability i've had for the previous 7 years, but have recently gained it back due to the prosperity of the kingdom.

Domestic News: The gracious King of Wales builds Forestries and Fishing Wharfs in every province of his demesce! Sawmill completed in Gwynedd!

Foreign News: Duchy of Northumberland Swears Fealty to King of Scotland. England and Scotland confirm their alliance. William the Conquerers son rebels against his father and takes over the Duchy of Normandy, the war is still a stalemate. Pope declares crusade on the Holy City of the mideast. All around in Germany, Italy, France, and the Balkans, States ranging from counties to kingdoms declare war on Egypt and are sending armies to the Holy Land.

Schemes: To Crusade or Not to Crusade. "I, King of Wales, that now, since our vassals are loyal, and 211 ducats are in the treasury, go on Crusade to the Holy Land, and win fame and glory for myself!" Proclaimed The King of Wales after sniffing paint.

"Eh, wtf? Who released that quote and description!" *falls over drunk*

 

[WankoStankins]

Mini Update

Bad News: Cadwagen claimed he's better than my current spymaster, which I deny
Good News: Cadwagen has Fallen in love with his new wife and has gained the trait chaste
Darkly Humorous News: Later the day Cadwagen fell in love, he committed suicide via jumping off a rampart onto a flagpole, impaling himself as he slowly slid down the pole.

Holy Shitzeroni, 'twas Cadwagan! Not Cadwagen or Cadwagon! Oh well, he's a dead, disemboweled, rotting corpse now...

 

[Enewald]

Lol, it's kinda hard to love the face when it reads 'this has been removed'.

 

[WankoStankins]

What the hell is that? Must you pay to keep the photos! jolly gee wilickers! Oh well, forget about crusader kings, time to play mount and blade some more!

 

[WankoStankins]

heh, reading this over months later I kinda like it. The reason I ended it was because Photobucket sucks dick. How come that big picture stayed but the others died?

 

[iain_a_wilson]

Are you thinking of coming back to CK? You certainly seemed to get into that last piece so it would be a shame for all your energy to go to waste.