Maelcoluim ui Mordha II. Your "twos" were never this terrible.
Two-year-old King Maelcoluim ui Mordha II didn’t have much…a stable Kingdom, the freedom to leave his castle, the necessary motor skills (or desire) to use utensils…but there was one thing King Maelcoluim had an over abundance of:
Family.
In fact, by this point in history (1231 AD), there were so many ui Mordha’s across Europe, that if they had simply been better organized, they could have united into a single army of blood relatives, and taken over the entire known world.
But such an overthrow is difficult, when Kareem-Abdul Metropolous and his merry band of tens of thousands of Muslims have already formed a blockade around your castle.
So instead King Maelcoluim (actually, his mother Etain al-Yahwar), had to use his family in a different way.
As a distraction.
By giving older, stronger (and, ideally, loyal) family members more power in the Kingdom, perhaps Abdul-Kareem Metropolous could be persuaded to attack them instead, freeing King Maelcoluim to focus on more important tasks, such as becoming potty-trained.
Working on her son’s “behalf”, Etain named great aunt Ailsa ui Mordha the countess of Djerba, cousin Fergal mac Bean the Count of Saintonge, and great uncle Amblaib ui Mordha the Duke of Cordoba, and Count of Cuenca, Treviso, and Zaragoza.
Sadly, the ploy did not work…Kareem-Abdul finally managed to enter the castle in May of 1231. Etain pleaded that Kareem-Abdul Metropolous leave her infant son alone…but when that didn’t work…she struck a deal instead.
Maelcoluim would be allowed to live…and even to keep Cordoba (struggling), La Mancha (looted), and Salamanca (facing dysentery and small pox) to himself.
Kareem-Abdul…would get the massive Kingdom of Andalusia, and it’s many vassals.
And just like that, King Maelcoluim ui Mordha suddenly became independent Count Maelcoluim ui Mordha…before his third birthday.
And even then, his troubles were not over. For all of the Dukes and Counts who had previously declared independence from the Kingdom of Andalusia now wanted to completely eliminate the last of Maelcoluim’s meager holdings.
A series of indecisive yet mutually destructive battles occurred through July of 1233, when Ailsa ui Mordha died, returning Djerba from Kareem-Abdul to Count Maelcoluim.
If you bequeath to someone something that they gave you in the first place...are you an Indian Die-r?
Even though the county was slowly re-growing…now having Salamanca, Djerba, Cordoba, and La Mancha…Maelcoluim was still surrounded by enemies. By 1235…when Maelcoluim was just seven years old but already showing signs of prodigal genius…he went to see Manuel Jimenez. The King of Castille…AND the papal controller.
It was time to beg to be allowed back into the Kingdom of Castille, after his great-grandfather had broken free.
For a genius, you sure are making a lot of bad decisions.
Unfortunately, it turned that there are two things the Jimenez’ are really bad at.
Staying alive in crusades.
Forgiveness.
King Manuel turned down Maelcoluim’s pleas…in fact, the whole incident reminded the King of the entire ui Mordha family’s former insolence…and suddenly the Kingdom of Castille was at war with the County of Cordoba.
This is unlikely to go well...for the Castillian King. The entire Jimenez line appears to carry a gene that makes them fatally allergic to the battlefield.
There was no way to win the war. Maelcoluim had only one last ace up his sleeve.
A direct appeal to Pope Olaf Foscaro.
The Pope took pity on the tale of the seven-year-old former King, who had lost his father to an assassin, and then his Kingdom to a Muslim, and was now facing certain death for the sins of his great-grandfather. The Pope sent a message directly to King Manuel Jimenez, demanding a white peace.
But King Manuel claimed the message was lost in the mail.
The Kingdom of Castille soon took the Castle in Cordoba, and then the county of La Mancha. Maelcoluim’s marshals attempted to break each siege, but there was nothing to be done. They simply lacked the manpower…and the gold.
There was little to be done about the manpower…but Maelcoluim solved the gold problem the old-fashioned way.
He borrowed.
Tons and tons of gold.
So much so…that he caught the attention of Pope Olaf, losing his papal ally, and was labeled a heretic by his eighth birthday.
With this gold, Maelcoluim managed to rally new troops, and break the siege in La Mancha in February of 1238. When the King attempted to take it again, only to be turned back, in looked like the tides were finally turning.
But a third attack that summer showed the King still had the upperhand.
In November of 1238, King Manuel led 14000 men into Cordoba, seizing the castle once again.
Sadly, this was finally too much for Etain al-Yawhar…and she fled with her daughter to the nearby county of Alcantara…leaving her son to fend for himself. Maelcoluim’s marshal fled to Plasencia as well…but the bad news was soon offset when Maelcoluim inherited the province of the wealthy province of Malaga, helping his coffers and adding another regiment to his manpower.
Does nobody like my presents?
Of course, King Manuel soon took Malaga as well.
By January of 1240, Count Maelcoluim was eleven years old…and forth the countlessth time in his short life, he was looking at certain destruction. Nearly all of his property had been seized by the King of Castille, while he was still surrounded by Muslim hordes and independent Counts and Dukes still looking for revenge on his dead ancestors.
But in January, Maelcoluim caught a lucky break.
Kareem-Abdul Metropolous had had a serious falling out with one of his vassals, Hedayat al-Saffar. Hedayat had not just broken free from the evil Kareem-Abdul’s rule…but he had taken the entire Kingdom of Andalusia with him.
And then the new King Hedayat…declared war on the Kingdom of Castille.
Count Maelcoluim immediately sought an audience with Emir Hedayat, insisting that they not only had TWO common enemies (King Manuel and Emir Kareem-Abdul), but that neither Maelcoluim nor his father had ever voluntarily fought against a Muslim in their entire (short) lives. And even his grandfather, who had started this mess with Abdul-Kareem, and great-grandfather, who had founded the Kingdom, had both faced serious opposition over the fact that they frequently hired Muslims in the Andalusian court.
And so Hedayat led the armies of Andalusia to Cordoba, where they freed their former child King from Castillian control.
In September of the same year, King Manuel finally accepted peace with Count Maelcoluim. The terms were quite generous, thanks to Emir Hedayat’s support:
The King would not only yield all of his claims against Maelcoluim…he would actually GIVE Maelcoluim the province of Montpelier, PLUS name him the Duke of Beja AND Toledo.
In just nine years, Maelcoluim went from King to Count to Duke.
Of course, such generosity did not come for free. Maelcoluim had to surrender his claim to the Castillian throne…
…and become the King’s vassal.
And just like that…after 27 years of independence…the ui Mordha family was dependent on the Castillian Crown once again.
Having finally achieved a certain level of stability, Maelcoluim could focus on the more essential matters of life. In January of 1245, the Duke wed Hunydda Castiglione, a fellow teenaged prodigy from Alamansa, who soon gave birth to their daughter, Dwynwen.
A face only a prodigy could love.
In Medieval times? Sure. I'd totally tap that.
But the happiness was offset by the constant battles…though the Duchy of Beja was at peace, Duke Maelcoluim had committed his armies (and thus, his men) to battle in King Manuel’s multiple wars…assisting, in a tragic coincidence, in the death of former ally Emir Hedayat of Andalusia on the battlefield.
Of course, what went around also came around…in January of 1251, while fighting for the King against Hedayat’s brother Cuneyd (the new Emir)…Duke Maelcoluim was killed in battle.
Glorious host makes it sound like he died while handing out Catholic wafers.
He was 23 years old…and having never had any sons or brothers…in addition to the fact that every King of Andalusia had died a very young and sudden death…the inheritance traced all the way back to the first ui Mordha heir, and then back down to Maelcoluim’s second cousin, Oengus.
Oengus, ironically enough, was the vassal of Cuneyd al-Saffar…the Emir of Andalusia…making Oengus and Maelcoluim enemies in the war, and switching the Duchy of Beja to the Muslim side when Maelcoluim died.
But more importantly…
Oengus ui Mordha was the father of the young King of Ireland.
MAELCOLUIM UI MORDHA
1229 - 1251
King of Andalusia: 1231-1231
Duke of Beja & Toledo: 1240 - 1251
Count of Cordoba and others: 1231 - 1251
FACTS:
* Was a King, a Duke, and a Count...but not in the order that you would imagine.
* Lost Andalusia to the Muslims AND pledged allegiance to Castille...his ancestors are rolling in their graves.
* Left his holdings to his second cousin, who is actually the vassal of a Muslim...which totally broke my game. But fear not, I play on!
* Two unexplained incidences here: I never negotiated peace with Kareem-Abdul (losing Andalusia) and did not agree to become Castille's vassal (only recognized him as the rightful King). The game has a mind of it's own!
