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Aaaand with that, we are the first CK3 AAR to break the 300 reply barrier.
With not long to go, my thoughts turn to what happens next. Do I carry on with this game in another thread? The same thread? Or go finish another project/start a new one/really properly start L'or L'or writing?
I'm not against keeping the thread going, though a re-branding may be required. Unless everyone who becomes king of Ireland just gets called Ged, regardless of actual fact...
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Do I get a prize for being lucky 300?
I suppose the first thing to ask, predictably, is how invested you are personally in keeping it going. The audience is obviously there either way, but if you've got a yen to start L'or l'or then I wouldn't blame you if you've done what you set out to do here.
As for threads… maybe it depends on whether you were planning on keeping up the tone and the format? Maybe you could switch threads for a sort of broader view "Ged's Children" sequel? Character studies by a biased historian to breeze through the play-through? Ideas to run with anyway.
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They could all be Ged, like how all the kings of Thailand are Rama.
Or alternatively, just tack on an 'and other stories' to the title
Nah.
...
Oh...actually, maybe. One of my rulers is a little nuts and likes renaming counties and duchies. Could rename a Welsh one to Densley. Or Blairington...
Hmm. I enjoyed this investigation of CK3. And it set out what it was meant to achieve, which was give the poor tutorial character a good shot at a game and some fun, and see if Paradox had cocked the game up.
He has, and they haven't, for the most part. So mission accomplished there.
I think most things have come up and been covered. I think people like the study of CK3 as it develops, so that should probably carry over, and they like the funnies, so those stay. But there won't be PTM hanging over the game anymore and giving it the Existential horror aspect. So it is defiently enough of a tonal shift, especially if I shift to character dialogue, to warrant a new thread.
It's just something to think about because with the way threadmarks and title changes work now, you can have a full trilogy of AARs in the same thread theoretically. Just thinking about options.
See, there is a great title that is practically gift wrapped given the next two rulers of Ireland, but would require a new thread name if so, cos would be too long otherwise. Or maybe not? Idk
Hmm. Yes, good fun. Densli I suppose would be the Welsh. I leave it to you.
As a broader question it’s something I’ve been thinking of too, what with the end of Echoes very much in sight. I think the way thread marks work means that you can have multiple threads under one grouping, but I haven’t tested that theory. Personally I have two arguments for switching at the end of Echoes: the first would be in the hope of possibly finding a marginally wider commenting audience with a new and less daunting thread (that won’t apply here); the second is whether I feel I’d have more freedom for a tonal shift (likely will apply here?). But also my ego loves the idea of hosting a massively long thread with all of our madcap chat about revolutionary Britain in one place, so we’ll see.
Maybe @Fiftypence is right and you should just add “and other misadventures” or something to the title? The idea of threads as anthologies is quite nice thinking about it.
Heh, if I did call it that, it would be the only bit of Welsh that remained on the map once the Irish are done. The Family Ned are capital C colonisers after all.
Oh...and other stories. I would actually love to do a different story and writing style for each ruler. They've all been so different so far so that sort of idea fits well with that, and CK3 is still so new and crazy that trying to write anything serious is like pulling teeth. Possible, but not really what everyone's here for right now. They want the funnies and the stupid paradox stuff thats not been fixed yet and all that jazz.
If the threads can be made, I can have Ged'a Existential Nightmare, then the next part run on from that. Can either keep the overall name as is and just add other stories, or change the thread title to whichever story is currently ongoing.
As you say, the audience for this one is here, and hopefully not leaving, though unique user replies have gone down a bit after the 'proper' tutorial ended.
And as for stupid oride, I do like the idea of having a very long AAR stretching all the way through a game's life cycle from begining to end.
Hmm...must finish this first, then look into how it all works.
True. Although my grasp of Irish phonology is terrible so I've no idea how it might be properly rendered. Maybe something like Deinslí?
Eh, all fun and games. Do as you will.
I suppose as is natural, post-release boom normalising a bit plus the end of northern summer. Still quite healthy by forum-wide standards of late.
Nah, I'm really just taking the piss with victorian naming standards. So far have Gedland, Nedland, Gedder and Gedster. Come to think, have even built up enough jingoism to just name a place Ged.
We'll just say the third ruler got bored whilst throwing names at a map and Blairington was born. I would like a Duke of Blairington.
I suppose I am capable of writing Irish versions of all the place names but that seems a bit too much effort in the wrong direction for this AAR.
We'll see. The CK3 section is starting to slow down in replies and views but diversifying in topic, so not sure how it'll end up. Really does need to be moved to the aar section though.
Catching up again after some time away and a bit of illness limited my reading time last week. Better now.
On Chapter 17:
On Chapter 17:
always appreciate alliteration about any auspicious affair
A beer batter? Perhaps with a dash of lemon juice or aioli?
I find that leering ‘betrothed’ gazing at poor young Garb (still only six) here extremely disturbing. I suggest he be checked for a ‘working with vulnerable people’ license. Though it would be just desserts if she turned out to be another of those Chucky doll children of the damned.
The Insatiable but content Witchy Queen, King of of a United Ireland AND able to do a very convincing Santa at Christmas. What more could a Ged want?
You got it all wrong - she wanted to become a farmer and had asked (according to the graphic) for a ‘sowing’ kit i.e. a sack of grain and a small plough. Entirely more useful. I’m sure Paradox will fix such misspelling quickly - just like ‘awaiting futher orders’ in HOI.
Still a few hundred years early. But the Irish do apparently have a concept of fishing. Just not using boats for anything...
The propensity for the character models to blink as I take photos remains very funny and strange at the same time. I have no idea why they even added it as a feature, since it adds nothing but awkwardness to screenshots. Fits this AAR fine, but I pity the poor bastard who has to patiently wade through dozens of shots looking for one where their serious plot characters are actually normal looking.
Lots of sex, seems like. They still haven't stopped having children.
Oh...
Huh. Alright then. So much for Paradox Polish
Ged does some planting himself in the upcoming chapter, which I think is the first time (possibly ever) in the AAR that we've actually covered farming. Apparently it isn't just the money that comes from nowhere but food as well.
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It changed nothing.
But my character is now dead. And for some reason, the paradox team find it funny to show the game over screen when my character dies every single time for about a minute before swapping it for 'here's the new character. Only joking.'
Bastards.
I have now played just over 82 years of the game. 4 rulers. All good so far in terms of the game Nothing gamebreaking, very few bugs. Only issue is the loading times. They're CK2 2015 level bad. Optimise your ducking games paradox!
Edit: I actually feel rather flat presently because the third ruler just died and he was very good at his job of being entertaining. And we're close to the end with Ged in the AAR. I do have hopes for the next ruler (one of the demented frogspawn that the last ruler cavorting with) but CK3 really does make you at least a little attached to your characters in a way CK2 did not. I miss them.
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So far broad stroke ideas would be have the next rulers reign focus almost entirely on the polticial mess that occurs after Ged dies. Almost every chapter would be set within the Council Chambers where the realm Council meets, and then the actual proper council meets because the realm council is full of people trying to kill each other.
The ruler after that is a bit poltical, and a bit adventurous, and a bit mental. Not sure how I'd write that reign yet.
The one I'm playing now though is already setting up to be a Tragic Historie Shakespeare play and it's either going to be amazing or terrible but I'll give it a go.
The ruler after that is a bit poltical, and a bit adventurous, and a bit mental. Not sure how I'd write that reign yet.
The one I'm playing now though is already setting up to be a Tragic Historie Shakespeare play and it's either going to be amazing or terrible but I'll give it a go.
This is an interesting development. Does it feel more like, say, losing a Sim?
There have been a good number of worthy attempts at Tragic Historie Shakespeare AARs over the years, so I for now would be glad to see the tradition revived. THere's one I remember in particular where the authAAR played each of the Shakespearean kings in turn (as far as CK2 allowed). Was very well done. Might see if I can't dig it up…
EDIT: Found what might be the AAR I had in mind, but it's not at all as I remember. Ah well, I guess that's what eight years does to a memory.
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Mm. Something like that. They've all been more impactful than the usual CK2 fare. I usually have to write an AAR and still be playing the character to care about them, but these guys are actually quite fun and likeable. Ged and the third ruler are my favourites so far but this new guy is pretty evocative too.
I will have a look. Just idle musing at the moment but this guy leads such a cursed existence as a matter of being, and then follows a ruler of great esteem and success, and has many tragic flaws and issues to resolve.
Next chapter is being uploaded now...
I. HATE. ENGLAND!
I hate England!
Things have been going pretty well for Ged recently. Quite unlike the Nightmare promised by the premise and the title, Ged’s Doze While He Bats Around the AI has been, whilst perhaps educational for newcomers to CK3, a little dull for those looking to see Ged suffer as required.
Well that stops now.
You see, all this comfort and malaise applies only to Ireland. We may seem strong and wealthy, but in comparison to the rest of the world, Ged is a tiny little man with a big head and bigger beard. He’s not even an annoyance to the Powers that Be. Even the Pope just gives him pity cash and otherwise ignores him.
As we saw last time, Ireland is unified and properly under control, but that don’t mean shit in the grand scheme of things. Our army is tiny, and made almost wholly of unarmed and unarmoured peasants. The Family Ned is insignificant and unnoteworthy.
Basically, we have no business going to war with a proper country. We have our island, and that is where we should stay, a tin-pot little dictatorship that exists at the discretion of outsider disinterest. We aren’t even Italy.
We are Luxemburg.
Of course, riding high off of the tutorial, I thought I and Ged were the shit and could take on the planet with nothing more than what we used to take down the easy bots designed to be defeated by first time players…
Oh...this is a bad idea
The war against England opened our eyes a bit.
Gosh, we were so proud. We had established a proper if dubiously named Celtic Alliance. Us, against the perennial baddies of England. Victory was certain. We deserved it.
And, well…yeah, the English did not need PTM to bury us.
Look at how large the Scottish army is! They'll all be dead within the year...
The plan was simple. We would join up our armies at the Scottish-English border and move down to siege the north of England. Not like the Normans care about the North, right? And Scotland always has ‘invade the north’ as their game plan, and so far, (in this universe) it has not yet failed!
Now we have a lovely Irish ghost country, with a lovely green jumper to keep it warm
I’m so sure of myself that I stop paying attention and go back to Ireland. There, I sort out of bit of housekeeping for Ged. Munster needs a Duke and I need a stooge. So, I give this rather droopy pensioner the reins and tell him to not cock it up.
Ireland is now, as you can see, very neatly and nicely divvied up into three sectors, and henceforth so it shall remain to ensure peace, stability and aesthetically pleasing map design.
For three years.
Hartlepool, which actually exists
Ged meanwhile is busy sieging Hartlepool (which actually exists) as the Scots swarm over the North East like a pack of sniffing terriers, the most fearsome of breeds. No sign of the English army yet, which means they are never coming, and I can safely let the time run on as I take my eyes off the war and start looking at the map.
Like all of my Crusader Kings games, Prussia already exists and is independent. They don't do anything, but they are there. Watching. Waiting. Presumably for Vicky 3
The world of Ged’s Existential Nightmare is a fairly standard one for CK3 games that I have observed so far. Norway, following an unsuccessful invasion of England, has been consumed by Denmark, and thus now the Danes own all the small bitty islands that no one really knows the names of above Scotland.
Sweden, despite owning a county in Wales for some reason, is otherwise fairly small and surrounded by this mega-Denmark. It is they however that shall be our unlikely adversaries in Wales for many years to come. For no reason that I can see, they have an obsession with the place that borders on the sexual. Finland and the rest of the Baltic are messy and mostly non-existent, which is for the best because I really don’t care about them. No one does much with the area for the first hundred years of my game.
Iberia is disgusting
In Europe itself, France looks a little strange, as it usually does in the 11th century. England, Brittany and for some reason Lyon have carved chunks out of the Frankish lands. Still, they are relatively stable and strong, which is more than can be said for England, or indeed the HRE.
The Empire is reeling a little from being soundly trounced in Italy by Tuscany and the Pope (so much for Holy and Roman, Voltaire, Voltaire, Voltaire etc.). Bavaria and Bohemia have uneasy relations with the Emperor, and with each other. And with everyone else, come to think. Hungary remains huge and impressive, but not for much longer. As seems the case in every CK3 start, Hungary booms and busts fairly quickly.
As for Italy, the Papal States are very strong for the time period, as is Tuscany. There are awkward parts where the HRE and Tuscany overlap way too much, especially in Corsica and Sardinia, which are also infested with small separatist movements constantly rebelling against anyone in charge. Both Italian powers do get their act together and start colonising Tunisia fairly promptly in the near-future.
Africa is very interesting. I have no idea if it will be relevant to this AAR at any point though...
And as we can see, the Romans (the actual Greek-Romans) remain the big fuck off empire on the map. They’ll be expanding into Africa, the Balkans and the Middle East soon enough too. The Seljuk are awful and almost always collapse into Persia fairly quickly. Egypt is not much better, though Almoravid is surprisingly strong, having cornered the market in western Africa and established a base in Iberia as well. Sub-Saharan Africa is as messy as you might expect, as is Iberia, though the incompetence of the Islamic factions there are mitigated by the Christian disinterest in Iberia altogether, including the ones based there. Castille in particular seems far more interested in our neck of the woods…
It's so easy to fight a war when no one tries to stop you!
Ah, back to the action, and we’ve rolled up Northumbria wonderfully. Several thousand Scottish troops walk into the sea in celebration. Presumably they plan on swimming to the South at some point.
But where oh where is the English army?
Target fucking acquired
There they are! And look, I outnumber them and can reach the coast before they land. They’ll get an attacking penalty plus the recently disembarked malus.
I could slaughter them all without much of a fight! This war could be just about won here.
Ged, ran like the wind and get me those English yolk.
Oh
Oh.
They landed already.
And they have reinforcements coming in hot.
And…they’re coming after me.
And…I’m outnumbered and have movement locked in.
Oh fu-
Thank Christ that this wasn't a slaughter...
This was a disaster.
The only reason it wasn’t a slaughter of epic proportions was due to the recently disembarked effect. Essentially, my guys fought up to thirty times better than theirs. Unfortunately, that only applies to levies and men-at-arms.
My knights were slaughtered or captured. Quite a few of my mayors are now dead or in prison. The core of my army is gutted, shattered and wildly out of position.
And it turns out England has another army aside from this one.
I’m fairly certain that had the Scots not rocked up to Winchester at that moment and started besieging it, the English would have followed Ged back to Ireland and ploughed us raw. It takes years for my army and knights to recover from this defeat.
I’m actually quite impressed that Ged and Brian, who were both in the battle, fought their way out. That must have been quite the performance considering what happened to the rest of the knights.
What a smarty!
Ged makes it back safely to Dublin and we start emergency measures to try and build some form of defence should the Normans come knocking. Ged figures out how taxes work, which is great, and immediately institutes war-time taxation on everyone.
Especially the vassals who are recently deceased and thus can’t fight back.
Hey, he can’t get more hated by the minor nobility. Might as well enrich himself in the process.
This does turn out to ruin England. Eventually
The AI beat us badly enough that I’m pretty sure they got a little stuck trying to decide whether to finish us off or go south to clobber the Scots. In the meanwhile, our allies actually manage to torch the English capital. I get really nervous when they start to edge further inland. They don’t have the numbers or the quality to stand up against the Normans by themselves.
We may hold the technical winning war score right now, but England has effectively removed both of us as effective fighting forces with one battle.
The Defeat at Appleby will linger long in the memory of the Irish. Never again must we be caught that wanting by the English, or anyone else.
I also hate Ged Junior. What a mis-conception
As is tradition, Ged Junior opens his trap and starts whining in the middle of a war.
Me and Ged had just got back to Dublin and were not much in the mood.
After he picked up his teeth, the lad told us that the future Duchess of Ulster won’t give him the time of day. Presumably because he’s a repulsive little creep who preaches sermon upon the wicked sin of Man on the one hand whilst also being a compulsive gambler and repressed sexual predator.
God, this kid is the future Duke of Connaught and currently destined for kingship. I need to find someone else.
Anyone.
The English continue to slowly trek south, once again keeping their army in bits. I think this is actually because the development level of many English counties is too low to support their whole army walking together, but it’s still a good tactic for encirclement and entrapment.
The Scots have managed to further loot the South of England and properly terrorise the natives, but of course, that isn’t enough to save them. Thinking about it with hindsight however, maybe this helped kickstart the decline in Royal authority in the realm? Who knows for sure?
Oh.
The Battle of Salisbury Plain is everything that I managed to avoid through luck. The whole Scottish army was suckered into fighting the tiny English scouting force before the main Norman army came up from behind and gave them what for.
The Scots run back up to Scotland, never to return.
My God. He truly is a Holy Roman Emperor
And just to make this even worse, the HRE suddenly joins in. Now the enemy have more than enough men to completely wreck both our kingdoms easily.
I am very glad it is impossible to change victory conditions once at war, because otherwise Ireland would be torn apart by the result of this one.
Also, Jesus Christ, Emperor Heinrich is terrifying. A gigantic, heavily armoured psychopath who loves torturing his enemies and is utterly devoted to his wife. As demonstrated by his trusting nature and thousands of children. Apparently he takes after his dad because he also has millions of siblings.
The only man he takes order from is GAWWWD!
As if my day cannot get worse, King Old Uncle Moneybags Pope is dead. Probably got into Ultra-Heaven, going by his actions and how much devotion he saved up.
The new guy is a young, virile man of a priest. With his mighty beard alone, he commands legions of the finest troops in Europe, and holds the keys to the biggest money bin in the world.
We begin our working relationship with him giving me money for no reason, which is nice, but he is already firmly neutral towards Ged. Which means he’s probably a few months away from true hatred.
Seriously? Guys...really?
Oh, and someone in my court is accused of witchcraft.
And it isn’t Urraka.
…okay then. After the shock wore off, we quickly determined that she was a harmless old woman, and could thus be safely burnt alive without the realm getting even more bad luck on our backs.
At least something is going right today-
What a mess...
Oh, for God’s sake, now my most powerful vassal is dead and a teenage girl is running Ulster. The place most likely to be fronting an invasion defence.
And the guy was my taxman, the first good one I’ve had in decades. So now my income has dropped through the floor and people are whining about not being on the council.
For some inane reason, CK3 informs you in a huge screen like this each and every time Heresy arises in a place. Which…not only can I do nothing about religion in another realm; I’m literally fighting these bastards already and losing. What’s the point of this, PTM?
Why should the Irish have any interest in Essex?
Huh. We actually did just build shacks...
Ged nopes out of all this insanity and plants a few crops in a field. Then he builds a few shacks around the field and suddenly has a lot more money coming in.
Yeah, the peasants clearly picked the wrong witch at court.
Enjoy your last look at the Scottish army. Soon neither Scotland nor that army will exist!
The Scots have made it back to the border, with the English hot on their heels and already tearing through all of our early war gains.
I am going to adopt a policy of masterful inaction and see if the problem goes away.
He is quite large, yes. Grows a nice beard later on too. At the very least, he's definitely a son of Ged
One last time, Ged Junior butts his head in. He’s of age now, and looks remarkably similar to his nine-year-old self. Just a bit taller and with weirder hands.
His stats aren’t that bad but he’s a rotten steward and anyway, rather content to be a blackguard. He’s an alright spare to the heir, but I certainly don’t want him inheriting everything that he’s due to inherit. Ged Junior is just about competent enough to do some damage but not good enough for me to obviously side with him over his siblings.
What a pickle.
His dad on the other hand is learning even more of the engineer’s handbook. Namely, cut as many corners as you can and hope you don’t get sued. This may seem unfair to builders and engineers, but then again, Ged is only concerned with public projects, so I’ll let it slide.
Not sure how he managed to catch Typhus but I guess these things happen
In other news, my only grandchild looks like death. My utter waste of a firstborn apparently has not noticed his only child starving himself into an early grave.
The vile fuck. I shudder to think what’ll happen if he ever becomes King of Ireland.
Oh, and now Brian Junior has typhus. Wonderful. My heir is a neglectful doofus of a father, and his heir is dying of wasting disease. And we’re all still getting our asses handed to us backwards by this hell of a year.
Major yolk on face all round, I think
Scotland lets us out of our misery and William the Bastard lets us off with some fines and a stern warning.
I hate England. And Scotland. Fuck ‘em both.
I need a holiday. Hey Ged? Want to leave the wife to clean this mess up and go on another religious booze cruise in the name of Christ Our Lord?
Woo! Next stop, Canterbur-oh fuck.
So, what did we-
- The only thing we learnt today is that I am shit, Ged is shit, and Ireland is shit.
- And, that at some point, I’m going to take ludicrously over-the-top revenge on every single English person in the game.
Tune in next time, for the last time, as me and Ged go on one last belter of an adventure.
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This attitude to witchcraft is probably why Popes hate you. But as they give you money regardless, it probably doesn't matter.
Also an atheist. And I always find Holy Roman Emperors who are atheist mildly amusing.
So that Ged, and you, can suffer. In accordance with the ritual.
That child clearly has already died and is being kept alive by witchcraft. You can see why the villagers keep trying to burn witches, that thing is clearly evil and un-natural.
The classic Celtic Five Step;
1. Do something stupid
2. Suffer the Consequences
3. Refuse to accept it was an entirely self inflicted problem
4. Blame the English rather than admit fault
5. Repeat.
Good (?) to see that this is not in fact one big Ged walkover, and that the outside world is actually horrible and terrifying. Although with that undead grandchild there is also plenty of horror and terror at home.
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There's a lot of open atheists in this game. I'm starting to think they're using it in the medieval usage rather than the modern. Unless the Church really just doesn't care at all.
Guess so.
Might be a bit awkward. He's in the running to be king in the election after this one.
To be fair, it's actually all Scotland's fault for leaping into that war, but we're not going to blame them. They haven't got enough stuff.
Yeah I think you all bought into the Ged propaganda a bit too much. Conquering noob Ireland in the tutorial is easy. But we don't have a proper army and are right next to Norman England, which has one of the best starting armies on the map.
Sure the Family Ned is rich, but they have no experience outside smashing weak underdefended tribal lands together with much larger peasent armies. They have a solid base in Ireland but its going to take decades to build a proper army and actually win wars against proper countries. Which Ireland really isn't yet.
Indeed, we'll see in the next chapter that even when we have a load of allies and the target is extremely isolated, it still takes ages to win.